(Once) Again (12 page)

“My grandfather and dad.”

“Pointless crap if you ask me,” Justin said, and I could hear the acid in his tone. He didn’t have a grandfather or a dad to teach him things. Both had been gone before he was out of elementary school.

“I didn’t ask,” I said with a smile so he knew I was joking. “It’s actually not pointless at all. I started a side business while I was at school. Hunky Handyman.”

Justin nearly painted the wall with his Coke.

“Don’t laugh. I made bank. Just took my shirt off and painted and cleaned pools. Or hung pictures, and those housewives tipped me double my price.”

“So you were like a stripper.”

“I wasn’t a stripper. I just knew how to work for tips. Nothing other than my shirt ever came off.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Does my sister know about this business venture?”

“No. She’d never let me live it down.”

Justin shook his head and started laughing. “No, she wouldn’t. Something to look forward to.”

“Let’s just get these walls painted before Kat gets home.”

I leaned down to pick up the paintbrush and a sharp, shooting pain shot through my leg. “Son of a bitch!” I growled and pressed my hand against the wall to keep from crumbling to the floor.

“Shit, man, you okay?” Justin dropped the roller and rested a hand on my back.

“Yeah, my pain pill must be wearing off.”

“How long until you’re . . . you know, normal again?”

I wished I could say soon, but the truth was I’d never be normal again. My thigh would eventually heal, but the psychological damage was permanent. Nothing I could do would change that.

Instead I said, “A while.” I pointed to the kitchen. “Your sister has my pain meds in the cabinet. Would you mind getting me one?”

“Stay right here.”

“Trust me, I wasn’t planning on moving,” I said through clenched teeth, afraid if I released the pressure I would scream out in pain.

I balled my hand into a fist and bit down. Slowly the pain started to dissipate. The pain sucked. But I survived, for whatever reason. And because of that . . . I manned up and dealt with it. The six people who died would never experience pain again. It reminded me I was still alive. I wouldn’t take it away. As long as it wanted to stick around, to remind me of the life I still had, was fine by me.

“Here you go,” Justin said and dropped the pill in my hand and held out a bottle of water.

“Thanks.” I stared at the pill. I hated taking them. It made me feel guilty. The least I could do was suffer for those who couldn’t. But sometimes it was too much to bear.

“How long does it take to kick in?” Justin asked.

I tossed the pill in my mouth and took a swig of water. “Half hour tops.”

“Why don’t you sit, and I’ll get started.”

I raised a curious eye.

“You gave me enough pointers. I think I got it. Besides, you can sit in the middle of the room and tell me if I’m doing something wrong. Who knows . . . maybe I can start my own side business at school. It’d be nice to have some extra cash.”

I stood up straight and smacked his stomach with the back of my hand. “You’d need to start working on those abs first.”

He wasn’t fat—the total opposite, in fact. He needed meat on his bones. Muscles.

“Ha.” Justin rolled his eyes, just like his sister, then went and picked up a paintbrush.

The tarp was draped over all the furniture, so I lifted it off the couch and sat. Justin started outlining the corners, and I gave him more pointers. He looked annoyed when I did, but a part of me thought he appreciated it.

He was a good kid. According to Kat, he was smart as hell too. Just made a bunch of stupid decisions in the past. But could you blame him?

“You coming home this summer?”

“Unless something comes up, I’ll be here. Me and a bunch of guys at school are getting a house next semester, but we can’t move in until the end of August.”

“If I’m off these crutches by then, maybe we can hit the gym.”

The brush stopped mid-stroke. “Why?”

“I think it’d be nice.”

“Look, just because you’re banging my sister doesn’t mean we have to be friends.”

“First off, I’m not banging your sister.” At least not yet. When we were finally alone that night, knowing Justin was in the room next door, I couldn’t do it. I wanted our first time back together to be special. Besides “banging” and “Kat” didn’t belong in the same sentence. What we had was so much more. I wouldn’t let him downgrade it in any way. “We’re together. There’s a difference. Secondly, I have friends. A lot, actually. I just thought it’d be nice. You know what? Forget it.”

