Authors: T.S. MCKINNEY
While he’d been taking his exams, he’d been thinking about Colton. When he’d been sending out his resumes to countless companies, he’d been picturing Colton’s green eyes looking at him with hungry lust. The day he’d received his job offer, he’d wondered what Colton would think about the company that had chosen him. Last night, when he’d packed up the last of his shit, emptying his dorm room completely, he had imagined Colton lying on his tiny bed, watching his every move, waiting for him to finish up so he could join him on the worn-out mattress.
A pounding on his door jerked him back to reality and nearly caused him to drop the box of clothes he was stacking up for the moving truck. He took a deep breath, pinched his dick in a desperate attempt to make it deflate…and then just decided it would be best to just untuck his shirt. Whenever he thought about Colton, this shit seemed to happen.
Shirt untucked, Jagger opened the door to find Riley standing on the other side, a bottle of whiskey in one hand and two glasses in the other. He looked a tab troubled and more than a tad excited. It was a weird mixture and made for an even weirder expression on the dude’s face. Jagger stepped aside to let his ex-Captain in and realized that he was pretty damned certain this
was the first time another person had ever been in his dorm room. In the morning, he would leave it behind forever and this was the first time he’d ever had a visitor. He was a pathetic disaster.
“What’s up, Riley?” He asked when the other guy plopped down on his bed like he owned the place. It was strange because they’d never really had much of a relationship until the last two weeks, but he would miss Riley. While they hadn’t been friends (since Jagger didn’t allow that sort of shit in his life), he had always admired and respected the guy. The past two weeks, Riley had really made an effort to get to know Jagger and, surprisingly enough, Jagger had enjoyed their chats. Wasn’t that just a kick in the ass? College life was over and he almost made a friend.
“You don’t have to do this, Jag. It’s a stupid game. I can get you out of this in a heartbeat; just say the word and I’ll make it all disappear.” Riley blurted out.
Jag snorted. “Really? How long has the Captain’s challenge been going on? Ten years? Fifteen years? This shit is tradition and I’ll be damned if I’m the pussy that ruins tradition.” He shrugged like what was happening wasn’t a huge deal, when they both knew it was. “It’s not like he’s going to rape me or anything. He was just trying to mess with my head with his stupid challenge. It’s no big deal. Twenty-four hours will fly by and I’ll be back, no worse for the wear.”
Riley leaned back and propped his feet across the foot of Jagger’s dorm bed. “Yeah, it could go like that or it could go a different way.” When Jagger opened his mouth to argue, Riley silenced him with a wave of his hand. “Just listen for a few minutes, okay, Jag? I don’t know what the hell went on between you and Colton…hell, I’m pretty sure nothing happened, but that sure the fuck isn’t what Colton wanted. He wants you, Jag. I mean, he
really
wants you. It’s written all over his face when he looks at you and, trust me, he is
always
looking at you.”
Jagger felt his face grow hot again. “It’s not like that, Riley. I’m not like
that
. He’s just playing rich boy games by toying with people’s minds. There wasn’t ever anything between us and there never will be.” Colton had always stared at him, always closely watched every move he’d made. It’d driven him crazy as a young teenager and was even worse now that he was older. Hell, he was pretty sure the dude had even followed him home sometimes when they’d been kids.
“If that lie helps you sleep at night, go ahead and keep telling it to yourself. Trust me, Jag, Montgomery cut you out of the pack a long time ago. That boy has wanted you in his bed for way too long. I’m not sure I trust him to behave like the gentleman he swears he will be. When you’ve had an itch that’s gone unscratched that long…well, shit can happen. You aren’t going. It’s settled.”
Why, exactly, did those words make him feel disappointed instead of relieved? He should be thankful that Riley was willing to step in and save him…from himself. Fuck, could he trust himself around Colton? Did he really want Colton…in a sexual way? He wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be gay. Yeah, he was pretty sure he was either gay or bisexual. If he wasn’t, Colton Montgomery wouldn’t cause his blood to boil and his cock to harden every…damned…time.
