Only Love (The Atonement Series) (23 page)

Drake embraced me as I continued to sob on his shoulder.

“I wasn’t suggesting you go back to him, sweetie. I want you for myself but what I am saying is we can work through all of this. I am willing to do what ever it takes for us to be together. That is what I am saying. I know you might not have the kind of feelings for me as you had for him and that is okay. We will do what we need to do and we’ll take it one day at a time.”

My tears finally dried up after what seemed like a lifetime of an emotional roller coaster. “I’m sorry. I do want to do what ever it takes for us to be together because you are too good of a man for me just to pass up so I am going to hold on tight and I don’t plan to let go.”

He ran his fingers through my hair before he kissed my lips softly. “Didn’t you say something about a favor and what are you doing here so early?”

“I misread the schedule. It’s Colin’s day to close which means I was supposed to be there this morning when we were making love,” I whispered conspiratorially. “Anyway, my sister’s engagement party is this weekend and I wanted you to come with me for moral support. I will show you around Seattle and we can see Drew and spend some time with him and Aubrey. Please say yes—I am begging you. I am not afraid to tempt you with unlimited blow jobs if necessary.”

Drake laughed out loud before he leaned over and murmured in my ear. “I would rather eat you out for hours at a time then have you giving me unlimited blow jobs. The answer is yes. Mikayla is gone the whole weekend and there are cooks so the food might suffer a bit but that’s not my worry. I want to be there for you in your time of need.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist before I kissed his left cheek. “You are an absolute prince. Thank you for doing this for me.”

He stared deeply into my eyes and the look of love they held for me was more apparent than ever. “What are boyfriends for if not for that specific purpose?”

I kissed him again before I laughed out loud at his joke and moments later, he joined me in my absolute joy of the situation.

Drake and I arrived in Seattle on a rainy Friday afternoon.

Although we had been given an open invitation to stay at my old place with Drew and Aubrey, we opted for a hotel and decided W Seattle would be perfect. Drake had reserved the Extreme Wow Suite which was over one thousand square feet and perfect for the two of us.

It was absolute revelation and after spending three hours on the plane before we reserved a vehicle at the airport—a comfortable and gas guzzling Cadillac Escalade—we drove to our hotel and settled in for the night.

After we took a shower together, he ordered room service while I blow dried my hair and tried to work some of curls through to make it wavier as opposed to just a mop on top of my head. I knew I would end up putting it up for my sister’s engagement party because the pretty scarlet and lipstick-red dress I had chosen for the occasion wouldn’t look as stunning otherwise.

I joined Drake in the sitting room as he opened up a bottle of vintage Dom Perignon and we enjoyed it while wrapped in one another’s arms. We still wore our plush hotel robes and enjoyed the comfortable silence between us as we drank our alcohol.

“Tell me you aren’t nervous about tomorrow?” he inquired in deep-throated sexy voice that drove me wild with desire.

“I’ll tell you all about how I am feeling when you tell me what you ordered from room service?” I answered seductively as I positioned myself on his lap.

His hands held my face and he studied me intently. “I don’t think I like the sound of blackmail especially coming from you, Ms. Bardot.”

“It’s not blackmail if I am willing to do what ever you desire.” I ground my groin against his growing hard-on and he tried not to moan.

Our lips found one another with a natural intensity and we kissed, gently at first before his lips parted and his tongue sought mine out. I responded as his fingers slipped the clip that held the fragile bun from my hair and his hands massaged my scalp as he brought me closer to him.

I surrendered to the pleasure of our caresses and began to move my hips in a highly sexual manner against his erect member though layers of cloth separated us from actually enjoying one another fully.

Drake pulled away and sighed softly. “We have room service coming soon. I just ordered from Trace, it’s a restaurant located in the bar. I got a variety of the sushi they offer including the California Roll, the Northwest Roll and the Crunch Roll. I also ordered us some sake. I hope the Ichishima Junmai Silk Deluxe is a brand you will appreciate.”

“Why shouldn’t I when it is the most expensive brand of sake on the menu?” I murmured in his ear. “How long did room service say they were going to take?”

“Forty-five minutes to an hour…that was a half an hour ago,” he murmured.

“That is plenty of time for a quickie, you know.”

Drake moved me from his lap and sat me next to him. He turned toward me and stared deeply into my eyes. “Seriously, I know you are worried about tomorrow and I won’t let you just fill our conversation with diversions of quickies and endless sex. I want to know what has you so spooked and anxious about what is going to happen tomorrow. If you say it is Colin I will choke you myself.”

I dropped my plastic smile. “No, it isn’t Colin. I am genuinely concerned about my mother and although tomorrow is my sister’s day, I worry about her well being. She is slow to communicate and I’m not stupid. I have heard the stories about some spouses not being able to go on when they lose their life mate or soul mate or what ever you want to call it. I sometimes worry she might commit suicide…the thought is always on my mind.”

