I’ve never been hurt like Ryker, nor do I have any specific reason for why I’ve never committed. I guess I’ve just never met “the one” who makes me feel like I wanted more. I’ve also always been so career-driven; I knew I wanted to own my bar for as long as I can remember, so fighting for my dream was always my primary goal. Meeting chicks and getting laid came hand-in-hand with the bar, so I never had to worry about how to meet women, but I certainly never cared enough to get to know them. It was just convenient. But the more time I spend getting to know Braunwyn, the more I like her and the idea of us.
“So how’s the new staff working out, bro? No one better than us though, I bet” Ryker gloats, tucking Kat in close, and bringing me out of my head.
“Actually good, so far. Very good. They’ve all picked it up quick. There was a really eager hiring pool to choose from this time so it wasn’t nearly as stressful as it normally is. And they were all pretty experienced too, so that was a bonus.”
Well, all except for Braunwyn
. Any excuse to think of her, and there she is. I can’t keep the image of her from crossing my mind.
Man, I loved spending the time with her these last two weeks, on top of working together. She is a quick learner and she’s getting the hang of it, she’s fitting in perfectly. Now, if I could just get her to have more confidence in herself, she will be one killer server out on that floor. I smile, thinking about Braunwyn’s amazing personality when she lets it show. She’s witty and so much fun when she allows herself to join in the teasing and banter with the others. I can respect her hesitation, though, for sure. Having had a kid at such a young age probably meant a lot of sacrifices, fun and a rocking social life being big ones.
“Please, Mommy, can we get wickrish too?” I hear a sweet little voice pleading, and it breaks me from my thoughts again. Speaking of irony, I turn to find the cute voice and laugh at the irony when I see Emme and Braun standing in line a few spaces back.
“What’s funny, and who the hell is that, man? Your face just lit up like a fucking Christmas tree,” Ryker asks, while finally placing our order, including the bag of red liquorice I toss in at the last minute as he pays.
“Uh, that’s one of the new waitresses at Pub Fiction. Her name is Braunwyn. She’s nice. That’s her little girl, Scooby.”
“‘Scooby’, eh? So is this the girl that’s gonna win me the pool money?” he asks putting his smug face in front of mine.
“What the fuck is that for?”
“Dude. Man card. Here. Now.” He points to his hand, extended now in front of me. I give him a dirty look before telling him off. “You are so done, man. Look at
yourself
.” A huge Cheshire cat smile spreads across his ugly-ass mug. Shaking my head, I deflect, not wanting to get into it with him. “Naw, we’re just friends. We’re just hanging out.”
“Ha! Yeah, right, like Kat and I were ‘just friends’ too.” He says kissing her forehead.
“I agree, with Ryker. Sorry, Levi, but it’s written all over your face,” Kat says.
“Traitor,” I say, bumping Kat’s shoulder and she smiles, knowing I know she’s right.
“Pussy.” Ryker clears his throat. “Now, stop wasting time trying to deny it. Stop being a creepy fucking lurker and just go talk to them. I don’t see a dude with them.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure how much the father is around, we haven’t got to that yet.”
Ryker nods. “Well, it’s a good sign for you, then. Now fucking
go
; we’ll save you a seat.”
He’s right. The polite thing to do is to go over, but for some reason I’m nervous. She looks stunning—tight jeans, long black sweater, and sexy knee-high boots—which right away have me thinking hard about her long legs wrapped around me as I sink into her.
Fuck, dude, calm down.
Braun is exquisite, and she doesn’t even have a clue. Her hair is in one of those messy knot things that draws the eye to her gorgeous neck, which just begs for my lips.
Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me
? I’m her boss, and we’re supposed to be friends, which is bullshit ’cause I do want more. This friendship pact is going to be the blue-balled death of me.
In no way is Braun a one-night type of girl; I just need to decide if I’m capable of more. Besides, she’s skittish and if I’m going to pursue her, I need to take my time and win her over slowly. She’s different than any other girl I’ve ever met; I see it in her eyes. There’s reluctance and the dull ache of pain that seems to pierce through their beauty. I see a tornado of fear spinning and churning behind them, just simmering and waiting to wreak havoc, and I’m pretty sure I want to be the one to take it all away.
