Out of Breath (39 page)

The sky was still grey as the morning haze settled on the dark water. It was still too foggy to surf, so I leaned my board against a boulder, along with my wetsuit. I ran my fingertips over the captivating design of the female figure breaking through the surf in an arching motion. As soon as I’d seen it, my heart leapt. There wasn’t another board I wanted, despite Evan’s efforts to convince me otherwise.

Unzipping my sweatshirt, I stripped it off to reveal my swimsuit underneath. ‘What are you doing?’ Evan asked.

‘Going swimming,’ she said simply, like it was the most obvious answer.

‘The water’s freezing, remember?’ I argued as she dropped her shorts to the ground. Then I couldn’t say anything at all.

‘Stop staring and come in the water with me,’ she said, slapping me in the stomach. ‘It’ll wake you up.’

She jogged in without hesitation and plunged under the waves.

‘Shit,’ I groaned, knowing this was going to be painful – and it was. I let the water rush up to my shins, not committed to going in further. My toes were already numb.

I searched for her. The darkness and haze made it difficult to see anything. But I found her floating on her back, riding the rippling ocean.

I took a breath and rushed in, diving under the water. Fighting for breath as I resurfaced in the frigid water, I swam out to where Emma lay and admired her peaceful posture. She glided along the surface with her arms splayed. Her eyes were closed, and she was breathing calmly through parted lips, like she was lost in a dream. She must have sensed my presence because she popped her head up, her body sinking.

‘Hi,’ she said, her face glowing despite the lack of sun. ‘Was wondering if you were going to come in.’

‘This water is freezing, Em,’ I said. ‘Warm me up.’ I pulled her close, the bare skin of her stomach sliding against mine. ‘Your lips are already turning purple.’

‘Really?’ she asked, searching my eyes. ‘So, should we get out of the water?’ She wrapped her arms around my neck, running her fingers into my wet hair.

‘I think I’m starting to warm up,’ I told her, my chest thumping as she crushed her body against mine to reach my lips.

I pressed my shivering lips to his, and he inhaled in shock. ‘Your lips are frozen.’

‘Warm them up,’ I requested, brushing them along his jaw. Evan turned his head to intercept me, but before he could kiss me, he uttered, ‘Hold your breath.’ I could feel a wall of water hovering over us. Inhaling quickly, I sank under the water. The powerful current separated us, and I was carried away with the wave. When I popped up again, I spotted Evan further from shore. My muscles ached from the icy water, so I rode the next wave to the beach.

When I emerged, I heard, ‘How’s the water?’ A few other surfers had decided to be the first ones in the water too, interfering with any plans I’d had of warming up on the beach with Evan.

‘It’s freezing,’ I told them as Evan walked out of the surf. He greeted them and eyed me. The disappointed look on his face told me we’d been thinking the same thing. ‘Guess it’s wetsuit time.’

‘Guess so.’

The skies remained grey for a couple of hours, but the waves were ideal. I couldn’t get up on my board at first, too distracted by the sight of Emma sitting on hers, waiting for a wave. And then when she dropped in on her first one, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She looked incredible in her stance, weaving along the wave like she’d been doing it for years.

‘Are you going to sit there all day?’ she teased when she paddled back out.

‘Just admiring your skills,’ I told her. ‘I have to admit that I’m a little disappointed that I didn’t get to teach you.’

‘This is better,’ she assured me with an awkward smile, since we were inadvertently talking about Cole. ‘This way we just surf. It took me a while to be able to stand, forget about ride. So I prefer this.’

I nodded, appreciating her answer. This was perfect, just her and me – and, well, a few other guys we didn’t know. This was an experience I couldn’t have planned if I tried. And for that I had to be a little grateful to Cole for teaching her. But not for dating her.

Emma must have realized what I was thinking about because she paddled over and grabbed my leg. ‘I’m sorry about him – that you had to see us together. It hurt just hearing about you and … Well, I can’t imagine
seeing
it.’