Drake caressed my neck. “That’s not all so spill the rest.”

“I worry…about us. I love you and you love me but is love ever just enough? I don’t want to make the same mistake I did with Colin and for God’s sake if you have some kind of colossal secret then just tell me already.”

“I don’t understand what you mean.” Drake’s lips set into a firm line.

I glared at him with a less than pleased look. “Why did your parents disown you? I know your family because I dated Drew for a very long time and his parents always thought we would get married. When I visited his aunt’s place, there is not one picture of you to be found. What happened?”

The doorbell rang and Drake hopped up before he turned toward me with tortured pale aquamarine eyes. “Saved by the bell.”

I laughed though there was little mirth in it and allowed him to fetch our order before he gave the waiter a fifty dollar tip and closed the door.

He set the food in front of us and instead of attacking the sushi, both of us went for the sake. He poured us each a shot and we downed it quickly after a toast.

Drake breathed deeply and slipped his arms around my waist. I settled into his warm embrace as we laid on the sofa with the sushi in front of us on an art-deco glass table.

“My parents’ disowned me because when my sister and I were in university, there was an accident. We were the younger two…we also have an older sister and brother who are several years older than we are. Lauren is married to a senator from Massachusetts and considered quite the progressive because her husband is mixed. He’s half-black and half-white. He was adopted by a very wealthy Anglo-American family and he is going to go very far. Some people say he might be the second coming of Obama—minus the Kenyan lineage.

“Carlton is also married and he is in the House of Representatives for Massachusetts in Washington. His wife is the perfect WASP heiress and they have two perfect children. It was always Katherine and I who were the most rebellious. We were close in age and we both decided to attend different universities than what were acceptable to the family.

“Anyway, we were driving home for Christmas break and she was at the wheel. It was snowing and I told her to slow down. She didn’t and we were in a horrific accident. She died but I survived and my parents blamed me because they said I should have been driving. I suppose in a way, they have a point. I should have been behind the wheel. When the SUV flipped, I would have survived due to my size and we both would have made it out alive.”

I stared at him intently. “Your parents blamed you because your sister didn’t make it?”

“Well, that wasn’t all. They found drugs—cocaine and Xanax—in her system and I was the reason they were there. We’d both sniffed a few lines and popped a Xanax before we set off for our trip. It was my fault and I accepted full responsibility. I can live with them hating me but I would give anything for Kathy to be alive, just like they would.” He breathed deeply again before he kissed my forehead. “No one ever said life was fair and perhaps that is why I can empathize with Colin and Liam, if only a little. Accidents aren’t planned…they just happen but we make them possible due to the lousy fucking choices we make in life.”

“True but you didn’t run over a pedestrian and try to get away with it,” I murmured back.

“I still feel just as guilty. I should have been driving that vehicle and instead, I allowed Katherine to drive and I will never be able to see my sister again except in photographs, home movies and at the cemetery. The ironic part is my parents didn’t have to disown me—I hate myself enough knowing I let it happen.”

I kissed his lips and squeezed my arms around him tighter. “It wasn’t your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself for something that could have happened to anyone, Drake.”

We sat there for a while as I held him and he sobbed on my shoulders. His eyes eventually ran dry and he looked deep into my eyes. “I suppose this is just about as bad as what Liam and Colin did? No, I didn’t cause the death of a member of your family but one of my own and I guess that might make it infinitely worse.”

I smiled slightly before I kissed his warm lips again. “How can you say that? What happened to your sister was an accident. You could have easily died as well as her and I’m sorry your parents won’t forgive you because the punishment doesn’t fit the crime.”

Drake lifted me up as if I weighed nothing and he walked us into the bedroom of the hotel suite. “You truly believe that? You don’t think they are punishing me for something that was truly my fault? I was the one who had the drugs—the cocaine at least—though my sister had a prescription for Xanax because she suffered from severe anxiety attacks. I should have never offered her any and if I had been wiser with my decisions, she would still be here.”

He laid me on the bed and I looked up at him. “You can continue to blame yourself or accept that it wasn’t meant to be. Your sister lived as long as she was supposed to and she’s gone now. You still have a wonderful family that is still intact. Of course you miss Katherine and wish she was around but my father died over bullshit and my family is
not
intact any longer. My mother is a depressed mess and I keep waiting for her to snap out of it but to be honest, I don’t think she ever will. She loved my father very much. It would be the same as if I lost you…I’m not exactly sure yours is a death I could easily get over.”

“You’re not just saying that because we are together now? Your feelings might change and perhaps Colin is the one for you and the love of your life—”

I silenced any further talk by kissing him long and hard as I wrapped my arms around his neck and he collapsed on the bed beside me. His tongue entered my mouth and mine swirled with his in a delicious ecstasy that could not be explained. I simply wanted him to make love to me and I threw back my head with abandon as his lips trailed over my chin and down my neck, leaving a trail of unfulfilled passion in its wake.