One Real Thing (19 page)

Nick just laughed. “Do you need help with that?”

“’M fid.” Holly knew he wasn’t going to be able to defeat the package with his teeth. Damn. “I’b geddig de sizzizz.” He stepped over Danner, and the bear that was biting his ankles, and headed for the kitchen.

“See, not every guy breaks a tooth opening things,” Julie said to Danner.

“Hey! That was a beer bottle,” Danner said defensively. “Damn Germans and their fancy non–twist-off caps.”

“I have never done that!” Holly said, turning up his nose.

Of course not. He always checked for the twist-off arrow on the cap. There was that incident with the champagne bottle, though. College. Holly had missed college, right up until he’d met Sierra. Part of him had never left, not until he’d gotten himself in trouble. Now he knew he could carry what had made him popular there out into the world, that it wasn’t just some smoke screen. Nick didn’t bring up the champagne bottle, but he did give Holly a raised eyebrow and a grin, so Holly knew he remembered.

“Oh, never,” he said instead.

“Shut up,” Holly said, laughing. He found the scissors put away neatly…where he’d put them. That was still such an odd feeling, to be the one putting things right. “I was young and stupid then.”

Seven years ago. Hell, he’d been young and stupid last year. It felt like the last decade had been one long, slow fall that started when his mother’s health collapsed. He missed his mother so much. Her mental illness had never kept her from being a good mom, when she could be. The rest of the time, taking care of her had given him something to do, focus for his life. He hadn’t stopped falling until Nick shoved back into his life.

Holly looked over his shoulder when a burst of laughter split the haze of his thoughts. Apparently the little bear in the skull hoodie was tougher than it looked, because in spite of being six inches tall, it had Danner pinned to the ground by the throat. Holly had escaped just in time, it seemed. If he and Danner were left alone together, they’d die of exhaustion in a month, or kill each other in some horrible skateboard-and-pie-and-motorboat accident.

On the other hand, Danner was proof Holly had never really been being carefree. He’d been careless and angry and stupid, but not carefree. Danner was the real deal. The whole world loved Danner for real, always had, and it showed. Holly picked up the packaging and tossed it out, then put the scissors away again. When he came back to sit down, he didn’t go back to his seat—he sat by Nick’s feet and leaned his head against Nick’s knee.

Nick’s fingers slid through Holly’s hair and then settled at the back of his neck. Nick leaned over to nuzzle the top of Holly’s head. “You okay?”

“I am now.” Holly tipped his head back for a kiss.

Nick kissed him softly, so softly. “I know.”

“I don’t know why you’re acting so surprised,” Nick muttered, ignoring the shushing sounds his lawyer was making. “You signed the prenup.”

“You’re deliberately screwing me over,” Caroline hissed. “Living off your trust fund so you don’t have to get a job, just so you won’t have to pay alimony.”

Nick smiled coldly and shook his head. “Not at all. I don’t plan to touch my trust fund. Holly’s making plenty of money to support us both.”

Caroline’s eyes widened, and she made a very satisfying choking sound. “I knew it. I knew you weren’t just helping him out of that mess he got himself into in L.A.”

That made Nick laugh. “Oh no. You don’t get to project on to me like that. I never cheated on you. I fucking should have, but I didn’t. And Holly wouldn’t have tried. He knows me well enough for that, even if you don’t.”

Finally Nick’s lawyer gave up on shushing and grabbed his arm.

“Shut up,” she muttered. “Just sign the damn divorce papers and get it done.”

She had a point. Nick looked at the stack of papers in front of him, ignoring Caroline’s bitter grumbling, and signed his name on all the appropriate lines. In triplicate. Every scratch of the pen on the paper felt like driving coffin nails into his old life. He was ready for it.

The mistakes he’d made with Caroline, he’d never make again. He’d built his life on a foundation made of goals and ideals that had never been real for him. No wonder his life had fallen down when he’d been forced to face reality. Holly was real, how he felt about Holly was real and if he built his new life on that, he couldn’t go wrong.

He pushed the forms over to his lawyer, who double-checked them and then passed them to Caroline’s lawyer. Nick and Caroline weren’t allowed to hand things to each other anymore, not after the way the first meeting had devolved into a shower of shredded paper and shouted insults.

He’d been Odysseus, trapped on Ogygia, and now Calypso had set him free. He could finally go home to Penelope. To Holly. Nick smiled the whole way out of the building and looked up at the sky to feel the sunlight on his face. One life was over; a new one was beginning, and Nick was looking forward to every moment of it.

He promised to call his lawyer in the morning to check that the papers had been filed, and then waved her off so he could hail a cab in peace. After the most grueling three hours in his life, that was all he wanted: peace. And Holly.

