Once a Cowboy (18 page)

“No. I loved Joan, but she got very hard to live with. She was always depressed and crying. Each miscarriage made life that much harder.”

“She forgave you for the affair?”

“After a lot of tears, yes. Once she knew Gwen didn’t want the baby, that changed everything. The first moment she held you, she became a different person. She became the woman I married—happy, loving and caring. She adored you. She just wasn’t given enough time.”

“Why did you keep it a secret?”

Buck fingered his cup. “That’s the way Joan wanted it. She wanted you to be our baby completely, and I’d hurt her so badly that I was willing to do anything she wanted.”

“After her death, why didn’t you tell me the truth?”

“You were two years old. What would you have understood? To me, you were Joan’s daughter.”

“But I wasn’t.”

“What does it matter who gave you life? Joan gave you her love. You were our kid.”

She thought of Brodie. Helen had given him life, but his first loyalty had been to Claudia. A biological bond was one thing. But there was another kind of bond that was just as strong. It was called love.

Had Brodie already figured that out? Now he had to face the biological bond and make sense of it all. As did she.

The sudden revelation in her life seemed minor compared to what Brodie was going through. That first day when Helen had told her about her son, Alex had looked at Brodie’s photo and felt a connection like she’d never felt before. Maybe subconsciously she had known they were kindred spirits. And eventually would become so much more. But now…

Now she had to deal with her father. “Yeah. I’m your kid. Can’t escape that one.”

“No, ’fraid not.”

She scooted her chair forward. “When I asked about Joan, you would never talk much about her. Does Gwen have anything to do with that?”

“Oh, God.” He got up for another cup of coffee. “You want your pound of flesh, don’t you?”

“Every ounce.”

He sat down again, staring into his cup. “I…ah…you know.”

“You loved Joan?”

“Yeah. Talking about her wasn’t easy because, well, you know.”

“It hurt like hell.”

“Yeah.”

She stood. “Buck, you’re too old for me to finish your sentences.”

“Girl, that ain’t me.”

“It can be.” She watched him for a moment. “How do you feel about me?”

“What?” He glanced up with a puzzled frown. “Well, you know.”

“No, I don’t. You have to say the words, Buck. I deserve that.”

“You may not be Joan’s daughter, but you sure act like her. She was on and on about that, too.”

“How do you feel about me?”

He stared at her as if she’d suddenly grown two heads. “I…ah…love you.”

She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his rough cheek. “I love you, too.”

“Ah, girl, don’t start that.” He tried to push her away, but not very strongly. “We’re not that kind of family.”

“Things are changing at the Donovan house.”

“You don’t live here anymore,” he reminded her. “And when are you gettin’ all that stuff out of your old room? I could rent it out.”

Normally those words would be hurtful to her, but not today. She’d heard the magic words.

She leaned in with her palms flat on the table. “Okay. Here’s the deal. I’ll forgive you if you’ll forgive Naddy for your rotten childhood.”

“That’s two entirely different things. And it’s blackmail.”

“I learned from a pro.”

Buck just stared into his cup.

“Forgive her so you can move on. It’s time.”

“I’ll try.”

She threw her arms around his neck again.

“Now let’s don’t start doing a lot of that,” he grumbled.

A chuckle left her throat. “Get used to it.” She walked to the door.

“Where you going?”

“I have a mother to see.”

“Oh. I’m…you know.”

“Sorry.”

“Yeah.”

“Got it.” She ran to her Jeep, feeling the world opening up like it never had before. All she needed was for one hurt cowboy to come home.

Brodie, where are you?

Alex spent over an hour with Gwen. She didn’t seem to want to know every detail of Alex’s life, but asked if Alex was happy. She could honestly say she’d always been a happy person. With Naddy for a grandmother she had a built-in sense of humor.

Looking back she saw that the tension between Naddy and Buck made her stronger. It had taught her how to deal with people, to be diplomatic. It wasn’t the Cleaver household, but it was her life.

Gwen wanted to know if she was married and she found herself talking about Brodie. She couldn’t believe how natural it was to talk to her. But in the end they were strangers. They didn’t have the time to build any kind of relationship. Again, Alex felt a sense of loss.

Gwen’s husband had gone to the coffee shop to give them time alone and it was nice talking to the woman who had given her life.

As Gwen grew tired, Alex stood. “There’s nothing for me to forgive. I’m sure you did the best you could at the time.”

“Yes. I was young and scared, but there wasn’t a day that I didn’t think about you. When you’re young, you think you can put it out of your mind. It’s not that easy, though. I knew for me to die in peace I had to see you. I know that’s selfish, but I…”

“It’s okay,” Alex told her.

“I sense that you’re a very strong person.”

“I’m very soft-hearted, though.”

Gwen’s pallid face cracked into a semblance of a smile. “Me, too. I get so involved in other people’s problems.”

