Once Upon a Caveman (4 page)

Lucy
slowly turned to face him.  “Warren, didn’t we have a pact never to speak unless
one of us was on fire and needed a heads-up?  Even then, I think we had a hand
signal worked out.”

“Yeah,
but that was because you were such snotty bitch.”  He told her easily.  “We’re
passed that now, ya know?”

Warren
had the irritating habit of turning every statement into a question by adding
“ya know?” to the end.  It was one of the ten-thousand things she detested
about the man.

Physically,
he looked pretty much the same as he always did.  Not quite as attractive as he
pretended to be, with the bulky build of a football player who hadn’t made the
cut for a scholarship offer.  His final game at Woodward High had been such a catastrophe
that they were
still
shaking their heads about it around Clovis.  No
college would put him on the field after the Homecoming fiasco, even though
he’d been an above average player up until then.

One
bad day ruined it all for Warren and nobody was even surprised when it
happened.

Warren
was a guy who
juuuust
missed the mark in everything he did.  Everyone
knew it, so they didn’t even
expect
him to hold things together.  His
whole life was an “almost.”  Bad choices, bad luck, bad timing…  He was just
doomed to failure.  These days, he had two of the meanest ex-wives ever spawned
and sold Saturns on his dad’s car lot.

And
probably
still
made more per hour than Lucy did.

Ass
hat.

“I’ll
always
be a snotty bitch to you, Warren.”  Lucy assured him and headed
off to find a non-red dress.  Given the state of her day, it was no surprise
that pretty much all the gift shop offered in the way of clothing options were
bathing suits, sarongs and terrycloth bathrobes.  Why couldn’t this be one of
the luxury cruises with the onboard malls?

Warren
followed her around the small store, not taking the hint.  His dark hair seemed
to have been affixed to his head with Crisco to hide his developing bald spot. 
“Seriously, you had --like-- some kind of Goth-girl-from-
The-Breakfast-Club
thing going on in high school.”  He informed her, crossing his arms over his
chest.  He was wearing his Woodward High football jersey, which was all kinds
of sad.  “All you did was read books in the library and dress in man-hating flannel
and whine about how the ball players didn’t take the same tests as the rest of
the class, ya know?”

“Because,
your tests were easier.”

“Because,
we needed good grades to stay on the team!  You fucked up all my weekends with
your complaining.  I had to stay home and
study
.”  He frowned at her. 
“Fifteen years and you still can’t admit that you were wrong about that?”

“Fifteen
years and you still don’t see that I was
right
about that?”  Lucy
snapped back.  But, it annoyed her that Warren was little bit right, too.  Not
about the tests, obviously.  And she’d never been a full on Goth kid, nor had
she hated men.  She just hated
Warren. 
She’d definitely been a loner,
though.  It was her nature to stand back and roll her eyes rather than join in.

“Taffi
broke-up with me, because I couldn’t take her out on Saturdays.”  Warren
insisted.  “Otherwise, we’d probably be married now and this would be
my
boat, ya know?”

Jesus,
it was like the Mobius strip of tenth grade debate all over again.  “Taffi’s
husband works for the cruise line, first of all.  They don’t own this boat. 
Secondly,
Taffi’s husband works for the cruise line
.  If she’d married
you
,
we wouldn’t even
know
about this boat, because we’re only here due to
the fact she married to
him.
”  She paused.  “Also, you broke up because
she screwed Craig Turkana at her birthday party.”

Warren’s
eyes narrowed.  “You’re not going to apologize, are you?”

“That’s
it.  We’re reinstating the rule.”  Lucy decided.  “No talking to each other,
unless one of us spontaneously combusts.”  She turned back to the racks of
clothes, picking up a t-shirt without much hope.  “It’s the only way you’re
getting off this ship with all of your limbs attached.”

“The
least you could do is…”

“Where
is she?”  Taffi slammed into the gift shop, interrupting his complaint.  Her
expression was wild and her eyes narrowed in a way sure to cause premature
wrinkles.  Her plastic surgeon would have palpitations if he saw.  “You
bitch!
 
You think you’re stealing my dress,
again?
”

Damn
Marnie-from-third-period-bio.  That pumpkin-headed twit always did have a big
mouth.  She must have rushed off to tell Taffi all about the impending maritime
disaster.

“I’m
buying a new outfit, Taffi.  Just calm down…”

“Damn
right you are!”  The artful layers of Taffi’s hair flew in all directions as
she advanced on Lucy.  She looked like she was wearing a scaled down version of
the infamous blue dress, complete with corsage.  Where the hell had she found a
freaking
corsage
at sea?  The woman just wasn’t sane on the subject of
proms.  “You won’t spoil
this
for me, too, Lucy!”