‘I won’t lie. It wasn’t easy to be around him, even though I like the guy. Except I knew it wouldn’t last,’ I told her with a grin, dismissing the ill feeling brought on by the thought of him kissing her.

‘What?’ she asked in surprise. ‘We weren’t dating, Evan.’

‘Whatever, you were
together
. It doesn’t matter what you call it,’ I said dismissively. ‘But you’re supposed to be with me, so any other guy is doomed to failure.’

I leaned over carefully and kissed her. When I pulled back, she said, ‘I love you.’ Those three words coming out of her mouth made me feel like I could conquer anything. I smiled back and said, ‘You and me, Em – no matter what.’ I got caught in the light reflected in her eyes – the eyes that had been so vacant I was afraid I’d lost her.
She sat up on her board with a gorgeous smile on her face and repositioned herself in preparation for the next wave.

We continued to ride until my arms felt like they were going to fall off and my legs were shaky. The guys, along with Jared and Sara, met us mid-morning as the sun was breaking through the grey. They’d packed a cooler for lunch, allowing us to spend the day on the beach. Nothing
else mattered today. I lived within the minutes I was in – not dwelling on the past, or fearing the future. I just let the day present itself as it would, and it couldn’t have been better.

Sara took hold of my hand and rested her head on my shoulder as we left the quaint restaurant hidden in a grove of lit trees. We’d had dinner, just the four of us, as she’d wanted. We’d sent Evan and Jared ahead of us so we could use the restroom, basically to talk about them.

‘I’m happy for you,’ she said, pulling her head back and smiling. ‘That you finally have him.’ She looked affectionately at the two of them in conversation by the car. ‘This is the way it should’ve always been … Wow, we were stupid girls.’

‘I know,’ I said, smiling softly.

She squeezed my hand and added, ‘More than anything, I like seeing you like this. He’s the only one that can make you glow. I’ve missed that ridiculous look on your face.’

I blinked back the emotion with a laugh. ‘Thanks, Sara. And thanks for putting up with me. I know the last two years weren’t great for you either.’

‘That’s what sisters do,’ she chimed, bumping my shoulder with hers.

Her laughter turned me around. Emma caught me looking at her. I walked towards her. She released Sara’s hand and took the one I offered. I kissed the top of her head.

‘So how was your birthday, Emma?’ I asked, taking a chance mentioning it.

She stopped. I turned to face her, fearing her reaction. Emma leaned up on her toes and kissed my cheek, allowing me to smile. She wrapped her arms around my neck and said softly in my ear, ‘It’s the best birthday I’ve had in thirteen years. Thank you.’

A
SHIVER DANCED DOWN MY BACK WITH HIS
tickling touch along my neck.

‘The girls are about to come in here and jump on the bed,’ Evan said, his voice low in my ear. ‘You may want to think about getting up.’

As his warm lips pressed against my shoulder, mine curled into a reluctant smile. I squirmed back to feel him against me, still refusing to open my eyes.

‘Emma!’ Sara pounded on the door. ‘Get up! You need to help us get ready!’

Evan laughed as I swore into my pillow.

‘Told you.’

‘Why did I think this party was a good idea?’

I inhaled quickly when his hand slid under my shirt, along my stomach.

‘No one talked you into it,’ Evan murmured, teasing my neck with his tongue. ‘You were all excited about it last week, on your birthday, remember?’

‘That was … a weird day. I mean … a good day.’ I
sighed, unable to concentrate on the conversation. ‘The Fourth of July … shouldn’t start … till after dark.’ I grabbed Evan’s hand, squeezing it when the warmth of his mouth sent shivers through my body.

‘Emma!’ Sara hollered again. Evan chuckled and rolled away.

‘I’m up,’ I called back, then mumbled, ‘Unfortunately.’ Evan slid off the bed as I pulled back the blankets. He was already dressed in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt.

