Only You (The Mephisto Covenant Series) (38 page)

Key grasped her arms and held her still. “Jordan, calm down. You have to tell us where she is.”

Turning her horrified tear-streaked face to me, she whispered, “Hell on Earth. I left her in Hell on Earth.”

I
almost couldn’t draw breath, fear for her overriding everything. I wanted to know how.
Why?
But that would have to come later. I jerked my head around to look at Jax. “I’m going.”

“You can’t. Nobody can go there except Lucifer.”

I exploded. “You think I give a shit about
rules
right now? I’m going to be with her. You just make sure Lucifer comes to get us.”

“
Phoenix, please, I know this is horrible. The worst. The very worst. But rushing off is foolish. Let’s call M, right now, and he will help.” He was already drawing his phone from his pocket.

We waited for him to arrive, which took
the longest thirty seconds of my life. Jordan was hysterical. I ignored her.

When
M arrived, he was smiling, but he quickly stopped when he saw Jordan losing it. “What’s happened? What’s wrong? This should be a happy—”

“Mariah is in Hell on Earth.”

He wheeled around to face me, his expression one of complete shock. “How? No one but Lucifer goes to Hell on Earth. No one!”

Jordan tried to speak up, but she was crying too hard to make any sense.

“Mariah is not no one, and she
is
there, and I
am
going to find her.”

He looked more freaked out than I’d ever seen him. “If you go, you can’t leave.”

“Lucifer will come for us. All you have to do is tell him, and he’ll be there.”

“He’s going to be angry. Furious. This could mean far more than punishment. It could mean he’ll take both of you out.”

“There’s no choice, M. I’m not leaving her there by herself. If Lucifer’s angry, I don’t care. Just make sure he knows.”

I looked at Jax, who nodded.

Steeling myself, I closed my eyes and transported to the one place on the planet I would never want to be, and the only place on Earth I could possibly be.

I had no concept of what it would be like, no grasp of where to materialize. I instantly felt intense heat and when I opened my eyes, I had a nanosecond to get my bearings before a mob of naked, skeletal Skia attacked me. Even in their
reduced state, they were stronger than humans, and it was all I could do to fight them off. I had my switchblade, but it would eventually be a losing battle, their sheer numbers giving them tremendous strength.

I had to find Mariah.
Desperately fighting to keep them from dragging me to the ground, I mentally searched, thankful that it worked when I found her. She was close, but not here. I imagined I was next to her, hoping I’d transport.

Nothing happened.

The noise was deafening, the angry shouts of the Skia echoing around the cave. I kept my mental search for Mariah front and center while I hacked and punched and shoved my way through the mob. Their numbers and their rage would be my undoing, but I had to get to Mariah before they tore me to pieces. They’d already torn off my coat, and my shirt was in tatters.

I
made my way into a narrow tunnel, crouching down to move through, the switchblade becoming harder to grip because of blood and sweat. I was soaking wet. My hands were blistered. I couldn’t breathe. I kept moving.

In the next room, much bigger than the last, all the Skia were massed together at the other end, bodies writ
hing as they tried to push their way through to the front. I heard her screams. Her agony.

W
ith raging Skia on my heels, I ran and gathered myself for a jump, then leaped into the air and sailed over the heads of the mob, landing on top of the one who was next in line. I yanked two of them off of her and reached down to scoop her into my arms. Bloody and bruised, her beautiful face unrecognizable, she fought me and continued to scream, her neck stretched taut, her eyes wild with terror. She saw me and didn’t know me. To her, I was another face, another male, another rape.

My heart broke into a million pieces. I knew, no matter what happened, or how soon we got out of here, she’d never recover. She would never come back.

They were all over us, but I wouldn’t let go of her. They took me down, they kicked and punched and ripped my flesh from my bones, and I would not let go of her. I would live through this. I was immortal. And my rational mind understood their fury. I was the enemy. I sent them to this Godforsaken place. They were Eryx’s drones, incapable of compassion. The best I could hope for was a reprieve from their hatred when there was nothing left of me to destroy.

Some of the meatier ones tried to pull Mariah away, but my arms were a vice grip around her. They broke her arms, trying to get her away from me. They ripped out her beautiful hair, scratched her face with their claw
-like fingernails.

One of them tried to rape her, even while I was holding her, and I kicked him in the nuts.

Mariah never stopped screaming.

A snarling woman
stuffed a piece of my shirt into her mouth and yelled for her to shut up.

I
called for Lucifer, shouting his name until my throat was raw. I had no concept of time. I faded in and out of consciousness, but I never let go of Mariah.

