Outside the Lines (37 page)

“Want me to go get Jasper for you?” Jack asked as we were getting the last of my bags out of the car.

I smiled at him. “You reading my mind or something? I was just trying to figure out how I was going to manage that.”

He hugged me. “I’ll get him for you. Do you want me to break the news to your mom, too, or do you want to do it?”

“Wow. I hadn’t thought about that.” My brain still buzzed with excitement at having found him at all. Practicalities and specifics about how I should navigate his return with me were far from my mind. I glanced over at my dad, who was standing on the sidewalk, staring at my house. “Would you mind telling her?”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I did.” He kissed me, then shook hands with my dad.

“Mr. West? I’m going to pick up Eden’s dog for her. It was a pleasure meeting you, and I’ll see you in a little bit, okay?”

My father looked at Jack with a slightly dazed expression. “Yes, good. Okay. Nice to meet you too, son. And call me David, please. Only doctors call me Mr. West.”

“All right, then, David. I’ll be back in an hour or two. That should give you time to get settled in.” He came over to kiss me again, then climbed into his car and drove off.

I led Dad inside and showed him the spare room. The bed was still littered with the contents of the box we’d found at his old apartment and his paintings still rested against the wall. His eyes went straight to them—his depiction of the Garden of Eden was on top.

I maneuvered around him and cleared his belongings off the bedspread and back into the box. “These are yours, Dad, from your old apartment building. Wanda gave them to us a few weeks ago.” He was silent, so I went over and rubbed his arm. “Everything okay?” I asked.

He nodded, his eyes still glued to the painting. “That’s mine.”

“I know. That garden was such a great thing we did together. I’ve always remembered it. When I saw it was important to you too, even after all those years apart, I was pretty overwhelmed. It’s a beautiful painting.”

“It was a beautiful garden,” he said. I told him about the one Jack planted behind the shelter. “I’d like to see that,” he said.

“In the spring, you will.” I smiled. “Are you hungry? Can I make you something to eat?” We hadn’t stopped on the drive home; I was too anxious to get him in my house.

“More tired than hungry. I’d like to lie down.”

“Of course,” I said. “I’ll leave you alone. The bathroom’s just down the hall on your left.” I reached over and hugged him. His body was stiff, unyielding. I tried not to let that upset me. “I’m happy you’re here.”

He kissed the top of my head but didn’t say anything.

“Just holler if you need me, okay?”

He nodded and I left him alone. I walked into my living room and dropped to the couch, trying to absorb the fact that my father was actually in the other room. I still couldn’t quite believe it. I needed to get on the phone and try to find a doctor.

My cell rang just as I was digging around for it in my purse. It was Rita.

“Hey there,” I said. “How are you?”

“Not as good as you, it seems.”

“Jack called you, I take it?”

“Yep, this morning, before you guys left Portland. He asked me to get the name of a few doctors who might be able to get your dad in tomorrow. You got a pen or do you want me to e-mail you?”

I smiled, knowing Jack didn’t completely agree with what I was doing with my dad, but that hadn’t kept him from using his resources to do what he could to help. “E-mail would be great, actually.”

“You got it,” Rita said. “You doing okay?”

“It does feel a little surreal, but overall, I’m just really happy. I finally get a chance to get to know him.”

“And how is he doing?”

“He’s resting right now. I need to call work and take some time off, I think, to deal with all of this.” I cringed a little, thinking about what corporate’s reaction might be when I told them their head chef needed to take a week off during the holiday rush, but I was sure Juan was more than capable of handling the kitchen on his own.

“Probably a good idea. We missed you guys for dinner here last night. After my lame meal of hot dogs and potato chips, the troops were asking for you.”

“They were? That’s great to hear.” I paused, anxious about the phone calls I needed to make. “Hey, Rita, I hate to cut this short, but I need to make some calls.”

“No problem,
chica
. See you soon.”

After hanging up, I took a couple of deep breaths to calm down before calling Doug in the Emerald City Events corporate office to ask for the next week off. After I explained that the spreadsheets for all the scheduled events had been done and all Juan would have to do is make sure the kitchen staff followed them to the letter, Doug okayed the vacation. I called Juan and filled him in on the past days’ events and thanked him profusely for running the kitchen in my absence.

