Orgasm in 5 Minutes (3 page)

“FEMININE” WOMEN DO NOT TAKE THE INITIATIVE DURING SEX

But are there “masculine” women? Women, all women, have desires and spontaneous impulses during sexual activity and take the initiative if they want. It is rather a matter of character and personality that is applicable to both men and women. If you like taking the initiative, do not hesitate for a moment. The idea that men prefer “passive” women is just another prejudice. But do not obsess over initiating. Just act according to your own personality.

If a woman does not like certain forms of sex, she is frigid.
Please! If you do not like swinging, oral or anal sex, or orgies, you are just like millions of women worldwide. Sex is something very personal, and not everyone likes the same things. Enjoy what you like and forget the rest.

A woman without erotic fantasies is lascivious; the one without them is frigid.
Fortunately, imagination is free. Every person can have the sexual fantasies that they crave. They are part of your privacy that is absolutely unbreakable, and have nothing to do with morality, nor the sexual responsiveness of each person. If a specific fantasy helps you have a more intense orgasm, do not deprive yourself! Your partner cares much more about you enjoying yourself than finding out what you are thinking. And if his curiosity proves to be too much, just lie! Nobody has the right to breach your innermost thoughts.

There are different types of orgasms. Vaginal orgasms are more feminine than clitoral orgasms
. An orgasm is an orgasm. The ways to describe them vary because, as the poets say, the ineffable is difficult to express. But the feelings of intense pleasure, the uncontrolled contractions of the uterus, and the feeling of fullness are just what they are. If you orgasm by stroking your clitoris while in the shower, you are as feminine as Lady Di, and you also know how to enjoy your body.

D
O YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF ATTRACTIVE?

“I could never agree to have sex in front of a mirror because all I would see was my huge, flabby ass. But one day my partner started telling me that my skin was soft, smooth, and desirable. Since then, my focus is on this aspect of my body, and in the mirror I see a much more attractive image of myself.”

Susana, 29 years old

You have already decided to be a sexual person. Now you have to do something to convince yourself that your responsiveness and your sex appeal are at a more reasonable level. Perhaps you have had enough experience for this issue to not present a problem for you. In which case, that is even better! But maybe your confidence is lacking more than necessary. It is possible that when you look in the mirror in the nude, you see nothing more than breasts that are too big or too small, or cellulite thighs, or hipbones, and that makes you feel unattractive and undesirable. I once read a self-help book that said the solution was for me to repeat this to myself in front of the mirror: “I’m sexy, I’m sexy, and I’m sexy.” The result was the same as when I repeated for weeks, “I’m rich, I’m rich, I’m rich,” and I still had a hard time making ends meet. One day, a male friend told me that a naked woman is always attractive to a man, because when you are in bed with a lover, he is not evaluating the amount of cellulite on your buttocks or your stretch marks, what he sees and what he thinks is “breasts, ass, bare skin, yummy!” He is looking at your naked body and thinking about sex, and then he is not too worried about small or large breasts, or hipbones.

Later I was able to confirm through my own experience that what my friend told me was absolutely true: at that moment, men only care that there is a naked woman. If you are naked in front of him and wanting to have sex, you will really feel attractive and desirable. If that is not the case, you better leave. If all he expects is that you should feel grateful that someone like him is with you, it means that he is someone who does not deserve you, and it is not worth it for you to invest your time, your energy, and your attractiveness.

But the issues that most often affect sexual confidence in women have to do with feelings of guilt and fear. The education that these women receive is so rigorous, close-minded, and macho, in this sense, that it is not easy for a woman to free herself from the many prejudices and preconceptions that were instilled in her during her lifetime, and those before her for generations. What to do when one feels gripped by guilt at the mere fact of feeling sexual desire? How to combat this unbearable feeling of guilt that overwhelms us after having casual sex?

If these inhibitions are rooted in some unfortunate experience in childhood or early adolescence, the only thing I can advise is for you to seek the help of a sex therapist. But if all those castrating ideas are merely the byproduct of your education, or what was instilled in you as a child, or through your friends’ comments, my advice is simply to have more sex. There is a popular saying: “Wine is the best cure”; in this case we could change it to something like “Fear of sex is cured with more sex.” You may need to start with some emotional support. If that is your case, it is best that you practice all your sexual encounters in a more or less stable, loving relationship.

Take gradual steps with your partner, enjoy new positions, practice the masturbation exercises you will find in this book, increase control over your vaginal muscles, know your body more and more, and find out what you like and what you dislike. You deserve it as a woman, and the result you will achieve is certainly worth it.

Y
OU ARE ATTRACTIVE!

The best and perhaps the only way you get to actually be an attractive and sexy woman is for you to live like one—no matter your age or marital status, and whether or not you have any luck with your partner. The truth is that everyone wants to be attractive to others, even to those people we do not like. If you want to become an attractive and desirable woman, you have no choice but to act as if you were already so. I am sure that you already are, but if you are still unconvinced, try to imagine how an attractive woman would act, and behave as she would.