He slapped the paintbrush against the wall. “Sorry,” he muttered and continued painting. The brush stopped again and he turned. “I’ve just . . . I don’t . . . I’m not exactly the workout type of guy. I wouldn’t even know what to do. My dad died when I was five. I didn’t get to throw the ball around with anyone. I didn’t join T-ball or Little League. I was always picked last in gym class, and for good reason. So don’t take it personally.”

I was a little shocked by his honesty, and the way he wouldn’t look me in the eye made me think he was a little shocked himself. But he was in college—high school was his past. Why was he letting that time of his life still define him?

“You’re not in high school anymore. Not to push the subject, but if you ever want to go to the gym, I’d be more than happy to show you how to use all the machines. They look a lot more intimidating than they actually are.”

“Thanks,” he said, and I detected a slight smile. “So are you feeling any better or you just going to sit on your ass while I do all the work?”

I shook my head and laughed. “Give me a brush,” I said and lifted off the couch.

Justin slapped a roller in my hand, and we spent the next two hours painting over the past, transforming the living room from tan to pale yellow.

“What do you think?” I asked when we finished, limping back to admire our work.

Justin cocked an eyebrow. “It’s yellow.”

“Happy to see you know your colors. Do you think Kat will like it?” I should’ve gotten Liz’s opinion. I’d painted a lot of rooms over the past couple of years, but I wasn’t an interior designer, so I’d gone with the recommendation of the girl at the paint store.

Justin shrugged. “Hard to say. She’s either going to love it or hate it.”

“Thanks, Copernicus.”

“I am not so enamored of my own opinions that I disregard what others may think of them.”

“Huh?”

He raised his eyebrow at me. “It’s a quote . . . by Copernicus.”

Oh. I should’ve known. “Your sister told me you were a history buff.” I just didn’t realize the extent of it. How many more quotes did he have stored in that head of his?

“Is there anything my sister hasn’t told you?”

I shook my head. “Probably not. She worries about you.”

He ran his hand through his dark hair, then locked eyes with me. “She needs to cut it out. I’m fine.”

I knew how he felt. I had an overbearing sister too. The only difference was mine was younger. The worrying was the same though. It was all with good intention, but it didn’t mean that it didn’t wear on you after a while. Make you feel as if you were incapable of handling anything.

I patted Justin’s back. “I’ll try to convince her to lighten up a bit.”

“She has. I mean. It’s only been like a day since I’ve been home, but I can already see a change. She always tried to act like everything was okay, but I’m not stupid. I haven’t seen her like this since before Mom died. It’s nice.”

His words punctured my heart. Had it really been that long since she was the fun, lighthearted Kat I’d first fallen in love with?

I knew I had to say something, but the guilt that coursed through me prevented me from doing it. The door swung open and relief washed over me.

Kat stepped into the foyer, struggling with a bag of groceries. I smacked Justin’s arm, and he ran over and grabbed the bag from her. There was something off. I couldn’t quite pinpoint it, but her eyes were dark, hair slightly disheveled, and she looked drained.

“Close your eyes,” I said.

She cocked an eyebrow at me, her blue eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“Is that paint?” Kat asked.

“Just do it,” I said.

She made an exaggerated show of doing so. A reddish-blond curl fell into the deep V of her shirt. I wanted to pin her up against the wall and continue where we’d left off before Justin had shown up, but I fought the urge and took her hand instead. I hopped backwards, tugging her along with me.

“Open,” I said.

She blinked one eye, and then the other popped open. Her mouth parted, and she spun around, looking at all four newly painted walls.

“Wha . . . I mean, when? How?”

“Do you like it?”

“It’s different,” she said, studying the walls carefully.

My heart skipped a beat. Different as in she hated it? I should’ve just left it alone, but I wanted her to move on. I wanted her to start living her life again.

She turned to me, her teeth sliding over her bottom lip. “But I can definitely get used to it.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and drew me close. “Thank you,” she said against my lips.

Cold fingers trailed up my neck and into my hair.

“Oh come on!” Justin exclaimed, and Kat and I laughed.

“I bought stuff to make tacos. I bet you guys are starving.” Kat turned away from me and smiled.

But there was something underneath the smile. Something bad. I just had no idea what it was.

