Operation One Night Stand (28 page)

“So, you wanted to continue to be friends.
That doesn’t explain why you punched Brian in the face.
If you didn’t want anything more, why not step aside?”

“Well, that’s the thing.”
The waitress dropped off our lunches.
Even as he thanked her, with me sitting in front of him, he couldn’t help but check her out and throw out that shit-eating grin that had me eating out of his, well, I’d rather not say.

I snapped my fingers in his face.
“Hey.
Ryan.
Easy boy.
Explain all this to me and I’ll get her number for you.”

“Right.
So, like I was saying, the thing is I didn’t think I wanted more.
Until Brian said he did.
Then I thought to myself, if he can like you that way, then why can’t I?”

“I seriously doubt you’re a relationship kind of guy.”
I bit into my sandwich.

“I’m not, or I wasn’t.
I haven’t been since my college girlfriend broke my heart.
Since then, it’s been all one night stands and friends with benefits.”

I got where he was coming from.
He was lonely.
That wasn’t going to change overnight.

“But Ryan, maybe you
want
a girlfriend.
The fact that you’ve checked out our waitress a dozen times already shows me that you don’t want
me
as a girlfriend.
I’m not who you are looking for, just like you aren’t what I was looking for.”

“I guess.
But we had fun together.”

“We had fun, twice.
And both times, there wasn’t much talking.”

The tension that crept in at the beginning of the conversation dissipated and it suddenly felt like I was talking to an actual friend.

“You’re right.
Maybe I’m just feeling too old to keep banging every hot chick I see.”

“Glad to know I’m a hot chick, but a little concerned that I’m in the ‘every’ category.”

“You know what I mean.”

I did know what he meant and I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
Sometimes one night stands were meant to remain just that—just one night.

“Anyway, since the morning I punched Brian, I’ve been in California or staying with friends.
I’ve had a lot of time to think and Brian was right.
And knowing him as well as I do, I know he doesn’t fall for just anyone.
I think the two of you will be great together.”

“So you two worked it out?”

“Not really.
I kind of moved all my shit out when he wasn’t around.”

“That’s a douche bag move.”

“Well, you know what they say, everyone has an asshole friend and if you don’t, then you’re the asshole.
The thing is, none of my friends are assholes so you do the math.”

“I don’t think you’re an asshole.
I just think you need to square things away with Brian.
I can tell it bothers him and if you’re telling me the truth, then it bothers you, too.”

“Yeah, you’re right.
I’ll go over there after I leave here.
I can’t be a dick to him of all people.”
His eyes lit up.
“Hey, maybe you guys can help me find the right girl!”

“Being single is way better than being in the wrong relationship.
Trust me.
You’ll find her when the time is right.
Until then, have fun.
Nothing wrong with fun.”

“How can someone so tiny be so smart?
You’re like my Yoda.”

“First of all, because one has nothing to do with the other.
Besides, I’m not tiny, I’m concentrated awesome, and second of all, green isn’t my color.
Ryan, you and I can be friends.
Like real friends.
Without all that—”

“Mind-blowing sex?”
He laughed easily.

“Yes, mind-blowing sex.”
I checked the time on my phone.
“I’ve got to go.
Melody and I are going to get manicures.”
I stood and put on my jacket.
“Just promise me you’ll square it away with Brian?”

“Yeah, I will.
Promise.”
He rolled his eyes when I gave him a questioning look.

“Good.
So, you going to the bar tonight?”

“Won’t that be weird?”

“Why?
We’re friends right?
You’ll fix things with Brian, right?
Nothing weird about that.”

“But I can picture you naked whenever I want,” he joked.

I hit him with my gloves.
“Well, don’t.
Or if you do, don’t tell me or Brian about it.”

“Deal.
Thanks, Caroline.”

“Anytime.”
I gave him a hug.

“Hey, before you go, can you, uh—”

“Get the waitress’s number for you?
Sure thing.”

Before I left I whispered to our waitress and sent her over to Ryan.
It was the least I could do.

M
elody was late to the manicurist appointment and, in true Melody fashion, her entrance was dramatic.
Sweeping in with her long trench coat, wild hair, designer sunglasses, and handbag, it was hard not to center attention on her.

“So sorry I am late!
I had a late-morning fuck date.”
She wore bed head like no one else.
She hung her coat on the chair and dropped her purse, oblivious to the fact that three blue-haired ladies gasped at her words and were whispering in one another’s ears about her lack of couth while frowning in her direction.

“No problem.
I just got here myself.
So who was it?”

“Who was what?”

