Out of Reach (13 page)

Seth

I had no idea how hard it would be to book a hot-air balloon ride on such short notice. Three hundred dollars and a lot of groveling later, and I’d finally managed to convince a company to squeeze us in by giving the guy a sob story about living out my best friend’s final wishes.

It was just after five in the morning when I woke Em. Tangled in my embrace, she hadn’t left my arms all night. I had barely slept because I’d been too consumed with watching her sleep. There was something beautiful about the way she looked sleeping in my arms, with all her walls down. I could see the real her, vulnerabilities and all.

I tickled the tip of her nose, chuckling as she screwed it up, smacking at my fingers with her hand.

Her eyes opened and narrowed in on mine. “Have you been watching me sleep again? Creepy, Seth.”

I laughed. If only she knew. Still dressed in yesterday’s clothes, I dug a fresh change out of my suitcase and walked toward the main bathroom, leaving the one in the bedroom for her to use.

“We’ll have to be gone in twenty minutes,” I called out. I took her muffled reply as an okay.

I turned the on the coffee pot on my way past, the aroma of fresh coffee beans soaking into the air. Grabbing a towel from the cupboard, I showered, dressed, and had the coffee ready all before Em had even appeared.

“Here,” I smirked, sliding a mug across the counter. “You look like you could use it.”

She grunted at me. “How are you so functional this early? There’s something wrong with you,” she added, her eyes twinkling at me.

“There’s plenty wrong with me, but enjoying mornings isn’t one of them,” I retorted. “Mornings make you feel alive.” Her face fell, and I felt bad. “Sorry,” I muttered, cursing myself.
Mornings make you feel alive? Am I stupid?

“It’s fine,” she said, a small smile on her lips. “I manage to work every conversation, every word, back to Andy anyway.”

I sighed, the pain I felt for her rising inside me. “It will get easier, Em.”

Because I was such an expert on losing the people I loved.

***

Daylight hadn’t broken yet. I suppose if it had, it would’ve defeated the purpose of a sunrise balloon ride. Conveniently, the meeting point for the takeoff was only a couple of miles from the beach house.

Em shivered next to me as we walked across the sand and over to the grassy dune where the balloon was sitting. It was the first time I’d seen one of those things up close, and it was fucking huge.

“It’s, um, big.” Em swallowed, her eyes wide as she stared up at the silver and orange balloon. I chuckled and put my arm around her back. I was shocked when she’d managed the cliff jump with her fear of heights; this was going to be terrifying for her.

“You can wait here if you’re scared,” I teased. Her body stiffened as she glowered at me, her eyebrows rising. I laughed. She was so damn easy to wind up.

We approached the guy who appeared to be in charge—because anyone holding a clipboard had to have some sort of authority.

He smiled at us and extended his arm. “Seth and Emily?” he asked, shaking my hand.

I nodded. “
That
’s
us
. Thanks so much for squeezing us in.”

“Happy to have you here. We’ll be taking off in about five minutes. It’s a perfect day, so just enjoy it.” He winked at us and then walked over to one of the other couples, leaving us alone.

“Scared?” I asked Em, nudging her shoulder. “I mean, it doesn’t look all that secure, considering how far from the ground we’re gonna be.”

“Oh shut up,” she grumbled. “Are you purposely trying to scare me?”

I laughed. “I didn’t think it was possible to scare you.”

“Yeah,” she said, her tone falling serious. She glanced out over the water. “It used to be like that. Now, not so much.”

Stepping through the gate and into the balloon, I held Em’s hand. She was looking a little green, and we hadn’t even left the ground yet. I laughed and kissed her head. She was so cute when she was nervous, especially when she tried to hide it.

“Here,” I said, putting my arm around her shoulders as she nestled into me. Being so close to her felt so natural, even with her knowing how I felt about her . . . and wondering if she felt the same way.

We hadn’t really spoken about what was said that day since . . . well, since that day. It had kind of been swept under the rug with all that had happened with Andy dying.

She squealed into my chest, laughing as the balloon began to rise.

“You’re missing the best part,” I said, smiling into her hair as I held her. She clung to me for dear life as we rose higher and higher, refusing to turn around and see the amazing view.

