Out of Reach (14 page)

Emily

“What?” The look on his face was priceless.

“I thought you wanted this. Maybe I was wrong. Forget I said anything…” I turned away, trying to hide my smile.

His fingers closed over my wrist as he swung me back so I was facing him. “No, Em. You don’t get to tell me you’re falling for me and then tell me to forget it.” His voice was thick with emotion.

I gazed into his blue eyes and smiled. Why did this feel so awkward? I hadn’t done the confessions of feelings since I was seventeen. You’d think it would get easier as you aged. It didn’t. If anything, I felt more scared, more anxious than ever.

“Will you say something?” I said, unable to handle the silence any longer. The fact that I was pretty sure he felt the same did nothing to ease the mass of nerves in my stomach.

My fingers laced through his as I curved them around my back. The feel of his touch against my skin was incredible. It had been so long since I’d been intimate with anyone. Andy was the only guy I’d ever . . .

Thinking about him made me sad.

Nearly three months had passed since Andy’s death. Seth had been wonderful. He had given me space when I needed it, and support when I was falling apart—which was still often.

I’d thought losing Andy would end my world. But life went on, whether I wanted it to or not. The world didn’t stop just because I couldn’t get out of bed.

“Just because a person has gone, it doesn’t mean they won’t live on in your heart forever.”

Andy had told me that. After my parents had died, when I thought things would never get better, he’d made me realize that I had to go on. It was funny that it was
his own
words that were helping me now, nine years later.

“Are you sure you want this?” Seth whispered, tilting my chin until our lips met.

I nodded. Right then, I wanted it—
him
—more than anything. I needed him close to me.

He kissed me, his lips melting into mine as his fingers moved slowly through my hair. It was just a kiss, but it was so much more: it was a step forward. A sign, from me to Seth, that I could do this.
That I
would
do it.
For him.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Seth muttered, pressing his forehead against mine. He kissed me again as though he thought at any minute I might realize my mistake and his chance would be gone.

“I . . . I can’t promise that I can do this, but I want to try.”

“If you’re not ready, I’ll wait, Em. I’ll wait forever if I need to.”

“No,” I said, lifting my hand to his face, my fingers tracing along the length of his jaw. “I want this, Seth. And Andy would want it too.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his. “And I mean that in the least creepy way possible,” I added, making a face.

Seth laughed. “Sure you d
o,
creepy girl.”

I swatted his arm playfully. He sat down on the sofa, patting the seat next to him. I sat down and snuggled into his embrace.

That night, we did nothing more than kiss—though we did a lot of that. I wasn’t going to rush it. Things would progress when we were both ready.

Seth

The door opened and Em stood there, smiling at me. She stepped forward and kissed me. “Don’t you have a key or something?” she teased, raising an eyebrow.

I weaved my arm around her back and pushed her up against me. “No, I just know where you keep your spare. There’s a difference.”

“And the fact that you know that tells me what a true gentleman you are.” She laughed. “Come on in. How do you feel about sushi?”

“I don’t,” I replied, screwing up my nose.

She laughed again. “Okay, pizza it is, then.”

I shoved my hands in my pockets and watched her as she picked up the phone and ordered dinner. She looked fucking gorgeous in her gray silk blouse and charcoal skirt. She hung up the phone and I walked over to her.

“I would’ve eaten sushi for you,” I commented with a grin.

Her lips lifted into a smile as her long, dark lashes closed and then opened, revealing those beautiful green eyes. “I know. But it’s no fun if you’re just going to sit there and screw up your nose.” She dropped my hand and stepped toward the kitchen. “Do you want a drink?” she asked.

I nodded. “A beer would be nice.”

She opened the bottle and handed it to me.

While we waited for dinner, we watched TV—or rather, she watched TV and I watched her, because even after a week of being together it still felt so unreal, as if any moment I was going to wake up and realize that this had all been in my head.

I ran my fingers over my pocket, trying to feel for the tiny charm I was hiding there.
Still there.
It was safe. I had no idea when the right time to give it to her was . . . or if there ever would be a right time. The last thing I wanted to do was make her sad. This had all seemed like such a great idea a couple of days ago.

The intercom buzzed. Em jumped up to answer it while I grabbed some plates from the kitchen. She came back into the living room carrying the pizza.

“We could’ve just used our hands.” She laughed, her cheeks glowing with color as she rolled her eyes at the plates in my hands.

“And end up with crumbs everywhere? No way. You know how I feel about mess.”