‘I’ve been volunteered to pick up ice.’ I sat up on the edge of the bed and flopped my head against his stomach. ‘I’ll be back in a little while, okay?’ he said, running his hand over my hair.

I nodded. He pulled me off the bed into a hug. I dragged my feet to the bathroom as he made his exit.

‘Please tell me she’s up,’ Sara said as soon as I came out of the room.

‘Yes.’ I laughed. ‘She’s up.’

‘Hi, Evan,’ Serena chimed with a sparkling smile. ‘Do you have an iPod? Sara’s put me in charge of music.’

I looked towards Sara, who shrugged. ‘Yeah, it’s out in my truck. I’ll bring it in when I get back from picking up Nate.’

‘Can you buy some lemons too?’ Meg called from the kitchen.

‘Sure,’ I answered on my way out the door.

‘How’s everything at the house?’ Nate asked as we drove to the store.

‘Sara’s in charge of … everything,’ I stated. ‘Serena’s selecting the music. Meg’s getting the food ready. And James and Jared are setting up tables and a volleyball net outside.’ Which left me and the guys in charge of drinks.

‘What about Emma?’

‘Um …’ I chuckled. ‘She’s wishing it was tomorrow already.’

‘I wondered why she decided to have the party. I saw her face when I mentioned it.’

‘We caught her on a good day when we brought it up last week,’ I explained.

Nate’s looked to me curiously.

‘It was her birthday.’

‘Oh.’ He nodded. ‘I didn’t know. How come we didn’t –’ He stopped, suddenly remembering why no one knew it was her birthday, and why she didn’t celebrate it. Because it was also the day her father died in a car accident, thirteen years ago. ‘Forget it.’

‘How’s it going between you? I know it’s gotten more serious. Have you told her … everything yet?’

‘Yeah,’ I answered, not entirely ready to have this conversation.

‘And has she been completely honest with
you
?’ That question was precisely why I didn’t want to talk about us.

‘Not entirely,’ I said evasively.

‘Dude! Really?! What are you doing then?’

‘Giving her time,’ I told him.

‘She’s had two fucking years,’ he declared heatedly.

We pulled into the parking lot, and I got out as soon as I shut off the truck, ending the conversation … for now. Nate wasn’t convinced that Emma wouldn’t still destroy me. And I’d never admit it to him, but … I wasn’t either.

‘What do you want me to do?’ I asked.

‘Cut up the watermelon?’ Meg requested as Sara stood out on the deck, instructing the guys where to put everything.

‘Emma, where’s your iPod?’ Serena asked from in front of the entertainment unit.

‘It’s in my room,’ I told her, ‘somewhere in the tote bag that’s in the closet.’

Serena disappeared into the bedroom while I prepared to slice watermelon. I’d never done it, but how hard could it be? I stuck the long knife into the rind and … couldn’t move it – leaving the blade sticking out of the green skin at an awkward angle. I pushed again and it slid down a fraction of an inch.

I looked behind me, and Meg was staring at me in disbelief.

‘Really, Emma?’ she said, both amazed and amused by my ineptitude. ‘I truly thought you could handle that.’

‘I can do it,’ I argued, making a futile attempt to move the blade.

‘Don’t stick it in so far, and use more of a sawing motion,’ Meg instructed.

‘Emma!’ Serena called to me from within my room. ‘Will you come here a second?’

‘I’ve got it,’ Meg assured me when I scrutinized my predicament, not certain I could just leave the watermelon with the knife protruding out of it. Meg took my spot, and before I’d even left the kitchen, the watermelon was falling into halves.

‘I loosened it for you,’ I insisted as I passed the opening in the wall.

‘Yeah, that’s it,’ she agreed, with a shake of her head.

When I entered the bedroom, Serena was standing with her arms crossed, waiting for me.

‘Hey,’ I greeted her warily. ‘What’s up?’

