Opposite Sides (69 page)

“
Really?” His
voice raised in surprise. “You wanted a brother that
much?”

“
Yes. Then I
became angry and jealous when you talked and laughed with other
girls.”

“
Surely you
weren’t jealous of Anne, were you?” he asked raising an eyebrow and
almost laughing off the question he had just asked. “You knew Anne
was just a friend. She was in love with Gerald.”

Jan nodded in rapid
succession, then looked at him with serious intent.

“
I didn’t
mean her.” She clenched her hands and Hans noticed the tips of her
knuckles were becoming quite white. “It was Heidi. I thought you
were attracted to her.”

Hans laughed loudly and
reasuringly placed his hands over Jan’s.

“
I’d known
Heidi when we were young children and was so pleased when I saw her
again. I wanted to make things easier for her than it was for me.
There was nothing else other than friendship between
us.”

“
But you
spoke to her in German and I didn’t understand. I thought you were
chatting her up. I was so jealous. You see, I was attracted to you,
even back then.”

“
I never
knew. You never gave any indication. I always thought you despised
me because I wasn’t English.”

“
I’d heard so
many stories when I was little. You know how children only
understand bits of adult conversations and I’m sorry about the
photo. I didn’t understand why my aunt had it on the wall in the
first place. I did not want to hurt you. Really. I never knew how
your family also suffered until Aunt explained everything. And then
after the accident, I wanted to be nice to you but I didn’t know
how. I wanted you to take an interest in me but as my interest in
you grew, you were taken further and further away.”

“
I’m sorry. I
never guessed you felt like that.”

“
I had a real
crush on you. Other girls fell in love with Valentino but I fell in
love with you. You were real. You were different. You know how it
is with girls.”

“
I’m
learning.”

Jan lifted her head and
threw a quick glance around the Nissan-hut. They appeared to be
alone now. Never-the-less she leant even closer towards
him.

“
I wished
Andrea
had
been
our daughter but I wouldn’t have wanted to go through what Caroline
went through. The idea of childbirth scared me. But since nursing,
I have looked at things differently. Then, I don’t think I really
realised how much I cared for you until we met out in North Africa.
Seeing you again brought back all those old feelings again, only
stronger. When I found out you had married and . . . ” She took in
a noisy breath between her lips and looked across the table with an
expression of a hurt child. “I was angry and hurt again, Hans. The
old me just exploded. I’m sorry. By that time, I knew it was love I
felt. And it hurt!”

Hans was speechless for a
long time. He squeezed Jan’s hands and felt them slide away from
underneath.

“
There are
prying eyes are around here. We need to be careful. ” She hid her
hands under the table. “Did you have any feelings for me?” she
asked.

“
I don’t know
how I felt about you but I know I wasn’t pleased when you were
returned to England as I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again. As
for my marriage to Elisabeth, call it a political arrangement. I
did my duty for the
Führer
and the expectations demanded of me.” A mocking
smirk played around the corners of his mouth. “As for Caroline, I
could not help myself. But then I was young. I fell in love with
Caroline the first time I saw her and from then on she was the only
girl for me. Youth and love: we loved each other as young people do
. . . passionately. I realise now we were impulsive but it was the
moment that mattered to us.”

“
I wished it
were me,” Jan groaned like someone with a deep-seated stomach
ache.

“
Would we
have been as happy years down the track?” Hans found himself
doubting his earlier feelings. Then he answered himself. “I do not
know. I think this war would have destroyed us one way or another.
I’m not sure Caroline could have gone with me to Germany,
especially to the Germany we have today. Would our marriage have
been accepted by the authorities knowing that one of her
grandparents had Jewish connections?”

“
Probably
not, Hans. Who can tell?”

“
You know
that Caroline’s parents were angry when they found out Caroline was
pregnant.”

“
I know,” Jan
groaned. “Caroline’s mother had a lot to say to Aunt about it all
after Caroline had died. It was such a scandal. It was bad enough
that she should run away but when they learnt of the baby, the
disgrace was more than they could bare. For a long time, Aunt
thought you had married and when she learnt otherwise, even she
said Caroline had disgraced the whole family. Do you think our love
will cause further disgrace?”

“
I hope not.
Look at it this way, Jan. In spite of all the hate around us, we’ve
learnt to find love. There’s hope in that. In a strange way, the
war years have brought us closer. We’ve had plenty of time to
realise our feelings for each other.”

“
Maybe. Do
you believe in destiny?”

“
Why?”

“
I think it
was destiny that brought us together, Hans.”

“
It is ironic
that it had to happen in a world of hate!” He laughed mockingly.
“Is that how we had to find love, Jan?”

“
I think so.
Can the love we feel for each other really overcome all the
bitterness and hate that has been around us?”

Jan adjusted her glasses.
It was then, for a brief second, he noticed tears in the outer
corners of her eyes.

“
Jan, we can
make it happen, if we want it to but only when all this killing
stops.”

“
I suppose
so.” Her voice almost broke up. “Until then, there is little we can
do.”

She looked away for a
moment. He could feel her desperation and share her anguish. He
rubbed the back of his little finger back and forth as the two of
them sat silently summing up the situation. Hans had learnt to
wait. A life in a prisoner of war camp was a long wait . . . for
the end of the war, whenever it was to be . . . .

Finally, Jan pulled
herself together enough to be able to talk to him again.

“
I wish we
could love each other . . . openly. I wish we didn’t have to snatch
these secret moments when we can be together. Oh, how I long before
I can let everyone know how I feel!”

