Outview (43 page)

“As soon as Fitts pushed you over the
cliff, I was sure you were dead.”

“Is Fitts
really
dead?”

“I never saw him move. Two more agents
showed up. They saw you down on the rocks, presumably dead, and said, ‘Let SFPD
clean this up.’ The police sirens were so close.”

“But Fitts was Sam or vice versa,” Kyle
snapped.

“Yeah. He killed my dad and the others,
then he watched a bunch of Ryder families for four years until we discovered
the conspiracy. That’s why he was out of town so much. He was never a
geologist--he just had other families to watch.”

“What are they afraid of?” Kyle asked.
“Spencer wasn’t kidding. This is huge!”

I didn’t want to think about what Kyle was
saying. “Amber, what happened?”

“They didn’t have time, and no one seemed
in charge with Fitts gone. One said, ‘Let’s go now,’ and another answered,
‘What about the girl?’ I thought they were going to shoot me. ‘Leave her. The
boy’s dead; she’s no use to us now. And we don’t need any more publicity. Her
family’s already all over the news.’ Another agreed, saying, ‘I’d rather have The
New York Times dogging us than the tabloids.’ They cut my cuffs off and left.”

“How’d you avoid the cops?”

“Even before they were out of sight I was
at the cliff trying to get down to you, but there was no way. You looked
mangled, a pool of blood at your head and another by your leg, and your arms weren’t
even visible.”

Linh started to cry. Amber was trembling as
she spoke. “Suddenly, Crowd was there. He said we had to go. I told him we
couldn’t leave you like that. He promised you’d be taken care of and said, ‘you
have a plane to catch.’ I had like ten seconds to grab a few things from my car
on the way out. Crowd repeated he would get you. I assumed he meant just your
body.”

Linh reached across the table and gently
unclenched my fists.

“I’m not sure how we got out of there,”
Amber continued. “It was weird. He moved me into the trees, and remember, I was
in shock--the crash, getting captured, watching you thrown off a cliff. The
next thing I knew, I was in a cab going back across the Golden Gate Bridge,
heading toward the airport. The flight was a blur, and then mom was there in
Portland.”

“Have you seen the coverage of Fitts’
death?” Kyle asked. “Why haven’t they identified you as the most wanted guy in
the world?”

“Because he’s done nothing wrong. What can
they do?” Linh asked.

“Throw me in a military prison.”

“They’ve already shown their plan: kill you
during an arrest and say you were trying to escape,” Kyle said. “Don’t stay in
one place too long.”

“Nate, what happened? How did you live through
that?” Linh exclaimed.

“At the same time Crowd was leading Amber
out of the park, he somehow got me off the cliff and onto a boat. That’s where
I’ve been healing for the past few days. But I was actually out there for more
than two weeks. Spencer manipulated time so he could heal me and still get me
back here
today
. Why? I don’t know.”

“Explain how Spencer changed time and how Crowd
was in two places at once.” Amber said.

“I can’t. I’ve tried finding Spencer.
There’s never a trace. He’s always around water. But Fitts told me Lightyear
had been chasing Spencer for years and was getting closer. The mystics can do
all kinds of amazing things; Lightyear is probably after them all. The Old Man of
the Lake said when I find ten more, I’ll become one. It’s part of my quest now.
If I had the power and understanding that they possess . . . ”

“Are you reading all those right now?” Linh
asked, pointing to the stacks of books I’d been passing through my hands
without even thinking about it.

“I guess so.”

Bà brought up some herbal potion and
waited while I drank it. It tasted slightly sweet, but even if it had been
flavored with skunk oil, I would have downed it. I revered that woman, as if
she were a mystic herself. Amber took advantage of the interruption and handed me
my pack she’d grabbed before fleeing with Crowd. Inside among some clothes were
Rose’s journal, rock, and scarf. I gave the scarf to Linh, and we talked about
Rose.

Kyle took me to the other end of the loft where
he had a stack of maps of all the national forests in the area. Highlighted were
the most remote areas to camp, but areas that were still close enough to roads
for escape. “Don’t worry, I did all my research on computers at the library.”

While Kyle and I were talking, I could
overhear Amber and Linh whispering, as if they were speaking directly into my
ear. It didn’t seem right using this new power to spy on my friends, but I couldn’t
turn it off.

“Linh, it’s not like that with Nate and
me,” Amber said. “I love him completely.”

Linh shifted uncomfortably.

“It’s not how it sounds,” Amber continued.
“I don’t want to be his girlfriend; it’s deeper than that. I just want to know
him, experience parts of our lives together, but not share his life. Look, what
I’m trying to say is nothing physical happened between us.” I guess Amber
decided that the two interruptions at the hotel were a sign. She was into signs.
I was, too, but thought maybe it should be three strikes and then you’re out.
Amber and I would have to talk about that sometime. I didn’t know it then, but
it would be months before we got the chance.

As I was leaving, Amber whispered to me,
“What about Calyndra?”

“I’ve got to do something with Dustin
first. Then I’ll think about Calyndra.”

I could see her disappointment, but she
gave me a tight hug. “You know where to find me. I’ll wait for you.”

Linh kissed me, too. I looked back as we
backed out of the driveway; she was at the door waving, sad.

Kyle drove to the motel. “We’ve moved Dustin
two more times. He’s been staying alone, but Bà goes to check on him a
few times a day.”

“I don’t think I can ever repay you for
everything you’ve done.”

“We’re friends, Nate. You don’t owe me
anything. But if you seriously want to do something, find a way to stay away
from trouble.”

“I’m trying, but karma is hard to avoid.”

“When will we meet again?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll find you on the astral.”

66

I used Kyle’s key to enter. “Nice to see
you up and around,” I said to Dustin.