“No worries, boss lady,” he said. “I got it handled. You just spend some time with your poppa and get him all set up.”

“Thanks, Juan. I’ll have my cell, if anything comes up you need my help with.”

As I hung up, Jack knocked on the front door. I opened it, and Jasper came bounding inside, his whole body wiggling in his excitement at seeing me. Jack shut the door behind him while I sat down on the floor to let Jasper love me up.

“I think that dog just French-kissed you,” he said.

I smiled, scratching Jasper’s chest and letting him continue to lick my face. “He missed me.”

“I missed you, too,” Jack said. “Do I get to French-kiss you, too?”

I jumped up and wiped my mouth with my sleeve. “Now?”

He held up his hands in mock surrender, smiling at me. “Um, maybe after you brush your teeth?”

I laughed. “So much for unconditional love.”

He dropped to the couch and patted the cushion next to him. “Where’s your dad?”

“Sleeping, I think. Unless you noisy boys woke him up when you came in.” I sat down and leaned on him, and he put his arm around my shoulders. “I talked to Rita. Thank you for having her get those numbers.”

“Did you have a chance to call any of the doctors?”

I shook my head. “Not yet. I had to call in to work to get some time off.”

“How much did they give you?”

“Just a week, but I should be able to get him settled somewhere by then, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “Does he want to be settled?”

“Jack. Please don’t.” I pulled away from him and gave him a hard look. “I will talk with him about what he wants to do, okay? You’ve made your point. I get it. I need to take his wants into consideration. I promise, I will. So lay off it. Please.”

“I didn’t mean to push.”

“Well, you are. I need you to be my boyfriend, not his social worker, okay? That’s what I need.”

“Okay.” He pulled me back to him. “Sorry. I’m out of practice at this whole relationship thing. I do what I know best.”

“You’re bossy?”

He laughed. “No. I advocate. There’s a difference. But your dad hasn’t asked me to advocate for him, either, so I’ll shut up about it. For now.”

“Deal.” I was tired and didn’t want to argue anymore. “Are you working tonight?”

“Yeah, I need to get going pretty quick. Rita’s only staying until eight.”

“Oh!” I said, suddenly remembering where he had picked Jasper up from. “How did it go with my mom? Did you tell her that we found him?”

He nodded. “I did. She took it pretty well, I think. But she was definitely shocked. I don’t think any of us thought we’d actually find him. She said you should call her tomorrow. I think she’s worried about you, too.”

“There’s nothing to be worried about,” I said adamantly. “Everything’s going to work out just fine.”

The voices chanted in David’s head.
Leave now, leave now.
He wasn’t drinking to quiet them. Not much, anyway. Eden only kept wine in her house and he couldn’t have too much of it without her noticing.

He listened for her to get into the shower, then snuck down the hall into the kitchen. Eden kept her wine on the counter, so David pulled the cork on the bottle and took a few long, hard swallows, waiting for his mind to calm. It was only enough to take the slightest edge off of how he felt. Eden was taking him to the doctor this morning and David wasn’t sure he was going to survive this reunion. Trying to white-knuckle his way through had never worked before and he doubted it would work now.

“Are you ready to go, Dad?” Eden called out from the bathroom, and David hastily took another swig of wine, then shoved the cork back into the bottle’s open mouth. He needed to tell her. He couldn’t stay. He needed to get back out in the world where he belonged.

“Just need my shoes,” David said instead. He heard Eden’s footsteps in the hallway and when she entered the kitchen, the hopeful look on Eden’s face was too much to disappoint. She wanted to help him so much. Couldn’t he at least try for her sake, after all she’d done to track him down?

So there he was an hour later, with his daughter, at the doctor’s office. They sat in the waiting room, Eden flipping through a magazine, David staring at the pattern in the wallpaper. His right leg bounced up and down in rapid rhythm until Eden reached over and touched it.

“You okay, Dad?” she asked.