Chapter 20

~~ Mariah ~~

I was in the room with the braided rug, and the fire, and Beet, but instead of my mother, Mary Michael sat on the old rocker and worked a basket in her nimble hands. I watched, intrigued by her skill, talking to her even though she never replied. Beet licked my face and it felt cool on my hot skin. Such a love. I’d always wanted to get another dog, but it hadn’t been possible. They were expensive to keep, and Marta didn’t like dogs.

It didn’t matter so much now. Here was Beet, wagging his tail, licking my face, wiggling his little body with pleasure when I rubbed his belly.

I would never leave here. Ever. I would be happy here. Content. At peace. And nothing would ever hurt me again. Sighing, I laid back on the rug and looked up at the crossbeams of the cabin, at the hewn logs placed there so long ago by a hard working rancher. I wondered if he came here alone, or did he bring his family? Did he have a family?

I heard a booming voice calling my name
, and I turned my head to look. There was the rancher, and he held a posy of flowers in his hand. He gave them to Mary Michael and she smiled and kissed him. He took off his coat and sat on the big rocker and told us all about his day, about the cattle and the meadow and crossing the stream on his horse. Mary Michael continued making her basket. I thought the rancher looked like the Mephisto. He was dark and handsome, and had a gleam in his eye that spoke of a joker, a man who liked to tease. He flirted with Mary Michael and she told him to hush, pointing at me as a reminder that children were present and he should behave.

My body moved
. I knew I bled, but I felt no pain. I saw nothing except Mary Michael’s startling blue eyes and the rancher’s boots and Beet’s tail wagging.

I wanted the fire to go out because it was so hot.

I didn’t wish for death. I knew that was beyond me now, and all that was left was this small room. I’d worried that this was the extent of Heaven, but now, I was ecstatic to be here, would be here for all eternity and that would be lovely.

I began to hum. I might have sung, except something was blocking my voice, clogging my throat, not letting any sound come out. Oh, well. I’d hum, and wasn’t that wonderful?

Chapter 21

~~ Phoenix ~~

It had been three weeks since Lucifer came for me and Mariah. I didn’t know until we were back on Mephisto Mountain that we’d been
in Hell on Earth for over thirty-six hours. My photographic memory wouldn’t let me forget even one second of the time we were there, but I was shocked to learn it was almost two days. Jax said M went immediately to Lucifer, to ask him to rescue us, and as he’d predicted, Lucifer was furious. He left us there to teach us a lesson. No one was to go to Hell on Earth, but it hadn’t ever been an issue because who would want to? Entry was open because it had to be for the lost souls and Skia, but there was no exit, except for Lucifer. According to M, that Jordan had left caused an enormous amount of anxiety for Lucifer because it meant Eryx had gained enough power to override his will. While she was with Eryx, Jordan was an extension of him, able to draw on his power to do what he did.

As it turned out,
our mother hadn’t been given permission. She’d taken Mariah there all on her own, and while Lucifer had no say or control over her actions, I didn’t doubt she was in hot water with God.

Maybe Lucifer was unaware of what
more time in Hell on Earth would do to Mariah. Maybe he knew already that she was forever lost in her own head, and taking her out of Hell on Earth the minute he knew she was there wouldn’t have made a difference. Maybe the lesson he wanted to teach was to me.

I knew it wasn’t Jordan’s fault, and she was massively depressed, but I still didn’t want to see her. She came to Mariah’s room numerous times each day after we came back, and I wouldn’t let her in. I wouldn’t let anyone in, even Mathilda. I popped down to the kitchen for meals and took them up to Mariah and watched her eat with no expression on her face, no light in her eyes, no recognition of me or her surroundings. She was there, but she wasn’t.

Every morning, I took her pajamas off and got in the shower with her and washed her hair and sang to her. I dried her hair and combed it out, then led her back to bed. I read to her, played movies, and talked. Endlessly.

The fourth day, Key came to visit and wouldn’
t let me turn him away. He sat by her bed and talked to her and something sparked. It didn’t last, but there was something there. He asked me to let Jordan see her. When I said no, he said, “She can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t stop crying. This is cruel, Phoenix. Please, if you won’t do it for Jordan, do it for me.” He’d looked at Mariah. “Do it for her. Maybe Jordan can bring her back.”

“Maybe Jordan would scare her farther away.
Let’s not forget, she’s the one who took her there.”

“Would Mariah hold it against her?”

I had to admit, “No.”