“Is that a TV?” Kat asked.

“Welcome to the twenty-first century, sis,” Justin said and tossed his arm around her shoulder.

“I’m going to get the tacos started,” Kat said, and disappeared into the kitchen.

Just like all those times before, I knew there was more to her exit than tacos.

Justin left after tacos. He had a three hour drive back to school and wanted to hit the library before they closed. Listening to him talk about the crappy food and late-night studying made me miss it.

I hadn’t thought about going back to school since I’d spoken to Kat, but I’d have to do it eventually. Or at least make a decision. If I didn’t, the gunman would win. The bastard didn’t deserve the victory.

Kat stood at the sink, hands deep in dishwater, eyes focused on the darkness of the night. I moved towards her, wrapping my arms around her waist and resting my chin on the crook of her neck.

She jumped at my touch and I brushed her hair away, the scent of cotton candy invading my senses.

“What’s going through that adorable head of yours?”

“Uh . . .” She fumbled with the sponge. “Nothing.” She smiled, but it was forced.

I turned her into my arms, grabbing the dish towel from the stove handle and wrapping her hands in the white cloth. Her eyes stayed on mine and when she bit her lip and sucked it in, my question was answered.

“What is it? And don’t tell me nothing or change the subject, because I know you. You can’t lie to me. Something’s going on.”

Gently, I placed my finger under her chin and pulled her up until the blue of her eyes aligned with mine.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “When I was at the store today, I saw the guy who attacked me.”

Anger, fear, shock—emotions I didn’t even know I possessed coursed through my veins. Blood rushed to my face and my ears burned.

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

Was she out of her freaking mind? Not tell me?

“I thought he was locked up,” I stated through clenched teeth.

“He was released. Last week.”

I pushed my fingers into my forehead. “You’ve known about this and didn’t think to tell me.”

“I just told you about the attack yesterday. Sorry if I didn’t think to add more shit to the pile. You have enough to deal with. The last thing you need is to worry about me.”

“Whether you want me to or not, I’m going to worry about you.”

Kat threw her arms out in front of her. “And that’s exactly what I don’t want. I should never have told you.”

I cupped her face with my hand and rubbed my thumb across her cheek. “I’m in this. You and me. One hundred percent. In order to make it work, you have to be honest with me. Always.”

Tears filled her eyes and all my anger dissipated.

“I’m sorry,” she said and fell against my chest. I pulled her tight and kissed her temple.

“Didn’t we already promise no more apologies?” I tucked her hair behind her ear.

She nodded against me.

“Tomorrow morning we’re going down to the police department, and you’re getting a restraining order.”

“I have one. Obviously he doesn’t believe in them.”

“Too bad it doesn’t matter what he believes in. Did you report this?”

“I saw him in the parking lot. I dropped the bags in the car, jumped in the car and took off. Maybe he was just there shopping and it was a bad coincidence.”

“I don’t believe in coincidences. You need to report this. Tomorrow. Promise me.”

“Promise.” She looked up at me, fluttering her eyelashes. “Can we just let it go till then?” She wrapped her arms around my neck and moved until her lips were just centimeters from mine. “Justin’s finally gone.” Her breath was warm against my skin, and the urge to pin her against the nearest surface overtook me.

I wasn’t an idiot. I knew she was using me to forget, but when she ran her fingers up the back of my neck into my hair, all restraint fled. I’d give in, only because I wasn’t strong enough to step away.

I pressed my lips to hers, pushing her up against the sink. My crutches fell out from my arms and I let them hit the floor. I didn’t need them. All I needed was Kat. Her fingers ran up my neck into my hair. My hands roamed her curves, resting on the perfect roundness of her ass.

Adrenaline surged through me, and I lifted Kat up onto the counter. Her legs wrapped around my waist, and she tightened them, pushing my hardness against her center. She lifted into me, her back arched, hair falling behind her in a blanket of waves.

She was all soft curves, molding to my touch. I linked my fingers under the hem of her shirt and raised it. A green lace bra appeared and her hands reached for my jeans.

