Outcasts (36 page)

Omar slipped out of the bathroom and closed the door. Standing felt good — for three seconds. He stretched, then wanted to lie down and weep at the intensity of the itch.

It struck him as ironic that his father had always threatened to marry him to Shay, a fate Omar had dreaded. How stupid could he have been?

After Kendall had helped them plan out the nursery rescue, the day was filled with agonizing boredom. Everyone sat around, waiting for night to come. Basil was the only entertainment. Some took naps. Omar went down to the basement for a while and lay down on one of the beds, where he tossed and turned, drenched in a cold sweat. But when he couldn’t sleep, he decided to go check on Shay. He went upstairs and found Kendall sitting alone on one of the couches in the living room. It was late now — 11:33 p.m. Almost time.

“Will you sit with me awhile?” Kendall asked. “I’m worried about tonight.”

Omar sat beside her on the couch. “Worrying won’t do you any good.”

“Once I get Elyot, where will I go?” Kendall asked.

“Into the basements with us until we can get out of this place,” Omar said, wondering how he’d get stims from now on. Perhaps the Owl would need to visit a hit room and help himself. If he didn’t get something real soon, he had a feeling he’d die.

“I’ll have no way to earn credits,” Kendall said. “How will I provide for my son?”

Like he knew how life would be underground. “I don’t think they use credits in the basements. I’m sure some of the Natural women can help you figure all that out. Everyone will have the same problems. The Naturals wouldn’t bother helping us if they didn’t care about how we’d all live.”

“Will you help me?”

What did
that
mean? He turned to look at her. “What could I do?”

She bumped her shoulder against his. “Keep me company. Maybe help me raise my son.”

His cheeks tingled as the blood drained away. “Kendall … I don’t know anything about raising a kid.”

“But you’re going to be a father. You’ll learn.”

Which still terrified him. “Sure, but — ”

She kissed him, and he turned his head to stop her. “Kendall, I can’t. Shay …” He should have made himself clear before. “If I’m going to help anyone, it’s her.”

Kendall rolled her eyes. “She’s not like us, Omar. You and me, we have the thin plague. How could you expect to be with her and not infect her? You’d kill her.”

Kill Shay? Omar’s chest tightened. “I don’t know.” He hadn’t thought about all that — the future. Once they freed the kids, there’d be time to figure everything out. To talk to Shay. See what she wanted. He was only sixteen, for crying out loud. All his life he’d wanted to be treated like an adult, now he just wanted the simplicity of being a kid again.

But his childhood was gone forever.

“I think we could work, Omar,” Kendall said, taking hold of his hand. “You and me. Lifers.”

Lifers …?

She kissed him again, and this time he let her, trying to decide if she was right. He didn’t want Shay to be infected. But if Mason could find a cure, then —

“Really?”

Shay’s voice made him break away from Kendall. She stood in the archway to the kitchen, Jordan’s pistol in her hand. Was she going to shoot them?

“You’re not a very nice friend,” she said to Kendall, and her voice cracked, broken. Then she turned her betrayed expression on Omar. “Either of you.”

Omar got up from the couch and walked toward her, slowly, as if trying not to frighten a bird into flight. Her eyes widened and she inched back, shaking her head slightly. “Either of you, Omar.”

He reached for Shay’s arm, but she backed out of his reach. “Shay, wait.” He grabbed her wrist that held the gun and pulled the weapon away, still holding on to her wrist. “It’s not what you think.”

“Let go.” She pulled until her hand squeezed through his grip, then jogged toward her bedroom, so he ran past her and blocked the door. She spun away and slipped into the bathroom. He just managed to get his foot in the opening before she shut the door. It struck his shoe.

“Shay, let me explain.”

One of her eyes glared out the opening. “I don’t need an explanation.” Her voice was a hard whisper. “When in the Safe Lands, do as the nationals do, right? Pair up? Trade paint? Find pleasure in life?”

“Please, it’s not like that. I’m different now that — well, I’m trying to be.”

Shay rolled her eyes. “Let me know when you grow up.” She kicked at his foot, to no avail.

“Shay, please listen. I told her to stop, that I couldn’t do it.”

