One in a Bear-llion (Polar Heat Book 3) (6 page)

It felt too good. She couldn’t last long. She wrapped her arms around his body and held on, trying to think of something to make it go slower. But each movement took her a step toward that ledge she wanted to fall over with him.

His breathing increased, and she loved that he felt something as intense as what she felt. His whole body tightened.

“Scott,” she said, sliding her hands in her hair and pulling as the sensation began to be too intense to take. She didn’t want to go without him, but damn, every stroke felt so good.

“You go, honey, and I’ll come with you.”

She didn’t know how that would work, but as he stroked faster, she didn’t have a choice. On a particularly hard, insistent joining, she felt her body release, felt the tension kick over into a roaring pleasure that whited out everything else.

Then she felt him jerk and go rigid against her. As he cursed and said her name, she felt peace flood through her. She could feel the bear inside her roar with relief and pleasure. Could see moonlit nights in a forest. Could feel so close to that animal part of herself and to him. She felt his warmth spilling inside her, satisfying and wet.

He was breathing hard, looking down at her with an intense expression of wonder that she couldn’t interpret. Then he blinked, looked between them, and went visibly pale.

“Oh no,” he said, panic plain on his face as he pulled out and scrambled back. “No, no, no.”

“What is it?” she asked, covering herself with her hands as he quickly stood and started striding away toward their clothes.

She waited a moment and then followed him, her heart still pounding from the wonderful thing they’d just shared together.

As he was dressing, he turned to her with stricken eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

Her heart stuttered and she went cold. What the hell was he sorry for?

“Fuck, you don’t even know, do you?” He shook his head. “You don’t even know what just happened, do you?”

She thought it over. She’d been so lost in pleasure that she hadn’t been rational. Still, she couldn’t think of any reason—
Damn.
He’d come inside her. Without protection.

They were mated.

“
W
hat do you mean a mistake
?” she asked, coldness moving through her.

He finished putting on his clothes and tossed hers to her. “You know what I mean. I saw it in your eyes when you realized it.”

“I don’t see why it has to be such a mistake.”

He snarled at that. “Oh, you’d like that, would you? Like to trap me.”

She felt anger rise inside her. Well, he’d told her to get angry. Now he couldn’t get mad if it were directed at him. “Who do you think you are? You were just as caught up as I was. It takes two to tango, punk.”

“You could get pregnant,” he said.

“It’s not my time,” she said. “So don’t worry about it.” She started changing into her clothes, hating he was ruining her afterglow with his anger. “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”

“Except you can’t, because there’s a psycho on the loose.”

“That’s right,” she said. “You’re insisting on getting involved with my stalking situation even at risk to yourself, but you think accidentally mating me is the worst thing that could happen.”

“It is for me,” he said in a low voice.

His words stabbed her. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said. “Don’t worry. I’ll take responsibility.”

“What?” She gaped at him. “You’re kidding.”

“No,” he said. “You’re right. It’s my fault too. I’ll take care of you.”

That’s it.
She’d thought she was angry before, but right now, she was ready to go on a she-bear rampage. “You arrogant ass! I have a choice in this too, and I don’t have to stay with you.”

His face tightened. “Fine.”

She swallowed. Could they really separate. Shifters were known to stay together once they were mated. To be separated was supposed to be torture. But that was probably mostly because there was usually love between them.

And there was none between her and Scott. She thought she could have loved him, especially when he’d been inside her, showing so much care. Or when he’d been helping her paint, or promising to take care of her.

Or taking her here, to let her bear out. There was such a soft part of him. So warm and inviting. But then it was buried under this avalanche of ice, leaving him untouchable.

“You can take me back,” she said haughtily. “I’m ready for bed.”

His face fell slightly, and it was a little reassuring to see him feeling as shitty as she did. He’d taken something beautiful between them and thrown shit on it. And yes, it was a shock for both of them, but he’d made it out like he was the victim and she was just begging for a mate.

All she’d done was give in to the animal inside her and the liquid lust he caused in her. And he acted like she was trying to ruin his life.

And she was supposed to be grateful if he agreed to let her continue ruining it?

He watched her warily as she glared at him. Finally, she stomped past him and quietly waited for him to unlock the car door. Then she got in, feeling sticky and stiff as she put on her seatbelt.

“Mara, I just need time to adjust.”

“Oh, you need time all right. But not with me. Take me home.”

He sighed and started the car. Part of her was hurt that he wouldn’t fight her on it. He really didn’t feel what she did. He really hated what they’d done.