The issue is to take action, not remain in this melancholic idea of “if I were like so-and-so . . .” You are equal to or better than so-and-so! Just act the right way. If you think that a particular haircut or a certain nail color is very attractive, run to the hairdresser! If you feel that a slightly shorter skirt would enhance your knees, grab the scissors immediately! Imagine a party where a girl is sitting in a corner, sullenly, with her arms and legs crossed and looking at the ground, while another delicately stands by the doorway with her legs slightly open, looking around her with interest and smiling a little while making eye contact with others. Which of the two do you find more attractive, sexier, and more interesting? The answer is clear, don’t you think? So, what are you doing sitting in the corner? Get up, smile, and do not cross your arms. If you act in a certain way, something will change in your brain, and you will really become a different person. It is not enough for you to repeat to yourself that you are attractive; doing that can help . . . but not much. If you really want to be attractive, sexy, exciting, sexually capable, and confident, you have to act like it. The results will surprise you. The truth is that we are all attractive, interesting, and sexy; what happens is that our inhibitions, fears, guilt, and such block us much more than we realize. Act as if none of these barriers exist for you and, in no time, notice how men start to flirt around you and you become an irresistible woman.

“Laughter is one of the sexiest things I know. I saw my current partner in a pub laughing uproariously. She looked so happy, and conveyed a sense of freedom so big! I immediately told myself I had to meet her.”

Pablo, 34 years old

M
IND THE DETAILS . . . AND FLIRT

You have already decided to act like a sexy and attractive woman, and you are not willing to shy away from this attempt. Do not ignore any details. Your hair can be a powerful point of attraction, provided it is clean and smooth; well-cared-for black eyelashes, nails polished in a color you like, or not at all, your apparel, shoes, handbag, belt—everything plays a role and must all be taken into account. This does not mean that you spend 3 hours a day in front of the mirror before you go out. You should never fall prey to exaggeration or affectation. It is simply a matter of taking care of the details of your appearance, but in a natural and “casual” way. Do not forget that first impressions are everything, and you should never exaggerate. Look into the eyes of others, but without insistence, smile, do not cross your arms ostensibly . . . with ease and confidence, as someone who knows her worth and is willing to share it . . . with someone worthwhile.

Whether you are married or have a steady partner, or whether you are single and without commitment, caring for yourself, both in the clothing you wear and the attitude you present to others, is very important. In both cases, acting with self-confidence in your own attractiveness and the way you are will not only increase the quality of your sexual life, if you are already sexually active, but it could also open up more doors than you can possibly imagine if you still do not have a partner. Flirting is essential in the life of a woman. But flirting does not mean making direct eye contact with whomever passes by first and asking that you get together. It is about keeping an open, warm, and friendly attitude toward those around us. Eye contact plays a fundamental role in the art of flirting. Look at your partner’s face. Don’t look directly in his eyes, because you could intimidate him. As if you were a painter, grace softly with your eyes the triangle formed between the outer ends of the eyebrows and his chin—without much insistence, yet sweetly. If you are very shy, this will not be too much of an effort, because you do not have to maintain eye contact with the other person. Just walk that magical space experts call “the triangle of seduction.” You will always give the impression of being very interested not only in what you are hearing, but also in from whom you are hearing it.

People need to feel valued, heard, and appreciated. Through this simple and subtle way, you will create an atmosphere of trust and attraction with the person who is with you, regardless of whether it is your partner, someone at the office, or the old man you come across on the street when you go to buy bread. It is about keeping that attitude and making it yours, and it will become a part of you. If you get used to doing so, you will see that something changes within you, and that others, not just men, will notice.

F
LIRTING AND ORGASMS

You are probably wondering what all this has to do with orgasms. Does wearing a shorter or longer skirt, having a particular haircut, or keeping an open and warm attitude toward others help you have an orgasm? The resounding answer is YES! Distrusting yourself, obsessing over your apparent physical defects, having a limited body language, and thinking you are not attractive, that you are not sexy, all are traps of your own mind that, although in the beginning you may not think so, can sometimes be insurmountable obstacles to getting to that deep and intense orgasm you want.

Enjoying sex, like enjoying life, is for people convinced that they deserve to. The care and attention to the details of your appearance, an open and friendly attitude toward others, and a sincere and confident body language are clear signs of a person who appreciates what is valuable, who knows she is attractive, and is able to enjoy what life offers. And, of course, someone who wants and knows how to enjoy sex.

You already know your body in detail and have the proper mental attitude to have sexual adventures. Read on and find all the secrets and keys to finding the satisfaction you seek.

Masturbation

“The pleasure that I get from orgasms varies depending on whether I am alone or with a man. When I am alone, I concentrate on stimulating my clitoris, and I orgasm much faster with a special intensity. I try to imagine the most exciting fantasy; then as I touch my clitoris, with increasing force, I feel myself reaching an orgasm. My body tenses, at times my breathing almost stops, the speed of the strokes increases, sometimes almost wildly, and, suddenly, wow! A rapid and intense spasm starts at my genitals and goes through my body. Then I feel a deep relaxation.”

Marta, 27 years old

“I had never touched myself. At least not consciously. I thought it was very difficult. Not that I saw it as a ‘sin,’ but I did consider it as something wrong. Fortunately, I overcame my inhibitions, and I realized that I had never before had an orgasm. Now I know what I need, and what an orgasm means. I also know what I have to do to have it when I’m alone or if I’m with my partner.”

Ana, 35 years old