Out of Control (Losing Control Series Book 2) (11 page)

Chapter 15

Gia

When I woke up again it was dark. I was glad the day was over. I felt like shit and was sure I looked like it too, but I didn’t really care.
Shit!
I remembered Mr. Evans. I grabbed my phone and I had to scroll through several texts before I found it. It said that we wouldn’t be working again tomorrow but it looked like Thursday was a go. I went to my computer and typed the e-mail as quickly as I could. It was nine p.m. and Mr. Evans had messaged me four hours ago.
Fuck! Well, there was nothing I could do about it now.

I checked the other messages on my phone. Dana called twice and the second time she was really pissed that I hadn’t gotten back to her yet. My sister called twice and she sounded pretty worried about me. Jo called twice and the second message said she was coming over. Ethan called three times and sounded completely distraught and said he was on his way to see me.
Fuck!
That message was at seven thirty and it’s a little after nine now. My first thought was that I had to get the hell out of here.
Why couldn’t everyone just leave me alone and let me be for one day? Why did everyone think they had to take care of me?
I looked around and saw why. I took the sleeping pills and ran them back into the bathroom and hid them. I put the almost empty bottle of tequila back in the cupboard and tossed the can with the butts in it in the garbage along with the empty wine bottle. I opened the window, and as I sprayed some air freshener, I heard my buzzer. I was shaking because I was in such a panicked state and I started to cry.

“Yes?” I said in the speaker.

“Open the fucking door!” It was Dana.

I buzzed her in and opened my door. I sat on my couch and started sobbing. I knew I needed some serious help. I couldn’t believe what I’d done today. I knew better than to mix alcohol and pills and I wasn’t even supposed to have those pills in my possession. Dana would know what to do. She could help me. I was relieved she was here. I looked up and my heart stopped. Dana, Jo, and Ethan were all standing there.

I looked back down at my hands and Ethan was next to me in a second. “Go,” I told him.

“Gia, I’m here because I care about you. Let me help you.” He was about to cry.

“Go, Ethan. I don’t need your help.” I never looked at him. I didn’t want him here. I didn’t want anyone here except Dana and Jo.

“Please, Gia. Remember…” he started but I cut him off.

“Remember what?” I yelled. I stood up and looked down at him. “Remember how we fucked all weekend just like you have with, oh, I don’t know, Ethan, how many other women exactly?” I was angry and hurt. I didn’t have anything to lose at this point.

“Gia, it’s not like that with you. You know that.” He had tears on his cheeks.

“Ethan, you don’t even know me! All those years you’d supposedly seen me from a distance and wanted to get to know me, that wasn’t me! That wasn’t the real me, the broken, fucked-up real me. That’s right, this is the real me! Is this what you want? I’ve been on that couch since you left yesterday. I sat here and drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes, and took sleeping pills all day just to get through the day!” His eyes got big and I heard Jo and Dana gasp. “That’s how I almost ended my life after I killed one of my babies, too! Is that ugly enough for you? How do you feel about me now, Ethan?” I was crying and shaking—he was looking right into my eyes now.

He stood up and tried to take my hands but I wouldn’t let him touch me. “I love you, Gia,” he said softly.

“No,” I said. “Please go.” I couldn’t face him after he knew the truth about me.

“No,” he said. “I won’t go. Did you hear what I said?” He raised his voice this time. “Did you hear me, Gia? I love you. I know you don’t want to hear it or believe it, but it’s true. Do you know how many other women I’ve said that to? None, Gia. None.”

I sat back down on the couch and put my head in my hands. Ethan and Jo started talking quietly and I heard Dana talking to someone on her phone. I knew this was my chance to get some help. I knew the three people in this room cared about me more than I cared about myself.

Dana sat down next to me. “Sweetie, I just talked to your sister. She’d been trying to get ahold of you today too, and I promised I’d call her when we got here. She would’ve met us here but Pete wasn’t home from work yet and she didn’t want to bring the kids. She’s relieved you’re all right and said to tell you she loves you very much.” She was holding my hand and talking to me like I was a small child.

I just nodded. Jo sat down on the other side of me and put her arm around my shoulders. Ethan sat down on the floor in front of me. I just kept my head down because I was ashamed of my behavior and my outburst with Ethan. I thought of what he’d just told me. What he’d just said to me that he’d never said to any of the other women. He loved me. Even after I’d told him a horrible secret about myself, he loved me. It gave me butterflies.

***

Ethan

I pulled up in front of Gia’s and jumped out of the truck as Dana and Jo were pulling up. They ran to Gia’s door. They both had been crying and I knew this was serious. I felt sick to my stomach and I wanted to bust the door down. Dana pushed the buzzer.

“Yes?” It was Gia!
Oh, thank God, she’s all right!

