Out There (29 page)

When we reached the tree with the little pink ribbon - all frayed at the edges, dangling from a low branch, low enough for a little person to reach - I wished I could freeze time.

Derron ran his finger over the lines on my palm. “Well, I guess you have to go now.”

“Yeah, I guess I do.” I stared as his finger delicately drew patterns on my pale palm.

We stood there silently waiting, and hoping that it wasn't the end.

Then Derron clutched my hand to his heart and looked down at me. “I'll miss you Ava,” he said quietly.

In the dark it was hard to tell, but I could see the sadness in Derron's eyes. “Not as much as I'll miss you,” I said and wiped away the tears that were forming in my vision.

He tilted my chin up to look at him. “Impossible,” he said and smiled sadly.

“Don't you get me started now.”

The two of us laughed half-heartedly, but it didn't make the situation any easier than it was. So I just reached over and hugged him as tightly as I could, as if that would keep him with me forever.

Finally, as I pulled away he asked, “Was that a comfort hug or an
I trust you
hug?”

“It was a goodbye hug.”

“Ava,” he said and ran his hand down my cheek, “I promise that I will find a way to see you again.”

“You better.” I leant in and kissed him one last time, feeling his heart beating in time with mine. Then I pulled back so our faces were almost touching. “Goodbye Derron,” I whispered.

And then he was gone.

Chapter Fourteen

Ava, One Hour Later

I tried to talk myself out of the surgery and tired myself doing so, but it was useless. I knew that going through with it would mean losing Derron, as hard as I tried to pretend it wouldn't. Because, even though there was a small chance that I would find an opportunity to escape to the forest, I wouldn't be able to do it. Mainly because I would find it too hard to see him and then be forced to say goodbye, but also because Derron had taught me that I had to be strong and honour my community. Of course I didn't like things they did, but that was no reason to disgrace them. And I wouldn't be able to do that to my daughter, leaving to another world for an escape. I never wanted her to feel like she wasn't enough for me; I wanted her to believe that she was the centre of my world.

Not to mention that it was far too dangerous. One day a city robot or maybe even a person would catch me leaving and would follow me, giving away the location of the Village and sending something to destroy it. Then I would have lost Derron for good out of my own selfish need to be with him.

And then I realised that as deep as my love for Derron was, even though we had only shared a few weeks of precious time together, I had to let him go. It made me understand how hard it must have been for Mother – to choose the women over my father. I imagined her sending him away, knowing that it was the only way to keep him safe, even if she never saw him again, and then growing older and wanting anything to come and block out her pain. Even if it meant telling herself that he wasn't what she remembered, that he was worse than that.

I knew then that I had no choice but to go through with my decision. So I climbed back up through my window, changed my clothes and went to the bathroom to rinse my face. I looked at the girl in the mirror and wondered
was she making the right choice?

I hoped so as I made my way downstairs to find Mother sitting at the kitchen counter, coffee in hand. “My, you're up early. Did you sleep well?” she asked.

I grabbed a mug and filled it then sat down across from her. “Mother?”

“Yes, dear?”

“I wanted to apologise for the way I acted. It was immature and unreasonable, and if I had something on my mind I should have just talked to you about it instead of attacking you. I'm sorry, it won't happen again.”

“Oh Ava.” Mother reached over and grabbed my hand. “I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have yelled at you when you were only trying to tell me how you were feeling. I'll try and be here for you more, OK?”

“That would be nice. And Mother?”

“Yes?”

“There's another thing.” I swallowed hard. “I'm ready to go through with the surgery.”

“Oh darling, that's excellent!”

And before I knew it, I found myself at the bottom of the glass steps of the Reproduction Centre. It seemed to sparkle like a shard of ice, yet I was sure it couldn't be as cold in there as I was inside. I flashed back to standing in the exact same spot with Katelyn, except I was alone with no one squeezing my hand.

“I guess it's now or never,” I sighed to myself.

I began to walk up the thin glass steps and through the doors until I was back in the unbearably familiar whitewashed walls of the reception. Louise was at her place with her light blue uniform, flipping through something or other on a tablet. I recognised some other familiar nurses milling around, they turned and looked at me curiously as I entered. Suddenly, I understood how Katelyn felt; I was the new experiment.

“Ava!” Mother walked over to me with open arms.

“Hi, Mother.”

“Oh, welcome. You know Sylvia, right darling?” She indicated the woman standing beside her.

Silver grey hair, sharp green eyes and that sneeringly cold smile. “How could I forget?” I replied coolly.

“Pleasure to see you again, Ava.” Sylvia's voice sounded just as icy as I remembered. “If I'm not mistaken, wasn't the last time I saw you when you were up on stage doing your little show?”

“Yes, it was. Except Katelyn was with me that time. Now she's not.” I glared at her long and hard.

She glared back smugly then almost grinned. “Well, we'd better get going, hadn't we?”

“Come, let's all go to the waiting room to discuss,” said Mother as she began walking down the hallway. “If I remember correctly, it has a wonderful view of Yosemite.”

“Niagara Falls.”

Mother stopped and turned round. “I'm sorry?”

“It was Niagara Falls.”

“Oh, right,” said Mother. She continued walking and began blabbing about something or other.

My mind was on Derron whom I hadn't seen in a week for fear I wouldn't be able to leave. His smile in my mind helped me make it into the waiting room without falling over or fainting.

“Here we are, please sit,” said Mother.

I did, feeling a major sense of déjà vu.