“I guess I got that from you, then.”

“Probably, but you’re much stronger than I ever was. You get your strength from Buck.”

“I have to be strong to put up with him.”

“You have a wonderful sense of humor and you’re an absolute delight. Thank you for being so understanding.”

“After Brodie’s turmoil, I could do no less.”

“I wish I could meet him.”

There was an awkward pause.

Gwen picked up a folder from the bed. “I wanted to give you this.”

“What is it?”

“It’s my medical history. There’s also information about my parents and what I know of my grandparents.”

“Oh.”

“As a nurse, I know this will be important to you in the years ahead. You should know what’s in your background.”

“Thank you.”

They hugged and said goodbye—the final goodbye.
For Alex knew she would never see her mother again. At least not alive. Tears burned her eyes as she drove away.

She couldn’t go home—the apartment was too empty. So she headed for the Cowboy Up Ranch. Stopping at a convenience store, she bought some food just in case the dogs were hungry.

Everything was in darkness except for the spotlights around the barns. She grabbed the bag and got out. The dogs loped toward her and she reached into the bag for a hot dog. The store didn’t have a wide selection of dog food and she wasn’t sure what the dogs would eat, so she bought a dozen wieners.

The dogs gobbled them up and she wondered how often they were being fed. Replete, the dogs lay at her feet. She leaned back, breathed in the fresh air and enjoyed the peace and quiet of the ranch she was beginning to love.

Most people with any common sense wouldn’t sit in the sweltering heat in the darkness by themselves. But her family wasn’t strong on common sense.

Crickets chirped and a coyote howled in the distance. The wind ruffled the tree branches with an eerie sound. She decided common sense had been left out of her gene pool completely.

She stared through the darkness toward the road. Alex didn’t know how long she sat there waiting, dreaming and hoping.

One of the dogs whined.

“I miss him, too.”

B
RODIE SAT OUTSIDE
Alex’s apartment waiting. Where was she? It was getting late. He tried her cell, but she didn’t answer. He didn’t leave a message because he wanted to see and talk to her in person. At midnight he gave up and went home. Evidently Alex was working a case or out of town.

He’d check with her father in the morning. Going home wasn’t easy, but come hell or high water, he was seeing her tomorrow.

A
LEX FELL ASLEEP
. When she woke up, it was almost twelve. Damn. She had to get home. They were finishing up the Davis case and she wanted to be in early. She hurried to her apartment to catch a few more hours of sleep.

A
S
B
RODIE CROSSED
his cattle guard, he knew he was home. This was his land, his cattle and his house. Brodie Hayes lived here. All the doubts and confusion had disappeared.

George and Helen hadn’t asked him to change his name and for that he was glad. He’d have to talk to them about what they expected from him, then he’d tell them what he could live with. Simple.

It should have been from the start, but his emotions had been running high and his thought process hadn’t been too clear. The Braxtons were good people and he was now ready to form a relationship with them. Not a forced one, but a real one.

He crawled into bed dead tired.
Alex, where are you?
was his last thought.

W
HEN HE AWOKE
, it was almost noon. Dammit. He leaped from the bed and quickly showered and dressed. The last couple of weeks he hadn’t slept well at all and it had caught up with him. In fifteen minutes, he was charging out the back door.

Two trucks pulled into his driveway. Colter and Tripp. For the first time he wasn’t glad to see them. He wanted to get to Alex.

Tripp spotted him first. “Hey, you’re home.”

“I got back late last night.”

They embraced.

“You’re looking a hell of a lot better,” Colter said.

“I am better. I know who I am.”

Colter and Tripp glanced at each other. “Brodie Hayes,” they shouted in unison.

“Yeah. I discovered that I’m a cowboy and a bull rider and it doesn’t really matter what my name is. I know who the man is inside, but I’m comfortable in Brodie’s skin. I still have to talk to George and Helen.”

“It’ll work out,” Tripp told him.

“I know that now.” He squinted at the noonday sun. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We baled that coastal in your lower bottom a couple of days ago,” Colter said.

“And we decided to get the hay off the field today.” Tripp slapped him on the back. “Now you can help.”

“Ah…thanks, but could we do this another day?”

“Why?” Tripp asked. “We’re here. Let’s get it done.”

“Not today.”

Tripp and Colter glanced at each other again. “Oh.” Tripp nodded.

Colter tipped his hat back. “I think he’s found a way to put the broken cowboy back together.”

“You bet.” Brodie grinned. “Thanks. I’ll get the hay off the field later.”

“Nah,” Tripp said. “We started it, we’ll finish it.”

“Thanks, guys. Gotta run.”

“Tell Alex hi for us,” Colter shouted.

Brodie jumped into his truck and smiled all the way to the cattle guard.