While he was watching for a passing flash of yellow with its numbers lit up, a headline from a nearby newsstand caught Nick’s attention: Senator Ingalls Wins Divorce, Party Nomination.

He’d once wondered if infidelity could be a good thing—he had his answer now. Infidelity was a harsh light that burned through the illusion of a perfect life. It also illuminated what was real, if you didn’t turn away. Or—Nick couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up—if what was real wouldn’t leave you alone.

As he slid into the back of a taxi and gave his address, Nick pulled out his phone and flicked through the contact list until he came to Holly’s name. Letting his head fall back against the headrest, he listened to the phone ring and waited to hear Holly’s voice.

“Miss me?” Holly’s voice was warm, with an undercurrent of laughter.

It was so good to hear Holly happy like that and to know he was the cause of it. “I’ll show you how much when I get home.”

“This is why I should have gone with you.” Nick could hear Holly throw himself down, probably onto the love seat. “You could show me now.”

Holly hadn’t been allowed to come along because Nick hadn’t been sure he could pry Holly off Caroline if they got into it. Well, no. He was sure he could’ve. He just wasn’t sure he would’ve wanted to.

“You could show me,” Nick suggested. He was inexplicably fond of the way Holly pouted. “Or don’t you miss me?”

“I miss you so ridiculously much that people are mistaking me for one of those weepy blond boys in Japanese comic porn.” Holly snuffled slightly. “An elderly mafioso at the bodega offered me lollipops and a pony to go home with him because the sight of pain au chocolat made me burst into tears. That’s how much I miss you.”

Nick muffled a laugh. “Lollipops and a pony, hm? I’m not as big as a horse, but I do have something you could lick.”

Holly made a mewling noise. “Now I’m all hungry.”

That was such a sweet noise, and it gave Nick all sorts of ideas. He loosened his tie and checked out the window to see where he was. Plenty of time. “Mmm, if I were there…Use your fingers until I get there and give you what you really want. Three of them. Be careful with your teeth when you’re sucking me off. I have very sensitive skin, after all—I’ll feel it if you’re not.”

“Yes, Nick.” Holly’s voice had changed completely in an instant; the laughter was gone and it was breathy and velvety and as submissive as a bowed head. Something deep inside Nick answered that tone, and his tension faded to nothing, as though that were all he’d needed to center himself again.

Nick could hear a muffled whimper and wet noises. God, that sounded exactly like Holly was sucking him off. “Just like that. You’re so good, Holly.” Nick closed his eyes and imagined what Holly looked like right now. “Are you dressed? Open your pants. I want you to touch yourself while you suck me.”

“I am…I…” There was a shuffle and a click. “Earpiece.” There was the sound of a zipper lowering. “Jeans are open,” Holly said softly. “I’m not wearing anything underneath. Talking to you, hearing your voice, it makes me hard. That’s how much I miss you. All of me wants you here. Your hands are softer than mine, but I’ve pretended it was you so long that it doesn’t matter.”

That hit Nick right in the gut and he had to push down the regret so he could focus on Holly now. “It is me. This time, it’s me. That it’s your hand doesn’t matter. I’m right here with you, and I want it. It’s me.”

“Oh, fuck.” The words came out on a moan. “Just…just you wanting it…” Holly sounded so naked. But he didn’t speak again. Nick heard Holly sucking his fingers into his mouth.

They both needed this, Nick realized. Not just him, not just Holly. It wasn’t letting Holly submit to him that was going to make their relationship work; it was needing it. And listening to Holly like that, knowing he had done that to him, made Nick need it more than anything.

“I want it. I want you. Exactly like this. I want to hear you like this, my dick in your mouth, my hands on your body. I want to know all I have to do is tell you, and you’ll do it. I want you naked, on your knees, all the time.”

Holly whimpered and Nick could hear wet noises. He could imagine Holly’s tanned hand pumping around his hard cock, hips rocking to fuck his cock through the circle of palm and fingers.

“Anything,” Holly gasped at last. “I need you, Nick. So much. Please, I need you now. I want you so much.”

The cab stopped, and Nick opened his eyes to see they’d pulled up in front of his apartment building. There was no sense of embarrassment, only satisfaction, as he leaned forward to pass money over the seat to the driver. With a quick wave, he slipped out of the car and headed inside. “I want you on your knees,” he said, taking the stairs two at a time.

“Yes, Nick.” Nick heard him moving and the rustle of fabric. “I’m being good.” Holly’s voice was so sweet and needy.

“You are. I know you are.” Nick finally made it to the fourth floor and fished his keys out of his pocket. God, he wanted to be through that door and inside now. “You’re so good.” The key slid home, and Nick opened the door, immediately looking for Holly.

