One Day Soon (28 page)

Fifteen Years Ago

Y
oss carefully slipped out from underneath the blankets. I knew he was hoping not to wake me. But I had already been awake since daybreak.

Mable, the lady who screamed as though she were being attacked every single morning, had been at it for hours. I had learned to block it out most of the time, but not today.

Someone had started a fire somewhere and the large, open room of The Pit had filled with a thick, acrid smoke. I was terrified everything would go up in a blaze. But it was starting to get cold at night. So cold that the thin blankets Yoss and I slept under were no longer enough to stay warm.

“Where are you going?” I asked, my voice scratchy with lack of sleep. I already missed the feel of him against me. I felt an indescribable panic at the thought of him leaving me alone again.

He did it often. I should be used to it. But I wasn’t. I didn’t think I’d ever be.

He squatted down beside me and smoothed my hair back from my forehead, leaning in to kiss my lips. Softly. So softly.

“I was going to take a piss and see if I can find us something to eat. I had hoped to get back before you woke up.”

Mable had finally stopped screaming and was now sobbing. The broken sound was so much worse. It hurt my head. It deadened my heart. Living like this was taking its toll. The hunger. The cold. The fear. It weighed on me in ways I didn’t think I’d ever be okay with.

I sat up, the blankets falling to my lap. “I’ll come with you,” I said, hating how needy I sounded.

I depended on Yoss for everything. I had thought by now I’d be a more self-sufficient, but in reality I wasn’t sure I could survive without him. My emotional state was precarious. My physical health was fine. For now. I was too skinny. I hated the sight of my bones sticking out from my rough, raw skin.

But I was in love. And that helped.

“You’re coming with me to take a leak? I love you, Imi, but there are limits to the things I want to share with you,” Yoss laughed, getting to his feet. “How about I take care of business and come back to get you before looking for some food.” He frowned at the look of distress on my face. “I’ll be right back, Imi. I promise.”

“Promise?” What was wrong with me? I needed to get it together.

Yoss’s eyes were soft. I loved it when he looked at me like that. As if I were his entire world. “Always.”

After Yoss was gone, I ran toothpaste over my teeth. I coughed, trying to clear my throat. The smoke was getting heavier. I looked down at my stained sweatshirt and cringed. It was filthy, covered in things I didn’t want to think too much about. I knew that I smelled, but there was little I could do about that. I had become used to the stench months ago.

Yoss was back after only a few minutes and he held out his hand for me. I took it and we walked outside together. The sky was blue and the sun was already high in the sky. I had no idea what time it was. It was easy to lose track of time living the way we did. Without responsibilities. Without commitments. I usually slept until late morning having only fallen asleep in the early morning hours.

School had started three weeks ago and I wondered if anyone had contacted my mother asking why I wasn’t attending. What lie had she told them?

As always, when I thought about my mother, my stomach turned into knots and I felt a mixture of rage and grief. It didn’t get better. No matter how much time passed.

“So, I have somewhere I need to go today,” Yoss said as we walked down the street towards the Seventh Street Bridge.

I stiffened instantly, my mind already jumping to conclusions. To alleyways and faceless men. To busted lips and Yoss’s tears.

Yoss squeezed my hand. “Actually, I was wondering if you’d come with me.”

I gaped in shock. He wanted me to come with him? Why? The suggestion seemed callous and cruel and I couldn’t believe Yoss had suggested it.

“It’s not what you think,” he murmured under his breath, looking ashamed. I hated that I made him feel that way, but I couldn’t say anything to make him feel better. When it came to that part of Yoss’s life, there wasn’t anything I
could
say that wouldn’t sound like condemnation.

“Where are we going then?” I asked.

Yoss ducked his head shyly and my heart pitter-pattered. “I want you to meet my grandma.”

My eyes widened. “Your grandma?”

“Yeah. She’s my mom’s mom. The only family I have besides—anyway, I try to see her every couple of months. I haven’t seen her since the beginning of the summer.”

I had gotten the impression from him that he didn’t have any family. At least none he’d want anything to do with.

“I’m confused. If you have a grandmother, why aren’t you living with her?”

Yoss’s smile became a bit more pained. “Let’s get something to eat before we head over. I have a few dollars in my pocket. We could get a bagel,” he suggested, not answering my question.

“Why don’t you live with her? Why would you be out here if you could be with someone you care about?” I pushed. Yoss had become angry with me when he thought I had chosen to live out on the streets instead of going home. How was his situation any different?

“I can’t live with my grandmother,” he said shortly, his mood souring.

“Why not?” I prodded as we stopped just outside a bakery. My stomach growled and I could barely think over the hunger pangs, but I wouldn’t let Yoss drop the subject.

He pulled the crumpled bills out of his pocket and opened the door for me. I passed by him into the store. “Well for starters, she lives in a residential facility. I don’t think they’d allow an eighteen-year-old to couch surf in her room,” he remarked.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” I felt like an idiot. Even worse, I felt like an insensitive idiot.

Yoss pushed my heavy, too long hair to the side and gently curled his fingers around the back of my neck. I shivered at the sweet, possessive gesture. His thumb ran along my skin. “You didn’t know. It was an understandable question.”

“I should have known you’d have your reasons—”

“You didn’t know. It’s okay. I love my grandma. She’s the only blood family that I have. She knows what a dick my dad is, but she doesn’t
know
what happened. I don’t want her worrying about me, Imi, so please don’t mention anything about where I live. She’s been through a lot herself and I don’t want to burden her,” Yoss said emphatically.

I frowned. “Burden her? But shouldn’t she know? She’d probably help you—”

“Things with my grandmother are more complicated than that. I just…please, don’t say anything. I trust you to respect me on this.”

I wanted to argue with him, but his eyes were pleading. “She has so few good days, I don’t want them ruined with my shit.”

