OUTCAST: A Stepbrother Romance (30 page)

“
N
o
...” I mumbled. Was I seeing a ghost?

H
e extended
his hand and touched my cheek. The tepid feel of his palm proved to me that he was real, that he was there, in front of me.

“
N
o
, no, no...” I continued to mutter as I bowed my head and closed my eyes.

I
turned
around in disbelief and started to walk towards my bed. I sat on the edge as I felt that every ounce of energy in my body was drained by the shock of his reemergence. He followed me. He sat by my side and looked at me intently. I couldn’t meet his gaze.

H
e rubbed
my back as I tried to catch my breath. I was in the middle of a panic attack, hyperventilating so much that I thought I was going to die. Yet, I found myself dreading his touch that I pulled myself away from his hand.

I
didn’t know
if I couldn’t believe he was alive... or if I didn’t want to believe he was alive.

H
e was dead
. I saw him get shot. I saw his dying moment, when all life abandoned his body and he gave me one final look. I saw the river claim his corpse, dragging it to God knows where.

“
W
-We buried you
,” I told him as I tried to be strong to stop my incessant sobbing.

“
Y
ou buried an empty casket
,” he answered.

“
Y
es
, but they didn’t find you,” I explained. “The police... they said that no one could’ve possibly survived the rampaging river, even more so when you were shot. On the chest!”

H
e smiled
at me as he started to caress my cheek, wiping off my tears.

“
Y
ou know
, you guys should’ve waited for seven years before burying me,” he said. “That’s the law, after all. Presumptive death, I think is what it’s called.”

I
looked
at my fingers as they started to twiddle each other, completely dismissing his attempt to lighten up the mood.

“
Y
our mom didn’t want
to bury you,” I uttered. “She said it was too soon... that you must still be alive, somewhere, somehow. But my dad believed that there was no way you could’ve survived what you went through. The police themselves said that it was impossible. So he convinced her to hold the funeral. The sooner you were buried, the sooner everyone could move on. We can’t hold on to false hope. Nash, you were shot! The strong currents ate you up!”

H
e removed his hoodie
. To my shock - as if I wasn’t shocked enough - I saw that he has shaved his medium-length hair. He was sporting a skinhead, which actually looked good on him as the style made his handsome features even more prominent. There were scars on his faces, though. Small cuts. There was a gash on the right edge of his lips.

“
T
ravis didn’t shoot me
,” he revealed and my eyes widened.

“
B
ut I saw him
...”

“
W
ell
, yes, he did shoot me... but it was a blank bullet. It hurt like hell, though.” He pulled up the shirt inside his sweater to reveal a violet bruise in the middle of his chest. “I found it very difficult to breathe that I almost drowned in the river.”

“
B
ut the blood
on your shirt...”

“
I
t happened so fast
. No one even noticed. I myself didn’t even realize it at first. But Travis actually wiped his bloodied lips before rubbing it off my chest.”

I
remembered
the blood on Travis’ face, which was caused by Nash’s blow while I was held captive in the lobby of the abandoned building.

“
D
id
... Did you and Travis plan this all along?” I asked, still crying, still confused about what was happening.

“
N
o
,” he sullenly replied as he bowed his head, seemingly lamenting the fate suffered by his friend. “All the while, I thought he would kill me. He said so himself, that night at the convenience store. He was a good soldier... a loyal soldier. He embraced the gang’s code. The leader... the General... he was actually grooming Travis to be his right hand man, and eventually, his successor.”

“
T
hen why did
he fake your death?”

“
B
ecause he thought
about things more than I ever did,” Nash answered, his tone was still filled with sadness. “He knew that there was no other way for it to end than with my death. If I didn’t die, they’d go after you. If not them, worse people would try to cause you harm...”

“
T
he Russians
?”