“Levi! Hey, you with us?” Kat asks pulling on my arm. “If you’re going to stand there and stare, at least go over.” Kat starts to laugh. “You’re starting to drool and you’re getting this creepy eye-thing happening.”
Ryker bursts out laughing.
“You really are, man. We’ll see ya in a few.”
Raising my hands in surrender, I agree, telling them I’ll meet them inside the show.
Braunwyn
“S
haggy!” Emmerson squeals,
as Levi suddenly appears ahead of us in line.
Jesus, is this man fine.
Damn, I need to get myself under control. I swear I’m panting.
Friends do not look at friends this way,
I scold myself. But for real, he’s wearing relaxed jeans that perfectly hug his trim waist and a white Henley that stretches nicely along his wide shoulders. He’s got the sleeves bunched up to his elbows which serves to showcase those tattoos I dream of licking with my tongue before I greedily explore the rest of him. And don’t even get me started on the veins that grace his arms like the naughty little teases they are, ones that taunt me repeatedly, daring me to run my mouth along each elevated line. Holy cow, I need a date with Mr. Buzz, and soon. I have too much Levi in my Jill Till; I need to start cashing it in.
“Hi, uh, ah, what are
you
doing here?” I ask trying to hide my excitement, as well as my dry mouth from my mini stare session.
“Well, I came to deliver some much-coveted red liquorice to my pal Scooby, here. I heard she’d been hoping to get some.” He says, and hands Emmerson a bag of Twizzlers. I have to turn my head to keep the tears at bay. If Levi Eddison keeps this shit up he will quickly become my wrecking ball, turning what I thought were my ironclad walls to nothing more than an apparition.
“Oooohhhh, thanks, Shaggy! I just wove wickrish, it’s my favourite. Are you seeing the movie wif us, buddy?” My heart rate picks up at the thought of her being disappointed when she finds out that Levi isn’t here to watch the movie with us.
I move down to her level to speak with her directly, in case she might need a mommy hug. “Oh, no, Little Miss, not today. Levi is here with his own friends to see their own movie, but we can see him another day.”
“But—but, Shaggy is my friend too. I want to share my wickrish wif him.” It makes me smile to see how sweet my little girl can be.
Giving me a wayward look as if he’s unsure how to help make thing right, Levi bends down and whispers something in Emmerson’s ear. Then before I know it, I’m greeted with a kiss on the cheek as he walks away from us, leaving me confused at his sudden departure and a giddy Emmerson at my side.
“I’ll see you soon, Scrappy. Enjoy the show,” is all I get as he calls back over his shoulder.
“Okay, er, bye,” is all I can manage, as I have no idea what just happened.
Since Emmerson is afraid of the dark, she likes to sit with me until she becomes comfortable enough to sit in her own seat. I love that she still wants to snuggle, so of course I lap it all up while I can. I hate to think of the day when she wants nothing to do with her un-cool mom.
Just as the lights are dimming and Emme is all snug on my lap, I catch a movement in the seat beside me. R
eally? Of all the empty seats, you choose here?
I shift a bit to make sure that I’m not taking over their armrest, seeing as I can use the one on Emmerson’s empty seat anyway. But as I go to move over a smidge more, I hear the deep voice beside me and I swear it reverberates through my entire body despite it being only a whisper.
“You don’t need to move, baby. It’s just me. I’d actually like you closer, to be honest. I came to be with my favourite friends. I hope that’s okay?”
Turning my head in the dim light, I know he can see both the vivid blush and the smile plastered on my face at his words, because I’m getting to the point where all I do is smile when he’s around.
Ironclad walls, my butt.
I’m just about to ask what he’s doing here when Emerson takes over.
“Shaggy! You came wif us! Can I pwease sit beside you? That way we can share.” She asks, virtually shoving the bag of Twizzlers in his face. Emmerson scrambles off my lap, and she’s now standing in front of Levi as if she’s going to try to sit with him. I can see that he’s unsure of how to handle the situation, a situation I’m not sure I know how to handle, either. This is new to all three of us. I trust Levi, but it’s not like I want Emmerson getting all cuddly with strangers. Sure, Levi and I are friends, but we don’t know him all that well yet. Besides, the last thing I need is for Emmerson to get too attached.
