Only For Now: Second Chances (11 page)

* * *

Alexa fiddled with the hem of her bridesmaid dress as she stood around on the beach, waiting for everyone to get ready for the ceremony. It had been such an awkward day and she couldn't wait for it to be over.

According to Cara, Will had packed up and was leaving after the ceremony. She shouldn’t be surprised. It was his modus operandi. But she hadn’t expected it to hurt so damn bad. Cara had convinced Will to at least stay through the wedding, but Alexa was starting to wonder if that was actually a good idea. She didn’t look forward to facing him again.

He’d been MIA all day and she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was avoiding her. Of course she knew he was. Why would he want to make things any more awkward than they had to be? But she almost thought he'd looked pained when she’d said it was all a mistake.

It didn't matter, she kept telling herself. Last night had been amazing, but now it was over, as she'd known all along that it would be. So why did her heart feel so heavy? She just wasn’t cut out for these things. She’d been a fool to think she could be with Will, the man she’d been in love with for countless years, and not get hurt.

She looked up at the sound of footsteps on the wooden stairs and smiled as her sister approached. Alexa squeezed her tightly and Cara hugged her back. “You okay?” she asked, worry clouding her eyes.

“I’m fine,” she lied. “Don’t you worry about me. Today is your day and I hope it’s everything you’ve ever dreamed it would be.” She tried to look happy for her sister’s sake, but had a feeling she was failing miserably.

Cara squeezed her hand. "It is. I'm about to marry the man of my dreams, and you're here with me. I couldn't ask for more." This time, Alexa’s smile was genuine and she felt all her tension from the day drain away at seeing Cara so happy.

It was short-lived though, because at that moment all the groomsmen filed outside and made their way down to the sand. Will passed her by without meeting her eyes, and it felt like a slap on the face. She knew it was over, but why was he treating her so coldly? Had it been her imagination that they'd rekindled their friendship outside of their physical attraction?

She took a deep breath and pushed all her feelings down, burying them inside, determined to enjoy the wedding.

They all took their places, and Will began taking photos, fading into the background. Then, there was Cara, at the top of the stairs, looking like the most stunning bride Alexa had ever seen. Her dress was light and breezy, blowing gently in the sea breeze as she made her way down the steps and across the sand to take Jace's hands.

The ceremony was short and sweet, and as the bride and groomed exchanged their vows, Alexa felt her eyes well with tears. Happy, joyous tears for her sister, but tinged with sadness. Would she ever find this kind of love? She hoped so, but with the way her life was mapped out ahead of her, she wasn't so sure.

She risked a glance at Will, and found him with his camera pointed at her, briefly, before turning it back to the happy couple.

Then the ceremony was over, and Jace leaned down to kiss his bride to the applause of the wedding party and they bystanders that had stopped to watch as they'd made their way down the beach. Will arranged them in various poses to take the standard wedding portraits, and Alexa silently watched him work. There was an edge to him that she hadn't seen before. A hardness that didn't mesh with the man she'd gotten close to this week. She didn't have time to dwell on it, though, because as soon as they were done, they were swept into the house for a lovely but small catered reception. Jace and Cara would have a traditional reception when they returned from their honeymoon, but for now, the bridesmaids had thought they would have a small celebration before the couple headed off.

After a few drinks and a lot of laughter and conversation, Alexa headed out to the deck and watched the waves crash as the sun disappeared and they sky darkened. She caught her breath and whirled at the sudden sound of a man's low voice.

"I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye." Will had his bag slung over his shoulder and his camera bag in the opposite hand.

"You're leaving tonight," she said dully.

"I need to head back to New Orleans. There are a few more things I want to finish before I start my next project." She couldn't make out his expression in the fading light.

"Where to next?" She tried to keep her tone light, but was afraid the hitch in her voice gave her away.

"I'm thinking Europe. I haven't been in a while, and I'm getting the itch."

"Oh," she said softly. Of course. What did she expect, that he'd come to New York? He traveled the globe with no roots. He certainly wasn't about to be tied down by a woman. That was wishful thinking on her part, but it still hurt.

"Alexa." He took a step toward her and lifted his hand.

Nope. She couldn’t take that, feeling his touch and knowing it would be the last time. She forced herself to speak and it came out artificial and abrupt. "Well, good luck. You know what they say. If you're ever in New York, look me up." She walked past him and rushed to her room, hoping he couldn't see the tears she was blinking furiously to hold back.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Alexa sat in her comfy reading chair, listening to the noise of the city coming from her open window, her index finger hovering over the button on her computer that with one press, could change the path she was on. With a sigh, she withdrew her hand and shut her laptop and let her head drop back. She'd never get the nerve to make her blog go live.

The thought had been nagging at the back of her brain the entire week she'd been back at work, and now that she'd spent the week updating and freshening the site, she couldn't bring herself to do it. It was almost as if pushing that button was admitting that she was miserable with her job, a fact she'd come to realize since coming home from Florida. Somehow, her time with Will had reawakened the adventurous side of her that she'd been suppressing for so long, and the future that was laid out before her was no longer satisfactory. She knew now that she wouldn't be content working for a publication that bored her to tears, and while she was sure her experience could land her a job with a company that was more her true style, she really didn't want more of the same monotony.

Alexa admitted to herself that part of what had always drawn her to Will was his sense of adventure and the free spirit that matched her own. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to crowd out the vision of his face floating in her mind.

She'd had another realization this week as well. As much as she'd tried to convince herself that what had transpired between them was just a fling, she knew it was more. Hell, she’d known it going in. They shared a connection like something Alexa had never experienced before. If she bought into the idea of soul mates, she'd say that Will was hers. He awakened things in her that she had forgotten existed, and he brought her to life.
And now I'm in love with a man who has no intentions of settling down.