“Now the procedure will be similar to before if you remember it.”

“I do.”

“Well, there are a few different parts to the surgery, but it's basically the same thing. You will also have to remain here in the facility for the nine months of your pregnancy; however you will be allowed outside as long as you are supervised. Your schedule has changed slightly, but overall it's a similar combination of healthy diet, exercise, sleep and brain stimulation. Now the nurse should be on her way soon.” Mother peered down at her watch then looked up and said, “Ah, there she is, perfect timing.”

“Hi, my name is Claire and I will be helping you prep for surgery.”

I looked up at her and recognised her face. “I don't know if you remember me, I'm Ava.”

“Oh,” she said and looked sad for a moment. “Yes, I remember you. Are you ready?”

“I guess.”

“Ah, this is so exciting!” Mother chirped. “We'll come and see you when you're done, sweetheart.”

“OK.” I stood to leave.

Mother grabbed my hand. “Good luck, darling,” she said and smiled.

“Thanks.”

“Yes, good luck,” added Sylvia and sat back in her chair calmly. “Let's just hope it works, right? I mean it is your head on the line.” I grinned sarcastically.

She gave me a calculating glare, like I was utterly fascinating to her.

“Shall we go?” the nurse asked.

“But of course,” I said as I shot Sylvia a last cold smile and walked off behind the nurse. She led me down the hallway until we reached a small room at the end. “You can sit here,” she said. “I just have to go and get the tests. Oh, and can you put on this gown while I'm gone?” She reached over and handed me a thin blue gown, like the one Katelyn wore.

“Sure.”

“OK, I'll be right back.” And she walked back out.

I sighed and inspected the room as I put on the thin gown. The whole place was fairly small with a bunch of shelves and different medical tools on them. Of course, it was rather neat, but it just felt so cramped. The only place to sit was on the little bed, so I didn't know how easy it would be for someone to perform a surgery.

“Here we go.” The nurse walked back in with several unidentifiable things in her hand. “So, I'm going to need to take a few samples first.”

“Samples?”

She extracted a little device, which looked like an electronic pen, from her collection. “Now open your mouth.”

I didn't see much point in arguing so I did as asked. Little did I know she planned to stick it in my mouth, causing me to almost spit it out.

“Oh don't worry, this is just collecting a saliva sample.”

“A what?” I tried to say, without moving my mouth.

“That should be enough,” she said as she removed the treacherous device and inspected it. “Blood next?”

“Blood?!”

She reached into her pile of torture weapons and took out another pen-like device. “Hold out your arm.”

I hesitated.

“It's fine. All I have to do is give you a little prick. Trust me, you're lucky. In my day they had to stick this huge thing in for several minutes.”

Slowly I gave her my hand and in one swift motion she stuck the device in the bend of my arm and removed it again.

“Are you sure you did it? I couldn't feel anything,” I said as I took my arm and inspected it for marks.

“That's how it works, Sylvia Carter invented it.”

“Of course she did.” I rolled my eyes.

“Now we're almost done, I just need one more sample.”

“Of what…?”

She handed me a plastic cup. “The bathroom is through that door.”

I turned to find a door behind me which I hadn't even realised was there. “Wait, you want me to…?”

She nodded her head.

“Oh… OK…” I got up and did as instructed, perplexed as I was.

After I returned she took all my beautiful bodily fluids and put them on a tray. “I'll just send these up to the lab,” she said and smiled as if there were flowers in her hands instead. “Oh, you can go through that door on the right to wait for the doctor.”

“There's another door?” I looked over my shoulder to see a door labelled
Operating Room.
“I guess there is.”

“Good luck,” she said and then she was gone.

I went over to the operating room door and opened it slowly, unsure of what to expect. It was very brightly lit and far bigger than the testing room. In the middle was a huge bed with several chairs and tables, full of more medical things, around it. I shut the door behind me and walked over to the bed, assuming it was my seat.

As I lay down and stared at the bright lights above me, I thought about Katelyn doing the exact same thing. Except the difference between the two of us was that people had slightly lower expectations of her. I knew that she always felt the pressure was too much, but really all people expected of her was to have a successful pregnancy and a healthy child. She was sure that the procedure was safe, she was honoured as the first brave girl, and the entire community was behind her.

What did I have? I had the pressure to live. If I died, then my entire community would probably go extinct. Sure that was the same with Katelyn, but she didn't have any idea. In her wildest dreams, death would never have crossed her mind as an option. I had to live every day of those nine months hoping I would make it to see the next one.

And people were too afraid of it going wrong to be excited for me. How many women would hug my friends in the street? Or come and visit me to congratulate me on the honour? It wasn't an honour any more, it was a burden. And I had the task of carrying it on behalf of the entire human race. Lucky me.

“Hello Ava, I'm Doctor Karen,” she said as she walked over and shook my hand. “I think we've met though.”

“Yes we have.”

“I just want you to know that we did everything we could.” “I'm sure you did.” I attempted a smile but it didn't do much. “So,” she said and took out her tablet, “your tests are running in the lab, but first, I just need to run a few more tests myself.”

“As many as you need,” I said and tilted my head back to stare at the brightly lit ceiling.

The doctor fiddled around with several devices before selecting one and scanning me with it. She then proceeded to scan me with another one, and another, and another, until I was pretty sure I had fallen asleep.

I was woken by the nurse scampering in carrying a tablet. “Doctor, you need to look at this,” she said anxiously.