Out of the Black (5 page)

“Let’s cut the bullshit. I know what happened to you, and I know all about your situation.”

“You checked up on me?”

“Something was different with you,” he said. “I knew about Beth, but I could tell there was more. Now I know.”

“You don’t know anything.”

Jay sat forward and ran one finger along the rim of his cup. “I know you came home from the desert with a few loose screws rattling around in your head.”

I looked up fast—too fast.

Jay didn’t seem to notice.

“I know the plant closed and now you’re flat broke. I know you had to mortgage the house to cover your little girl’s medical bills after the accident, not to mention Beth’s funeral.” He stared at me. “I know you’re in a hole that you won’t be able to climb out of anytime soon.”

“That’s enough.”

“I still can’t believe you borrowed money from Brian, or that you haven’t paid him back yet.”

“Jay—”

“I can only think of one reason why you’d do something that fucking stupid.” He paused, pointed at me. “You’re more desperate than I thought.”

“Are you done?”">“Are we set?”’as

“You need this job, whether you admit it or not.”

“Not bad enough to do what you’re asking.”

Jay folded his arms over his chest. “I only need you to drive, Matt.” He frowned. “You still have your van, right? Didn’t sell it?”

“The answer’s no.”

“We’re talking a few hours of your time, tops. Just long enough for me to call and arrange the exchange with the old man. Once we have the money, the wife goes home safe, and we split the cash.”

“No.”

“Do you have a choice?” Jay hesitated. “What do you think is going to happen with Murphy if you don’t pay him?”

“He won’t come after me.”

“No, but if word gets back to the Vogler brothers—”

“I’ll deal with that when it’s an issue.”

“It’s already an issue, Matt. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. It’s now or never.”

I listened to Jay and didn’t say anything else. He was repeating himself, and eventually I started blocking him out. Soon, all I could focus on was how he moved in his chair, shifting his weight like he was sitting on knives.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked.

Jay stopped talking. “What?”

“Look at you.” I pointed at him. “You’re using again.”

“It’s the flu. I’m still a little shaky.”

I laughed. “You don’t have the Goddamn flu.”

Jay looked past me to the window, then down at his hands. “It’s under control, Matt.”

“You expect me to risk everything on your word? What happens when you fuck up?”

“I’m not going to fuck up.”

“You always fuck up,” I said. “All kinds of things can go wrong. You being a junkie only adds to the list.”

Jay finished the last of his coffee and stood up. “Roach found a warehouse down by the river. Some artist used it as a studio, but he disappeared a while ago, and now the place is deserted. We’re going down tomorrow to check it out.” He took a pen from his pocket and a napkin from the table and wrote a number on the back. “I’m staying at her place. If you change your mind, call.”

He held the napkin out to me, but I didn’t take it.

“I can work something out with Murphy and the Vogler brothers,” I said. “I’m not desperate.”

“As far as I’m concerned, we’re all desperate.” He dropped the napkin on the table in front of me and tapped it with one finger. “Call me.”

I stayed at the table and watched him walk out the front door. I heard Dash bark, then Jay tell Anna her snowman looked great. She thanked him, but there was no warmth in her voice.

I got up and stood at the window and watched as Jay closed the gate and walked down the street, out of sight.

That night I made Anna’s favorite meal, macaroni and cheese mixed with a can of baby snow peas. I sat across from her and watched her work her way through two helpings.

Halfway through the second, she looked up at me and frowned. “Why aren’t you eating?”

“Not hungry,” I said. “I’ll eat later.”

Anna lifted her fork and took another bite, chewing slowly. For an instant, she looked so much like Beth that I forgot to breathe. It wasn’t just a gesture, or the way she tilted her head in the kitchen light, it was everything, and it was like watching a fading memory.

“Who was that man today?”

I was still thinking about Beth, and it took a minute for me to come back. “What man?”

Anna’s shoulders sagged. “He was here this afternoon.”

I closed my eyes, nodded. “Right, sorry.”

“Who was he?”

“An old friend.”

“I didn’t like him.”

I eased back in my chair. “Why not?”

“He tried to kick Dash.”

“He did
what
?”

“Dash bit one of his shoes, and he tried to kick him.” She looked up at me, and I saw a dark light burning behind her eyes. “Dash is just a dog. He doesn’t know any better. He was trying to protect me.”

“Don’t worry about him,” I said. “You won’t have to see him again. He’s not coming back.”

“Good.”

Anna didn’t say anything else. She turned back to her food, and it didn’t take long for her to finish.

“Can I be excused?”

I pointed to her plate. “Clean up.”

She carried her dishes to the sink, and I watched her wash them and put them in the dish rack to dry. The entire time, all I could think about was who she was going to be in a few years. What kind of life would she have if things didn’t change? What kind of future was I giving her?

For the first time, I let myself wonder if Jerry and Dorothy were right. Anna was young, and I could still protect her, but in a few years she was going to be a teenager with a life of her own.

What then?

I thought about Beth and late night conversations about our future, and how a run down house on the south side was never part of our long term plans.

We’d always assumed that things would change and we’d be able to give Anna so much more. And why not? We were just starting out at the time, our family was new, and things would only get better.

That’s what we believed.

