Operation Soulmate (31 page)

    “Yes, and you said yourself that it’s
impossible
to cheat karma. So here we go, again, round and round, in circles, it seems. Your words are eating themselves, my friend. You say, on the one hand, that we can’t cheat karma and, in the same breath, you seem to be accusing
me
of cheating! You just
said
, that if someone
seeks
this knowledge, it’s
because
they’re
ready
to receive it. Surely, no one can look within themselves without becoming more self-aware. And true self-awareness always brings us, inevitably, back to love!! You said yourself that no dye is immovable. If everyone on Earth had even a
glimpse
of this mysterious truth and these feelings ...of sublime, Divine
love
. The feelings you have when you
begin
this inner searching, this precious journey...surely that would change them in an instant. So what... we all have to suffer interminably, senselessly, just for the sake of it...to eventually
win
a place in Heaven? Is that what you’re saying, the
old
way, the
old
God, the woeful, iconic construct, ambling resentfully along the merry, medieval way?”

      “Dear Geraldine, you know, yourself, that it is not a
question
of winners and losers. We are either
all
winners, or
all
losers in this game. You cannot
win
love. Winning is the domain of those who propagate the illusion of separation and supremacy, for their own ends. It's truly all for one and one for all in this game. Yet, do not make the mistake of seeing everyone at the same place of motivation as your dear, sweet self...and do not, either, ascribe any merit to these linear notions of good and bad, haste and time; it does not suit you. You know that there is a perfect plan for every soul...and that
time
is simply another machination...another series of unanswered questions...”

     “But surely if we all
knew
that we didn’t, simply die and leave the rest of the world to sort out the mess we’ve created, we’d behave more responsibly. Surely if we all saw life as a continuum, we would respect it - and each other - much more.”

     “Do you not see that you are in agreement with me...? Knowing that life is a continuum might, indeed, help you to adjust some of your short-term, short-sightedness, but believing that you can simply wipe the slate clean, from a perverse perspective, does not serve you at all. All who seek to genuinely atone must, surely, also understand, deep
in their hearts
the learning that comes from their suffering. With suffering comes true empathy, and with empathy comes true compassion ..and the genuine realisation of dharma...You cannot cheat at this game, you cannot win or lose at this game... there is no punishment except the soul trying constantly to correct its course to love, and in the end, there is only yourself, your God and the truth of love. Learning is as inevitable as breathing, and yet, he who would stop the breath in their own body - has chosen death. It is simply cause and effect Geraldine. If you cut yourself, will you not bleed? If you cause harm to yourself, or to another, or to the whole, will you not, at some point, atone in order to become at-one with
all that is
, once again. Everything else is simply, a part of the fascinating, human drama. The rest is between you and God.”

     “Well what if I don’t
believe
in that God... this punishing and judgemental patriarch you seem to be proffering, once again. What if
I
believe in a God who is loving and forgiving...and...”

      “Have you not understood yet sweet child, that it is not God who does the punishing? God
is
love; the love you constantly seek and the love you will return to in the end. This is
your
dream. When you all choose to wake up, you will soon see that there is no need for consternation. Do you not see that what you have created, as a mass consciousness, is a way to ensure that you become the best and brightest you can be, but with knowledge, and with conscious awareness of each step along the way. So that you can eventually return, slowly, and mindfully; back to love, through choice, and via the most colourful route imaginable. The very nature of God is creation and creativity. Where is the fun in reading a story, when an indiscreet friend tells you in advance, exactly how that story ends? The joy is, surely, in the unfolding...is it not? ...the discovery...the slow revealing.”

      “So isn’t my therapy, just a
part
of that drama then?... that, ‘fascinating, human drama’? Isn’t it just a part of
my
journey to atonement?” She said, suddenly awash with futility.

     “Perhaps...But do you really think that sitting on that couch for a few, short hours has erased an eternity of self-punishment, and all the stings of your beautifully chequered past? Some of them will be with you for some, considerable time to come. They have
made
you who you are. You cannot, possibly, hope to change the way these lessons from the past will form your character, in the present
or
the future, for better or for worse. Stop trying to look around corners, Geraldine. Stop trying to make the unmake-able, break the unbreakable. You are already made... beautifully... and continue to be honed quite skilfully, by the craftsmanship of life. And the very
moment
when you believe yourself to be most broken ...is sometimes the very making of you.”

      “So we are in agreement once again... No one can erase the past with a few sessions of past-life therapy, but
understanding
the continuum - and the part we each play in the making and shaping of our world  - will, in the end, at least inspire us to
strive
for something better ...So we’re both right...”