“I’m not breaking tradition, Riley. You don’t have anything to worry about. I hate the arrogant bastard, but I’m fairly certain he isn’t a Chester the molester.”
Why the fuck was he arguing to
go
?
Riley got up and poured both of them a shot of the whiskey he’d brought to Jagger’s room with him. “Bottoms up, Jag,” Riley said with a friendly smirk.
“Hardy-har-har
,” Jagger countered. He wasn’t much of a drinker, but he downed his shot before he let his ‘angel’ mind talk him out of it. He didn’t have to play the good guy anymore. He’d achieved everything he set out to do. He had graduated. He had a job lined up. He was
not
going to follow the footsteps of every Jameson man before him.
“Did you know I was gay, Jag?”
Jagger choked on his shot of whiskey, the foul tasting shit burning his throat and nose as he spewed most of it back up. “Hell, Riley, you can’t just toss something like that out there when I’ve got liquor in my mouth! Dude! That is so wrong.”
Riley was gay? How did he not know that Riley was gay?
Ehhh
…because he never partied with anybody. He had spent his time studying shit that he already knew instead of enjoying himself or making friends. Four fucking years…wasted. When had money turned into his priority?
When he’d never had any money, that’s when!
“Okay. Since you’ve spit out most of what went into your mouth, I’m assuming you’re ready to listen and talk now? I’m gay. If you had ever went anywhere with any of us, this wouldn’t be so shocking to you, but, yeah, I’m gay. I’m not ashamed of it and I don’t hide from what I am.”
Jagger felt his hackles rise. “What the fuck are you implying, Riley? You think I’m gay? And ashamed? And hiding?”
Was he
?
Riley poured himself another shot. “It isn’t my place to answer whether you are gay or not, Jag. That honor belongs solely to you.” He tossed the shot back. “If anything, I worry about you hiding. Hell, Jag, you’ve spent the last four years hiding. You’re always hiding. Why?”
“I don’t hide,” he sputtered. “What the hell? I never missed a practice or class. Hell, I wasn’t even late for a practice or class,” he countered. Sure, he was arguing but even he knew how desperately stupid his arguments sounded. He knew Riley wasn’t talking about his attendance in any damned thing except party functions…and he’d hid from ever one of those, just like Riley accused. For the first three years, he’d been in his dorm with his beloved razor
…
Cocking an eyebrow, Riley answered, “You never hid your mind, Jag.
That was always out front and center for everybody to enjoy.” Reaching over, he jabbed him in the chest with a finger. “You hid your heart, angel. You never once let it come out to play…no fun play…no seriously fun play. If you hide it away from everybody, you’re going to end up an empty shell. Fuck, Jag, you’ve been nothing but a high-achieving shell for the past four years…right up until I said the name Colton Montgomery to you.” His head tossed back as he laughed. “You should have seen that tight-assed shell crumble at the mention of his name.” Riley leveled his gaze at Jagger and a smile spread across his handsome face.
Shit, Riley was fucking hot. How had he not noticed that before now? More importantly, why did Riley not make his blood hot and his skin itchy like Colton did?
“Shut the fuck up. You’re drunk, aren’t you?” Jagger asked, hoping his captain was shit-faced drunk and wouldn’t remember a word of this conversation. He was hitting way too close to home.
“Nope,” he answered, making a popping sound with the word. “I wish you could have seen it, Jag. Life sprung right into your eyes in an instant. It was beautiful.” He turned in his direction and winked. “You were alive for the first time since we had met.” He stood up, gathered his shit, and started for the door. Once there, he turned back and said, “Colton is a good guy. Gay college athletes kind of have to stick together, vacation in the same spots, and shit like that. We’ve never partied together, but I’ve heard all good things about him. He’s not
gonna
hurt you. Hell, he’d better not hurt you! Just do
me a favor and stop hiding for those twenty-
four hours? If you want to continue hiding when it’s over,” he shrugged, “then that’s your decision. On this
date
, why not let yourself have some fun? I don’t know what the hell you’re hiding from, Jag, but it isn’t worth it. Don’t let it force you to miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime.”