He very much wanted to
take her into his arms and hold her tightly so that their bodies
could fuse together and so that nothing would dare to split them
apart. Ever.

“
Jan, dear
Jan. I do love you.”

His eyes penetrated deep
into her body and sent tingles running all the way down her back.
Her body silently pleaded for him to do more. Sounds around her
dissolved as her own blood swished through her arteries and veins
and swelled the nipples of her breasts until she could feel them
pressing hard on the inside of her blouse. Her eyes followed him as
he got up and moved around the table, edging closer to where she
was sitting. She arched her back cat-like as he came closer and
allowed herself to be wrapped into his strong, masculine
arms.

Her entire body trembled.
She could feel his breath down the back of her neck as he bent the
top of his body over her head. She felt wanted and warm within his
embrace.

“
I love
you.”

The warmth of his breath
tickled her inner ear. She lifted her face upwards and smiled a
smooth, silky smile. He kissed her firmly on her lips. They were
swollen, moist and warm. He had the desire to kiss her again and
again, to hold and make love to her until every sinew and muscle in
his body gave up from sheer exhaustion.

“
We will be
together, soon.” His nostrils flared wide like a galloping horse.
“It must be so.”

“
I’ll hope,”
she breathlessly whispered, letting her flushed cheek softly rub
against the unshaven stubble on the curve of his face.

Hans let his arms slide
away. He regained his composure and quickly stepped back. It would
not do for them to be seen in such closeness to each other. Not
yet. They would have to control themselves and be patient a while
longer, keeping their love for each other secret.

Early evening, Hans lay
on his bunk and listened to the dull drone of low-rumbling engines
roll across the sky. The world surrounding them was still at war.
Night raids were common. Hundreds of Allied bombers rolled like
thunder clouds,crossing the Channel and winging their way into the
skies of northern Europe. The cities of Hitler’s Reich were
burning, turning into blackened twisted shapes clawing upwards
towards a hostile sky. Broken bricks and ruins of rubble littered
the streets as billowing black smoke clouds obliterated the
blood-redness of a thousand incendiary fires.

Closer and closer the
armies of America and Britain edged towards their target, army and
air-force together, pushing eastwards across Germany until finally,
the Americans and the Red Army met on the banks of the river Elbe.
It had been a bitter fight.

In England, the last of
the spring flowers were colouring the woods. A new stirring was
taking place as blackbirds and thrushes began rebuilding their
nests. Birds that had left the winter landscape behind them were
returning to the mudflats and lakes and forest trees to feed and
fatten on the abundance of food that an awakened land was ready to
offer.

On May 1st, as Radio
Hamburg was playing Bruckner’s Seventh Symphony. Uncle Karl had
come into the kitchen for his dinner and had turned on the wireless
for a bit of background music. He had little else to do now as his
factory lay in ruins, a burnt out shell with little possibility for
repair. He knew the fighting was nearing its end for every day
there were conflicting reports about the Allied advances.
Sometimes, the news broadcasts let a little of the outside reality
seep through the constant barrage of how impregnable the borders
the Reich were for their enemies. Uncle Karl finally realised they
had been fed a diet of lies. Now, he preferred to hear music.
Suddenly, and without warning the music stopped. An unemotional
announcement was made:

The Führer is
dead!

Smouldering ruins covered
much of Europe. The last hostile shot rang out and then all was
silent. The madness of the last five and a half years had finally
come to an end. At midnight between May 8th and 9th, the last bombs
fell and Europe gave a sigh of shame. Her shocked and dazed
population crawled out from the rubble and stood face to face with
their truth.

Uncle Karl knew now that
there could be no victors in war. Men, women and children, soldiers
and those held captive, homes and churches, communication networks
and countryside had all suffered. Innocence had been sucked from
humanity as the world began to weep for all the evil it was now
witness to.

In England, church bells
rang out. Crowds of survivors danced in the streets, hugged and
kissed strangers as they celebrated the rebirth of peace. There was
a new hope, a new beginning; it was a time to begin healing the
wounds of war. It was a time in which people could begin planning
and hope for a better future.

The Commander needed to
speak with the senior German officer. It was most important that
the prisoners of war be prepared for the conditions that existed in
a post-war Germany. There were so many broken families across the
Channel, families that had been rent apart and were now desperately
trying to locate one another. Broken souls who spent their waking
days sifting through the ruins and grasping at any small scattered
scrap of information that would give them hope; any hope. Sadly,
many of those lost would remain lost to their familes forever. They
were just some of the millions who had perished because of a lust
for power and a cry of ‘war.’ Only now, the enormity and true
horror of a war which had whipped an entire nation into blind
fanaticism, was beginning to reveal its dark secrets.

Before each prisoner
could be freed, they had to be made aware of the horrendous evil
the Nazi regime had inflicted on the populations in Europe. Jan had
been informed that it could take several months, even maybe a year
before Hans would finally be released and she desperately wanted to
be with him as soon as possible. She had not told Hans that she had
put in an application through the ATS for his early release on
compassion grounds. She knew the application had been favourably
received, yet as no definite answer had yet been given, she had
decided not to give Hans false hopes.

A quiet autumn evening
when the men were still able to sit in the early evening air, the
Commander requested the presence of Major Resmel in his office.
Hans opened the office door and began to raise his right hand ready
to salute, when the Commander shook his head and indicated that
this meeting was an informal one. He reached behind him and plonked
an unopened bottle of sherry on to the table between them. Two
metal mugs appeared and joined the bottle.