Out There (26 page)

“Because I've experienced it,” he said as he reached over and held my hand, “with you.”

Suddenly everything vanished and all that was left was Derron and his golden green eyes that poured into my soul and made all the heartache go away.

“Even though I only figured it out now,” I said as I twined my fingers with his, “I think I love you too.”

It was like I knew all along, there was no mystery, it was part of me. And I knew that he understood too, because without saying another word he leant down and kissed me. But it was not like when Mother kissed my forehead or when Katelyn gave me a smooch on the cheek; it was like flying and floating at the same time. Like all the millions of stars around us just lit up ten times brighter.

Then I knew why they never told us about love, because having to give up something as wonderful as the way I felt when Derron kissed me would have been like giving up breathing. I suddenly felt pity for all the women who knew that love and had to give it up when the men left. At the time I'm sure that men's treachery overshadowed any idea of love, but I wondered if the women missed it.

So Derron and I stayed on that hill, alone in the world, until the sun rose the next morning. I felt the light tickle my cheek and I rubbed my eyes open, memories of the night before filling my mind.

“Derron, wake up,” I said gently and stroked his arm.

He stirred. “Where are we?”

“On the hill.”

He yawned and sat up, taking in the day. “Were we here all night?”

“I think so.”

“Funny, I don't remember falling asleep.” He turned to me and smiled. “I remember something else.” He put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me close.

I laughed. “How come we only found out about this now?” “I don't know, maybe it was for a reason.”

“Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?” I asked as I laid my head on his shoulder.

“I don't know, I only just found out that I barely knew anything.”

“Don't worry, I'll teach you all there is to know about digital fireplaces and electronic documents.”

“Why, thank you.”

We just sat there and watched the colours of the sky change and fade. Then I remembered.

“Mother!”

“What?”

“Oh Derron, I'm sorry, I have to leave, my mother will be waiting for me. No, she'll be freaking out.” I got up and started gathering my things.

“Can I walk you?”

I picked up my jacket off the ground, wondering how it got there. “To the Old Village.”

“Sure, give me one second,” he said and got up too.

I checked to see if Mother's photo was still in my pocket, which it wasn't, and I had to search through the grass to find it. Finally I saw it poking out and snatched it.

“Ready to go?” I asked him.

“Yeah, come.”

The two of us walked to the Old Village as quickly as possible, but when we finally got there, I didn't want to leave.

“I wish I could just stay here forever.”

“Ava, I wish you could too,” he said and took my hands in his, “but we both know you can't.”

I ran my hand through his hair. “I'll be back soon.” “I know you will.”

I reached up and hugged him to me, wishing I didn't have to let go. “I'll miss you,” I whispered into his shoulder.

“I'll miss you more.”

“That's impossible.”

He let out a laugh. “Don't get me started.”

“Well, I have to go. Bye Derron.”

“Bye Ava.”

Even though I knew that Mother would be waiting for me, I still couldn't help but dawdle. I strolled down the street humming to myself, and for the life of me I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. Actually, when I thought about it, what were the chances that Mother even realised I was gone?

So I took my time opening the door and strolling down the hallway to the kitchen when I froze. The sappy grin on my face fell and landed on the tile floor with a splat. My heart caught in my chest as I just stared at the figure before me: Mother all dressed and freshened up with a look that could kill.

“Welcome back, Ava.”

“M-mother why are you up so early?”

“This is the time I normally leave, Ava. But truth be told I have actually been up since four a.m. yesterday.” Her voice was like sharp icicles, every word bit at my skin. “Do you know why?”

“I can't imagine.”

“Well, I came home from work yesterday, early in fact, and my daughter was nowhere to be found.”

“I stayed over at Lexi's house. I'm sorry I forgot to tell you.” I walked over to the fridge.

“Oh well, that makes sense. I did actually personally visit the O'Connell's and the Samuels' and the Naumann's homes at one this morning after my daughter never turned up.”

I gulped.

“You want to know what every single one of those girls told me?”

Not really.

“They said that they haven't seen you in weeks, except for school, and even then you're in your own world. Just what world exactly is that, Ava?”

I kept my mouth shut.

“What world is it?” Mother yelled, causing me to jump.

I spun round to face her and said, “I've just had a lot on my mind.”

She stood up and walked over to me. “Ava, you need to rest. Your surgery is days away.”

“What, do you want me to sit in my room all day?” I could hear my voice rising.

“This is not the time to be keeping secrets from me, you need to talk to me.”

“Talk to you!? You're never here!” I stepped away. “I am always here for you.”

“No, you're not! When have you been home for dinner in the past week? When have you said good morning to me before I left for school?”

“Ava, I know I have been busy with work, but you can always come to me.”

“No, I can't! Even when I do try to talk to you, you never hear me!”

