Once Upon a Road Trip (31 page)

Yeesh. Trying to cheer this guy up could be a full time job
.

Surveying her friend, she formed a sympathetic smile. Though Kalvin was well over six feet in height, there was nothing imposing about his slim frame or the slumped manner in which he carried himself. At twenty years old, his dark hair was already thinning at the crown. His features were even, long in the nose, and graced with mournful cobalt eyes.

“Oh, here, Elsie sent a present for you,” Angie said as she recalled the trinket, delving into her pocket until her fingers closed around the thin metal chain. She held out her hand and waited for him to close the distance. She wasn’t about to venture in further and risk setting off a domestic avalanche.

Kalvin took his time, a skeptical look dislodging the melancholy. “Why would she do that?” He tentatively accepted the dog-tag chain and examined the small, squared charm that hung from it.

“It reminded her of you.” Angie shrugged. “It’s a pet I.D. tag. She had it made with your real name, and the names of your characters underneath.”

The barest hint of a smile lit Kalvin’s features as he looped the chain around his neck, holding the tag up. “She spelled my name with a ‘C’ instead of a ‘K’.” He sighed.

Angie winced at the error. “I’m sorry. I guess she hadn’t seen your real name, she’s just heard me say it—”

“No, it’s fine.” Kalvin formed a fleeting smile as he tucked the chain under the collar of his video game-themed T-shirt. “That’s the way my name was supposed to be spelled. My dad just didn’t care enough to get it right on my birth certificate.” 

Finding it probable that her friend’s struggle with depression was rooted in paternal neglect and abandonment, Angie stored the deduction away for later. For the time being, redirection seemed like the best way she could help him. “So, what are we doing today?”

Kalvin frowned. “We’ve got two options, I suppose. I could show you around the interesting places in town. That won’t take long.” Though his voice was mild, the sardonic edge was hard to miss. “Or we can get me ready for the big move. But that’d be boring, too. I just need to pick up supplies and get a haircut.”

“I don’t bore easily,” she assured. “Hey, I could save you a little money and cut your hair for you. I’ve given a few of my friends haircuts before. I’m not fantastic at it, but it doesn’t look like you do anything too complicated with it.”

“Sure.” Kalvin shrugged, shuffling around her as he exited his room and headed for the kitchen. “It’s not like you could make me look any worse.”

“That’s it, never mind.” Angie uttered an exasperated sound as she followed him. “The haircut can wait—we’ve got all week. I think it’d do you some good to get out.”

“Okay.” Kalvin paused amid dropping a slice of bread into the toaster, though his expression never shifted from a default glumness. “We could check out the new coffee shop,” he said. “Or we could go see Toccoa Falls. But I’ll warn you, it’s not as impressive as it sounds.”

“What’s not impressive about a waterfall?”

Kalvin snorted to himself, the closest thing to a laugh she’d heard from him. “It’s more of a glorified trickle. The thing is supposed to be taller than Niagara Falls, but it’s no bigger around than I am wide.”

“Well, I’d like to see it anyway. I need to stretch my legs, and it wouldn’t kill you to get some fresh air and sunlight.”

“It might,” he countered with a grimace. “I guess we’ll find out.”

Angie shook her head, reclaiming a degree of mirth. “That’s the spirit, Kal.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Just as Kalvin had claimed, there was nothing particularly entertaining about his small hometown. The week wore on in a largely uneventful fashion, while Angie filled her time with watching movies, running errands, and urging Kalvin to see life from a slightly less dismal perspective. They settled into a comfortable sibling-like way of relating to each other, with Kalvin eventually confiding in her the struggles that he and his mother had faced at the hands of his abusive father.

As the last full day of her visit waned, she had noted a modest lightening in his demeanor. It relieved her to hear him speculating on the move and his future.

“Well, I’ve had a lot worse,” Kalvin said, sipping away at the sugar-free frappe Angie had ordered for him. She’d insisted on celebrating his exodus into a new stage of life by treating them to whatever the town’s only cafe had to offer. Despite the fact that they were indoors, he continued to wear a broad pair of sunglasses. Angie had learned early on that he guarded his eyesight well, as the degenerative effects of diabetes threatened blindness for anyone as brittle as he was considered to be.