“Hey,
Taffi.”  Warren gave her a leer, somehow managing to telegraph to everyone in
the cute little boutique that they’d once had lots and lots of sex.  “How you
doin’, babe?”

“Fuck
off, Warren.”  Taffi didn’t even glance his way.  Instead, she glared at the
shirt in Lucy’s hand.  “You think you’re wearing
that
to Formal Night? 
Do you
want
to ruin the beautiful dinner that the Alumni Committee has
planned?  Is that it?”  She shook her head. “
This
is why we’ve been
enemies since kindergarten, you freak.”

Lucy
decided to wear the damn shirt just to piss Taffi off.  It was neon orange,
with the silhouette of the cruise ship on the front and its name written in
gold glitter: 
The Arden
.  It would serve Taffi right to…

From
out of nowhere, Lucy remembered the dream, again.

Rhawn’s
stark face as he whispered,
“It’s the
Ardin.
  The sinking.”

A
strange premonition swept over Lucy.  The same feeling she got the day her
grandfather had died a hundred miles away or when she switched seats on a bus
just before the driver had sideswiped a telephone pole.  A deep, inexplicable
knowing.

Oh
God
.

Lucy’s
eyes widened in panic.  Not bothering to put the t-shirt down, she headed out
of the shop.  “We have to get up on deck! 
Now.
”

“What?” 
Warren followed her, but he didn’t look happy about it.  “Why?”  He pulled out
his folded shipboard itinerary to double-check the schedule.  “All we’re
missing are shuffleboard lessons, ya know?”

“Lucy,
you didn’t pay for that shirt.”  Taffi protested hotly, trailing after them
like the eternal hall monitor.  “My husband is a vital member of this crew and
I’m not going to let you just steal from his ship.”

Lucy
ignored them.  All she could process was the pounding of her own heart as she
ran up the stairs.  Goddamn it, what level were the lifeboats on?  Why hadn’t
she paid closer attention to that stupid TV safety message they’d played
yesterday afternoon?

Craig
Turkana, Woodward High’s “most likely to get the electric chair,” watched her
race by.  He wasn’t some handsome rebel in the Fonzie, James Dean, Luke Perry tradition
of high school bad boys.  He was just the kind of low rent scumbag who dealt
drugs behind the cafeteria and sold pictures of his sister in the shower.

Lucy
had no idea why Craig had even bothered to come to the reunion.  Maybe he’d
just needed a way to flee the state.

“Where
you goin’ in such a hurry, Meadowcroft?”  He called, a cigarette dangling from
his mouth and an ancient shirt that read “Fuck the World” covering his chest. 
“Brainiac marathon?”  He chuckled at his own barley coherent wit.  Lucy obviously
wasn’t the only one taking advantage of the cruise’s open bar.  “For real, I’m
glad you’re here, though.  There’s some stuff I’ve waited fifteen year to say
to…”

Lucy
cut him off.  “Get up on deck!”  She ordered, although she probably should’ve
just spared Craig’s future victims the heartache and let him drown.  “This boat
is going to sink.”

“Huh?” 
Warren said with a typical show of razor-sharp intelligence.

“That’s
crazy.”  Taffi sputtered.  “This ship can’t sink.  We have it rented until Monday.”

Craig
was a bit quicker on the uptake.  He might have been a career criminal, but
he’d never been stupid.  Even half-drunk, he quickly assessed the situation and
saw that Lucy was serious.

Perhaps
remembering the twelfth grade library fire she’d shown up to douse seconds
after he’d started it… Craig believed her.  For whatever reason, he’d always
insisted that she’d had some kind of psychic flash that day and he held it
against her.  It was another example of people ascribing Lucy with a
specialness she just didn’t have.  Really, she’s just smelled the kerosene.

“Do
we have time to get the life vests from the rooms?”  Craig sounded nearly
sober.

“I
don’t think so.  I think we just have to get to the…”

She
was cut off when the
Arden
suddenly listed to the left. 
Port,
she
mentally corrected herself, because nautical precision was important when you
were caught in
The Poseidon Adventure
.  They were listing to
port
.

Lucy
held on as the entire ship rolled to a sickening new angle.  All around her,
she heard people shouting in panic and objects falling.  Metal creaked.  Glass
broke.  Sirens started going off.  She thought she smelled smoke.

Oh
yeah.  Taffi was
definitely
going to be giving her a refund for this
“vacation.”