Holly was kneeling in front of the couch, sitting back on his heels with his knees apart. He was looking down, head bowed, but as Nick had ordered, he had three fingers of one hand in his mouth and the other hand on his dick, jerking off. He wasn’t still; he was writhing and whimpering. Nick could see Holly’s long fingers sliding in to the last knuckle, watch the hand on his dick bring clear beads of fluid welling out of the slit.

That was beautiful. Nick barely managed to get the door closed before he shoved his phone into his pocket and said, “Come for me.”

Holly’s blue eyes were so wide and innocent and trusting and free of guile. This could have been something degrading or controlling, but it wasn’t, it was right, and everything about Holly said it was so. He jerked and came with the next stroke of his hand, spattering the glossy hardwood with streaks of come. His fingers in his mouth silenced his moans, but the shudders through his body spoke for him. And his sweet blue gaze never left Nick’s face.

“God, you are so fucking beautiful.” Nick crossed the room in three quick strides and got his hand in Holly’s hair, tugging Holly’s head back so he was looking up at Nick. So beautiful. “Fingers out of your mouth,” he said, stripping open his fly with his other hand.

Holly slid his fingers out of his mouth; his parted lips were red and slick and swollen. His breath came too fast, and he trembled with anticipation. Nick ran his thumb over Holly’s lower lip.

“You’re so good.” Pulling his cock out, Nick guided Holly with the hand in his hair, drawing him forward. “So good.” The sigh that escaped Holly’s lips was pure contentment. He met Nick’s cock with his tongue first, coaxing it into his mouth. Whimpering, he leaned in to take it all.

Nick couldn’t hold back a moan. Holly’s mouth was hot and wet and perfect and, God, Holly knew exactly what he was doing with that clever tongue of his too. Holly was completely into it, like he was grateful to have Nick’s cock in his mouth. He clasped his hands behind his back and took Nick in deep, over and over again, sucking and licking and moaning.

Nick had been imagining this the whole drive home, picturing Holly like this. Being here, seeing it and feeling it, was so much better. Nick just let go and fucked Holly’s mouth, letting the pleasure overwhelm him. The heat welling up inside him finally spilled out as he came.

Holly’s eyes fluttered shut, and he moaned as he took Nick in deep and swallowed everything he had to give, unwilling to yield any of it, no matter how hard Nick fucked his mouth. He looked blissful, without a hint of tension in him.

Slowly, Nick pulled out and gentled his touch to Holly’s hair. This—his relationship with Holly—was nothing he’d ever expected or imagined, but it was everything he needed. Who he was with Holly felt natural, more real than anything ever had. He didn’t need to read minds to see Holly felt as right as he did. Holly’s sweet expression and the contentment in every line of his body spoke volumes. Holly looked younger than he had at Nick’s wedding, fresh and whole.

Nick tucked himself away and zipped up, then moved to sit on the love seat. He could still reach Holly from there, but it wasn’t close enough. “Come here,” he said, holding out his hand to draw Holly in.

Holly crawled over to Nick’s feet and put one hand on Nick’s knee, silently asking permission to come up, like a puppy. He’d done it often enough before, but Nick had never been sure it wasn’t just some joke, especially the way Holly would bully into his lap or bed other times. Now he was seeing this had been there all along, hidden under shame and misunderstanding and fear.

Nick nodded. “All the way.”

Holly crept up next to him, putting his head in Nick’s lap with a sigh. He rubbed his cheek against Nick’s leg and then wriggled to lie on his back and look up at Nick. Nick stroked soft blond curls back from Holly’s face and smiled down at him.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Holly’s voice was soft and husky, like his throat was sore. “You make me happy. Always have.”

Trailing his fingers down Holly’s cheek to his jaw and then his throat, Nick petted the soft skin there. Holly made him happy too, in ways he hadn’t even realized he’d been missing until he’d brought Holly back into his life. He caught Holly’s hand in his and drew it up so he could see his ring on Holly’s finger.

“You make me happy too,” he said, nudging the ring with his thumb, rotating it back and forth. “Very happy.”

“You’re not having that back,” Holly said. He looked wary, still waiting to be hurt. Nick wouldn’t make the same mistakes again.

“I don’t want it back.” Nick let go of Holly’s hand and cupped his cheek instead, leaning over to kiss him on the mouth. “I want it on your hand, a little piece of me with you, always.”

Holly slid that hand into Nick’s hair and kissed him fiercely, unwilling to stop for a long time. When he relaxed into Nick’s lap, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were bright with emotion.

“I’m never taking it off,” he said roughly. “It reminds me that I promised to live by your rules. I keep it on because I want that.”

Nick felt like the luckiest man in the world. Second chances didn’t come along more than once in a lifetime, and he wasn’t about to let this one slip by. He was going to savor every second of his life with Holly.

“You keep the ring,” he said. “I’ll keep you.”