She sat down across from him at one of the round tables, beside a line of windows that had once been part of a retractable garage door. The full interior of the one-time auto repair shop had been painted an uninteresting shade of beige, accented by fake plants and paintings that appeared to have been procured from a local elementary school. Between them, Angie deposited a plate piled with triangular slices of chicken salad sandwiches. “Sorry, it looks like just the drinks are diabetic friendly.”

“Doesn’t surprise me.” Kalvin eyed the sandwiches and reached for the clip on his belt, lifting the rectangular black box that housed his insulin pump. He adjusted the settings on the device, as she had seen him do whenever he was about to eat.

Angie decided to act on the opportunity to bring up a nagging concern. “You know, you should educate your new roommates on what to watch out for. In case your glucose levels get too high or too low and you can’t help yourself.”

“You sound like my mother.” Kalvin huffed. He took a bite out of a sandwich and frowned as he chewed. “I get to start over, someplace where nobody knows or has any preconceived ideas about me. I don’t want to screw it up by telling them I’m medically defective.” He sighed. “I’m not even bringing most of my toys with me, just so I have a chance at seeming…normal.”

“Normal is overrated.” Angie blew across the top of her steaming latte. “You can always hang out with Jeff if you don’t happen to get along with your new roomies,” she said, reminding him of their mutual online friend who would be acting as her next host in Atlanta. “But at least give them a chance. Out of three other guys, odds are at least one of them is going to like video games and action figures.”

Kalvin attempted a dubious smile, but it refused to stay on his face for more than a moment. There was a short lull between them while they ate, which he broke without any preamble. “So, you’re some kind of Christian?”

Caught off guard by her friend’s sudden directness, Angie nearly choked on her coffee.

“What…gives you that impression?” she asked, stalling as she sorted her thoughts. Faith wasn’t a subject they’d ever broached before, and she wasn’t sure what had sparked his inquiry. Worse yet, with his eyes concealed behind the sunglasses she had little idea where he planned on going with it.

“You bowed your head before dinner the last few nights,” he said, analytical in tone.

Angie strained her recollection over his claim. “I guess I did. I’ve been pretty grateful for your mom’s cooking.” She shook her head. “But that could mean anything—”

“It doesn’t though,” Kalvin deduced. He leaned back in his chair, studying her. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

She smiled faintly at his certainty. “Yeah, you are.”

“So, I have a question for you—” He eased his sunglasses off to set on the table before him. His poignant blue eyes bore into her with unwavering scrutiny. “Why bother?”

She considered him for a long moment, deciding she didn’t detect any signs of hostility or entrapment. “Do you want the long or the short version?” she asked.
Not that either one would be adequate.
When Kalvin gave a shrug, she took a slow sip of her drink to clear her throat as well as her mind. “Cliff notes? I’ve seen and been through a lot of things that got me to this perspective. Some stuff, you probably wouldn’t believe. There’s a lot I still don’t understand, but I’ve gotten enough answers to keep me going.” She spoke quietly, monitoring his reaction. “I guess the main thing is, I know God saved me—in more ways than one. I know He cares enough to have some sort of plan for me, and I want to know what it is.” She smirked then. “It’s not like things tend to go the way I plan them, anyway.”

Kalvin made a contemplative sound, his thick brows drawing together. “Your ears aren’t pierced.” He used a wary tone in making the observation.

Perplexed by the seeming randomness of his statement, Angie reached up and touched one of her bare earlobes. “No. Not yet, anyway. I have metal sensitivities, and I’m a wuss about putting intentional holes in myself,” she said, hoping his rabbit trail was going somewhere.

“No tattoos?”

“No, but I’ve had two in mind for a while. I figure if I still want them a couple of years from now, then I won’t regret it when I do get them.” As she spoke, a thought occurred to her. “Are you trying to figure out if I belong to a fanatical cult or something?”

The hint of a smile graced Kalvin’s face. “Yeah, pretty much.”

Angie snickered to herself. “No, I’m just really boring. Sorry to disappoint.”

“At least you earned your belief in something,” Kalvin said. “Most people around here just say they believe whatever their family believes. They don’t bother thinking for themselves,” he grumbled on. “And the less they know, the louder they believe it.”

“I don’t think that’s just the people around here.” She smiled in genuine sympathy.