Using
the decorative bannister of the staircase as a ladder, Lucy pulled herself
upward.  She had to get to the deck or she’d be caught inside when ship
went
down.

Warren
and Taffi changed their minds about her mental state and frantically climbed
after her, as the ship twisted further onto its side.  Behind them, there was a
reverberating crash.  Lucy turned to see half the steps she’d just climbed fall
away.  Taffi and Warren barely made it to the jagged piece of landing that
remained.  If she hadn’t left the store when she did, they all would’ve been
stranded down there.

It’s
the
Ardin.
 
The sinking.

Rhawn’s
warning had saved her life.

So
far.

“Go!” 
She shouted at Craig.

He
didn’t need the prompting.  He sprinted for the exterior door at the top of the
stairs.  It had swung open when the ship made its ominous roll.  Outside, Lucy
saw lightening flash.  It hadn’t been raining before, but now a storm raged
like something out of a George Clooney film.

Lucy
hesitated, suddenly more afraid of what lay behind the door than what she’d
face inside.  Wait.  How could the weather have deteriorated into a typhoon in
a matter of minutes?  What was going on?

“Move!” 
Warren shrieked.  “Move! 
Move!
”  He shoved passed her, pushing Lucy
through the door in the process.

She
stumbled out onto the sharply-angled deck, forgetting about the mysterious hurricane. 
All that mattered was getting to the lifeboats.  On the wall, she spotted an emergency
sign pointing towards the stern and she automatically headed that way.  Just a
few more moments and she’d be safe.  All she needed was a few more…

The
Arden
plunged further into the water, the whole ship turning onto its
side.

Shit.

Lucy
had time to lock eyes with Craig.  She heard Taffi screech in panic and Warren
bellow for help.  She tried to find a handhold, but the exterior railing gave
way.  It was the end.  Damn it, she’d
known
she’d never get out of high
school alive.

The
very last thought in her head was of Rhawn.

Then,
Lucy was freefalling through the air and into the bottomless blue of a swirling
abyss.

The
caveman comes up behind her, pulling her against his chest.

Lucy
tilts her head to stare at him, breathing hard.  She’s never dreamed of the
same person twice before.  It seems like that must mean something.  Lucy tries
to think of what but her mind is buzzing.  She can’t process anything except
wanting him.  He’s the handsomest guy she’s ever seen.  And the biggest.  And the
gentlest.

He
clearly wasn’t expecting to see her again, either.  His face is dazed and
excited as he stares down at her.  One of his hands comes up to touch her cheek
in something like reverence.  He says something in a strange language. 
Whatever it means, she’s guessing it’s good, because he sure seems happy to see
her again.

Lucy
grins, hoping she doesn’t wake up for a really long time.  “Hi, caveman.  Wanna
make out?”

Lucy
and Rhawn’s Dream- Fourteen Years Ago

When
Lucy opened her eyes, she realized she wasn’t dead.  For a second, she wasn’t
sure whether to be happy about that or not.

She
was lying on her stomach, generally feeling like hell.  Powdery white sand
clung to every bit of her body, from her eyelashes to her shoelaces.  Pushing
herself up onto her elbows, she swiped grit from her face and tried to swallow
down the taste of seawater in her mouth.  Her lower half was still partway in
the
very cold
water.  It took her a second to find the energy to pull
herself fully onto the shore, although that wasn’t so toasty warm, either.

As
far as Lucy could tell, she was on a beach.

Some
kind of bizarre genetic mishmash of evergreens and palm trees swayed overhead,
growing right up to the edge of the icy grey ocean.  Growing
in
the
ocean, in fact.  As if the dark water was swallowing them, inch by inch. 
Wherever the hell she was, it sure didn’t look like tropical blue waves of the
Caribbean.  These seemed like the kind of dark and dangerous seas Vikings had
sailed on, carving dragons on their ships to protect them from the monsters
beneath the murky surface.  This ocean was menacing.

…But
not as menacing as the volcano.

The
damn thing loomed up from a jagged line of mountains, spewing smoke into the
overcast sky.  Lucy had never seen a volcano before.  Well, she’d seen that
movie with Pierce Brosnan and the mom from
Terminator
, but she’d never
seen an
actual
volcano.  It was --she was absolutely positive--
not
part of the cruise’s scheduled sightseeing tour.

Where
was
the cruise?

The
last thing Lucy remembered was the final deadly roll of the hull and plunging
overboard.  She’d hit the water like it was a brick wall.  Everything after
that was a blank.  Lucy didn’t even know what day it was.  How had she gotten
here?  Did she swim?  Float?  Did someone bring her to shore?  If so, where
were they?  Shouldn’t she be at a hospital or something?  She was just in a
damn boat crash!  Where were the doctors?