‘What’s this?’ she snapped, holding up The Letter. My mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out. ‘Are you planning on ending things with Evan? What’s going on, Em? I mean, I thought you two were finally together again.’ She sounded like I’d betrayed
her
.

I released a slow breath. ‘I wrote that two years ago, before I left. His mother sent it back to me a little over a year ago. She said there’d be a day he’d want to know what it said, and it was my decision whether to share it with him or not.’

‘You just left him with a letter?’ she asked in shock. ‘You didn’t say anything?’

‘Not exactly.’ I sighed, averting my eyes. ‘And yes. I was wrong to leave like that. But I thought I was doing what was best for him.’

‘You should have never left him, Em,’ Serena said sadly. I bowed my head in acceptance of the truth. ‘Are you going to show him this?’

‘I don’t know,’ I said softly. ‘Why would he want to see it now? I mean, we’re trying to move on.’

‘Because he should know. You promised to be honest, didn’t you? Besides, you didn’t say anything that you didn’t believe to be true.’

‘I know,’ I whispered.

After Nate and I had loaded the freezer in the garage with the bags of ice, I walked into the kitchen. ‘Where’s Emma?’

‘Sara sent her to take a shower and get ready,’ Meg explained. ‘You should probably do the same. People will be here in an hour or so.’

‘iPod, please,’ Serena requested, holding out her hand. I pulled it from my pocket and passed it over. ‘Thank you.’

I continued into the bedroom to find Emma sitting on the bed, wearing a blue-and-white dress and strapping on a pair of red sandals. Hearing me enter, she tilted her head up, and my mouth instinctively spread into a smile. When her response was hesitant, I peered deeper and recognized the distraught shift in her eyes.

‘Hi,’ I greeted cautiously. ‘Everything okay?’

She didn’t say anything, only nodding slightly. She stood from the bed and smoothed the short skirt around her. I stood in front of her as she averted her eyes and slid my finger under her chin to redirect her gaze.

‘You can tell me, you know,’ I coaxed gently.

‘I know,’ she murmured. ‘I will. Later, okay? After everyone leaves.’ My eyes tightened, not liking the way she said that.

‘Okay,’ I responded, bending down to kiss her. She received me tenderly, sliding her hands into my hair, pulling me deeper into the give of her lips, but then she pulled away briefly, her eyes flickering with emotion.

I struggled with what I saw for a moment, until she pulled me down onto the bed with her, kissing me like her breath depended on it. My body responded to her touch as she ran her hands along my back, under my shirt. I pushed against her, kissing her soft skin, down her neck and over her shoulder, peeling back the strap.

‘Emma, are you ready yet?!’ Sara shouted from the other side of the door. Breathing heavily, we didn’t move for a moment. ‘Emma?’

She looked up at me in apology. ‘Coming!’

I offered her my hand to assist her to her feet. ‘Later?’ I asked, having a hard time recovering.

Emma’s mouth curled up seductively as she nodded. ‘Later.’ There was still a hint of sadness in her eyes, but her smile seemed genuine.

‘Emma!’ TJ hollered in his overly emphatic way, dumping ice in the bin at the bar.

‘Hey, TJ,’ I responded with a smile. James and Brent were messing with the volleyball net, tightening the lines. Ren and Brent arrived a few minutes later with boxes from the liquor store, and a bucket full of some red drink they’d come up with for the day.

Once the guests started to arrive I realized quickly that I never wanted to throw a party again. I was so busy refilling food, letting people know where the bathrooms were, and bringing the guys at the bar bags of ice, I wasn’t exactly having fun. It didn’t help that Evan had been assigned grilling duty, not giving us more than a passing second.

I caught a glimpse of Evan standing at the grill with Nate and Jared when I brought out another salad to set on the long table. The sun reflected off the light brown strands of his neatly trimmed hair, which was becoming more golden as the summer progressed. His short-sleeved plaid button-down shirt brought out the shades of blue in his eyes. He laughed at something Jared said, revealing his heart-stopping smile.