It had been so long. I’d had sex with too many girls, but it was all meaningless. At the time, I didn’t realize I was searching for something. Something that had been missing from my life the minute I’d hopped in my pickup and headed to college.

Kat.

As much as I wanted to let her unzip me and to push into her, she deserved more than her kitchen counter next to a sink full of dirty dishes.

I hated that I couldn’t lift her up and carry her into the bedroom. The damn wound was keeping me from being the man she deserved. The man I wanted to be for her.

I rested my hands on hers. “Not here,” I whispered against her ear.

She whimpered and damn if that didn’t almost do me in. I cupped her face and pulled her close, pressing my lips against hers.

“I want to make love to you. I can’t do that here.”

I expected a bit of a fight, but I didn’t get one. Kat slid off the counter, her hands trailing down my chest. She unzipped her jeans and shimmied out of them, bending over to pick up my crutches. I got an amazing view of her matching green thong clinging perfectly to her ass.

I leaned against the counter and watched the show. She moved her weight from her left to her right. Ever so slowly, she began to stand back up, but before she did, I ignored the pain shooting through my thigh into my gut, and grabbed her waist, pulling her ass into me.

She pushed back, and I dipped my hand into the front of her underwear, trailing kisses down her spine. Her back arched and a sexy moan ripped from her mouth.

I focused on the curve of her back. The way it bowed, creating a perfect slope. The creamy softness of her skin.

God, her scent. It could transport me back to the past and hold me in the present all at the same time, encompassing the memories while we created new ones.

Her body shuddered against me, and I kissed the crook of her neck, turning her around to face me. The blue of her eyes was hidden by the hood of her eyelids.

“Falling asleep on me again?” I asked.

“No. We’re just getting started.” Her fingers laced with mine and she picked up my crutch, but I rested my hand on hers, halting her.

“I don’t need it. I can do this.”

She turned into me, eyes wide.

Her fingers ran through my hair, dragging down to my jaw. “Are you sure?”

“I want to. For you.”

She nodded, a smile tugging at her lips. Her hand still in mine, she took a step towards the bedroom and I followed, pushing the pain to the back of my mind, putting all my attention on the green thong in front of me.

I managed to get to the bedroom and when the bed was mere steps away, Kat twirled around and wrapped her arms around me.

“You did it!”

The excitement in her reaction, the pride in her eyes, made the pain completely vanish. I curled my arm around her, yanking her closer. Her tongue swiped at the crease in my lips and I welcomed the invasion, parting my mouth to let her in.

I loved her impatience and how it made her take charge. It was a side of Kat I wished would come out more. Everything about her was beautiful.

I walked her back, and when she hit the bed, her arms fell from my neck and she scooted up the comforter. I bent down, hovering above her, lips a graze away. Carefully, I put pressure on my good leg, using my upper body strength to hold myself above her.

I only lasted a few seconds until I lowered myself beside her. She didn’t waste any time, finding my zipper and pulling it down. Her hand pressed against my chest and eased me onto the bed.

She looked down, meeting my gaze, hair falling around me as she leaned in to kiss me. I balled my hand into her hair and pulled her hard against me. Her tongue teased, skimming gently across my bottom lip.

I parted my mouth, but she moved to the corner of my lip, trailing kisses down my jaw. I shuddered at the coldness of her hands as they splayed across my sides. Then she kissed her way down my chest, turning me into a raging ball of lust.

She stopped just above my waist and looked up at me. Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip and her hair fell in waves around us. God, she was beautiful.

“You keep taking care of me,” she said with a mischievous smile, before bending her head and taking me completely into her mouth.

Her lips tightened as she pulled up and I knotted my fingers in her hair. Her tongue circled the tip, causing my back to arch over the mattress. All my blood rushed to that spot, leaving me to tilt my head back and pray I didn’t blow it too soon. My breath hitched when she slowly dragged her tongue down my shaft then back up before taking me in completely. It took all I had not to explode.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I reached down to her, taking her chin in my hand. She stopped and confused eyes met mine.

“You’re amazing,” I said. “Too amazing.”

The confusion ceased and she slid up beside me. I ran my hand up her jawline and pulled her lips to mine. My body was fueled and I was going crazy. I needed release, but at the same time, I didn’t want it to end.