“Come on. I refuse to let you miss this,” I said.

She groaned, but slowly turned around, her grip on me tightening with every step. Her eyes widened. “Wow,” she murmured. “That’s beautiful.”

“Andy would be proud of you,” I said as she gazed out over the dark sky where the red glow of the sun had begun to break through.

“Proud of me how?” she scoffed.

“For facing your fears. For getting out there and doing this for him. Don’t underestimate how strong you are, Em. You might not feel it, but you’re one of the strongest people I know.”

She smiled, resting her head on my shoulder. She sighed as she gazed out over the stunning view. The sky was a beautiful mix of reds and oranges. It was spectacular.

“I can’t figure out why this was on his list,” Em mumbled.

“I imagine that it was probably something he wanted to do with you.” I studied her face as she stared up at the stars. Her creamy porcelain skin glowed in the soft light of the full moon. Her lips parted into a smile as she turned to me.

“Do you think he’s up there, watching?” she asked.

“Definitely,” I smirked. “Andy wouldn’t miss this. I think he’s always watching over you.” She nodded, as if she was happy with that thought.

We floated around for the next half an hour, drinking champagne and snacking on fresh strawberries.
I could spend every morning this way.
It was amazing what these experiences were doing to push us out of our comfort zones. Every task brought with it the realization that life is short, and we needed to push ourselves to get the most out of it. What was the point in sitting at home wishing things were different?

Even in death, Andy was pushing us to face our fears.

***

“So what now?” Em asked, smiling at me.

After the balloon ride, we had driven out to
Vicker’s
Point and gone hiking, and had lunch down by the creek. Then we had gone into town and done some shopping. Now, it was just after six in the evening and we were driving back to the beach house. I was beat, but there was more planned. It was time to cross another thing off Andy’s list.

“Now we go back to the beach house. Everything should be ready,” I added, wiggling my eyebrows.

“What have you planned?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

“You’ll see.”

We left the shopping in the car and I led her down the beach. She laughed as soon as we walked over the hill and she saw the surprise. It wasn’t much of a surprise, because it was kind of hard to hide the inflatable jumping castle that was floating on the water.

“My God.” She giggled, her hand covering her mouth. “I wondered what that big blob was from the sky! How the hell did you pull that off?”

“I have connections.” I grinned. “Come on. Dinner will be getting cold.”

“Dinner?” she repeated. Her face was glowing. It felt so good to see her smile. I’d been surprised at how easy it had been to find a company willing to bring a castle all the way out there and set it up on the water for the night. I was paying extra for the private chef who was preparing us a three-course meal, but it was worth it to see her happy.

We walked to the edge of the water and over the inflatable ramp into the bright yellow and blue castle. Em laughed as it swayed beneath us, each step like walking through a vat full of marshmallow. Losing her balance, she crashed into me, sending us both into a fit of giggles.

“Good thing I don’t get seasick,” she joked. She sat down next to the tabletop that had been placed in the center of the castle.

“Good thing for me, you mean. I can just imagine you throwing up all over the place.”

She reached over and shoved my arm.

“Anyway, I hope you’re hungry.”

Em looked up as a formally dressed waiter stepped onto the castle, juggling two perfectly plated appetizers.

“Salmon ravioli.” The waiter smiled, setting the appetizers down in front of us. The smell of butter, cream, and salmon wafted around me. My stomach rumbled loudly as my mouth watered.

“Wow, this looks amazing,”
Em
said. She picked up her fork and eased it under one of the delicate pillows of pasta, scooping it into her mouth. She closed her eyes and smiled. “So good.”

She was right: it was delicious. As were the
confit
duck legs we had for main, and the rich
double-chocolate
mousse that was served for dessert.

“That was quite possibly the best meal I’ve ever had.” She sighed and lay back on the blanket I’d spread out where the tabletop—which had been removed by the waiter—had been. Throwing a couple more blankets over the top of her, I crawled into our makeshift bed, resting my head on my elbow.

“I can’t figure out why this was on his list.” Em laughed.

I studied her face as she stared up at the stars. Her creamy smooth skin glowed in the soft light of the full moon. Her lips parted into a smile as she turned to me. “Do you really think he’s up there, watching?” It was the second time she’d asked me that today.