Anna finished washing her dishes, and I called her over. I held n stopped at t

It was impossible to sleep.

I stayed in bed for as long as I could, staring up at the faded brown water stains on the ceiling, and turning the situation with Jay over in my mind. After a while, it got to be too much, and I pushed the sheets away and sat up.

The clock by my bed read 2:17 a.m.

I walked through the dark to the kitchen and opened the cabinet by the sink. There was a half-empty bottle of Jameson inside that I kept for nights like this one.

I grabbed the bottle and a blue plastic Minnie Mouse cup from the dish drainer and poured myself a drink.

I downed it in two swallows.

The burn rose in my throat, screamed through my sinuses, and cleared the fog from my head. I leaned back against the counter, feeling the warmth spread across my chest and down my arms, then I poured another.

This time, I drank slow.

Once it was gone, I rinsed the cup and set it in the sink. I grabbed the bottle and the phone and walked out to the living
room and sat on the couch. The napkin with Jay’s number was on the coffee table. I picked it up and ran my fingers over the thin black numbers scratched onto the surface and tried to think of another way, any other way, but nothing came to me.

I lifted the bottle and took a drink, then I picked up the phone and dialed. I let it ring several times before hanging up and trying again.

This time Rochelle answered.

It was the first time I’d heard her voice in years, and I was amazed at how little it’d changed.

“Hey, Roach.”

She was quiet for a moment, then she sighed and said, “You have any idea what time it is?”

I told her I did, then asked for Jay.

She grunted and handed the phone over. When Jay came on the line, his voice was tired and angry. I didn’t blame him, but I also didn’t care.

“I need to know something,” I said.

“What time is it?”

“I have to know that you and I are on the same page.”

“The what?”

“If something goes wrong, I want us to have a plan.”

Jay coughed. “Hold on a minute.”

He shuffled something around on the other end have a choice">okke of the line. Then I heard the scrape of a cigarette lighter and a long inhale. “Okay, start over.”

“We don’t hurt anyone,” I said. “No matter what.”

“No one is going to get hurt.”

“A lot can happen if things fall apart.”

Jay paused. “Is this really why you called?”

“It’s important to me.”

“I can see that.” Another long inhale. “Okay, no one gets hurt, you have my word.”

“Even if he doesn’t pay.”

“He’ll pay.”

The smugness in his voice grated on me, but I ignored it. “But if he doesn’t, we walk. Do you agree?”

“Is this what’s holding you back?”

I thought about the question and my answer. There were a lot of reasons to back out, but every time I tried, all I saw was Anna slipping away from me, one step at a time.

“Yeah,” I said. “It is.”

“Then I give you my word. No one gets hurt, whether we get the money or not.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Jay hesitated. “Does this mean you’re in?”

“I guess it does.”

Jay laughed. The sound was so natural and so bright that it almost made me smile.

“It’s about time you came around,” he said. “A chance like this doesn’t pop up every day.”

We talked for a while longer, and I listened to him go over a few details of his plan. Every time I said anything, my voice seemed to trail off, far and distant, like it was coming from someone else.

“We’re going this Friday,” Jay said. “That gives us almost a week to get ready.”

“Friday?”

I wanted to tell him that it was too soon, but I didn’t. This Friday or Friday next year, it didn’t matter. It was never going to be the right time.

“Roach is working that day,” Jay said. “We’ll park down the street and she’ll call when the woman is leaving. Then we’ll move in.”

“Witnesses?”

“There aren’t many people outside. As long as we move fast, no one should notice us.”

I asked him about the warehouse and told him I wanted to drive the route a few times before Friday.

He agreed, said, “You’re sure you’re in? I don’t want you backing out at the last minute.”

“I’m not backing out.”

Jay exhaled into the phone. “I don’t want you to worry about anything. Like I said, all you do is drive. I’ll handle the rest.”

“Remember what we talked about. If—”

“No one is going to get hurt, Matt.” He laughed to himself. “Shit, we won’t even have guns. That has to make you feel a little better.”

I thought about it, and he was right, it did.

“That’s it.”s out of Your entire life is about to change for the better, my friend. I’m telling you, you made the right choice.”

I listened and did my best to believe him.

After I hung up, I leaned back on the couch and thought about Jay’s plan. He’d done his homework. He’d learned the woman’s routine, and he knew where she would be and when. He’d scoped out the location, and marked the best route in and out of the area.

It was risky, but it could work.

If it did, I’d be able to take Anna out of the city. She’d grow up in a good area and have the life Beth and I always wanted her to have. That alone would be worth the risk.

But if it didn’t work?

I pushed the thought away. I knew if I started focusing on everything that could go wrong, I’d be lost. I had
to believe it would all come out the way I wanted it to or it would be over.

I still had my eyes closed when I heard the hinges on Anna’s door creak open, followed by the rapid click of small claws on the wood floors.

I opened my eyes in time to see Dash crossing through the living room toward the kitchen. I listened to him take a long, sloppy drink from his bowl before starting back.

As he passed, I said, “Hello, Dash.”

Dash didn’t stop or slow down, just growled and disappeared back into Anna’s room.

I reached for the Jameson bottle on the coffee table and walked over to the window and looked out at the darkness. There was a light on across the street at Carrie’s house, and I stared at it for a long time.