“Open the fucking door!” Dana said and we were buzzed in. We all ran up the stairs and I could hear Gia crying. My heart was breaking. I was wondering what the fuck was going on! We got to the top and I saw Gia sitting on her couch. She looked up at us, shocked. She was wearing the same clothes as yesterday. Her hair looked like she’d been sleeping all day and her eyes were red and swollen. Then she looked back down at her hands as I’d seen her do so many times. I was by her side in a second.

“Go,” she said. That hurt.

“Gia, I’m here because I care about you, let me help you,” I told her as I was fighting back tears.

“Go, Ethan. I don’t need your help,” she said. and I wanted her to remember what we had together and how we felt about each other.

“Please, Gia. Remember…”

“Remember what?” She jumped up off the couch and glared at me, crying. I was stunned. “Remember how we fucked all weekend just like you have with, oh, I don’t know, Ethan, how many other women exactly?” I deserved that.

“Gia, it wasn’t like that with you. You know that,” I told her as the tears rolled down my face.

“Ethan, you don’t even know me! All those years you’d supposedly seen me from a distance and wanted to get to know me, that wasn’t even me!” But I knew it really was. “That wasn’t the real me, the broken, fucked-up real me. That’s right, this is the real me!” She was going to open up to me now. “Is this what you want? I’ve been on that couch since you left yesterday. I sat here and drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes, and took sleeping pills all day just to get through the day!”
Oh my God, Gia! Why would you?
And then I got the answer, the truth she hadn’t wanted me to know. “That’s how I almost ended my life after I killed one of my babies, too! Is that ugly enough for you? How do you feel about me now, Ethan?” I was taking it all in. She tried to commit suicide because she thought she’d done something to hurt one of her babies, which I knew she didn’t because I’d seen her heart and it wasn’t capable of anything even close to that. It was full of empathy and forgiveness and love.
My sweet Gia, you’ve opened up to me and now you’ll experience what unconditional love feels like.

Our eyes were locked as I stood up and tried to take her hands. She wouldn’t let me but it was okay. I knew she didn’t think she deserved to be touched lovingly. “I love you, Gia.”

“No. Please go.”

“No. I won’t go,” I told her because I’d never do that to her again. “Did you hear what I said?” I was talking louder now so I could get my point across. “Did you hear me, Gia? I love you. I know you don’t want to hear it or believe it, but it’s true. Do you know how many other women I’ve said that to? None, Gia. None.” I should’ve said it yesterday in the shower, when I wanted to.

She sat on the couch and put her head in her hands. I had to give her a moment to let it sink in. She’d told me what she thought was an ugly secret and I still felt the same about her. I knew she’d have a hard time believing it.

Jo pulled me aside. “Ethan, I gotta hand it to you, you really came through for Gia. I can tell you truly do care and she’s never really had that in her life. Thank you for coming back, you may have just saved Gia’s life.” She hugged me.

“I want to take care of her. I want to do everything I possibly can to help her deal with her past. I want to be her future,” I told Jo and we both turned and looked at Dana talking to Gia on the couch. Gia looked so fragile. I wanted to hold her so badly. I wanted to put her in the Chevy and take her home and spend the rest of my life giving her everything she wanted, needed, and deserved. But I knew she had a long road ahead getting the help she needed so she could accept those things.

Dana was still beside Gia and Jo sat down on the other side of her. I sat on the floor in front of her. She kept her head down, looking at her hands.
My beautiful, sweet Gia, what am I going to do with you?
I smiled. She was a hot mess and I was in love with her. I hoped that she’d love me someday too, but not before she loved herself.

Acknowledgements

I want to thank everyone at Limitless Publishing! Jen, Jessica, and Dixie – you are all amazing women! Thank you Toni, my editor, you push me to do better and I lo
ve and appreciate that so much!

Thank you Steve, Hunter, and Madison for keeping it real, I love you! Thanks to my friend Sherri for your excitement and encouragement, it never gets old, and neither do we! Thank you to my family, you’re the best, as g
ood as it gets, I love you all.

Finally, thanks to everyone who read this book, whether you liked it or not, whether I know you or not, it doesn’t matter, thank you for sharing this with me!

About the Author

Desiree Wilder was born in South Dakota and grew up in a small town where she thrived in school and developed a love for reading and writing. Her younger days were filled hanging out with her older brother and younger sister riding bikes, playing board games and watching General Hospital. As a teen she became less interested in learning academics and became more interested in learning how to get into mischief without getting caught.

As an adult, Desiree loves cooking, shopping, reading, concert-going, camping and spending time with her crazy yet supportive family. She’d rather take the dirt road and crank up some eighty’s rock or some good ‘ol Hank Jr. than the paved fast track.

Just recently she started writing and something inside her came alive. It fulfilled her and unexpectedly took over what had become a robotic daily routine. She is a hopeless romantic and believes in love at first sight. Nowadays you can catch her doing ‘research’ for her next book at a concert or getting inspired for her next leading man in the romantic comedy section!

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