I will admit, however, that seeing Levi squirm with how to make sure he doesn’t hurt Emmerson’s feelings pulls at my heart strings, resulting in another piece of my wall being crushed in the hands of one Levi Eddison.
“I have an idea, Emme,” I say. “Why doesn’t Mommy move over a seat, so you’re sitting between both of us. That way, you can snuggle close with Mommy if you want, and you get to share and be near Levi too?” Thankfully, Emmerson thinks it’s a great idea.
“Sure thing, Scooby. I was hoping you’d share with me,” he says, and winks at Emmerson.
“Sounds perfect,” I smile, looking from Emme to Levi. “Good plan.” I sit back in my seat relieved at how easily that went.
“I’m pretty excited for this movie, Scooby. Nothing beats seeing a movie with two beautiful girls, a bag of yummy liquorice and a little purple alien. Thanks for inviting me.” He gives her knee a little squeeze, and that’s when I know that Shawn is indeed giving us Levi.
I know this because Levi spoke to her as if I wasn’t even here; it was their moment, and I was just a bystander getting to share it. Levi was genuine with her and it wasn’t for my benefit, and if I think about it, that’s how it’s been from the first day they met. Levi Eddison has built a friendship not only with me, but with the most important person in my life: my daughter.
If only I could allow myself to let him be more than just a friend one day, without the side of guilt.
*
After the movie,
of course, Levi insists on driving us home: “Seeing as it’s on the way, and all. It’s getting dark out too, Braun, and you know how I feel about that, especially with Scooby with you.”
Umm, he does realize that I have lived without his assistance for all of my entire past, right?
Biting my tongue, I manage to skirt around the issue.
“Well, I do appreciate the offer. I know it’s on your way, but we’re okay on the bus. After all, we’ve taken it forever, at different times and in all four seasons and look—” I gesture up and down the fronts of both Emmerson and myself, “…we’ve lived to tell about it too. Besides, I’m sure you’ve got plans. I mean, this is your Saturday off. Go enjoy. We loved you joining us, but we’re okay. We’ve got Fun-and-Junk Day stuff to finish.” I wink at Emmerson, who’s standing there holding onto both our hands.
“Cute. Funny, Scrappy,” he says, resting his eyes on mine intently. Levi murmurs low, so only I can hear, and inches closer to me. “One day, sooner than later, I’m gonna deal with that sassy mouth of yours. You know that, right? Don’t make me carry both of you, woman.”
I raise my arm to his chest—I don’t really know if I raise it to stop him from coming closer, or if I’m hoping for contact—but in the end it doesn’t matter. I end up accidentally resting my hand on his heart. Before I have a chance to move it away, he covers it with his strong masculine one, causing my breath to hitch at the tiny sparks I feel when we touch.
“I want to carry you off over my shoulder. Believe me, I want to,” he almost growls and I swear he must be able to hear my heart beat faster. This man is bulldozing his way in and I don’t know how much longer my retaining walls are going to hold.
“Besides, I can’t take a ride. Not without a booster seat for Emmerson. It’s not that I don’t trust your driving or anything.” I try to explain without rambling. I already feel like Mom-of-the-Year for having let her sit in the back seat for the block drive from Levi’s to our house on Halloween without one, “but I’ve got to be safe. She’s my precious cargo.” I smile while squeezing Emme’s hand. The three of us stand in front of the movie theatre while Levi and I continue to debate.
Correction, what I
thought
was a debate, until this crazy ass man ups the ante, winning yet another argument. I swear he just likes to get me going in order to test my limits.
“Funny thing is, I think of you both as precious cargo too, and it just so happens that while I was at the store the other day I picked up one of those seat things, you know, to have in my car just in case my
friends
ever needed a ride again. It was, like, twenty bucks. Besides, I didn’t want you stressing about safety. And trust me, Braunwyn, I’m all about safety. Hence the drive, hence the booster seat.” Levi gestures to the parking lot, and the smirk that accompanies his smug face makes me want to both smack him and kiss the shit out of him for being so incredible. “Now, miladies, your chariot awaits.”