“You’re shaking. Is it your leg?” she asked, concern pinching at the skin between her eyebrows. She ran her fingers along my forehead, outlining the edges of my face.

“No. It’s you.”

“Did I do something? Did I hurt you?”

“The total opposite. You’re driving me insane. I need you.”

Understanding flashed across her irises, and she ran her hands down to the lace band of her thong and slid it off.

“I forgot to take my pill yesterday. Do you have anything?” she asked.

“Wallet.”

Very slowly, she pulled my pants completely off, making sure not to touch my wound. She stuck her hand in my pocket and fished out my wallet. I held my hand out, more than ready to get the sucker on and get started, but Kat waved my hand away.

She ripped the foil and tossed it on the nightstand. Then she leaned over me, the straps of her bra barely holding her breasts in, and rolled the latex down my shaft. Never in my life had I been so turned on by a condom.

One hundred twenty-three RBIs, five double plays, eleven stolen bases. Don’t let me down now, baseball stats. Kat kicked a leg over my waist and positioned herself above me. Two home runs. Four triples. Seven . . .

She dabbed her tongue on her lip, and my thought process was gone. I reached up, wrapping my hand around the back of her neck and urging her down to me.

Her lips brushed mine, soft and sweet, and the animal in me took over. I crushed her against me, thrusting my tongue into her mouth, wanting, needing to taste her. She responded by plunging her fingers into my hair and lowering herself onto me. Both our breaths hitched at the exact moment I slid into her completely.

My arms snaked around her and pulled her down to me. I trailed my hands up her side and when I grazed a ticklish spot, she rocked against me, taking me in as deep as I could go.

A loud moan fell from her lips, and I moved my hands back to her ticklish spot. As soon as I touched it, her hips flung back, and I plunged into her as hard as I could.

She continued to rock her hips and I adjusted against the headboard. I reached around her back and unfastened her bra. One strap fell, followed by the other and I grasped the lace in my hand, dragging it down her arm until she was completely exposed.

I thrust into her, dipped my head, and swirled my tongue around her nipple until it was a tight bead, then moved onto the other, replacing my tongue with my fingers and caressing her.

Kat moved against me harder, her breath became shallow and red crept across her chest. I caressed harder, rolling the pink peak between my fingers. I kissed the freckles on her shoulders, following them up the length of her neck until I reached the spot by her ear.

Her inner muscles tightened around me and her entire body convulsed as she rode out her climax. As soon as her weight fell against me, I held her waist with my hands and drove into her. Fingernails dug into my back, her chest pressed hard against me.

“Oh god,” I moaned as I came.

My head fell against the headboard and with me still inside of her, Kat snuggled up to my chest. I brushed away the strands of hair matted to her face and kissed her cheek and her temple.

“Was it everything you remembered?” I asked against her ear.

“No,” she said and I tickled her side. She moved against me, and I swore I was ready for round two. “It was so much more.”

I cocked my eyebrow and couldn’t help the stupid smirk from spreading across my face. “And we did it in a bed.”

She looked up at me. “We did.”

I brushed another strand of hair off her face and stared into the depths of her eyes. I was one lucky bastard. I never thought I’d get a second chance with Kat. I thought I’d ruined it for good. So many stupid mistakes. But for some reason she let me back into her life and this time, I wasn’t going anywhere.

“I love you, Kit Kat.”

“I love you,” she said against my lips.

***

“Please don’t,” I said, the gun pointed directly at my head. I was already hit, a gaping hole in my pants soaked with blood, but I couldn’t focus on the pain, the dizziness, the energy draining from my body.

Nia was in my arms. Her shirt was drenched in blood, her shallow breaths had turned to gasps, and I knew she was moments away from death. “I don’t want her to be alone,” I said, looking up into the gunman’s eyes. Not that I expected sympathy from him.

But I had to try. Dying young was one thing, but dying alone? I couldn’t do that to her. I wanted to hold her. Make her know that good existed amongst the evil. Die knowing someone cared. Someone fought for her.

His dark eyes bored into mine. He was standing in front of me, very much alive, but there was no life in his gaze. “Steve, please,” I said.