Driving into Dallas, he felt the anticipation building in him and he couldn’t wait to see her. He wanted their meeting to be special and he wanted them to be alone. Stopping not far from her office, he thought about a plan. His hand hit the steering wheel. Oh yeah, he knew what he was going to do.

A
LEX HEARD
Buck shouting from her office and she hurried to see what was happening.

“Danny Davis’s lawyer just called—he got a new trial for him. Hot damn, you did great work on this case.”

“So did you.”

“We make a damn good team.”

“We’re father and daughter.”

“Yeah.” Buck closed a file. “I’m proud of the way you handled the Gwen thing. You’ve really grown up.”

She blinked, wondering if she’d heard him correctly. But she knew she had. It was just an old reflex reaction. Her father was now seeing her as adult.

“Thank you. I was there with Brodie when he went through the pain and disillusionment. Helping him helped me to deal with my mother’s sudden appearance.
Gwen and I had a good talk yesterday and I’m fine with the whole situation.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yeah. Gwen and her husband are leaving for Lubbock this morning. I feel a bit sad that I’ll never get to know her. But she’s very ill and I know she doesn’t want me to remember her like that, so we said goodbye.”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Her eyes opened wide. “You said that without any prompting.”

“Mmm. I must be changing, too.”

“Yeah.” And it was a very good thing.

“You still seeing the cowboy?”

She sank into a chair and told her father about her feelings for Brodie. She ended by saying, “I don’t think he’s ever coming back.”

“He will.”

She wasn’t so sure, but it was an incredible feeling talking to her father about something personal. Pushing to her feet, she said, “I better get back to work.”

“Mrs. Davis is coming in this afternoon with a big check. After I deposit it, Connie and I are heading to the coast for a week.”

She lifted an eyebrow. “So I’m old enough to know that you have a lady friend?”

He looked up. “Yep.”

“Have you told Naddy you’re leaving?”

“Not yet.”

“But you will?”

Buck leaned back, the chair squeaking from the
pressure. “Yep. I’ll tell her and she can even have Ethel stay with her while I’m gone. How’s that?”

She made a circle with her thumb and forefinger. “Perfect.”

As she walked out, she heard his chuckle.

She cleared off her desk and wondered what she was going to do for the next week. Her room at Buck’s needed cleaning, so she could finish that chore while checking on Naddy. She plopped into her chair. She felt at loose ends without knowing how Brodie was doing. Or if he was coming back.

A man walked into her office. “Alex Donovan?”

“Yes.”

He handed her an envelope and walked out.

Ripping it open, she quickly scanned the sheet of paper. One line was written on it: If you want to drive my big old truck, you know where to find me.

Brodie
.

She ran to her Jeep.
He was back. He was back.
She should go home and change and do her hair and…Through all the thoughts, the Jeep kept steadily going toward Mesquite and the Cowboy Up Ranch.

Removing her clip, she ran her fingers through her hair and shook it out. She dug in her purse for lipstick and the car honked behind her. Damn! She had to keep the Jeep in her lane.

As she drove over the cattle guard and down the road, she saw his truck. He was definitely back. She braked to a stop and jumped out, her heart knocking against her ribs.

Brodie stepped out of the door and walked toward
her. He looked the same as the first day she’d seen him in boots, tight jeans and a cowboy hat. He was one handsome cowboy, but there was something different about him. There was a spring in his step and his eyes…the bluest eyes in Texas were free of pain.

“Hi there, cowboy.”

“Hi.” He grinned, showing off that gorgeous dimple.

“You going to let me drive your truck?”

“Anytime, anywhere. You can do whatever you want with it.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Just like my heart, my body and my soul. They’re yours.”

She threw herself at him then and he caught her, swinging her around. Their lips met in an explosive kiss that went on and on. She knocked off his hat, caressing his hair, his face, his neck and his shoulders.

“I missed you,” she breathed between to-die-for kisses.

“I missed you, too.” He swung her into his arms and strolled into the house. The dogs barked behind them.

In the kitchen, he set her on her feet and she stood with her mouth open. Red roses were on the table, the cabinet and the coffee table. Lit candles were everywhere, burning warmly. An ice bucket with a bottle of champagne nestled in it caught her eye.

Brodie poured two glasses of champagne and handed her one. He cleared his throat and stared into her eyes. “Alex Donovan, I love you. Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” she breathed, her voice shaky. Suddenly she was back in his arms being thoroughly kissed. She leaned her forehead against his. “You better hold me
tight because I’m about to melt into a puddle on your floor.”

“Then let’s continue this elsewhere.” He took her glass and she didn’t realize she was still holding it. Together they walked into the bedroom.

There were more flowers and more candles. “I never knew you were so romantic.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

She rubbed her finger along his lower lip, removing some of her lipstick. “I know what’s important.”