“
Y
es
, and they’re merciless. They needed to know that I was dead, that their secrets were safe, that there would be no precedent that may cause further mutiny in their ranks. Travis knew this, and he planned everything without my knowledge. I thought our friendship was over when I left the group. But... but he remained a true friend until the very end.”

“
O
h my God
!” I exclaimed. “Nash... we should wake them up. We should tell them... your mom especially... that you’re alive!”

“
N
o
, no...” he quickly disapproved. “It’s too soon. Not yet.”

“
W
hat
? Why?”

“
T
hey will know
, eventually, but not now.”

“
N
ash
... your mom has been inconsolable. She has been very, very sad since you... since you... since we thought you died...”

“
I
know
... but this is for the best. A few more weeks, if not months, and I’ll let her know. But not now. The fewer people who know I’m alive, the safer it would be for you... for all of you.”

I
looked
into his eyes and saw the regret that was consuming his soul. He didn’t want our folks, his mom most especially, to be in deep sorrow. But he had to allow that to happen to save our lives.

I
rested
my head on his shoulder and he quickly embraced me.

“
I
know
this all sounds complicated, Andrea... confusing even,” he said. “But the worst is over now. I’m here. And I will never, ever leave you. We will take care of our baby, together. And I will take care of you. No matter what it takes. I will make sure that you and our child will be safe, and that our family will have a good life.”

O
ur family
.

T
hose words echoed
in my heart. They were so beautiful to hear. Our family. Him and me and the baby in my womb. Together. Forever.

“
S
o
, what do we have right now?” I asked him. His hug buried my head in his sturdy chest. “We’ll be together, but you’ll be in hiding. What? You’ll just visit me every now and then? Whenever opportunity permits?”

H
e hugged me tighter
.

“
I
’m
sorry it’s like this, Andrea,” he said. “But I will always be here for you. I may not show my face in public for the time being... but I promise that you will always feel my presence, you will know that I’m always there. And somewhere down the line... in a few months... in a couple of years... you and I...”

H
e paused and shrugged
. It was as if he wanted to do something that he couldn’t. Then he looked at the drawer beside my bed and saw something. He reached for it and drew the object towards the bottom of his sweater. It was a pair of scissors. He started to cut a piece of the draw string that tightened his hoodie.

T
hen he grabbed
my hand and caressed my fingers. He wrapped the string over my ring finger, tying up the knot in a way that made it look like an exquisite ornament.

“
Y
ou and I
...” he continued to say, “we’ll get married and make more babies.”

D
espite the uneasiness
I was feeling, despite the uncertainties that burdened my soul... I found myself giggling at his comment. It wasn’t because it was funny. Rather, it was very heartwarming... something that I didn’t expect to feel at that moment. It was a reassurance, from the person I thought I have lost, from the father of my child, from the man I love.

T
hen
, the precarious nature of the setup he was proposing weighed on me once more. A lot of questions... a lot of doubts... a lot of difficulties... they began to dampen whatever joy filled my being.

“
W
hat do
we have right now, Nash?” I asked once again.

H
e held
my hand tight and looked at me. He smiled and I saw that beautiful dimple once again.

“
H
appiness
,” he answered. “We have happiness.”

H
is lips approached
mine and he started to kiss me. I felt the comforting ardor of his breath, slithering all over the rims of my mouth, gliding towards my chin and around my neck.

A
nd I kissed him back
.

I
missed him
.

I
missed
him so terribly much.

H
appiness
, he said.
What we had was happiness
. A kind of happiness that promised not to yield. A kind of happiness that was poised to weather any storm. A kind of happiness that will be cherished for a lifetime and beyond.

A
s our lips were locked
, our bodies followed suit, and I’ve never been happier. I was with him.

H
im
.

N
ashville Walters
.

L
oner
.

R
ebel
.

O
utcast
.

S
tepbrother
.

L
over
.

A
nd the only
man with whom I could be myself without having to try to be someone I was not. The only man who makes me feel the way that I do. The only man who I want to be with, regardless of whatever may be thrown our way.