“Your late-morning fuck date.
Who were you with?”

“Oh you don’t know him.
We, uh, work together.”
She brushed me off.

I nodded in silence.
I loved Melody but sometimes I couldn’t keep up with her revolving door of bed buddies.

“So, what color are you doing?”

“This pale pink.”
I handed her the bottle.

“Oh cute.
So you.
I think I’m going red this time.”

She pointed to a color and said, in perfect Mandarin, what she wanted.
Sometimes I forgot how freakishly educated she was.
Just goes to show, easy and educated
do
go hand in hand.

“So, have you and Sarah ironed shit out yet?”

“Not yet.”
I thought back to the advice I’d given Ryan earlier.
Maybe it was time to take a teaspoon, or a gallon, of my own medicine, suck it up, and have the conversation I’ve been dreading.
“I don’t know what to say.
I don’t know why she freaked out.”

“Then you’re an idiot.”

“I’m not an idiot.”

“Don’t you think if I were wrong, I would know it?
Of course you’re an idiot.
And so is she.”

At least I wasn’t the only one.

“So, oh exalted one, please tell me why
I
am an idiot.”

“Sarah doesn’t want to lose you.
She already feels like she was losing you after you and Steven broke up.
You were a zombie, Care.
And she kind of did.
You were all wrapped up in losing him and forgot to live for a while.
Plus, you started to not hang out with us while you were with him.
That last year we hardly saw you.”

“That’s not true!”
I cringed, knowing she was right.

“Oh, please.
We saw you, what?
Every couple months?
Whenever you could get away?”

“I took spin class every Sunday with you guys!”

“Whatever.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Look, she wants you to be happy more than anything and she doesn’t want you making shitty decisions.
She thought having lunch with Ryan was a shitty decision that would fuck up what you’ve started with Brian.
And if that fucked up, you’d be back to eating pints and crying over Nicholas Sparks movies.”

I shook my head.

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Now tell me and mean it.”

I couldn’t.
She was right.
Goddamn, she was smart.

“Fine.
I’ll talk to her.”

“That’s all I want you to do.
Look, if I’m going to be stuck in between two people it wouldn’t be you two.
Don’t get me wrong, I love you guys, but you don’t have cocks.”

“What?”

“Cocks.
I need to be in the middle of a cock sandwich, not a girly emotional standoff.
And that’s all I’m going to say on the matter.
Unless you don’t talk to her, then I am going to bitch smack both of you.”

“You have a dirty mouth.”
I laughed.

“The reason I swear so much is fuck you.
Just listen to me.
I give great advice.
I just never follow it.
Hence the late-morning fuck buddy.”

“Who was it, Mel?”

She looked around before she leaned in and whispered, “My boss.”

“What?”
I yelled.

“Simmer down.
It’s no big deal.
His wife was out of town and he texted me early this morning.
It’s not going anywhere.
Just a stupid lapse in judgment.”

“I’ll say.”
I shook my head.
Only Melody would get herself into that kind of situation.

“Don’t tell Sarah.
She’ll get all judgy and I don’t need that.
Besides, I’m meeting Danny at the bar tonight.
You going?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there.
Wait.
Danny called?
When did this happen?”

“Last night.
He apologized for not getting in touch with me.
Not sure how he got my number but anyway, we’re meeting up tonight.
No big deal.”

“You always did have a thing for tall, dark, and handsome.”

“And blond and ginger and, and, and.
Besides, I bought a fabulous pair of fuck-me heels and I intend on putting them to good use.”

“You’re right.”
I blew on my nails.
I was suddenly antsy to get home and have the heart to heart with Sarah.

We chatted for the next hour about nothing and everything.
She was right.
I had been off the grid.
I silently vowed not to make that mistake again.

“Okay, I’m off.
Gotta buy a new pair of panties.”

The word still made me cringe a week later.

“Have fun.
I’m off to chat with Sarah.
Wish me luck.”

“Good luck.”
She grabbed my boob.
“What?
Everyone knows good luck is imminent when someone grabs your boob.”

“Who knows that?”

“Um, everyone?
See you tonight, bitch face.
Love you!”

“Yeah, yeah.
Don’t trip on your heels.”

She blew me a kiss as she sashayed out the door.
There was no other word to describe it.
She didn’t walk.

I took my time walking home, mentally going over what I wanted to say to Sarah.
It wouldn’t be fun but I knew Melody was right.
I knew Sarah better than I knew myself and nothing she said or did was malicious.
I should have known better than to think so.

