One Real Thing (14 page)

“Not about wanting you. Never. Only about expecting you to do anything about it.” Holly sat up again and looked Nick in the eyes. “You have no idea how amazing you are. So poised, so brilliant, so composed, so
perfect,
so everything I wasn’t. Everything I’m not. I wanted you to look at me. Notice me. Tolerate me, even. Everything you gave me was more than I deserved. I would never expect you to want me. I would never presume.”

Nick had missed so much, misunderstood so much.
Christ.
“I noticed. I always noticed. I couldn’t help it.”

“It was more than enough. It still is. I know I was an ass, that I was wrong to do it. It was so good to have someone who gave a damn like you did.” Holly shrugged one shoulder. “I meant it when I said you were the best thing that ever happened to me. Anything you want from me, you can have. No strings. I promise.”

Nick threaded his fingers into Holly’s hair and leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead. “I want you to finish the massage, and then I want both of us to get some sleep.”

He needed to stop and think, to make sure he wasn’t going to make the same mistakes all over again, to make sure he wasn’t missing anything, before he rushed ahead to take what he wanted. He wanted so much, and he had to be sure. The last time he’d made this choice, he’d picked Caroline, and that had been a terrible mistake. He couldn’t get it wrong this time, not when it was Holly hanging in the balance.

“Okay.” No argument at all. “Lie down. I’ll take care of you.” Holly reached over to pick up the bottle of oil. “Let me warm this up again.”

Nick nodded. “Go on.” He rolled over onto his belly again. In a matter of minutes—seconds, even—everything had changed.

When Holly returned, he started at Nick’s feet. He kissed the arch of each tenderly before stroking warm oil onto them. He’d always given damn good massages, like his fingers knew the secrets of other people’s bodies. He was patient and silent, chasing out the tension as he worked his way up Nick’s body. Holly didn’t kiss anywhere else, not that Nick knew. By the time Holly got to his back, sleep had won out.

Holly couldn’t sleep. Sleeping on the floor wasn’t the problem. It was Nick. It was him. It was both of them. He hadn’t expected Nick to kiss him. If he had, he wouldn’t have cracked like that. He wanted to pull his heart out and put it at Nick’s feet, but he couldn’t.

This wasn’t real. Not that it wasn’t happening, but Nick…Nick was not himself. Nick had never made a pass at him before. Fuck, and then Holly had gone and acted like a fucking moron about it.

Fuck.
Holly wanted to bounce his head off the hardwood floor. He wanted to get drunk, maybe walk in front of a faster cab. How could he have been so fucking weak and stupid?
At least I know now,
he thought.
I’m ready for it.
Holly would give Nick anything he wanted.

Whining because it wasn’t “real” was disgustingly disingenuous. Wasn’t like Holly hadn’t put out for more nameless, meaningless people than he could count. If Nick wanted any part of him, Holly was going to take the moment and enjoy it, because when Nick was better—and Holly wanted him better—nothing like that would ever happen again.

Above him, there was a grumbly sound and a yawn, and then Nick’s head appeared. “You’re allowed to sleep on the bed.” Blinking in the dim light, he added, “It was your bed first, after all.”

“Imposing on you isn’t as funny as it used to be,” Holly pointed out. He reached up and petted Nick’s cheek. “If you want me there, I’ll come up.”

“Come to bed, Holly.” There was a commanding tone to Nick’s voice that Holly hadn’t heard in so long. Then Nick rolled away, yawning again.

Holly suppressed his shiver of pleasure at the edge in Nick’s voice as he crawled into bed. He curved his body to match Nick’s and slid an arm around his waist. The memory of Nick sleeping with him after the accident was still fresh and sweet. Nick’s arm covered his, holding him there, and Nick laced their fingers together.

“Sleep, Holly.”

Nick smelled so good: clean and warm and
Nick.
It took Holly a long time to fall asleep, he was so knotted up inside with the pleasure of being close and the memory of Nick’s mouth on his, but the knowledge Nick was going to be all right made it possible for him to sleep at last.

When awareness seeped back in, Holly wasn’t wrapped around Nick anymore. He was curled up and facing out of the nook, and Nick was holding him. Nick’s breath was hot on the back of Holly’s neck, ruffling his hair.

That felt so good. Holly couldn’t help pressing back to soak up Nick’s warmth. Shifting brought Nick’s morning erection right up against Holly’s ass, and Nick groaned, arms tightening around Holly, pulling him even closer.

“Good morning, Holly,” Nick whispered, nuzzling Holly’s nape.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
Holly couldn’t keep himself from grinding backward against Nick’s delicious hardness. He wanted so badly to push his clothes aside and offer himself up. Anything to make Nick feel good.

The nuzzling turned to kisses, open and wet, with hints of teeth brushing Holly’s skin. Nick’s hips rolled forward, pressing that hard cock between Holly’s ass cheeks like Nick could get in even through Holly’s pants.

“You like that?” Nick’s voice wasn’t much more than a growl, low and hot.