“I think he’s always with you, Em.”

Emily

We spent the whole week at the beach house before we went back home. Trying to get back into a normal routine without Andy was hard. Because life without Andy wasn’t normal—it was different, and scary, and lonely.

It had been eleven weeks since Andy had died, and every day I thanked God for Seth. Without him, I don’t know how I would have coped with the past few weeks. He was always there, always making sure I was okay.

***

My phone beeped. I picked it up, knowing it would be Seth.
He always texted after work, just to check in on me.
I smiled as his name flashed up.

I just saw a guy walking down the street in a Batman costume. That was the highlight of my day. How was yours?

I giggled and replied.

My day was good. Work, and more work.
About to watch Game of Thrones if you want to come over?
Bring some dinner and I might let you in.

A goofy grin spread across my lips as I pressed send. It shocked me how much I looked forward to seeing him. Even his messages made my heart race a little faster. How much of that was me trying to fill the gap that Andy had left, and how much of that
was my feelings
for Seth intensifying? I struggled to tell the difference, and that scared me.

The last thing I wanted was to move forward with Seth if I wasn’t a thousand percent sure. Any risk of losing him altogether, and it wasn’t worth it. My phone buzzed again.

I guess I can swing past and grab some Chinese. But only doing this for
Kahleesi
.

I snorted and replied:
As if you’d have any chance with her.

I set the phone down on the sofa. I needed to get changed.

Twenty minutes later, he knocked on the door. I ran my brush through my hair and then sprinted to the door, swinging it open. He stood there holding Chinese, a lopsided grin on his face. My heart began to pound as I took in his appearance. He looked sexy, in
an ‘I
just got home from work, threw on some clothes and haven’t shaved in a week’ kind of way. I resisted the urge to reach up and run my fingers over his stubble.

“Come in,” I said, blushing. Was I turned on? Oh God, I’d forgotten what that felt like. It had been a
long
time since those kinds of feelings had been stirred inside of me.

“You get some drinks and I’ll unpack this,” he suggested.

I nodded, relieved that meant I could at least try and gather my composure in the kitchen.

“I got you honey chicken and chow
mein
because I wasn’t sure what you were in the mood for.”

I know exactly what I’m in the mood for.

Emily, stop it
. I was mortified at myself. I shoved a soda into his hands and sat down in one of the armchairs, mainly so I didn’t have to sit next to him. He raised an eyebrow at me.

“What?” I said, my defenses kicking in. I reached for the chicken and proceeded to shovel it into my mouth.

“Nothing,” he chuckled. “Just in all the time you’ve lived here, I’ve never seen you sit anywhere but on the sofa.”

I shrugged, like it didn’t matter, but I couldn’t help wondering what he meant by that. What was he thinking? Did he know I was sitting there because I didn’t trust myself to sit close to him? My face burned.

“You’re acting really weird, Em,” he observed. “Care to share with the class?”

“No,” I shot back. “And I’m not acting weird. I’m just tired. Long hours trying to catch up on the work I missed.” I was getting desperate now, trying to steer the conversation into an area that felt safe.

“What’s happening?” he asked, opening his beef. I sighed. It had worked. I babbled on about my column, and how they had changed ownership. My job was safe, but the freedom I’d had where I could basically work from wherever had gone. I now had a nine-to-five office job.

“Is that such a bad thing?” he asked, shrugging. “I mean, it gets you out of the house and mixing with people. After everything you’ve been through, maybe this is just what you need?”

“I guess you’re right,” I agreed. I hadn’t thought about it like that.

Maybe he was right.

After dinner, I cleared away the trash and sat down on the sofa.

“Oh, so you’re sitting next to me now?” he smirked. “I was beginning to think maybe I smelled or something.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to say anything…” I laughed as he swatted me.

My heart began to pound as I tried to psych myself up for what I was about to do. This was a big step. Telling him I had feelings for him was huge—something there was no going back from.

“I have something I need to say,” I began. My voice trembled as it came out. Fuck, I was a mess.

“Are you okay?” His brow creased in concern.

Just say it. Tell him how you feel.

“I think I’m falling in love with you,” I blurted out.

His eyes widened as he stared at me in shock.