T
he only man
that my heart has, and will always, yearn for.

S
eptember days were supposed
to be humid in Los Angeles. Not as warm as Placerville, for sure, but hot nevertheless.

T
hat wasn’t
the case in the campus grounds, however. The cool breeze of the Pacific Ocean that was just a couple of miles away from UCLA made the climate a little more refreshing and invigorating.

T
he perfect weather
for an expectant mother.

I
t’s been
three weeks since I started college. My semester was composed of General Education subjects and a couple of 101’s for my main course. Nothing heavy. I’ve learned most of the topics for those subjects in High School.

A
nd I was
on my fifth month of pregnancy.

M
y tummy has bulged significantly
, but it still could be concealed by a clever choice of loose clothing. I didn’t opt for that however. I met new people. I made new friends. And I told all of them that I was pregnant. I expected them to give me contemptuous looks and condemning stares. They didn’t. They smiled at me and expressed how genuinely happy they were for the baby I was about to bring into this world, and how admirable I was for choosing to go to school despite the physical difficulties I was sure to encounter.

C
ollege has been
a great experience so far. The school’s population was so diverse - culturally and ideologically - that every single day has become a fascinating adventure.

M
y dad found
me an apartment at the outskirts of the campus. It was near Ronald Reagan Hospital.
Just in case you need a quick checkup
, he said. A dorm would’ve been more affordable. But my dad didn’t want me to be crammed in a bedroom with two or three people.
I want you to be as comfortable as you can
, he explained.
Let me worry about the expenses
. He also talked to the landlady so that she could watch over me, considering my condition.

H
e has always been
a loving and caring father.

A
nd I miss him
.

A
nd Aunt Susan too
.

B
ut I miss
Nash most of all.

H
e promised
to visit every chance he could find. But first, he had to find a job where no one would recognize him, he said. He wanted to be a good provider, for me and our baby.

B
ut I haven’t seen
him since I left home for college.

W
e do text each other
, though. He was using a prepaid number... hence, there were times - a lot, actually - when he wouldn’t be able to reply because he ran out of load.

S
till
, I kept my cellphone near me. He would text at any time, and I didn’t want to miss it.

I
t was a Wednesday afternoon
, just after my Communication I class, when I reached for my phone inside my bag and I discovered that it was missing. Instantly, I panicked.

“
S
hit
!” I uttered to Francine, my seat mate and friend who actually made it her responsibility to look after me during my pregnancy.

“
W
hy
? What’s wrong?” she asked worriedly.

“
M
y phone’s gone
,” I told her as I rummaged through my bag, hoping against hope that it was still there.

“
W
hen did
you last use it?” she asked.

“
L
unch
, I think, at the cafeteria,” I answered.

“
I
t might still be there
,” she suggested. “Let’s go back and find it.”

W
e dashed towards the canteen
. Many times, Francine reminded me to be careful with my strides. She didn’t have to. Though I was in a hurry, my bloated form made it difficult to run, hence I only managed to walk briskly in calculated steps.

W
e reached
the cafeteria and immediately proceeded to the table where we sat a few hours before. We searched the area, but we didn’t find my phone. I started to sulk in despair.

“
D
on’t lose hope
,” she tried to cheer me up. “Someone must’ve found and reported it.”

“
R
eported it to whom
?” I questioned.

“
L
ost and Found
.”

“
T
he school has
a Lost and Found department?”

“
W
ell
, not really. People usually leave them with the groundskeeper.”

“
T
he groundskeeper
?”

“
Y
up
. His office... well, it’s not really an office... it’s more like a basement that was converted into a barrack... if full of lost items. A lot of people don’t really know about it, so they don’t bother to check.”

“
T
hat’s so
... antiquated,” I commented. Back in High School, lost items were reported to the Guidance Counsellor’s office, and she would post them on the school’s official Facebook page. I couldn’t believe that an institution as prestigious as UCLA employed such an archaic method for dealing with lost stuff.

