Only Love (30 page)

I put my head in my hands, opting to fold into myself. I couldn’t bear the judgment that might be in her eyes. I didn’t mean to tell her. I had just been so, so weak, and I knew exactly why. My moms said I needed her and as soon as she made her way back into my life, that’s exactly what I did. I gave into my need for her. I leaned on her without thought and more than selfishly. She wouldn’t be able to handle all this, my burden. Especially with what she was going through in her own life and she shouldn’t have had to. Perhaps, unconsciously, this was me giving her a way out. Now, she could move on from me without feeling bad about that. I gave her a reason with my past because how could she get past this? What I did? Aubrey needed someone to protect her, not someone who had a history of spiraling out of control. She deserved that. She and Rissa both did and so much more.

“Adam?”

I closed my eyes slowly behind my hands. She was still here. But why was she? Still here after all that I’d told her?

Daring myself, braving myself, I lifted my head from my hands, then slowly made my way to her brown eyes. They were the ones I allowed myself to get lost in, allowed myself to fall in love with however naively that may have been. I expected to see anxiety there, a not-so-hidden preparation for what she must do. She was about to say one of my greatest fears. That she couldn’t be with me, that she was ending things with me, and that consequently meant everything that came with her. Besides our normal comings and goings, I wouldn’t see her or Rissa anymore. But… that’s not what I saw in her eyes. I looked for it and found nothing like that. No anxiousness, no build up in preparation of a statement, and not even what else I feared tonight, which had been her judgment of me after everything I told her. In fact, I saw quite the opposite as she stared at me. A warmth touched her gaze, one I never thought would be directed my way again, and slowly, so slowly, she lifted her hand, placing it out toward me—my cheek. I didn’t understand why she was doing this, but then she touched me and I no longer cared.

Smoothing her hand up my face, I closed my eyes at her touch, her warmth seeping into my skin. I hadn’t realized how much I loved her touch and what it did to me. I hadn’t realized how good it made me feel in the simplest way and then she wasn’t just touching me.

She was kissing me.

Her sweet breath, the heat from her mouth, greeted my unsuspecting lips, and I didn’t know how to respond to the initial contact. It felt like it had been years since I kissed her, not the weeks that passed, and I hadn’t mentally prepared myself for such a thing. Frozen, I let her explore, searching my lips, coax them open, and her tongue tasted, so slowly, so innocently.

Her other hand went to my cheek, but I couldn’t grab her and bring her closer. I wanted to, but this just felt so… wrong.

I didn’t realize I pulled away, my lips no longer on hers, until suddenly her voice made its appearance, her sweet voice saying my name.

“Adam?” she asked searching my eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Her lips were gone, but her hands still remained on my face. Her thumb brushed my mouth, her fingers playing against the stubble on my cheeks.

Gripping her wrists, I wanted to pull her hands from me. I wanted to, but I couldn’t make myself. I loved how good they felt, and that was the selfish man in me. I refused to let myself hold in why I had stopped. I owed her at least that.

I squeezed her wrists once, staring into her beautiful eyes. “Didn’t you hear what I said?” I asked her. “Did you hear what I did?”

How could she be doing this,
kissing me
, if she actually heard me properly? This all must have been a mistake. But then, she was nodding at me, smiling at me while her fingers touched my face. She understood what I said? She did and she wasn’t…

Turning away?

She brought my hands to her lips, closing her eyes, and when her lips touched there I felt the contact move throughout my entire body. I’d kissed Aubrey, made love to her, and even still this kiss challenged the effects of the most intimate touch I’d had of her. Just as quickly as the kiss began, it was over, and she was standing, my hands still in hers.

She guided me down the hall and to my bathroom, making her way as if doing this a million times. She gestured me to sit near the sink, on the closed toilet, and my mind spun as I did, then I watched her. She traveled around my bathroom retrieving items, a small towel off my shower door, my shaving cream from the medicine cabinet, and finally, my razor.

Placing her hand on my cheek, she brushed a kiss there, my eyes closing again at her lips, and the whisper in her breath.

“Let me take care of you,” she said.

And so I watched her, let her. Aubrey worked quickly, again like she’d done this a million times. She dampened my face with warm water, applying my shaving cream next, and I wasn’t nervous at all when she directed my razor toward my cheek. I wasn’t because I trusted her completely. With precise strokes, she took away more than she knew, the neglect, the signs of me giving up on everything about myself, inside and out. She removed all that and did so with a smile, a happiness that lit an unexpected one inside me. Unexpected, like so many things tonight.

She got me clean-shaven and took extreme care upon finishing up, rinsing me off, then patting my face down. She even applied my aftershave, her hands warmer and more soothing than the actual cream. With the work done, she had me stand again. She looked as if she wanted to leave the room next, heading for the door, but then she stopped and shifted on her heel, staring at me. I didn’t know why, but then her hand left mine and went inside my shower. Watching, I didn’t say anything while she turned the knobs, touched the current every so often while she adjusted the temperature. But I did open my mouth when her hands went to her shirt.

Frozen, I could only stare at her, her beauty, as she exposed her waist to me, her breasts inside her lace bra. I didn’t know whether to stop her or let her continue. In the end, I believed my opinion wouldn’t have mattered either way. Aubrey was her own person, her own wonderful person capable of making her own decisions.

She got down to her bra and panties, and then went to me. She extended her hands to me, but stopped before touching. Her gaze locked with mine. She wasn’t expecting me to comply but asking for my permission.

With a small nod, I gave her that. At first this felt so weird, letting her undress me, take care of me, but I opted to let everything go. I wanted to do this with her. I wanted to be free with her.