     “There is no right or wrong Geraldine. ‘Right and wrong’ is precisely, perhaps, where you
go
wrong....where you stray so far from the heart of the matter. There is only cause and effect...” he said smiling. “But we do love the questions. The questions are the wonder of it all, the sweet wonder of you. The questioning is what makes you human...and beautiful in your complexity...in that time-honoured way you have, of endlessly seeking to re-discover what is already known to you. In search of sensation, you create something new each time, each one of you. But, in the end, we are all the same.

      I was once, just like you. There is no, right or wrong, in what you did. It is simply a question of whether you, yourself, have gained a
true
understanding of your atonement for your previous, disregarding of love. Love of yourself, love of humanity and passionate love for this sweet soul who now stands beside me. Your heart knows the truth, Geraldine. And the truth of the heart is, always ....only love. It is not my job, to make or to break rules. My job is to keep the book and measure all things in it, against the beating of your truest heart, always ensuring that you, inevitably, become the bright jewel you already know yourself to be. Let go, Geraldine, and let life
make
you. Life has its own wisdom. And let love ...in the fullness of time, lift you among God’s most beautiful creations: the God of your heart’s understanding. Only in that moment when your soul is truly ready to ascend, will all things be made known to you, in the twinkling of an eye. Go out into the world and spread your beautiful messages of love. Not only for your own sake is it worth fighting for; it may be the only, true and noble cause left for humanity to defend. And defending it might, indeed, be their only hope...of
true
progress. As always, sweet friend, our exchange has been a blessing. Take my love and Ben’s love with you...always...”

Geraldine watched, spellbound as the three of them disappeared into thin air. She stared out into the space they’d left behind and felt her world crumbling senselessly around her.     

    “NO!!!” She wailed into the empty room, still clutching the limp and lifeless hand.. “...NO, Ben, no!!! I won’t let you go Ben. I
won’t
let you go...Please don’t go,
please
don’t go...Oh God!!” She whispered, desperately, into his fingers. “...Oh God, Ben...don’t go, don’t
go
...I love you ...so, so, much...Come BACK. I need you!!!”

     “Jesus, Gerry, don’t you ever stop talking, woman!?” Geraldine forced her eyes open to see Ben twinkling at her, as the machine beside him suddenly became very lively. She gasped loudly and blinked hard, in the early-morning sunlight. Birds were singing. How
long
had she been asleep? And more to the point, how long had she been
talking
in her sleep and
what
had she been saying!!!? It didn’t matter now. All that mattered was that Lena and Metatron were gone and Ben was sitting up in bed, smiling and joking.

   Geraldine wasn’t sure what was real anymore. A few minutes ago, she’d been so completely convinced of her eleventh hour meeting with Metatron. But she suddenly had a feeling she would never really know for sure, whether it
had
actually taken place. She knew one thing though: that reality
was
based on a series of questions, and the answers themselves were, in the end, always subjective.       

     “Oh, Ben, we’ve been
so
worried!”

     “Hey,” he said, squeezing her hand, gently, “How could I leave now, just when things are starting to get interesting?” She laughed. What did he mean? How much did he know? How much had he heard? And to which level of consciousness was he, even, referring!!?

Ben’s mum smiled at Geraldine from the chair on the other side of his bed as she squeezed his other hand affectionately. Geraldine scratched her head and simply allowed herself to embrace complete bewilderment.

     When Danny arrived a few minutes later, Geraldine finally agreed to go home and get some rest. She felt dazed and delirious...and deliriously happy at the same time.

     “I don’t want to see you in here again until tonight,” said Danny, sternly, hugging her and leading her firmly towards the door. “I’m bringing Brogan over at seven. We’ll all see you then.”

      “Huh,” said Ben, suddenly, very alert. “Brogan!”

       Danny smiled coyly, rubbing a nervous hand across his shaven head. “Oh, yeah, Ben man, it’s a long story.” Ben smiled at Geraldine and rolled his eyes. She laughed and nodded, knowingly. Ben, lovely, lovely Ben, was back.

     Geraldine rushed home and had a long, hot soak in the tub. Did they really think she’d be able to
sleep
at a time like this? She wanted to get back to the hospital, as soon as possible, to see Ben and make sure he really was awake...and alive! She wanted to spend every, possible minute with him. She spent the rest of the day tidying up, so the flat would be ready for his possible return home in a few days. Was he even
coming
home? She wasn’t sure. For all
she
knew, he was going back with Danny. With all of the drama and the relief of his quick recovery, the untangling of her Angelic debate -  real or imaginary - and Danny’s prompt arrival at the hospital that morning, they hadn’t even had a chance to talk yet. Did he even know she'd found his letter and knew that there was no Lena?

      There was nothing else for it. She would simply have to come right out and tell him exactly how she felt, even though there was still a worrying possibility that he no longer even
felt
that way about her. She was going to have to take charge of the situation, regardless of the consequences, and in the grand scheme of things, it was definitely a risk worth taking.