Key
cried and my resolve crumbled. I was at wit’s end, had no idea what to do for her, what was best. Key said, “You’ve got to let people see her. Talk to her. You can’t stay here all day and all night for all time.”

I
relented and allowed Jordan to visit. She and I talked for hours, and I peppered her with questions about Eryx, storing it all away for later. My hatred of him had elevated to another level. I was determined to destroy him.

A steady stream of visitors came after that, and if someone didn’t leave when I told them to, I physically picked t
hem up and took them out to the hallway. That side she’d once told me about came screaming to the fore. I lost it a lot, and broke things and cursed and shouted – but always away from her room. When I was there, I never raised my voice, never allowed myself to become angry.

Mathilda was
in Mariah’s room daily, sitting by the bed, knitting, talking constantly, telling Mariah stories of her childhood growing up in Surrey. She brought treats which Mariah ate with the same enthusiasm she ate everything – none. Food appeared and she ate it, but it might as well have been gruel.

I brought all of my work into her room and planned Jordan’s memorial service takedown on the little desk. It went off without a problem, and when it was over, I told Key not to count on me for making any plans until Mariah was back.

I knew he didn’t believe she’d come back. No one did.

But I couldn’t let go of hope. Couldn’t let go of her.

After three weeks, however, hope began to wane. It had been a particularly difficult day. During our daily shower, for some reason she actually saw me – not me as Phoenix, but me as a male, and she began to cry. She jerked away from me and cowered in the corner. It took half an hour to coax her back to me, and afterward, when I had her back in bed, she looked farther away than ever.

I sat there for hours, praying to God, even thoug
h he couldn’t hear me. Sometime around two in the morning, I changed into my boxers, laid on the bed, and gathered her close, just as I did every night. And like always, she was limp and unresponsive.

“What is her happiness worth to you?”

I opened my eyes and there was Lucifer, standing at the end of the bed. “Everything.”

“She sleeps to heal her mind, but some wounds never quite go away. Let her go, Phoenix. Let her go to God.”

I clutched her tighter to me, but I nodded.

“If she could wake up right now with no memory of what happened, if she could be here, be Mephisto, find love amongst your brothers or the Luminas, what would you do to make that happen?”

“Anything.”

“Get up.”

I kissed her cheeks and her nose and moved away from her to get off of the bed. I stood and faced Lucifer, prepared to go with him.

“You’ll never see her again. You’ll be with me forever where there is no warmth, no love, no kindness. You’ll work, hard, and I’ll never let up. Ever. For all time, even when the end of the world has come and gone.”

“I’m ready.”

“Do you love her?”

“Does it matter?”

He disappeared.

He would be back. Until then, I’d spend the time with Mariah and say goodbye.

I sat on the chair next to her bed and watched her beautiful face in sleep. Where was she? Did she live on the rug by the fire? Was her mother there? Was she happy?

I began to cry and couldn’t stop. Falling to my knees, I grasped her hand and held it within my own and rested my head on the bed. “Please,
please
, wake up now. You can do all those things you wanted, and be here with your family, with Jordan and my brothers. Please,
puica
, let me see you smile just one more time before I go. I love you so much, Mariah.”

A hand came to rest on my head and I jerked up, thinking it was her
, but she was still asleep and unmoving.

Turning, I blinked away my tears.

Like a beacon in darkness, lit by divinity, an angel smiled down at me.

~~ Mariah ~~

The rancher
had gone, and sometime later, another man arrived. He wasn’t nearly so good-humored as the rancher. I wasn’t sure if he was handsome, or ugly, or somewhere in between. I kept trying to see his face, but I couldn’t remember what he looked like, even when I was looking directly at him. He talked about me as if I wasn’t there. He said things like, “Heal her mind,” and “Let her go, let her be with God.”

I sat up and said, “I’d love to be with God. Mary Michael, can I go be with God? It’s not that I don’t like it here, but you’re going to leave me, I know you are, and then I’ll be all alone.” I began to cry. “I’m so tired of being alone. Please, if I could just be with God, I’ll never be alone again. God loves me, I know he does.”

She never looked at me. Slowly, she faded and was gone. I grabbed Beet and held onto him, but he also disappeared, leaving my arms empty. The light began to fade and then there was only me and the man, in a circle of light in the middle of darkness. He reached out and I laid my head in his hand and sighed. Now I knew who he was. This was Lucifer. “Why are you here?”

“I came to take you home. Do you want to go home?”

“I want to belong. I just want to be normal, and belong, and matter. Why do I never matter?”

He stood and pulled me up and drew me close and hugged me tight. “
You matter to those who love you, like me, and God, and Mary Michael. You matter to Viorica.”