I stepped out of my boxers, but she didn’t look. Her hand behind her back, she undressed the rest of the way as well, her back to me when she dropped her bra to the floor, slid her panties down her hips. Naturally, the blood warmed within me, the pressure stiffening my length, tightening my balls. Turning, she reached out toward me. Her hand went into mine, and the sight of the side of her breast, her puckered nipple only caused the pressure in my length to build more.

I let her guide me inside the shower, not acting on any of my urges, and very quickly I found myself unfocused on them. And that was because her hands went to me again, touching me by moving water over my body, lathering soap over my skin, and I realized what this was. She hadn’t meant this to be sexual. She was doing just what she said, taking care of me, and though different than sex, this new intimacy was just as powerful. If not more so because I could just be at ease with her.

She gestured for me to lower my head, and I let her wash my hair, running her fingers through it and taking me away. Once I was clean, I wanted to help her but didn’t want to make moves to do so. I felt kind of hesitant about that for some reason. I didn’t know why. Turns out she didn’t really want to focus on herself because as soon as I was clean, she turned the water off, exiting the shower for a towel. Aubrey was in control tonight and she was letting that be known.

Once we were both dry she took my hand again, guiding me to my room, she found a shirt for me in one of my drawers, and another, slipping it over her own head, covering her nakedness. She even got my boxers and after I dressed, I assumed that was it. She took care of me and now she’d leave, but she kept up with all her surprises.

Reaching over, she drew my bedding down and shot me a look, insistent that I lay down. I couldn’t help smiling at this point. I did as asked, and no one was surprised more than I was when she hopped in alongside me, right next to me.

She turned off the lamp, cloaking the room in darkness, and the room was silent, just as it had been since our conversation in my living room.

With her so close, I didn’t know what to do and I understood my hesitance in the shower from before. Last time I touched her things didn’t go so well. Last time, she went away. But then she kept up with her surprises, she snuggled up against me, pushing her arm over my waist, and I dared to lift my hand, placing it on top of hers. How did we get to this place? How did we with the way everything began for me today, this evening?

I didn’t question it, just relished in it, her closeness to me and her warmth beside me. Having a thought, I squeezed her hand on my stomach, saying one word, one question.

“Rissa?” I asked, wanting to make sure she was okay tonight.

“She’s fine,” she said. “Your moms took her to stay with them.”

And just like that I relaxed with a newfound contentment. Not only was she trusting my moms to take care of Rissa, something I didn’t even realize would bring me great joy, but she was staying with me.

She was staying.

I hadn’t slept so good in so long I had forgotten how to do it, and consequently, what it felt like to feel alive again. Aubrey’s presence, her nearness, only brought peace to my body, my soul. I could breathe again. I could feel again.

Her leg curved around my hip and I settled my hand there, right on her thigh.

Was she real?

I squeezed, making sure.

A sighed, “Mmm,” released from her lips, and I let go immediately. I didn’t want to wake her, but she grabbed my hand, placing it back there. Dipping my chin, I saw her eyes closed, a sleepy smile on her face.

“Please,” she paused, placing a kiss on my shoulder. “I want you to touch me. I need you to.”

Her lips feathered up to my neck, her dampened lips panting a warm breath over my skin, my cheek, and the corner of my mouth.

Unable to fight it, I squeezed her thigh again, but this time not because I wanted to make sure she was real but because I needed to touch her too.

She slid her body over mine and I gave in, inviting her to do so as I gripped her hips against my hardening length. She wasn’t wearing any panties, her lower lips, her heat, so close through my boxers, and I tossed my head back at the feeling of her, groaning.

Aubrey wouldn’t let me evade. Her lips finally found mine, finally, and I pushed my hands up her waist, feeling her, her wide hips so perfect in my hands.

Rising up, her hands went to her shirt,
my shirt
that strained across her full chest, and then it no longer did. The material inched up her waist, catching on her briefly on her nipples before she exposed them to me.

I passed a thumb across one, squeezing the other, and she leaned down, giving them to me along with herself.

I sucked one, pumping its mate, and my mouth and hand relished in the fullness, the sweetness. Aubrey’s hands pushed into my hair and with every nip, every draw to her breasts, her hands responded by gripping my scalp, tugging my hair.

She pushed my boxers down with one hand, releasing me as she made her way backward, and the feel of her nether lips, so wet against my cock, shuddered a deep groan inside my chest.

So distracted, my head fell back from her breasts but she didn’t seem to mind. She only shifted her hips, rubbing, getting me even harder for her, and it felt so good. So damn good. In all my ecstasy, I let it happen and didn’t even fight her when she lifted her hips, lowering to my length.

Her core swallowed me whole, the most wonderful heat, so slick and tight with her juices, and I brought my hands to her hips, aiding in the stimulation as I pushed her clit against me.

She mewed, pushing her hand into her thick curls, her breasts bobbing to the rhythm we created. We both created this. We both loved this.

I came so hard inside her, coating her walls with my release, her arousal mixing with mine, and I’d never been on such a wonderful high. Just twenty-four hours ago, I believed I lost everything along with myself but here she was. She was here and she was amazing, making me feel so many things, making me believe so many things were possible again. Two of those were sheer happiness, utter joy, and I felt that with every touch, every caress of her body.

Kissing her after my release, I brought her underneath me, connected even still while we both rode out the high, relished in it.

“I love you so much,” she said, kissing me back, touching me back, and the words hit me in the heart so wonderfully. I wanted to say them to her immediately. That’s how I felt and then some, but then I fell out of her, feeling every bit of her, the sensitivity overwhelming, and I realized my mistake instantly.