Lucy
looked around.  No ship.  No people.  No helicopters searching for survivors. 
No houses or buildings.  No news trucks.  No ambulance waiting to take victims
to the hospital.  No lawyers shoving business cards at her and promising to sue
the cruise line for every last oar.

No…
anything.

The
chill that went through her had nothing to do with the weather.

“Hello?! 
Hello?
  Is anyone there?”  A male voice called out.

It
was a sad commentary on how scared Lucy felt that she actually breathed a huge
sigh of relief at the sound of Warren’s panicked cries.

“I’m
here!”  She struggled to her feet and instantly doubled over in a coughing fit.

It
felt like she’d swallowed half the ocean.  Lucy braced her hands on the knees
of her wet jeans.  There was still a strand of green Mardi Gras beads around
her neck and they swung forward.  She batted them aside.  Aside from aching all
over and the burning in her lungs, though, she seemed physically okay.  Nothing
broken or bleeding.  Apparently, she’d live long enough to be interviewed on a
very special episode of
Dateline
.

Class
Reunion Castaway:  The Lucy Meadowcroft Story.

“Moose-y! 
You’re alive!”  Warren came racing towards her.  He was waterlogged and sandy,
but otherwise unharmed.  Even his slicked down hair had survived the sinking. 
Science class had been right: Oil and water really didn’t mix.  “What
happened?”  He demanded, his blue eyes huge in his pale face.

“We
went overboard.”  She straightened, still wiping at the grit covering her. 
“Have you seen anyone else?”

He
shook his head.  “Just you.  Where are we?”

“I
don’t know.”

“What
do you
mean
you don’t know?  You’re supposed to have a million point
IQ!  How can you not know, ya know?”

“Because
I’m not a fucking cartographer, that’s how.”  Snapping at Warren made her feel
better, but it wasn’t really helping.  Lucy needed to figure out what to do.

“Well,
what are we going to do?”  Warren demanded on cue.

Oh
good.  They were a “we,” now.

Lucy
rolled her eyes and didn’t bother to argue the point.  He’d just follow her if
she didn’t let him come along.  “We start walking.”  She decided and headed off
down the beach.  Since they had no flare gun, phone or taxi available, it was
really only choice.

Trudging
through the sand was just exactly as fun as she’d imagined it would be.  All
the pointlessness of P.E. combined with a growing certainty that she was in
deep,
deep
trouble.  Plus, Warren was there to add his stimulating
observations to their ongoing disaster.

“Is
that mountain supposed to be smoking like that?”  He asked, pointing at the
volcano.  “It seems like kind of a bad sign, ya know?”

“I
don’t think our signs can get much worse, actually.”  Lucy was keeping track of
the sun’s position in the sky.  They’d been walking for a long time, but it
seemed like they were going in a circle.  Only she was sticking right by the
shoreline, which meant that this was indeed an island and they were headed
right back to where they’d started.

“If
it comes down to it Warren, I’m going to have to kill and eat you.  Nothing
personal.”

“I
have a green belt in karate.”  He informed her seriously.  “I can totally take
you in a…”  His boast trailed off in a panicked scream as the ground started
shaking.

The
earthquake felt just like it had in her dream about Rhawn.  Sort of a low-grade
rumble.  It didn’t knock them off their feet, but it was enough to send trees
swaying and sand shifting.  Above them, the volcano’s cloud of smoke grew
darker in response.

Angrier.

“Oh
shit.”  Lucy whispered.  Anyone who’d ever seen a documentary on Mount St.
Helens knew this was bad.

“What’s
going on?”  Warren demanded.  Apparently, he didn’t watch PBS.

“That
volcano is going to erupt soon.”

“Oh
shit.
”  Warren agreed in an octave so high that even bats would have
cringed.  “We have to get out of here!”  He started for the ocean, close to
hysteria.  “I’ll take my chances with water over goddamn lava, ya know?”

“We
need think for a minute before we start freaking out.”

“You
think all you want.  I’m dogpaddling outta here.”

“That
water has to be close to freezing.  You’re going to get hypothermic.”  Neither
of them was dressed for the frigid climate of this island.  The sun was still
out and Lucy could already feel the cold biting through her shirt.  God only
know what kind of temperatures night would bring.  “We need to dry out, not get
even wetter.”

He
didn’t slow his desperate flight into the icy sea.

“Warren…” 
Lucy sighed in annoyance as he floundered out into the waves.  A big part of
her wanted to leave him, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to walk away. 
Still, he clearly wouldn’t listen to logic.  Maybe she needed to persuade him
with something even more frightening that freezing to death or erupting
volcanoes.  She thought for beat.  “There are probably sharks out there, you
know.”