“She
brought me here. She’s lost.”

“K
yros brought her back to God, and they’re waiting for you at home.”

“I
’m glad. So glad.”

“You also matter to the brothers, especially Phoenix.”

“He forgot I existed.”

“
He never forgot you. It was his way of protecting you.”

“It sucked.”

“I didn’t say it was a good way, just that it’s his way. He’ll always be one who compartmentalizes, which you can surely relate to. Everything in your mind is in its place, where you can find it or ignore it, depending. Sometimes you’ll be in a place in his mind that’s safe, where he can find you after he’s taken care of what’s in the other spaces of his mind. It never means those things are more important. Just that they have to take priority in his thoughts. He can’t help it, Mariah. It’s how God made him. It’s why he’s so good at his plans. He loves you.”

“No.”

“He came to get you.”

I leaned back and looked up into his face, but co
uldn’t remember his features, even while I looked. “You mean in my dream? He comes to get me from my dream.”

“When he discovered you were in Hell on Earth, he went there immediately, and stayed with you until I arrived.”

Horrific memories slammed into me and I
couldn’t breathe. So much pain and blood, terror and evil. And Phoenix, fighting, shouting, holding them back while I screamed. Holding me, trying to keep them from taking me. I’d scarcely begun to remember when the memories were gone.

“I’ve taken them, Mariah. It’s as if it never happened and you were never there, and you’ll never remember. It’s my gift to you, so when you
open that empty box in your mind, think of me and know that despite who I am and what I stand for, there is a slice of warmth still in my soul, and I am capable of affection for those I admire.”

Affection from the
devil. I was oddly humbled.

“Phoenix waits for you, Mariah.”

“Where is he?”

“
In your room, hoping you’ll wake up. But if you want to go to Heaven, I’ll make that happen and you’ll never wake up.”

I peered up at him, trying to hold on to his features, but it was impossible. “Why you? Why not Mary Michael? Wouldn’t she be the likely candidate to take me to Heaven?”

“She is his mother, so all her persuasions would come with an ulterior motive. Same goes for his father, although he’d never admit to it. Mephistopheles likes the illusion that he’s impartial, and for the most part, I let him.” He smiled and I knew I’d remember that. “I’m the one here now because it’s my will, because I want you to fully understand what it is to be with Phoenix. He’s not the worst of his brothers, but perhaps the most complicated, like his father. He’s an odd blend of good and bad, exacting precision and a complete mess. I always favored him because he’s never been one to hide from his mistakes, and he’s had a lot of mistakes.”

“He can be very kind and considerate when he wants to be.”

“And selfish and nasty when he wants to be.” He stroked my hair. “He’s been acting badly the past few weeks, breaking things, yelling at his brothers and the Purgatories and Luminas. When they launched the takedown at Jordan’s memorial service, however, he was his usual careful, methodical self and it all went off without a hitch. As soon as they were back, he began issuing orders and guarding your bedside and telling the rest of them to back off and let you rest.”

“Where have I been for all that time?”

“Asleep in your mind. You get up, you eat, you take a bath, but you’re not there. You never speak, never focus. You’re a functioning body without life. I put you to sleep to let your mind heal, and now I’ve erased the remaining memories that would cause you to relapse.”

“Even Emilian?”

“No, that’s part of who you are, Mariah. It’s what life handed to you and I have no call and no right to make it go away. The other . . . I do have some authority, and I believe you can be perfectly well-rounded without remembering.” He stroked my hair again. “I see why he’s so fascinated with your hair. Always did love a woman’s hair.” His hand stilled against my head. “He does love you to distraction, child. So much, I lost him, just last night. He broke down and cried and begged God to send you back and promised he’d love you forever and never, ever not be grateful. You know, groveling sometimes works.”

I smiled at that.

“He was sincere and God recognizes sincerity. It doesn’t mean Phoenix won’t ever be overbearing or ill-tempered again. You need to keep this in mind before you decide.”

“So he loves me. Does that mean he’s
redeemed? I thought I had to love him back.”

“You do. We all know it. You know it. God knows it. Yes, Phoenix can look forward to Heaven when the end finally comes, or when Eryx is defeated, but
redemption isn’t a free pass. He must live a life of honor. When he screws up, and he will because he’s Phoenix, he’ll need to be repentant. Not guilty. Guilt is a joke if repentance isn’t real.” He stepped back from me, out of the light so that I couldn’t see him any longer. “What say you, Mariah Ardelean? Shall I deliver you to God, or return you to Phoenix?”