F
rancine snickered
.

“
Y
eah
... but you better check if your phone’s there,” she said. “Also... uhm...” She started to blush for some strange reason.

“
F
rancine
... you’re flushing!” I exclaimed in surprise.

“
W
ell
... have you seen the new groundskeeper?” she asked, her cheeks were still very red. “No, you haven’t, of course. You didn’t even know we had a groundskeeper.” She began to giggle.

“
I
haven’t seen
the groundskeeper, old or new,” I told her.

“
W
ell
... the old groundskeeper was...
old
,” she stated. “But the new groundskeeper...” she continued as her cheeks reddened even more, “he’s so fucking hot!”

O
h
.

“
T
hose broad shoulders
... those tight abs... that magnificent ass...” Francine talked like she was in a daze.

“
H
ey
, hey... Francine, I’m here,” I called out, snapping my fingers in front of her.

“
S
orry
,” she said, “but damn! He’s totally hot! Not that it means anything to you, of course. I mean... well... do pregnant women still get horny?”

I
t was an innocent question
, and we’ve become quite close that she could actually ask that without sounding offensive.

“
Y
ou’d be surprised
,” I answered with a smirk.

B
ut she was right
. Even if the groundskeeper was as hot as Adam Levine, I wouldn’t care. I had other priorities. I had other interests. And my heart belonged to someone else.

A
nd all I
really cared about at that time was finding my phone to see if Nash has sent a text.

F
rancine led
me to a small building just behind the Arts and Science Hall. She asked me to take the stairway on the right and I’ll immediately see a door. I only had to knock and the groundskeeper would open it if he was there. If he wasn’t, she told me to try again after six in the evening.

“
H
ope you brought extra panties
,” she said with a knowing smile before leaving me.

S
o I entered
the building and went down the stairs just as Francine has instructed. I knocked on the door I saw. No one answered. I knocked again, louder that time around, and I heard a grumpy voice from the other side.

“
J
ust a minute
,” he said. He was far from the door, I could tell, as his voice was faint. “I’m just finishing up with something.”

I
didn’t have
the luxury of time, so I knocked again.

“
O
kay
, I’m done,” the voice said as I heard footsteps approaching the entrance.

T
hen
... something happened.

I
heard a sound
. From the other side. A tone. A very familiar and distinctive tone.

I
t was my ringtone
!

I
didn’t hear
the footsteps anymore. The door wasn’t opened, as if the person inside was stopped dead on his tracks.

I
started to knock intensely
, pleading for the groundskeeper’s attention. My phone just beeped. There was a text message. For me. From him. I had to get it as soon as I could.

I
just had to
.

I
heard
he man’s footsteps once more, getting louder and louder with each step that he took.

F
inally
, the door was opened.

A
nd I saw him
.

S
till with his
head almost shaven clean. Still with his body that was seemingly sculpted by the Greek gods themselves. Still with his handsome profile that never failed to make my heart skip a beat.

H
e was shocked
to see me at first... as shocked as I was, it seemed... but his lips quickly bended into a smile, and his dimple revealed itself.

“
I
just texted you
,” he said.

“
I
’m just here
to pick up my phone, Mr. Groundskeeper,” I replied.

“
I
got a job
.”

“
S
o it looks like
.”

“
S
omewhere near you
.”

“
H
alf a kilometer away
, but it would do.”

“
G
ood
.”

“
B
ecause
?”

“
W
ell
... for starters, it would save me some money from constantly loading up my phone.”

“
I
see
.”

H
e grabbed
my waist and pulled me to him. I hugged him and wriggled my hips against his. He wrapped me around his strong arms and held me... longingly, tenderly, lovingly.

“
Y
ou’ve got
a lot to make up for,” I whispered.

“
H
’bout I start right now
?”

H
e closed
the door behind us and we spent the whole evening with each other... the first of many nights in the new life we would share together.