Holly was dreaming. He was going to wake up sticky and humiliated in Nick’s bed. His rational mind reminded him he was awake and this was real, but it still felt like a wet dream. All he could do was nod, shivering with pleasure as his body answered Nick’s without his permission. He was so hard already, in spite of the twist of fear and shame in his chest.

“Yeah. Holly…” Nick slid his hand under the narrow elastic waist of the pajamas, and then cupped Holly’s dick. “God, I’ve been wanting to do this for
years,
” Nick muttered softly, almost like Holly wasn’t supposed to hear, and then moved his hand.

The confession was more of a shock than the touch. Holly whimpered Nick’s name, shoving his pants down to his thighs so Nick could have anything he wanted. Nick’s hand on him was as good as Holly could have imagined back when he’d bothered imagining it. He curled forward to tug the hoodie he’d worn to sleep off over his head and then pressed his back to Nick’s chest, his skin singing with the awareness that it was Nick he was touching. As Holly slid back, Nick’s cock nudged between his thighs and Nick wrapped his arms around him again, holding him close.

Nick trailed his fingers over the head of Holly’s dick, and he asked, “Are you allowed to do this?”

It was so hard to think when Nick was touching him. Holly loved him so damn much.

“I don’t know,” he said unsteadily. “It’s not meaningless sex.” He reached back to touch Nick’s cheek. “But it’s up to you. Your rules.” If Nick said no, Holly would do as he was told.

“That’s what I wanted to know.” Nick kissed Holly’s bare shoulder and wrapped his hand around Holly’s dick again, stroking him slowly. Holly tensed his thighs around Nick’s cock, the feel of it adding to the pleasure. He wasn’t going to last long, and he knew it. Holly reached back to find the curve of Nick’s hip and then his ass; he’d wanted to touch Nick for so long.

Nick’s free hand slid down to cup Holly’s balls, the tips of his fingers pressing behind them, and his grip on Holly’s dick tightened as his palm rolled over the head. “I want to make you come.”

“Anything you want. Oh fuck, Nick.” He was so goddamn easy.

“Yeah, like that.” Nick twisted his hand around Holly’s dick faster, tighter, kissing his way to the curve of Holly’s neck. “I want to hear you.”

Anything Nick wanted. Holly let his head fall forward, baring his neck, pushing backward into the safety of Nick’s body. Holly had never had any damn dignity anyway. He gave in to gasping Nick’s name and fucking Nick’s hand. When he came, it was graceless and uncontrolled, his whole body jerked by one wave of pleasure after another as he cried out again and again. He had no idea what he was saying, all he could hear was his own voice and the slamming of his pulse.

“So good,” Nick murmured as Holly’s focus returned. “You’re so good. Beautiful, Holly. I knew you would be.” He moved his hand in slow, slick circles over Holly’s belly, petting, his cock still hard between Holly’s legs.

Holly mopped up with the hoodie that had caught most of his come, then dropped it off the side of the bed. The meaning behind Nick’s words was seeping into his consciousness—Nick wanted him, had wanted him for a long time. The surge of emotion nearly choked him, and his breath caught. He pulled away from Nick, but only to turn over, to get closer.

Careless of the mess, Nick laced his fingers into Holly’s hair to draw him in for a kiss. This wasn’t the light, tender kiss from last night—these kisses were intense, fierce and hot and overwhelming. They made Holly want to beg, to get on his knees, to kiss Nick’s feet, anything to show how he felt.

He let Nick have him, yielding, unable to stop shivering. He found Nick’s cock, brushing it with a flutter of fingers; he didn’t want to touch without permission, but he couldn’t ask with Nick’s mouth on his. Nick nipped at Holly’s lower lip, then licked to soothe the bite.

“I want your mouth. You always looked so good like that, your lips all soft and swollen. Such a pretty mouth.”

The first time Nick had caught Holly having sex with someone, Holly had been blowing a random frat boy outside the kitchen door of one of the campus clubs. At the time Holly had just hoped it would make Nick want it for himself. He could still taste the cherry of the condom when he remembered how badly he’d wanted to be with Nick instead. He couldn’t remember where he should have been that Nick had been looking for him at all. Nick had walked away and not talked to Holly all night, which had only made Holly that much more determined to show him what he was missing.

“It was always yours,” Holly said, surprising himself by managing to say anything past the tightness in his throat. He slid down Nick’s body, pushing the covers away, and swallowed Nick’s cock whole. He didn’t want to give Nick a chance to change his mind.

“God, yeah.” Nick rolled onto his back and pushed up on his elbows, and Holly followed. “I want to see. I want…”

Holly wanted him to see, always had. Getting Nick’s cock in his mouth for the first time was better than coming, better than anything Holly could imagine, even Nick fucking him. Like this, he got to take care of Nick, give Nick everything he had. He went slow at first, exploring as he drew back almost all the way and then took Nick in deep, again and again. It was a long time before Holly realized the soft noises in his ears were his own low moans of pleasure.

Nick slid his fingers into Holly’s hair, tugging his head back. Before Holly could wonder what was wrong, Nick guided him, held him while fucking his mouth.