Alexa groaned, and pushed herself out of her chair. This was only making things worse. He was gone, and she was here, and that was the end of it. She tried to distract herself by doing some housework, and was taken off guard when she caught sight of herself in the bathroom mirror. She had tears streaming down her face.

Slowly lifting her hands to brush them away, she turned from the mirror, sighing, "Oh, Will."

The sound of her buzzer brought her to her senses and she strode to her intercom. "Yes?"

"Lex, it's me. Can I come up?" Cara's voice crackled through the system.

"Yes, of course," she answered, buzzing her up.

What was she doing here? She should be on her way home from her honeymoon in Greece. Why was she in New York?

She met her at the door and wrapped her in a hug. "What's going on?" she asked.

"We had a layover and I wanted to come check on you."

"Check on me? I'm fine." She shut the door and smiled widely to prove her point, but she knew her eyes were red from crying.

"Obviously not. Is this about Will? Damn him, I knew he'd break your heart." She moved past her and paced the room. “But I guess it’s just as much my fault. I practically pushed you together.”

"Yes. No. I don't know." Alexa drew in a breath for fortification, then pushed through before she lost her nerve. "It's more than that, Cara. It's my job."

She turned and stared at her with concern. "Are there repercussions for your story not being what they wanted? I didn't think that was how it worked."

"No. No, it's not. Everything is fine there. I mean, it's all just like it was before. But that's the problem. I don't know how to say this other than to just lay it out there. I hate it. I'm miserable. I've made a huge mistake and I'm terrified that I'm going to spend the rest of my life dealing with it." She realized she sounded melodramatic.

"I'm sure it's not that bad. Why don't we sit down and maybe you can explain it to me."

So she did. She told her all about how she had lost herself over the past few years and how she couldn't bear the thought of living out the rest of her life in a career that she wasn't suited to. She confided her dreams that she had kept secret for so long, all the while wondering if Cara, who had it all together, thought she was out of her mind.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Alexa bit her lip. "You've got everything in your life together and I wanted to prove that I could too. I mean, I left home to come here. I couldn’t just come crawling back with my pride still intact. I needed a respectable dependable job. What would you have said if I told you I wanted to be a blogger?" She had to laugh because it really did sound preposterous when she put it that way.

“I don’t know, maybe to follow your heart? I never have thought this job suited you, to be honest. And Will implied as much, too, now that I think about it."

Alexa gasped. "He told you?"

"No, not in the way you're thinking. After you got word that they weren't going to publish your piece, I asked him his opinion, and he said he thought your passions lay elsewhere. At the time, I thought he meant the content of your article. But thinking back, I think he was speaking about your life. Who you are and what you love."

Alexa didn't know what to say. Will could see her that well for who she was?

"Lex," Cara began, "what exactly happened between the two of you?”

"I know I told you that I knew what I was doing. And I thought I did. I had every intention of just having a fling. I don't think I realized it until I got home, maybe even just today, but it was more than that for me. Of course, I should have known.” She smiled ruefully. “I don't know how he feels. In fact I'm sure it's not the same because he left without any hint of it, but I do know that I connected with him on a deeper level than we ever had before."

They talked for a bit longer, Cara telling her about Greece to take her mind of things, then they said their goodbyes so she could catch her connecting flight. Once she was gone, Alexa contemplated everything they’d talked about. It was a lot to take in. But hearing her say that Will thought she should pursue her passions meant a lot to her. She’d have to deal with her broken heart, and probably have a conversation with him at some point.

But for now, she was ready to take the first step to reclaim her life. Opening her laptop, she pulled up her blog again, and this time she pressed the final button with confidence.

* * *

Will scrolled through his photo albums on his computer for what felt like the hundredth time this week, stopping on the ones from the wedding. They had turned out really well, and he thought Cara would be pleased. Alexa's eye for portraits had meshed well with his photography skills, combining for some really spectacular shots. They made a good team.

He raked a hand across his face, and noticed not for the first time in several days that he needed to shave. He couldn't seem to get his act together. If Alexa had haunted his thoughts in the week after New Orleans, it was nothing compared to the barrage of memories that flooded his mind day in and day out since he'd left her in Florida.

He'd thought it was for the best, leaving that night. He didn't want her to feel any more discomfort at his presence once he realized she thought it was a mistake. He also didn't want to have to discuss how she regretted their week together. But now he wasn't so sure he should have left it the way it was. There were things he should have said to her. Things that had only become more apparent to him in the week that had followed.

He was experiencing an emptiness that he hadn't ever known before, and he was pretty sure that the only thing that could fill that void was Alexa. His grand scheme had backfired in and equally grand way. Not only had he failed in his attempt to win her over, but he’d probably pushed her further away than ever. His life may have seemed so glamorous and free to Alexa, but now it just stretched before him like a sea of loneliness. How could his whole outlook change in an instant?

She was special. He didn't want her to just be a fling. He felt a connection with her that went way beyond that. That connection deserved to be explored, but he didn't know how to do that. He'd never been in a committed relationship with a woman. But he was certain that it's what he wanted now. Not just with any woman though. With Alexa.

He clicked on the picture of her taken during the wedding ceremony, when he'd turned his attention for a brief second from the bride and groom. She'd turned to him as well, and the moment had been captured forever, but he'd yet to look at it.

Pulling it up now, he studied the look on her face, not daring to believe what was in front of him. It must just be a fluke of the particular moment the shot had been snapped. But he knew that wasn't true, because with Alexa, the camera never lied. It revealed her true nature. And the look in her eyes as she stared back at him from the computer screen was one of longing and, if he wasn't deluding himself, love.