“But you did.” Shay looked at him through the crack, her eyes teary now. “You made your choice. Just … Take Jordan’s gun. I was bringing it to you. He got ammo for it, but Levi won’t let him take it tonight, so he hid it under his bed. I want you to bring back Penny and Nell, okay? I’m going to need someone to help with the babies, and they’re my real friends.” She opened the door and shoved him. He stumbled back a step, and she slammed the door. The lock clicked.

Gun in one hand, Omar used his other to knock on the door and shake the knob. “Shay? Open the door.”

Instead, a door opened behind him. Omar turned to see which one. Jordan stepped into the hall, eyes sleepy. “What’s going on?”

Omar hid the gun behind his back, tucked it into the back of his pants. “Nothing.”

“Who’s in there?” Jordan motioned to the bathroom.

“Shay.”

Jordan pushed in front of Omar. “Go downstairs. I’ll take care of her.”

“Right.” Jordan likely thought Shay was sick again. Omar couldn’t risk being here when Jordan found out the truth. He turned and strode toward the front door. Kendall said something as he passed the living room. He darted back and found her sitting on the couch. She smiled as if nothing was wrong.

“You and me aren’t going to happen, Kendall. Get that straight.” He left the cabin and started walking. That girl had ruined everything. Why was he always so stupid?

He checked the gun and found that it was indeed loaded. Panic shot through him. Shay could have hurt herself. But he’d hurt her first. Why did he keep hurting her?

Maybe Kendall was right. Maybe Omar was all wrong for Shay. He was infected and she wasn’t. He was dying and she was very much alive.

But she was the only person who made him feel like he could ever be good again. He was pretty sure he’d die a lot faster without her in his life.

He was shivering badly by the time he reached Kokanee Lane. He needed a hit now. Maybe Skottie or Charlz would help him. He hadn’t spoken to either in almost a month, but he knew they’d understand the itch. If nothing else, maybe they’d buy him a beer.

C
ome on, Shay,” Jordan said through the locked door. “Open up.”

“I’m fine,” she said, yawning over her tears. She was so tired. She should have stayed in bed. Then she’d still be dreaming of her nice moments with Omar before he’d ruined everything. Again.

It wasn’t fair. Her parents had been killed. Then the Safe Lands had made her pregnant. And just when it seemed like Omar had noticed her, just when she thought he might actually care about her, Kendall had come along. How could she compete against a beautiful, mature woman like her?

They’d had such a nice talk today. He’d really seemed to care about her. Why was she so blind about boys? And why were boys so dumb?

A wave of queasiness seized her then, and she went to her knees before the toilet. Naomi had promised the morning sickness wouldn’t last. But so far, Shaylinn was still sick no matter what time of day. It seemed a terrible joke. If she’d been married and had a husband who loved her, the sickness would be bearable.

But to be so alone …

When she finally exited the bathroom, she found Jordan sitting on
the floor against the wall, sleeping. Oh, sweet, stubborn brother. She nudged him. “Jordan, it’s almost midnight.”

He gasped and coughed. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Why don’t you go downstairs and make sure the other men are awake?”

He rubbed his eyes. “You okay?”

“Just tired.” Though she didn’t think she’d be able to sleep until she knew everyone had been rescued.

Jordan pushed up to his feet. “Love you, sis.” He hugged her and kissed her hair.

The act brought tears to her eyes. “Be careful tonight, okay?”

He pulled back so he could see her face and gave her that wide, crooked grin of his. “Tomorrow you can see Penny and Nell. My gift to you.”

“Thank you. Be safe.”

“Always.”

Once the men — and Kendall — had set off, Shay found Jemma in the room she and Levi had been using. Her sister lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Chipeta is leading prayers in the living room, but I need a break,” Shaylinn said. “Mind if I join you?”

“I’d love it,” Jemma said, throwing back the covers.

Shaylinn climbed into bed with her sister, and they nestled close. Jemma began to braid strands of Shay’s hair. It almost felt like they were together again in their bedroom in their cabin in Glenrock.

“How are you feeling?” Jemma asked.

“Sick.” And brokenhearted.

“I’m sorry, love. Did you and Omar talk? Did you make up?”

Tears flooded her eyes. “He apologized for what he said before.”

“That’s good, right?”

It had been good. A lovely moment. She was thankful for that, even if it hadn’t lasted long. “Later I saw him kissing Kendall.”

“What!” Jemma sat up and looked down on Shay’s face. “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.”