When I entered the apartment, Sarah was nowhere in sight.
I beelined for the kitchen to make a pot of coffee.
I was pulling down the sweetener when I heard a thump.
My skin tingled.
There was no one in the apartment but me.

Like a maniac, I twirled around the kitchen looking for a weapon.
I thought about a knife, but knives meant stabbing and stabbing meant blood and I just wasn’t ready to stain my new kicks.
Converse need to be broken in gently and blood would screw up the process.
So I settled on a wooden spoon.

Tiptoeing with my back against the wall, I stealthily moved from the kitchen to the entrance to the hall.
Another thump echoed louder.
Ice slid through my veins.
I psyched myself up before I peeked around the corner.
Counting to three, I flipped on the light.

Nothing.
All the doors were closed to the rooms and the bathroom.
I longed for my cell phone but it was over by the door inside my purse.
It may as well have been in the middle of the ocean.
No way was I going to cross the room and expose myself to whatever terror was residing in my apartment.

Another thump.

Carefully, I opened the closet door and threw the spoon in there while I grabbed the long golf umbrella Steven left at the apartment years ago.
I promised myself if the umbrella saved my life, I would be nicer to Steven the next time I saw him.
My brain looped the word “if” over and over.

I was scared shitless as I heard a louder noise come from Sarah’s room.
Blessing myself with the sign of the cross, I placed my hand on the doorknob.
Mentally counting backward from ten, I prepared to attack.

I turned the knob slowly until I heard a click, then I shoved it open, umbrella stretched out in front of me.

“Aha!”
I hit the man in the head and he dropped to the floor.

“Caroline!
What the hell?”

Sarah was handcuffed to her bed, stretched out in all her naked glory.
She kept twitching.

I covered my eyes and turned away.
“Oh my God!
I am so sorry!”

“What did you do?”

“I thought there was an intruder!
I didn’t know!”

The naked man on the floor began to stir and I jumped back.

“Who is that?”

“It’s Drew, you ass!”

“Hey, Care,” Drew said.

“Hey, Drew.
Sorry about that.
Do you need an ice pack?”

“Um, a little help over here!”
I peeked between my fingers.
Sarah was still twitching.

“What’s wrong with you?
Why are you twitching?”
I dropped the umbrella and stepped toward her.

“Don’t come closer.”
She moaned.

“Are you sick?”
I was becoming concerned.
Her mouth kept opening and closing, her body looked like it was spasming, and something was wrong with her voice.
“Are you having a stroke?”

“She’s not having a stroke.”
Drew stood up, reached for his shirt, and held it in front of himself.

“Then what’s wrong with her, I really should—”

I stopped midsentence and reexamined the scene.
Drew was naked.
Sarah was handcuffed to the bed.
She was vibrating.
She was moaning.

“Motherfucker!
You’re using a vibrator!”
I collapsed to the floor, laughing so hard I thought my sides would split.

“And I was enjoying it until you barged in here!”
I watched her eyelids flutter and her toes point.

“Um, Care?”
Drew looked at me and then motioned to Sarah.

“Oh, right.
You don’t want me here.
I shouldn’t be here.
I’m just um, going to go and, you know, find a noose to hang myself with.”
I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, laughing really hard.

“I can hear you!”
Sarah yelled out before she yelled Drew’s name in her big finish.
I hopped back to the kitchen to get my coffee.

Twenty minutes later, Drew hightailed it out of the apartment as I sat on the couch reading a manuscript.
Sarah strolled into the space moments later covered in her fluffy pink robe.

I snickered.

“I can hear you, you know.”

“I’m sorry.
It was just, so
not
you.
I mean, I expect to walk in on Melody in that situation, not you.”

“Well, then, you don’t know me very well.”
She huffed as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

I put the papers down on the coffee table and turned toward her.
“You’re right.
I don’t know you as well as I should and that’s on me.”
I patted the cushion next to me.
“Come sit.”

For the next hour we talked about everything.
From Steven to the breakup to the one night stand.
She told me her fears, her hopes, and what she wanted most in life.
We reconnected in a way we hadn’t since college.

We’d graduated from coffee to wine when Sarah said, “I was just sad when you disappeared.
I felt like I lost my best friend.
And when you came back, you were all weepy and shit.
I mean, when you were with Steven you weren’t the Caroline I knew but that sobbing six-week mess was not even in the vicinity of who I knew you were.”

“I didn’t know.
I am so sorry.
I deserve an oblivious asshole award or something.”

“Nah.
Sometimes I wish I was that wrapped up in someone.
The kind of love that’s the reason to look down at my phone and smile when he calls.
Then promptly walk into a pole.”