“Your mom hired you guys a maid in college because you were such slobs,” she exclaimed, her mouth dropping open.

“Hey, that was all Andy, not me,” I replied. “I was an innocent victim, forced to live in a health-hazard situation. Mom took pity on me.”

Em laughed and shook her head. Taking two slices out of the box, she set them on her plate and handed the box to me. Our eyes met as my fingers brushed past hers. Even a simple touch from her sent my body into a spin. It was crazy, but from the way she’d jumped, and the color spreading across her face, I knew she’d felt it too.

We ate in silence. How was I going to do this? What if she reacted badly? I spied the bracelet as it hung over her left wrist, the delicate little charms rolling loosely around the fine silver chain.
Now. Just give it to her and get it over with.

Just as I opened my mouth, she stood up and gathered our empty plates.

“Hey, come back here for a second.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her down onto the armchair with me. She laughed as she fell into my lap. “Sorry,” I muttered. Was this even a good idea?

“What are you doing?” She giggled, linking her hands around my neck. Her eyes met mine as she leaned in and kissed me.
God, her lips are so soft and sweet.
I could go on kissing her forever.
Pressing my mouth against hers, I found myself wondering how in the hell I’d gotten so lucky.

Because Andy had died
.
If he were still around, then none of this would be happening. I pushed the thought from my mind. I couldn’t think like that. If I let myself get inside my own head in that way, I’d ruin this. I’d ruin
her.

“I wanted to give you something.” Reaching into my pocket, I retrieved the black velvet pouch.

“What’s this?” she asked, taking it from me. The color drained from her face. “I . . . it’s not . . .”

My eyes widened as I realized what she was thinking. “God, no,” I replied. I hadn’t even thought that . . . She raised her eyebrows at my tone. “I mean, not that I don’t want to marry you, but . . . just open the damn present.” She had me flustered. I couldn’t even get my words straight.

She laughed as she eased the tie loose and slipped her fingers inside. Her brow creased as she tipped the contents of the bag into the palm of her hand. A tiny little pink and silver ball fell out.

“Oh Seth, it’s beautiful,” she whispered. She held the charm in her hand, taking in all the tiny detail.

“It’s called a memory charm,” I began, “The top actually unscrews, and there is a tiny little hollow area inside. I went to Deb . . .” I cleared my throat. “There is a little piece of Andy in there. I wanted him to always be close to you. This way, he’s always there.”

She looked up at me, her eyes glistening with tears. Throwing her arms around my neck, she hugged me, her arms gripping me tightly.

“That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“Even though we’re trying this ‘us’ thing out, I never want you to feel like I’m trying to replace him,” I said, holding her tightly.

“And I love you for that.”

“I love you too, Em. You know that I’ll always be there for you, right? No matter what happens with us, you’ll always have me as a friend.”

***

I stood in front of her as she sat on the end of the bed, my fingers raking through her silky hair. She gazed up at me, her eyes full of love. God, she was beautiful. Her hands moved around the back of my waist, dipping under my shirt. The feel of her nails moving over my skin was incredible.

“We don’t have to do this,” I said, touching her cheek.

“I want to.” She stood up, her hands moving higher underneath my shirt.

Leaning down, I kissed her, my lips crushing against hers. Lifting my shirt over my head, I let it fall to the ground. She smiled, letting her hands roam over my naked chest.

I kissed her as my fingers fumbled to unbutton her shirt. My hand ran down the center of her chest, over the top of her white, lacy bra. My heart beat loudly in my chest. Was this really happening? Pushing the shirt down over her shoulders, I kissed her neck, my tongue running over her sweet, soft skin. She gasped, shrugging the shirt free of her arms.

Reaching behind her, I unclasped her bra, moving the straps down her shoulders, over her creamy white skin.

“You’re beautiful,” I whispered, taking in her beauty. She smiled, lowering her eyes as my gaze ran over her full breasts. Reaching up, my finger circled around her nipple as it stiffened against my touch.

Lowering her onto the bed, I kissed her neck, then along her jaw, slowly making my way around to her mouth, my hardness brushing past her thigh. Reaching behind her, I unzipped her skirt and lowered it down over her hips.

She’s so beautiful.
I gazed at her below me, cupping her chin as my lips connected with hers. She reached down and unzipped my pants, freeing my erection. I groaned as her fingers closed around it, barely able to contain myself.

I shrugged off my jeans and boxer shorts and reached inside the drawer next to me for a condom. We kissed again, my lips wandering down her neck and over her breasts, curling my tongue around her left nipple.