      When she arrived at the hospital at six fifty-five she felt ridiculously nervous. She was greeted by Danny, Brogan and a very cheerful and clean-shaven Ben. “Surprise!!” they all chimed in unison, as Danny popped open a bottle of champagne.

     “Shhhhh..” said Brogan, giggling, slapping his arm playfully, quickly dragging Geraldine into the room and quietly closing the door behind her. “You’ll get the nurses in...”

     “What’s going on?!!” asked Geraldine, laughing, gamely and, at the same time, calmly resisting an impulse to rush over and kiss Ben deeply and passionately.

     “A little bird tells me you didn’t celebrate your birthday...” said Ben, glancing conspiratorially at Brogan, as Danny half-filled four paper cups with the sparkling liquid. Geraldine stared at the floor, as she remembered what had probably been the worst birthday of her life.

     “...AT
ALL,
Gerry!! That’s disgraceful!!” he said, laughing mischievously. Geraldine shrugged. This was embarrassing, to say the least.

     “Yeah, well,” she began. She had no idea what she was about to say. Surely this wasn’t the time to disclose everything...so publicly!? To let him know that she’d been so cut up about him not being around that she hadn’t even been able to
face
the thought of celebrating
anything
. Or that she’d been too preoccupied with trying to figure out where he was, to worry about the dates passing by on the calendar, and had actually almost
forgotten it was her birthday!!
Or, perhaps, he’d like to hear that she’d recently preferred getting to bed early, most nights, to having a
proper
life, in case his higher-self felt like showing up in a dream, or his dead grandmother wanted to pop in for an after-hours visit. No! This was definitely
not
the time for
any
of that. Then again, he’d obviously been filled in by Brogan about
some
of the events of the past few weeks. What
else
might she have told him? Geraldine was trying to think of something to say that might make some kind of sense. But Ben hadn’t finished speaking.

     “So, I thought we could make this a double celebration.” He was saying. Geraldine racked her brain for a minute. What
else
had she forgotten in all this madness? Who
else
was having a birthday? Perhaps they were celebrating Ben’s recovery. She suddenly didn’t trust herself to speak but, instead, stared blankly at three mysteriously excited faces, for once in her life,
completely
lost for words. Ben slowly reached behind his pillow and produced a small, purple, velvet box with a collection of tiny hearts embossed into the fabric. “This used to belong to Lena,” he said, as he carefully opened it and removed a delicate, platinum ring, set with sparkling, twinned pink diamonds.

      Gerry gasped and blinked hard, as tears threatened to overwhelm her again. “And I
know
she wants you to have it...” Brogan clutched her chest with both hands and looked as if
she
was going to cry as well. “Geraldine,” He continued, “I may not be able to get down on one knee just yet, but I have, apparently, travelled through aeons, centuries, wars, winds, rain,” he continued, gesticulating wildly, “and across
time. And,
I’ve been laid up in this bed for what
felt
like an eternity, listening to a tale that would have confused Homer, himself! I have apparently even stared
death
...in the face ...to bring you this ring. Will you please,
PLEASE
.” At this point, Geraldine could feel Danny smirking across the room. “PLEEEEAAASE, marry me!!!”

      Geraldine laughed and shook her head with ecstatic disbelief as she took in the scene around her. She looked over at their two amazing friends, who’d so obviously helped to make it all possible. Brogan was holding her breath. Danny was issuing a dire warning with his eyebrows.

      
Ben
was asking her to marry him! For real this time! And yet, it was all slightly surreal, like waking up in the middle of a gorgeous dream and being told you could stay in that dream forever! For some reason, she suddenly remembered his first, almost inadvertent, proposal and everything that had happened since, everything it had taken for a universe of possibility to conspire to finally bring them to this point. She marvelled at the perfection of the Divine plan and the beautiful rightness of the whole situation and, in that instant, she knew without a doubt, that for as long as they both lived, and probably for a long after that time, nothing would ever part them again. And
that...
was
surely
, true progress. She was almost expecting a vestment-clad, Brogan to step forward and say “Those whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder...”

     Ben was still smiling and shining, as he waited for her reply, and Geraldine could have sworn that just behind him, she caught a glimpse of Metatron, smirking mischievously and wiping a large eraser across a holographic blackboard. Geraldine shook her head, in sheer amazement and disbelief.

     “Gerry, you gonna marry the man, or what?” said Danny, raising his cup impatiently.

Geraldine sighed contentedly, “Why the heck not,” she said, grinning ecstatically.

       “Well, yeah...” said Ben, smiling as her lips approached his, and they became consumed by a kiss, which stretched its gentle, healing radiance ....across eternity.