“It’s a relief seeing you in the flesh.
Your voice floating around my head is kind of cool, but the novelty wears off.”

“You look good.” I pulled him into a hug.

“I owe you my life, Nate.”

“We’re brothers, Dustin. You don’t owe me
anything.” I echoed Kyle’s words.

“Are you up for traveling? Mount Shasta.”

“I had a feeling you’d say that. Let’s
leave in the morning.”

The door opened, terrifying me for a
moment. Then, my mom grabbed and held me so tight I thought I might need to
make a Lusan. Kisses and tears were all she could manage for a couple of
minutes. “My boys are safe.” She’d brought glorious food.

“Somehow the three of us are still alive:
the three remaining Ryders,” I said.

After the initial glow, our reunion dimmed.
She was devastated with our plans to leave. Although to her we would always be
her little boys--and I was still relatively young by the Roman calendar--she
knew we’d outgrown her control. I gave them a rundown of what had happened,
starting with my first trip to Crater Lake and ending on the boat. Mom could
hardly speak Sam’s name, saying it was the greatest betrayal she’d ever known.
“Sam was an Amparo-esque betrayal,” Dustin said, after he’d heard that part of
my story.

It took almost three hours to answer all of
their questions. Telling it like that, for the first time from beginning to end,
was extremely illuminating. I saw how incredible it all was, the magic and
synchronicity of it. My mother was moved. There were tears in her eyes, and a
look of love, but she knew I had to go. Dustin stood up and walked to the
window, then turned to Mom.

“I’m not crazy. I was never crazy. It
wasn’t the drugs.” He was shaking. “It was your fear and close-mindedness that
took two years of my life.” He pointed at her. “They gave me meds that probably
aren’t even approved for the normal population. I lived for two chemical years,
hidden from the truth--my truth. If it weren’t for Rose, I’d probably be a
vegetable by now. And she’s dead.” He glared at her. “Forgiveness? I guess if
Nate can forgive the Nazis or whatever, then I can forgive you
eventually
.
But the real question, Mom, is how are you ever going to live with yourself?”

67

Monday, October 6

We were ready to go at sunrise. Mom brought
a cooler filled with Station sandwiches, desserts, and sodas. She also handed
us each a handful of cash and two “clean” phones. She and Josh brought over
Dustin’s truck. “We had it tuned up. It should do well for you.” Josh handed
Dustin the keys. “Remember how to drive?” he joked.

“I’ll figure it out. Nice shirt, Josh.”

He smiled, proud of his neon purple tee.

We had mostly said goodbye to Mom the night
before. Although it was still tense between her and Dustin, we kept it cordial
and were very relieved to be on the road.

“I can’t even tell that you haven’t driven
for two years,” I said, while heading up the Siskiyou Pass.

“Only because I haven’t opened my eyes
yet.”

“So, are you going to tell me what’s at
Shasta? I don’t like surprises.”

“You’ll like this one.”

“We’re not going to try to take a long nap
above snowline are we?” I said with a smile.

“You do know Mom got that mixed up. I was
never trying to kill myself, just trying to get back to what I want to show
you. I’d have come home . . . alive.”

“Two years in Mountain View over a
misunderstanding . . . ”

“It was a complicated time. I was pretty
confused. You’ll see.”

“Mom regrets it now, I think.”

“You know, every time Mom visited she
brought me sandwiches and desserts from the Station. It may not seem like much,
but it was a connection to home, to the real world . . . I looked forward more to
the food than seeing her.”

Heading down the other side of the pass, a
flagman waved us to a stop. Vehicles lined up. The flagman was staring at us. He
stepped toward our truck and motioned Dustin to roll down the window.

He broke into a big smile, “Dusty, Dude,
where you been?”

“Crowd, I don’t believe it!” Dustin
shouted.

It took me a moment. He had much shorter
hair under his hardhat and a blaze orange safety vest worn over
clean
clothes, but it was definitely Crowd. I couldn’t believe it either.

“Nate, I forgot how much you two favor each
other. You guys headin’ up today?”

“Yeah,” Dustin said, “And I thought I’d
have to find it myself. Can you remind me of the second and third signs?”

“Sure. You know when to leave the trail?”

“I think so.”

“Yeah, you do. You’ll remember. Then
there’ll be a hawk perched on a naked tree, the first sign.”

Dustin nodded.

“Good. Then after some time you’ll come to
a rock outcropping, the second sign. It’s hard to say how far until you reach
it because it moves, but you’ll recognize it. Finally, you’ll find the third
sign, a spring, and from there you’ll have to feel it.”

The instant he finished speaking, a call
came over his radio and he waved us on. “See you,” Dustin shouted.

“I’m stunned you know Crowd. Where did you
meet him?” I asked.

“I couldn’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Wow, you really were doing some powerful
drugs back then.”

“True, but that’s not why I don’t remember
him. You should have a sense of what I’m talking about, from when you thought
you were going crazy, too. But for me, it was a bit messier because as soon as
I started hearing voices and seeing colors and all that stuff, I started
drinking more and experimenting with drugs. Part of me wanted it all to stop,
and another part wanted to go and see what I could see, get all Alice-In-Wonderlanded
out.”

“Take a long strange trip?”

“Yeah, I mean I didn’t know it was all
connected to the soul at that point. I didn’t know what was happening, and then
it started really getting weird. Yesterday would happen in the middle of my
English class, with bits of tomorrow and today all mixed up.”

“Time’s a funny thing . . . ”

“There wasn’t anything funny about it to
me. I was losing it, didn’t know what was real or when was when. Then I met a
few interesting characters who seemed just as lost as I was. And one of them
was Crowd. But I can’t sift through the psychedelic stupor of those months and
the haze of Mountain View to figure it all out.”