It was serious; this she knew. She wouldn’t know how much until she got home and called her mom to ask what she knew about fated mates, if that’s what she and Scott were.

Her mom and dad had a slow and steady courtship with a careful mating ceremony presumably after their human marriage.

That wasn’t at all how things had unfolded between her and Scott. He’d made it clear he could only offer a roll in the hay, or grass, as it were. And she’d made it clear she wasn’t demanding more from him.

Which is what made it so ridiculous that he thought she’d want to trap him. Who did he think he was? Sure, he was gorgeous, rich, and capable enough to make a woman melt in his hands.

But that wasn’t enough for Mara. She wanted someone to love her, and she was never going to beg for it.

When they finally pulled up in front of the hotel, it was totally dark.

“Let me walk you back,” he said.

“Fuck you,” she said quietly.

“Mara, I’m sorry.”

“No, fuck you,” she said. “That was wonderful for me.” She felt tears start and swiped at them angrily. “But I didn’t mean for that to happen any more than you did.”

His face fell and he gathered her against him, ignoring her struggles as he enfolded her in his strong arms.

“It’s your fault,” she muttered.

“I know, and I’ll take responsibility,” he said.

She pushed away from him with angry eyes. “You don’t get it. I don’t want you to take responsibility.”

“You want to leave me,” he said.

“No, I want a mating with love,” she said.

“I can’t give you that,” he said coldly. “I can give you protection. A home. More wealth than you could spend in a lifetime. I’ll work all my life to give you that.”

“But not love?” she asked. “Not even when we’re mated?”

His mouth tightened in a line. “I don’t see how that changes anything. I just don’t feel it, Mara.”

She blinked, too hurt to think of a response.

He took her by the arms so she couldn’t run.

“Don’t misunderstand. You’re wonderful. Beautiful and kind and talented and more than I deserve. But it’s just not in me, Mara. I’m not like that.”

“You could be,” she said. “But you won’t deal with whatever’s inside you that’s stopping you.”

His face hardened. “So now what?”

“Now you think about what you want,” she said. “This was half your fault.”

“I want—”

“Don’t you dare say you want to take responsibility.” She put up a hand. “I just can’t hear that again tonight. No, you go take a break and think about what you’re really willing to bring to the table, because we’re both stuck now.”

“What will you do if I can’t love you?” he asked, looking as trapped as she felt.

She sighed. “I don’t know.”

He shook his head and released her to lead the way back to the hotel, struggling to keep up. When they got to the door, he leaned on the wall, not looking at her.

“Good night, Mara,” he said.

She didn’t answer. Just walked in and shut the door behind her. Then her legs turned to jelly and she slumped on the floor. Her body was still warm from his touch. She could still remember how good it had felt to be joined with him. How happy her animal had been.

He was definitely her mate. And under any other circumstances, she’d be lucky to have him.

But not like this.

She put a hand up to her face as tears fell.

T
he next morning
, something very odd happened to Mara. She felt like painting.

She twisted the bed sheets in her hands, worrying the urge would disappear once she went to the easel.

Still, she knew from working, even before the stalker, the best thing to do was to get up and try, even when you didn’t know for sure you could accomplish anything.

And if nothing else, maybe she could try what Scott had done the other day. She rolled out of bed and changed, feeling somewhat in a trance. She went to the kitchen and peeled a banana as she looked out at the ocean.

She heard a door open and close and looked up to see her Kim emerging from her room.

The two women were as different as possible. Where Mara was short and shy and demure, Kim was tall and vivacious and loved to blurt things out that would make lesser women faint.

Kim’s braids were an unruly mess around her face, and she looked like she’d been up far too late before returning in the morning. She muttered something about a sea captain and sat down at the counter as if she expected Mara to serve her. Mara just grinned and grabbed an orange juice carton out of the fridge and handed it to her cousin.

“Thanks,” Kim mumbled, giving her a guilty grin. “Mothering again?”

Mara laughed. “Sure.” She liked taking care of others. But Scott was the first one to try and take care of her. “Late night?”

“Yes,” Kim said with a stretch and a groan. “That damn Sebastien sure knows how to keep a woman up.”

Mara smothered a smile and ate a banana slowly, considering the lighting outside and where and when would be best to start painting.

Kim followed her gaze to the easel in the corner. “You been able to paint at all?”

Mara shook her head. “But today’s the day, I think.” She could feel something rising inside her. Perhaps it was anger. Perhaps it was just that she wasn’t going to succumb to helplessness anymore. Her stalker had tried to silence her. Today was the day she wouldn’t let him.