Her reaction brought Shay’s tears to the surface. She hated crying but hadn’t been able to control it lately. “Maybe it’s just that he’s a lot more experienced than me. I don’t think he wants to be with a girl so … prude?”

“Ugh. If that’s the case, he doesn’t deserve you. But I know Omar. I knew him, anyway. I can’t believe he’d leave you alone.”

“I don’t want him out of his guilt, Jem. I want him to love me.”

Jemma finger-combed out the braid she’d started in Shaylinn’s hair. “Omar should have to earn your love, Shay. If he’s not willing, then he’s not worth it. Don’t risk your heart on a lazy man. He’ll take what he wants from you and not give back. And that’s not love, honey. That’s just not.”

Jemma acted like there were a lot of men to choose from in the world. But there weren’t. “You never doubted Levi’s love for you.”

Jemma’s expression softened into a smile. “No. My heart is, and always will be, his.”

Shaylinn sighed, knowing she’d never have anything like her sister had with Levi. “Why can’t I have that certainty? Why do I have so much doubt?”

“Because you are you and I am me. And because Omar hasn’t exactly been an unchanging rock of a guy. If we all had the same life, there’d be no surprise. I’m angry that Omar hurt you. He’s a stupid boy, and if he were here right now I’d tell him so and whack his head. I hope you did.”

“I didn’t.” As if Shaylinn could ever strike anyone like that. “I told him to bring back Penny and Nell because I’d need help raising the babies.”

“Oh, you’re a clever girl. Guilting him.”

Had she? “I didn’t mean to. I’m just tired of feeling so alone.” She really did want Penny and Nell back in her life. She missed them desperately.

“You’re not alone, dearest. You have me.”

Only when Levi and Naomi were busy. “I’m so angry at them both.”

“You have a right to be. Sit up and let me finish braiding your hair.”

Shaylinn pushed herself up and turned her back to Jemma. “But if I’m angry … if I judge him, I’m not loving him.”

Jemma again combed her fingers through Shaylinn’s hair and started a new braid. “How can you love him if he’s loving someone else?”

“But I don’t think he loves Kendall. He’s addicted to doing whatever makes him feel good. And there are too many things that make him feel good in this place.”

“But, Shay, that’s an excuse. Don’t make excuses for him. Men become men by making sacrifices and doing what’s hard. He’s going to have to decide if he wants to grow up or not. And marriage means something to Omar — I know it does. Despite how he’s been acting since we came here, he’s
not
a Safe Lander. He’s from Glenrock. And his mother raised him to know what’s right.”

“I don’t think he cares about how his mother raised him. Not anymore.” Tamera would have cuffed Omar upside the head ten times by now.

“I don’t believe that,” Jemma said. “The way he paints? As moody as he is? All he’s ever wanted was to find the right girl to spoil with all his romantic ideas.”

Yeah. “But maybe I’m the wrong girl.”

Jemma tugged on Shay’s braid. “That’s not possible.”

But why not? Just because Shay wanted something didn’t mean God would give it to her. He might have another plan in mind. “I so believed that God was going to do something big in my life with these babies. And I thought part of it was to finally bring me and Omar together. But I’m just a dreamer, really. Making things up in my head. I wanted what you and Naomi have with Levi and Jordan. I wanted something real. But I don’t know how to have a real relationship with anyone.” She was only fourteen. But not every person got married. Some stayed single forever.

“There’s nothing to know, Shay. You just do your best. You talk. Become friends. See if your life goals are a match.”

“See? I don’t even know what Omar’s life goals are — or mine, for
that matter, apart from loving Omar. And I don’t think Omar knows his goals, either. So, how could we possibly know if they matched?”

“By talking to each other.”

“Every time we talk, someone ruins it. Me, or Omar, or someone else. Now Kendall. I thought she was my friend. I told her I loved Omar. Why would she do this?”

“If she gets Elyot back tonight, she’ll be raising him alone. Maybe she wants something real too. But I’m sorry that she felt like her own happiness was more important than her friendship with you.”

“I miss Penny and Nell. But even if they were here, they wouldn’t know what to say to any of this. These are grown-up problems, and I’m not a grown-up.”

“There are no grown-ups, really,” Jemma said. “Just old kids who still feel young inside despite the fact that their face no longer looks it.”