His eyes slid shut as he let Nick have him. It was such a rush. He kept sucking and licking and swallowing, not wanting to be passive, loving the way he got to focus on how damn good it was to have Nick’s cock in him. Slowly his eyes fluttered open.

Nick’s cock slicked precome across Holly’s tongue with every pass, and his breath came faster. “Fuck. Holly…Christ, your mouth…”

Holly whimpered, sucking hard to get more of the taste. The look on Nick’s face was incredible; Holly hadn’t ever seen Nick like this, and it made him ache. This was everything he’d wanted to give Nick all this time.

Nick wasn’t just focusing on getting off—he watched Holly take him in. Nick moved faster, deeper, and moaned as Holly swallowed around him. Holly loved him so much. He didn’t want to miss a moment of watching Nick want him. As much as he’d fantasized about this, he’d never imagined Nick would be this into him.

Holly took Nick in all the way, letting him thrust deep into his throat as he came. Shudders ran through Holly’s body. The thrill of making Nick come was a rush as good as his own orgasm.

Nick’s thrusts slowed and finally stopped, and then his hand slid into Holly’s hair, tugging lightly.

“Up.”

Yes, yes, anything.
Holly lifted his head obediently, going where Nick led. He could taste Nick’s come, and he licked his lips in case any had escaped him. He was going to be jerking off thinking of this for as long as he could reconstruct it in his mind’s eye.

Nick pulled him up until he was kneeling over Nick’s lap, until his lips were pressed against Nick’s mouth, and then Nick kissed him, licking into his mouth and moaning like he wanted sex all over again.

When Nick drew back, it was only to mouth at Holly’s lips and whisper, “Are you okay?”

Holly couldn’t figure out what that meant. His head was spinning, and somewhere inside, he was still waiting to wake up. He just nodded and hoped it was the right answer.

“I think this time you’re the one who’s in dire need of a shower.”

Holly nodded again. Whatever Nick wanted was good. His throat ached deliciously, and he was unsteady, but he didn’t care. He wanted as much of Nick as he could soak up before life had to go back to normal again.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Holly paused as he was sorting himself out to get up.

“Only if you want to.” He could feel his cheeks flush. He didn’t want Nick to do anything Nick didn’t want to do, and he felt guilty for how much he wanted Nick to come with him and touch him and not stop touching him.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to.” Nick pointed toward the bathroom. “Come on. Maybe now I’ll be able to properly appreciate how good you look when you’re all wet.”

“You’ve always been welcome to it,” Holly pointed out. He’d never been shy about his body, never taken nudity too seriously. He made himself get up, ordering his legs to behave, and held out a hand to Nick. Nick slipped his hand into Holly’s and slid out of bed.

“I’ve always been welcome to look,” Nick corrected. “But that’s not the same thing.”

“No.” Holly walked backward so he could look at Nick. “You were always welcome to it. To any part of me. You still are. I was a fucking coward.” In the bathroom, he pressed apologetic kisses to Nick’s jaw. “I was wrong.” His hands shook as the way he’d felt all those years came rushing back. He’d been so bitterly afraid.

“So was I.” Nick cupped Holly’s cheek and tilted his face up for real kisses. “I didn’t know, and I should have. I should’ve seen, but I didn’t look closely enough. It won’t happen again.” Nick’s kisses were soft and as tender and soothing as when he used to pet Holly’s hair. Maybe those touches had been another way for him to show how he felt.

“I was always yours. I didn’t care how.” Nemesis, lover, plaything, confidant, friend—Holly would have settled for anything. Then Nick’s words caught up with him. “See if you still want me after you’re back on your feet.” He mirrored Nick’s gesture, stroking Nick’s cheek with his free hand. “I know this isn’t—this hasn’t been a good time for you.” Nick didn’t owe him anything. Holly hadn’t forgotten his reason for coming here: to put Nick back together.

“You can see if I still want you then. I already know. I’ve wanted you since you were eighteen and throwing yourself into every kind of trouble you could find. It’s not likely to change at this late date.” Nick smiled and kissed Holly’s forehead, then moved away to flick on the shower.

Holly stepped behind Nick and ran his hands over Nick’s shoulders, drawing him closer until Holly could kiss the back of his neck. He held on to Nick for a long moment, sliding his arms around Nick’s waist and pressing his cheek where he’d kissed. He wanted to hold on to Nick a while, to know this was real.

“I’m not saying I have any idea what I’m doing here,” Nick warned, leaning back against him. “I’m not even sure I know which way is up right now, but this—you—I’m sure about.”

“You don’t have to know.” Holly sighed and let himself believe this was really happening. “Let me take care of you, take care of everything you need, until you figure it out. It’s what I want. Please.”

Nick was quiet long enough that Holly wondered if he was pissed off. Finally, though, Nick said, “I’m not hurting for money, Holly.”

“I don’t mean money.” Fuck, that stung. Holly slipped past Nick into the shower. His throat was tight, so he ducked his head under the hot water, waiting for the worst of the emotion to pass. “Money’s not what you need. When did either of us ever give a damn about that?”