“Yoss, I won’t say anything. I just think it’s wrong to keep her in the dark if she could help you,” I protested weakly.

Yoss and I approached the counter and he ordered two blueberry bagels. The man behind the counter gave us a snotty look as he handed the bag to Yoss. Neither of us acknowledged him. We had become used to the disgust.

Yoss handed me a warm bagel and I tried not to inhale it as we stepped outside. But I was too hungry to control myself and ended up eating the entire thing in three bites.

When I was finished, Yoss broke off half of his and handed it to me. I tried to push it away. “I can’t take yours. You need to eat too,” I told him.

“I can eat something later. Just take it,” he insisted firmly. So I took his half of the bagel and ate it, feeling guilty with every mouthful.

With my belly slightly fuller than it had been, we started walking north. It began to rain and I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt up over my head. Yoss didn’t have a hood and his dark hair became soaked in a matter of minutes.

“What did you mean your grandmother has so few good days? What’s wrong with her?” I asked him.

Yoss turned us down a side street lined with oak trees. “Growing up, she was larger than life. I remember her laughter most of all. When she’s happy, she’s loud. She doesn’t care who knows it. My dad hated when she came over. He used to fight with my mom about it before every holiday. But after Mom died, Grandma sort of fell apart. Mom was her only child and my granddad had passed away years before I was born.” Yoss stopped as we reached a well-kept brick building with the sign,
Windy Acres Residential Community
, out front.

Yoss smoothed his hair as best he could and quickly tucked in his shirt. I reached up and wiped a dark smudge off his cheekbone.

“She was never the same after that. A year later Dad had her put here. He sold her house, boxed up her stuff, and left her alone. Her mind has been deteriorating ever since. Alzheimer’s the doctors say. I think it’s just fucking boredom. Grandma isn’t the type of lady to be cool with sitting in a rocking chair staring at a wall all day. When she has good days, it’s awesome. When she has bad days, it’s heart breaking. But I keep coming here, even if sometimes she doesn’t remember who I am.”

It all made sense. And it made me hurt for him even more.

I painted a bright smile on my face. “I can’t wait to meet her,” I told him honestly. He was handing me fragments of his life. Pieces, tiny and precious.

“Do I look okay?” he asked and I wanted to laugh at the question. Okay wasn’t a word that anyone could ever use to describe him. Even wearing clothes that had seen better days, he was more beautiful than anyone.

“You look wonderful. What about me? Will Grandma approve?” I asked, feeling a little nervous for the first time. I wished I had something nicer to wear to meet such an important person in Yoss’s life. I felt grubby and small.

Yoss put his finger under my chin and lifted my face. His smile was sweet as his eyes swept over me. “She’ll love you because
I
love you.”

We walked into the foyer of Windy Acres and Yoss was immediately greeted by the red-haired lady sitting at the front desk.

“Yoss! Hello! It’s been too long!” She got up and came around to give him a hug, which he returned.

“How’s Grandma been? I should have been by to see her sooner—” Yoss began, a guilty note in his voice.

Red-haired lady waved away his comment. “You’re a busy young man. It’s just important that you’re here now.” Her face grew serious. “I don’t think she’d even realize if you were here.”

Yoss’s face fell. “Is she having a bad day?”

Red-haired lady patted his shoulder. “She’s in a good mood. But she thinks she’s at home waiting for your mother to come back from a playdate.”

Yoss glanced over at me. “I can wait out here if you want to see her alone,” I offered. I didn’t want to push my presence on a very personal moment.

Yoss grabbed my hand and squeezed. “No, I want you to meet her,” he said emphatically.

Red-haired lady gave me a smile. “And who is this lovely girl?”

Yoss grinned, brightening instantly. “Holly, this is my girlfriend Imogen. Imogen, this is Holly, my favorite nurse.”

Holly beamed, clearly tickled by Yoss’s words. “I bet you say that to all of the nurses,” she scolded him good-naturedly.

“Nice to meet you, Holly,” I said, holding out my hand for her to shake. If she thought our dirty, untidy appearance strange, she never let on.

“And nice to meet you too, Imogen. You kids can go on back. I think she’s in the common room,” Holly told Yoss.

“Thanks,” Yoss said, leading me down the hallway.

He seemed both eager and hesitant. His fingers were a death grip on mine.

We stepped through a doorway into a brightly lit room. It was full of people but it was strangely quiet, the only noise coming from the soft drone of the television mounted to the wall.

A couple of elderly men were playing a game of chess. A woman was reading a book in a large chair by the picture windows. A few residents were walking with the help of an aide. They all appeared clean and well taken care of. But none of them looked particularly happy. Mostly they seemed resigned. As if they were simply killing time.

“There she is,” Yoss murmured under his breath, indicating a frail looking woman sitting at a table near the back of the room. Her head, covered in a cloud of messy white hair, was bent over a large jigsaw puzzle.

I felt nervous. Unnerved.

I was meeting Yoss’s family. I felt grossly unprepared for what this would mean to him. To the both of us.

I followed him through the room until we were standing beside his grandmother. She didn’t look up, too absorbed in what she was doing.

Which, honestly, didn’t seem like a whole lot. She wasn’t putting pieces together. She simply moved them around the table in swirling patterns.

“Gran,” Yoss said softly, putting his hand on her shoulder. He was tense as he waited for her to respond. We were both holding our breath.

Then slowly she reached up and put her hand on top of his. Her rheumy eyes looked up at him and she smiled.

Yoss smiled back, his entire face lighting up. I hung back a little.

“Hi Gran, sorry it’s been so long,” Yoss said, pulling out a chair and sitting down across from her. He glanced at me and nodded towards the chair beside him. I sat down, tucking my hands in my lap.