“Don't talk to me like that! I am your mother.”

“So what? That doesn't change anything! If you were my mother, you would be here when I need you!”

“I am here!”

“No, every time I try to give you my opinion or try to make you see things my way you always find a way to spin it on its head.”

“What?! I do not.”

I stormed into the living room. “You are always manipulating me into doing what you want! Like when I wanted to specialise in pre-Movement history you convinced me that politics was a better choice.”

She came rushing in after me. “And did you listen? No!”

“But that's not my point! You just can't stand me not doing everything exactly like you!”

“Where is this coming from?”

I didn't know where it was coming from. All I knew was that I was enraged.

“And you have been lying to me, to everyone, for years!” “Just like you lied to me about where you were last night?!” “Why don't you tell everyone the truth about men, huh?” “The what?!”

“They did more than oppress and hate and destroy and you know it!”

Mother looked at me like I slapped her. “Where did you get such horrific ideas? Men were evil and nothing less!”

“What's your proof?!”

“Look around you!” She gestured her arms in a circle. “Our world was almost destroyed because all men wanted was power and money and land.”

“That's a lie! Stop lying to me! I am much older and smarter than you think and I know that men were more than that – some were, but not all.”

“Where are these crazy ideas coming from?”

“This.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the photo. Mother gasped and snatched it from my hands, looking at it closely.

“You loved him! You told the entire community that all men were evil when you were in love with one yourself!”

There was a heavy silence hovering as Mother's glare burnt a hole through the photo. Her face turned red and her knuckles white. Then she erupted.

“HOW DARE YOU!” Mother exploded. “How dare you jump to conclusions! And go through my private things!”

Her rage threw me slightly. “Actually, I was cleaning up your pig sty of a room. But you never seem to notice!”

“And how dare you try to justify men when they almost cost you everything!” She barely heard me. “Brave women fought for you to be alive and this is how you repay them?!”

Suddenly my anger melted into immense sadness. “Why did you hide so much from me, Mother? About my father?”

“What about him?” She began to simmer down.

“You said he was evil.”

“That's because…”

“Don't even say it!” I was practically crying. “Just look me in the eyes and tell me that the one person you loved more than me was nothing but a life-sucking demon!” I imagined myself saying that about Derron and knew I never would.

Mother just glared at me, her cheeks aflame.

“And what about Katelyn, Mother? Did you lie about her too?!”

“Is that what this is? Are you still angry about Katelyn? Ava, I know you are in pain but…”

“Don't pretend you know what this feels like.”

“Ava, this is not how you should be letting out your pain.”

“I'm not! I want to know the truth! How did she die?”

“Ava…”

“How did she die?!” The idea that there was something more was only really settling in at that moment. “She didn't have a body problem, did she? Because I know that you tried to cover up her being ill and you wouldn't have done that without a reason. You always have a reason.” I thought back to what Katelyn said that night in the forest: “The city never does anything without a reason.”

“Katelyn couldn't be helped, there was nothing we could do.” “You have found a way to cure people of every single disease known to woman except how to have a baby?!”

“Sylvia Carter knows what she's doing.”

“Yeah well,
you
might think so, but she doesn't have me convinced yet.”

“Ava,” said Mother and sat down on the sofa behind her, “we can't bring her back.”

“This isn't about that!” I calmed down and said solemnly, “I don't want to have the surgery.”

“You what?”

“I'm not going to do it.”

“Ava, I'm sorry but there is no discussion in the matter.”

“See, that's it again! You give me no freedom to make my own calls in life!”

“Because I am your mother and have been around far longer than you. I know best.”

“But you don't!”

“Don't speak to me like that!” she snapped and stood up sharply.

“Then don't speak to
me
like that! You forced me to see the world the way you see it; why can't I have the freedom to see it my way!”

“Because you don't understand! And you never will!”

“Try me.”

“It's not that simple.”

“Then make it simple! I'm tired of this back and forth pretending!”

“Pretending of what?!”

“That you actually care about me!”

Mother stared at me, shocked. “What did you say?”

“You don't love me! You love what you want me to be!”

“Ava, of course I love you.”

“How can I believe you again when all you do is lie?!”

“Stop thinking so two-dimensionally, it's pathetic.”

“See!” Tears were brimming in my eyes and I felt so alone. “You can't believe that my thoughts might have significance!”

“You are making all of this out of nothing.”

I let out a furious scream. “Why can't you see me?! Look at me!” I pleaded. “Stop trying to make excuses for me thinking the way I do!”

Mother stood there in silence, then gathered herself. “You, young lady, are not leaving this house, do you hear me? I will walk you to school and pick you up afterwards, apart from that you remain here. End of discussion.”

“Oh, but this is not the end of the discussion.”