“I’m glad. I’ve missed seeing your paintings,” Kim said. “I was worrying success had ruined you.”

“No,” Mara said. “It’s something else.”

“You want to talk about it?” Kim asked, turning to her with earnest eyes as she finished the orange juice in one gulp.

Mara didn’t. It would only ruin her cousin’s trip and worry her. Plus she had it under control. Even if Scott was no longer coming around, which she didn’t know whether she wanted him to or not, she doubted even the stalker would try to confront her internationally.

Not when he could just wait for her to come back. He’d never followed her on a vacation before, like when she’d visited her parents.

“Well, I’m going out on another boating trip today,” Kim said. “Wish me luck seducing the hot captain.”

“Good luck seducing the hot captain,” Mara said with a grin. Kim saluted her, grabbed her keys, and headed out, leaving the room empty.

Leah, the other woman who’d won the giveaway, was probably already out scuba diving. They tended to go out early. She wondered how that was going. Sky, Scott’s youngest brother, seemed like a really pleasant, easygoing guy. Sebastien, the one Kim was paired with, was stern and surly but actually pretty perfect for her over-the-top, rambunctious friend.

Mara walked over to the easel. The day was beautiful. Slightly overcast, still dotted with pink and purple from the sunrise, with little lines of gold interspersed throughout reflecting the sunlight. The ocean was a deep morning blue, mirroring some pinks and purples from the sky above. She didn’t know if she’d ever had a more beautiful scene to paint.

Her seascapes were usually colder beaches with lots of rocks and darker, murkier water to add lots of interest. But something about this sunrise just awakened something in her.

She didn’t suppose rejection should have this effect on her, but something about what happened with Scott, whether it was good or not, made it easier to put the paints on her palette, mixing darks and lights until she had a good idea of what colors she needed to start.

She dipped her brush in some blue, ready to start on the sky, and was surprised when she put her hand directly to the canvas and started brushing over it. Something lit up inside her and a wide smile spread over her face as she worked quickly, blending the oils as a base across the sky and then grabbing some purple and white to start adding clouds.

As she saw the scene in front of her begin to come to life in beautiful color, she realized what it was that was inspiring her.

She was in love. She’d known it when she’d been with him last night. She’d known it when he mated her. Her bear was content and purring, not blocking her from being able to function.

She continued to work over the canvas. It was an utter joy to create again, and she worked feverishly until she noticed soreness in her hand and had to sit down for a break. As she did, she considered the painting in front of her. A new beginning. A new dawn. The meaning wasn’t lost on her.

She stretched her hands and went back to the painting. When it was finished, she found her fervor to keep going was even greater than before she’d started. Now that she was able to paint again, she wanted to do it forever.

She set the painting inside her room, where no doors or windows would be open, so it could dry without any dust or sand getting on it before she could varnish it.

What would she do with this one? She wouldn’t sell it. She wouldn’t let anyone ruin it. Maybe she’d just keep it for herself as a memory of what had happened between her and Scott on that magical night.

She knew he was with her. He’d been with her right up until the realization, and then something inside him had triggered and stopped him from enjoying the aftereffects. But she’d just have to wait until he came to his own conclusion about what that was and whether he was willing to fix it.

She looked at the painting once more and then went out to make lunch. She could hardly wait to start another painting this evening.

S
cott couldn’t work
. He hunched over the desk, clutching his head in his hands, telling himself he needed to focus. He hadn’t been working adequately the past couple of days. He badly needed to catch up.

But all he could think about was his curvy little mate and the way he’d broken her heart.

How could he be so careless? How could he have put them both in this situation? He knew she took half the blame, but he couldn’t help but take all of it. It was just what he did.

He’d had to grow up far too young, and as a result, he tended to assume too much responsibility. He knew this about himself, but he didn’t seem to be able to change it. At least at work, the things he was responsible for were in his grasp to change.

If only he could get her out of his mind.

So this was having a mate. This soul-twisting torture that was complete preoccupation with someone you couldn’t have. She wanted love. He didn’t have it in him. He could be kind. He could be well-mannered. But love? He’d seen what that did. Nothing good.

Commitment he could offer. They could be good companions, and the sex was amazing. So amazing that when he’d been inside her, he’d felt so totally right that he hadn’t realized how wrong the whole thing was.

And he’d taken her to his house. That had been a bad idea to begin with. He’d had it built on the off season, to give himself more to do when there were less tourists around, though there were pretty much always tourists around Grand Cayman.