“Oh,” she gasped, arching her back. Moving her legs apart, I pushed myself between them, my erection resting against her wet entrance. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she locked her legs around my waist as I eased myself inside her.

“You okay?” I whispered, kissing her nose. She nodded as I pressed my forehead against hers as I gently rocked inside of her. As cliché as it sounded, she was perfect. Everything about her amazed me. Being with Em had felt like heaven, a place I never wanted to leave.

“How are you?” I asked her. She lay in my arms, smiling as my fingers stroked her arm, her naked body molded against mine like we were a perfect fit.

“I’m good,” she said. “Better than good, actually. I’m great.”

“You’re better than great,” I teased, tilting her head back so I could kiss her.

She rolled her eyes, her lips lifting into a grin. “You’re such a dork.” She laughed, shaking her head. “But a loveable one.”

I kissed her roughly, my mouth pressing against hers.

I could lie here all day, with her in my arms.

Emily

“Em, sorry to barge in—”

I sat bolt upright in bed, untwining my naked body from Seth’s, and found myself staring into the shocked face of Deb. Her eyes darted from me to Seth and back to me before she bolted out of the room.

“Shit,” I gasped, my heart racing.

I felt sick. Of all the things for her to walk in on, it had to be
me and Seth
in bed together?
Fuck, this is bad
. I jumped out of bed and reached for my robe, throwing it over myself.

“Seth, get up.
Deb’s here.
She just walked in on us.”

Seth’s eyes flew open. He stared at me in shock. “Here? She’s here? What the hell is she doing here?” He threw the covers off and made a beeline for his clothes, which were still lying in a heap on the floor.

“I don’t know. She just walked in. She must’ve knocked and I didn’t hear her.” I ran my hands through my tangled hair.
How do I handle this?
Tightening the tie around my waist, I dashed out to the living room.

Deb sat perched on the edge of the sofa, her red eyes filled with anger. Crap. How could I expect her to understand?

“Deb . . .” My voice caught in my throat. I had no idea what to say. This wasn’t what it looked like? Because it sure as hell was what it looked like. It had taken me less than three months to move on from losing Andy. I wanted to be sick. I sat down, clutching my stomach.

“How could you?” She turned to me, tears filling her eyes. In all the time I had known her, I’d never seen her look so cold.

“Deb, I can explain,” I began.

“Can you? What could you possibly tell me right now that would make this okay? After all we’ve done for you . . . He loved you, Emily. Did you even love him?”

“I get that you’re upset right now, but you have no right to question how I felt about Andy,” I shouted.

Deb glanced up as Seth entered the room, her mouth twisting into a scowl. “And you,” she raged, standing up. “He was your best friend.” With her hands laced behind the back of her neck, she squeezed her eyes shut before shaking her head. “I can’t be here. I can’t even look at you.” Snatching up her bag, she stormed toward the door.

I have to talk to her.

“Let her go,” Seth said, grabbing my arm. “She’s angry, Em. Nothing you say right now is going to make this okay. Let her calm down and then give her a call.”

“I’ve never known Deb to hate anyone,” I whispered. “But the way she just looked at me . . .” I couldn’t even meet Seth’s eyes, I felt so guilty. “You have to go.”

“What?” His brow creased. “Go where?”

“Home. I can’t have you here right now. I need time to think.”

“Em, it’ll be okay. She’s angry. When she calms down and we explain it to her . . .”

I snorted. I could tell by the way he wouldn’t meet my eyes that even
he
didn’t believe that. He reached for my hand. Jerking away, I shook my head. I felt dizzy. There were too many things running through my mind.

Maybe it’s the universe telling us we shouldn’t be together?

“Seth, please,” I begged him, wrapping my arms around my waist. “If you don’t leave, I will. Just give me some space.”

“You can’t push me away every time things get hard, Em.”

“What?” I shook my head in disbelief. This was the first time I’d ever felt like he didn’t understand me. “This isn’t
nothing
.
I’m not worrying about some stupid little thing. Deb is my family.” I couldn’t live with her hating me.

“And what am I?” he asked, his voice soft. He walked over and kissed me on the forehead. “I’ll go, Em. I’ll give you space, but know that tomorrow I’ll be back here because I refuse to let you feel guilty about us. This is what Andy wanted.” His eyes met mine, shadowed in pain. “What do
you
want, Em?” he asked.

I watched as he walked out, my heart leaping into my throat.

Him. I want him.