He gave a brisk nod and tensed his muscles to keep them still. When the nurse called his name, both of them stood.

“Just Mr. West, please,” the nurse said. “The doctor will call you in after a while.”

Eden looked shocked but quickly recovered. “Oh. Well. Of course.” She sat back down. “I’ll see you in a few minutes, Dad.”

“Okay,” David said, and followed the nurse back to a small exam room with a growing sense of dread in his belly. She took his temperature and blood pressure, then told him the doctor would be right in. She closed the door behind her and David imagined the cell doors in the mental ward. White, heavy, and impenetrable. He would never escape.

David sat on the exam table. His skin crawled being inside the familiar medical surroundings. He didn’t want to be here. He shouldn’t be here. He was doing this for all the wrong reasons. How could he say this to his daughter? How could he possibly make her understand? His thoughts spun around and around in his head.
Tell her you can’t do this,
he thought.
Tell her the truth and be gone. Go back to where you’re happy. Go back to where you can be yourself.
But who was that? He didn’t know for sure. He did know that the moment the doctor told him he needed to be on meds, he might very well scream.

“David?” A soft female voice spoke his name as the door to the exam room he was in opened.

He cleared his throat. “Yes.”
Keep it simple. Don’t say too much. Be normal and maybe she won’t want to drug you up too much.

A petite woman with short black hair stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her. “I’m Dr. Shaw. It’s nice to meet you.”

David nodded. “Nice to meet you, too.” He eyed the thick folder she held in the crook of her arm. Damn. She had obviously already gotten her hands on his medical history. How do these doctors do it so fast? His entire life summed up by other peoples’ opinions. People who didn’t know him. People who didn’t live with a brain like his in their heads. Who were they to tell him what he should do? Was it Eden who gave the doctor his file? Or Lydia? He wondered if his ex-wife would want to see him. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to see her, even if she did.

Dr. Shaw set the folder down and sat in the chair across from David. “Can we talk for a minute before I speak with your daughter?”

David gave a short, fast nod. He didn’t trust this woman.

“Great.” Dr. Shaw smiled tightly. “So, I’ve had a look at your file and it appears that you’ve never had a diagnosis that sticks. Is that true?”

“Yes, that’s true.” David kept his answers short. He wanted to appear balanced despite the voices raging at him to bolt out of the room. He gritted his teeth to keep from screaming until they squeaked inside his head.

“Well, without an official diagnosis, we’d have to start you on a low-dose regimen of lithium, the amount you were on most recently, just to get you in balance. If we don’t get results with that, there are several other families of drugs we could play with until we find one that works.” She gave him a sharp look down her nose. “But you’d have to promise me you’re going to stay on them long enough to see which ones are going to work. Your file indicates you’ve had a lot of trouble around this before.”

David swallowed the knot in his throat before speaking. “It’s different this time.”

“Different how?” the doctor asked.

“I’m not doing it for me. I’m doing it for my daughter.” That, at least, was an honest answer.

“I’d prefer you were doing it for yourself.”

Damn,
David thought.
Wrong answer.
He tried again. “I guess I meant I’m doing it for both of us. To give us a chance. She told you we’ve been apart twenty years?”

“Yes, she did. The last time you saw her you were bleeding out from a suicide attempt.” She looked at him pointedly.

David didn’t answer.
Sanctimonious bitch.

Dr. Shaw looked skeptical but stood up and proceeded with the physical exam. She pushed and prodded, listened to his heart and lungs. “You’re malnourished,” she said when she was done. “We’ll get you on protein supplements and vitamins. I’ll want to get some blood work done, too. Your liver’s a little distended. You’re a drinker, yes?”

David nodded. How did doctors always know this? From his file? He wished he could rip it from her hands and tear it to shreds. He flashed briefly on the idea of tearing
her
to shreds, but thankfully, the thought flew out of his brain as quickly as it had flown in.

“Having any withdrawal?”

“Not much. I’ve had some wine.”
Not enough. Not nearly enough.
Eden would have to go back to work eventually, right? He’d be able to find some cash and get a bottle.