‘Em?’ Serena beckoned, catching me staring. She grinned when she saw who held my attention. ‘He won’t be at the grill all afternoon.’

‘Emma, can you get the bag of rolls from the kitchen?’ Meg requested.

I sighed, and Serena laughed as I walked into the house.

Evan was on his way in as I was heading out with my hands full of rolls.

‘And I’ll see you when?’

‘I’ll find you,’ he promised, intercepting me with a hand on my waist. Before he could lean over to kiss me, the front door opened and more people came in. He gave me a brief kiss and continued on his mission.

‘Evan, come play volleyball with us,’ Jared hollered from the beach. I had just shut off the grill and was about to find Emma, having lost track of her with the influx of arrivals. I was pretty sure we’d invited about forty people, a number that had been surpassed within the first hour. ‘Evan, come on, we’re one short!’

‘I’ll be right down,’ I called to him, looking around one more time for Emma.

I made my way down to the volleyball net, joining Jared, a few other guys and a girl. I unbuttoned my shirt and tossed it on the sand, prepared to play.

‘Hey, Evan,’ the girl said. It took me a moment to place her, and just as I recalled, she reminded me. ‘Nika. I met you at Nate’s. So this is your place, huh?’

‘Oh. Hey,’ I replied. ‘Yeah. This is the place I was telling you about.’

‘It’s really nice,’ she admired.

Jared called for everyone to take positions and got ready to serve. Nika took a position next to me. Brent was across the net, and he couldn’t keep his eyes off her. I was tempted to switch teams, but with Jared’s serve I was caught up in the game.

‘Just you and Emma staying here?’ she enquired.

‘No,’ I responded, watching
TJ
run off to get the ball that he’d batted twenty feet out of bounds. ‘There’s another couple here too.’

‘Oh, you’re dating?’

I nodded, glancing at her surprised expression before setting up for the next serve.

I noticed the blue dress on the deck out of the corner of my eye. Emma was watching from against the railing, and next to her was a guy … standing a little too close.

‘Evan!’ Jared hollered, as the ball whipped by me. ‘Focus!’

‘What do you study at Stanford?’ Paul asked, hovering a little too close, despite my blatant lack of interest.

‘Pre-med,’ I told him, keeping my eye on the game and the lines of muscles flexing along Evan’s back as he set the ball up for Jared to spike over the net. They pumped their fists when Brent missed and it landed on the sand. Nika raised her hand for a high-five that Evan delivered. She was talking to him … a lot.

‘That’s pretty intense,’ he noted, having already gone on about his celebrity access as an assistant at a talent agency in LA.

‘Hey, Emma.’ I turned to find Nate behind me.

‘Nate! What’s going on?’ I greeted with near-TJ enthusiasm. He looked at me oddly, then noticed as Paul scooted in closer.

Nate’s eyes widened in understanding. ‘I was actually hoping to talk to you,’ he said, fulfilling his rescue role.

‘Sure,’ I responded almost too eagerly. ‘It was nice talking to you.’ I followed Nate without looking back.

‘Thanks,’ I stressed. ‘I’ve been trying to ditch him for a while, but he doesn’t know how to take a hint.’

‘Glad I could help. But I did really want to talk to you.’

‘Um, okay,’ I said, surprised by the request. We ventured away from the crowd and headed further down the beach, my stomach twisted with nerves. He wanted to talk to me about Evan.

‘Ren, have you seen Emma?’ I felt like I’d been asking that question all day.

‘I think I saw her walking down the beach with Nate.’ Ren was lying in the hammock with his arm draped over the side, holding a beer.

‘Nate?’ I asked in confusion. Then it struck me. He was going to say something to her. Emma wasn’t going to handle being questioned by my best friend very well. The past week with her had been amazing. But we weren’t going to be fixed instantly, and I didn’t need Nate forcing her to reveal anything before she was ready. He wasn’t as patient as I was.