He
came splashing back out of the ocean even faster than he’d waded in.  “Jesus,
what is
with
this place?”  Dashing up the sand, he stood by the line of
trees, breathing hard and eyeing the shoreline.  Apparently, he was waiting for
a Great White to evolve legs and creep up onto the beach after him.  “This is
your fault!”  He jabbed a finger at her.  “
You’re
the one who insisted we
leave the gift shop.”

“Because
the ship was sinking!”

“You
don’t know that.  You don’t even know for sure the
Arden
went down, at
all.  Maybe it’s fine.  Maybe it’s just floating on its side, ya know?  Maybe
everyone’s headed back to New York by now, except us.  All we know for sure is
that we’re stuck here in
Lord of the
Flies
, all thanks to
you
.”

Back
in high school, Lucy had been smitten with Teddy O’Connell, president of the
senior class and co-founder of the computer club.  She’d always had a weakness
for smart guys.  Teddy, the kind-of-nerdy hunk, had gone on to make billions
with some internet whatsit.  Of course,
he
couldn’t be stuck on this
island with her.  Oh, no.  It had to be
this
asshole.

“Warren,
if you keep it up, I will personally hold you under the water and you can see
for yourself if the ship is down at the bottom of…”  Lucy stopped short.

A
sabretooth tiger was staring at them.

For
real.

It
was a
sabretooth fucking tiger.

Lucy’s
master’s degree in paleontology couldn’t land her any job beyond retail book
sales, but it made it simple for her to identify extinct Ice Age mammals when
they came prowling down the beach in front of her.

In
a state of shock, her mind instinctively started pulling facts from the endless
college courses she’d taken.  Sabretooth
cat
would actually be the
correct term for the animal.  From the extinct genus of
smilodon.
  It
wasn’t really related to tigers, although its coat had a shaded pattern of
streaks and spots to help it blend in with the surroundings.  Approximately
seven hundred pounds.  Short-ish tail.  Built more like a bear than a modern
lion.  Thought to use their massive fangs to pierce the skin of their prey, so
they’d bleed to death…

Warren
gave a supersonic scream of pent up terror, interrupting her mental checklist
of facts.  Before Lucy could warn him not to move, he took off running into the
forest.

The
cat took off after him.

“Warren! 
Damn it!”  Against her better judgment, Lucy headed into the forest.  “If you
run, you’re going to make yourself prey!”

Except,
he already
was
prey.

They
both were.

God,
what the hell was happening here?  Even a polar bear would’ve made more sense. 
Sabretooth cats had been extinct for about nine thousand years.  There couldn’t
possibly
be an actual living specimen on this island.

It
was hard to misidentify the eight inch long fangs jutting down from the
animal’s upper jaw, though.  What the hell else could it
possibly
be? 
Lucy’s mind was racing, trying to come up with a halfway reasonable
explanation.  Maybe it was some kind of genetic experiment.  Maybe this whole
place was like the
Island of Dr. Moreau
or something.

“Warren!” 
She’d lost sight of him in the woods.  “Warren, if you can hear me, try to get
up a tree!”  The mountains in the middle of the island grew bigger as she
pressed forward.  Perfect.  She was headed
towards
a smoldering volcano
to find a guy who’d tormented her throughout her teenage existence.  That made
even less sense than the sabretooth.  At least, she
wanted
to see the
cat, again.  The animal was a legitimate miracle.  She hoped to God Warren
didn’t hurt it.

“
Helllllp!
”

His
voice sounded like it was coming from her left.  Lucy switched direction, even
though she had no clue what she was going to do once she found him.  How was
she going to stop a gigantic carnivore from devouring that moron?  She didn’t
want to harm the cat, but she couldn’t let Warren die.

Well,
theoretically
anyhow.

Hopefully,
she wouldn’t have to choose between them, because it would be a tough decision. 
First off, she was a vegetarian, so killing animals was kinda a no-no. 
Secondly, the sabretooth really would contribute more to the world than Warren. 
Even his eternally disappointed parents would’ve agreed with that.  The Pleses
had never gotten over Warren’s failure at that damn homecoming game.  Maybe she
could just scare the cat away.

Scanning
around for some kind of weapon, Lucy finally decided on a fallen branch from
one of the bizarre piney-palm trees.  It was sturdy and thick… and would do
absolutely nothing to stop a hungry tiger.  Who was she kidding?  She couldn’t
scare this thing even if she wanted to.