Kalvin’s expression grew confiding and he leaned forward. “I always thought God existed—I just don’t understand Him. The first time my blood sugar got too high and landed me in the emergency room, I was hoping I’d go into a coma and not wake up. I was so sick of everything…I kept asking God to get me out of here.” He shook his head, a weightiness in his voice. “But that didn’t happen—”

“I’m glad it didn’t,” Angie interjected, frowning. “You’ve got a lot of living left to do, Kal.” While she’d grown accustom to challenging his more fatalistic perspective, his latest admission troubled her. If he weren’t about to start a whole new life, well removed from the stifling confines of his hometown, she would have been downright worried.

“Yeah, I guess nobody would have been left to take care of my mom.” He conceded at last, leaning back in his chair.

The stubbornness she detected in him was enough to ease her immediate concern. Still, she decided to check in on him more regularly once she’d moved on. “You’re a lot more valuable than you let yourself think.”

“If you say so,” Kalvin said, poking at another half-sandwich.

She gave him a stern glowering. “Kal.”

“Alright, alright—”

Angie let a pause drag out between them as she considered her words. “Are you angry at God about being diabetic?”

“Maybe sometimes.” He shrugged. “But then I feel bad, because I know there’s always somebody that’s got it worse than me. I’m not asking life to be fair—I know it’s too screwed up for that. I just want to know why He lets people hurt each other.”

“You mean...like your dad?”

Kalvin nodded. “Everybody, I guess. Why let all this crap go on when he could just -make- us all love each other instead of telling us to?” 

“You know how they say freedom isn’t free?” 

“Freedom is overrated.” He made a dismissive motion.

Angie considered arguing, but after some thought, decided to pose another question. “Do you think you’d love somebody more if you -had- to, or if you were free to choose them?”

He met her gaze for a long moment before shaking his head. “I don’t know.”

“I don’t either.” She gave a faint smile. “But I think it might mean more when love is a decision—not just some reaction you get no say in.”

And maybe one day I’ll know for sure.

“I suppose.” Kalvin’s tone remaining pensive-yet-skeptical. He drained the last of his frappe, then paused as a thought seemed to occur to him. “Thanks—for not beating me over the head with the God stuff.”

“Thanks for asking about it.” Angie bobbed her head. Whatever his reasons, she was grateful he’d put his curiosity into words. It wasn’t often she was given the opportunity to explain herself. “It would have been easier for you to just assume whatever you wanted about me.”

“Well, you know me. I never manage to do things the easy way,” Kalvin said, dryness returning to his voice. “I hope you’re right though—about God caring. Maybe He’ll pay attention to something I ask for once and keep you out of trouble.”

“If you’re trying to say that you’ll be praying for me, thanks. I appreciate it.” Angie chuckled. “I’m pretty sure I need it.”

July 7
,

I’ve been on the road for almost a month now. It seems so much longer than that. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve seen and experienced so much in that time, or because I’m starting to miss home. Maybe it’s a little of both.

Kalvin and his mother have been incredibly kind to me. I’ve never once felt like a stranger. I knew before coming here that Kal was carrying a lot of pain from his past, but in the last week I’ve realized that he and his mother are both very wounded people. They have a good, strong relationship at least. Which makes sense. They’re all each other has. I wish I could have done more to help them. I see now why Kal has such a toy obsession...that’s how he copes. Despite that though, I really think he needs to have a garage sale. There’s so much he could stand to get rid of...literally and figuratively.

Scott hasn’t called or emailed me since I left. Part of me is relieved that he’s done what I asked and let me go. But then, there’s the stupid part of me that thinks it shouldn’t have been so easy for him. By now, he must have come to his senses and realized the difference between love and infatuation. I know I should just be grateful instead of letting it gnaw on my self-esteem.

I finally got a hold of mom on the phone tonight and we had a good, long talk. It eased a lot of my anxiety just to explain things out loud. I told her about everything... giving up on Don, the crush I had on Zak, and all of the confusing feelings I’ve had for Scott. By the end of it, I must have sounded neurotic. But hey, I guess I probably am sometimes. Of course, she told me I’m not crazy. (She’s my mom, what else is she going to say?) More importantly, she reassured me I shouldn’t settle for something that doesn’t feel right. She thinks I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself to decide what I want in a relationship, on top of trying to pick a career. I know I don’t have to have everything figured out with my life and my future. It would just be a lot more helpful if I did, that’s all.