Thank the fuck Riley didn’t stay much longer. He just waltzed in, tossed out his accusations and challenges and waltzed back out, leaving Jagger wondering, questioning all the things he had thought were paved in solid stone. His head was spinning. His heart was pounding. His dick was throbbing. The same shit his body always pulled whenever he thought about Colton. He hated Colton for making him feel this way and hated himself for being so damned weak where the other man was concerned. He knew better than this shit—knew better than to consider
inconsiderable
things.
Riley had tried to make it sound so easy, like his only problem was he was afraid of admitting he was gay. Riley didn’t know shit about him. He was a certified, level ten nutcase that was more than likely incapable of love…because he was definitely incapable of being loved. Even his own damned parents hadn’t loved him. It had been years since he allowed himself to remember—years since he allowed himself to feel the pain he tried to keep tucked inside. He didn’t want to go there tonight but had a feeling he didn’t have a choice. Riley had opened too many wounds with his innocent words. Hiding? Hell, if only it was that simple.
When Jagger was six, his mother gave him a huge hug and a sweet pat on the top of his head right before she left to run to the grocery store. She was supposed to pick up a box of cake mix and rainbow chip icing. It was his favorite and the holidays were right around the corner.
Memory is a very valuable asset to possess, especially when it is about all you have left. He remembered that she smelled like fresh lemons that day, instead of her usual cigarette smell. It had made his nose twitch and he’d giggled like a stupid six-year-old—probably the last six-year-old thing he did. She’d been wearing the pretty outfit she always wore when they went to church at Easter and Christmas and he could remember thinking she looked and smelled prettier than he could ever remember. He had thought she had to be the best mother in the entire world.
He should have known better.
Remembering what he did yesterday sometimes seemed like a struggle, but he could remember most everything about that day. It had been raining outside, a cold bleak day in mid-December. The rest of the neighbors had their Christmas trees decorated and a few even had
some outside lights twinkling around their house but the Jameson house was just as dark and dreary as it was every other day of the year. Just the night before, she had promised they would decorate a tree together this weekend and like any other kid, he’d been beyond excited with the prospect. He didn’t have a clue what they would use to decorate the tree with since they’d never bothered to put one up before, but he felt confident his mother must have had something up her Sunday-go-to-meeting dress sleeve. Maybe, just maybe, if they had a tree, Santa would find their house this year.
He couldn’t believe he’d ever been that stupid.
Riiiight
. Santa would find their house. What-the-fuck-ever. Santa-fucking-Claus sped up whenever he flew over their house at Christmas.
He remembered when a strange feeling had washed over him as he’d watched her walk down their steps. A red convertible waited for her at the end of the driveway. A child could never understand what was about to happen but something inside him drove him to chase after her like the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels. He’d caught her when she was about three steps away from what he quickly would learn was her ‘new life’. A chill had swept over his thin body when he’d wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tight against him, clutching to her for dear life. She had tensed up, her arms dangling, never offering to leave her side and wrap him in a tight hug to match what he was giving her.
Fuck, but he had
needed
that hug.
“Are you okay, mommy?” He’d asked, his face pressed tightly against her stomach as he hugged her close. She smelled even more lemony out in the rainy weather.
“Of course I’m okay, baby doll,” she answered coolly. “You be a good little boy and mommy will be right back before you even have time to miss me.” She waved to whoever was waiting in the beautiful car and the movement drew his eyes upward. She had the most beautiful smile on her face as she gazed out in the direction opposite of him.
The truth be told, he probably knew right then and there that she wasn’t ever coming back, but his little boy mind refused to accept that fucked-up possibility could even exist. She was his mother; of course she was coming back.
The person in the car honked the horn, causing both their bodies to jerk in alarm. Gently, she pushed him away and caressed the side of his face. “I love you,
Jagster
. You’ve always
been such a good boy, with a huge heart. Don’t you dare let your daddy take that away from you, okay, little man?”