On the Come Up (23 page)

Ho, shit!

Laughing, laughing.

Excuse me sir—sir. Yeah, you … Turn around and … did you see that look? Bitch just looked at me.

Redbone gave you the death stare.

Shrivel your dick right up.

Laughing, laughing.

Their voices chased them all the way into the cool interior of the Thriftway. Down the aisle all the way to the back, AnnMarie cussing: Fucking retards. The ugly one—did you see his teeth? Horse-mouth muthafucker, Darius beat the shit outta him one time—muthafucker looked at me,
bap
! Darius said, What you got to say now …

But Niki like she deaf. Eyes forward, hands in her pocket, she don’t say nothing. AnnMarie glanced at her, then left it alone.

At the pharmacy, AnnMarie slid the script across the counter. Niki found a empty chair next to a old woman who kept looking at her sideways like she trying to figure out what she is. Sitting with her legs spread wide, black do-rag underneath her Yankees cap, extra-large hoodie hanging loose over her shoulders.

Coulda been a sir, like the fella said.

AnnMarie knew Niki was used to it. Had to be. In the past year, Niki’d switched up her style, got her cinnamon curls cut into a short afro, shopping now at DJ Rays, urban style for men. Still. She looked comfortable, sitting there as if she the only one in the store, earbuds in, bopping her head to the music.

Niki be okay. Niki tough.

Gawd, she can’t believe they kissed. Niki’s hands running down her body like that. They’d just been talking, that’s all. AnnMarie’d been stretched out across the bed, playing with the curtain, Niki next to her, staring up at the Omar poster on her wall. She said, Why you got that up there. ’Cause he fine, AnnMarie
said. It’s creepy, Niki said. Fella looking down at you while you sleeping. AnnMarie sat up, laughing, and when she turned her head, Niki’d leaned in and kissed her. Just like that. AnnMarie hadn’t pulled away, she didn’t know why, Niki’s lips on hers, lingering, soft and tender. A breeze lifting the curtain while Star napped right there in the crib.

She wanted to tell somebody, talk it over, but she didn’t trust Teisha no more. Teisha or Sunshine. Walking into the apartment, two weeks ago, she found Darius chillin’ on the couch, sipping from a bottle a St. Ides. Teisha’d been laughing about something but she glanced up and said,
Hey, AnnMarie …
acting like it ain’t no thing, him sitting there. She wondered why they let him in, acting like they friends. Behind his back, they was always talking shit, how he ain’t worth her time, telling her he a dog. She need to get herself a new man. Asking why she let him beat her when he don’t even provide.

She hadn’t stayed long and when she got back home, she thought how things had changed. How the hours and days and months had passed in that walk-in, how he’d held her down. Couldn’t tell if she still loved him. Somewhere in the periphery, he was hovering.

In the Thriftway, lady behind the counter called her mother’s name.

The lady said, Make sure she drink lots of water. This one here, take with food or a glass of milk. No alcohol. No driving, okay?

AnnMarie nodded. Yeah, yeah …

When she turned from the counter, Niki was watching her. AnnMarie made a motion to go but Niki just sat there. She crossed to Niki, reached down and pulled a bud from her ear.

Let’s go.

Niki looked at her. She said, Oh, so you the boss now.

AnnMarie felt her skin grow hot. Something had shifted and AnnMarie didn’t know why.

Whatever, Niki—we done, that’s all. AnnMarie held up the prescription bag. Still Niki don’t move, nudging the bud back in her ear, turning up the music.

AnnMarie tsked. She said, Later then … Walking up the aisle toward the front of the store. What the hell wrong with
her
 …

AnnMarie paused near the cosmetics and pretended to look at the Revlon shades, lifting out a eyeliner, then another. She glanced toward the pharmacy but Niki was gone.

AnnMarie felt her heart bang hard for a second. Then she headed for the exit.

The automatic door swung open and AnnMarie stepped outside, blinking in the bright light, looking now to the corner where Horse Mouth had been. The corner was clear but Niki was there, leaning up against the wall of the store.

AnnMarie approached, trying to read her face. What the hell you doing?

Niki didn’t answer, looking off to some point in the distance.

AnnMarie groaned inside, then said, We going or what?

Niki lifted her hand and fake coughed into the palm, saying,
You a tease
, the words coming out half-muffled.

Say what? AnnMarie said, frowning.

Niki laughed, then pushed herself off the wall, adjusting her ball cap. I didn’t say nothing …

AnnMarie tsked. You a muthafucker, you know that …

Niki shrugged, falling in step beside her. AnnMarie shoved her and Niki pretended to stumble, laughing.

You stupid, AnnMarie said, glancing away, grateful the moment had passed.

That evening, after she sang Star to sleep, they took the dollar van to Latania’s mother house in Jamaica. It was still warm where the sun hit your skin. That warm feeling like something good could happen.

Mary J. floated out the stereo as they drank Fresca and looked at
Ebony
and
Jet
on the front steps of Latania’s porch. The girl Niki’d been talking about, Paloma, came over and sat with her feet tucked off to the side. She was like a black China doll her skin so smooth, AnnMarie’d never seen skin so smooth, her eyes kinda chinky with long lashes and she smelled good too.

AnnMarie asked her what kind of perfume she was wearing. Paloma told her it was Poison but she didn’t look up when she said it and AnnMarie got the feeling she knew she was fine.

Latania was saying, You hear Megan left Shalisha for a boy.

Say
what?

Um-hm. Shalisha call me last night, she was crying …

Damn, Niki said. Who the boy? What Shalisha do.

What can she do. Her heart get broke like that.

Megan a slut.

She ain’t a slut.

She was cheating. Shalisha found pictures of them together. Way back since her birthday.

AnnMarie felt tongue-tied, making out with Niki still on her mind, not knowing who Megan or Shalisha was and wondering
if Niki’d said something to Latania when they first arrived. She kept quiet, flipping through
Ebony
, looking down at all the glossy pictures, until Paloma’s finger came down and stopped her.

That there is Dre. He a designer. Here, look, turn the page …

AnnMarie turned the page and saw mad sexy models sitting and standing on fake rocks like boulders with stiletto heels, wearing nothing but Dre’s bikinis, their dark skin rubbed with glitter gold.

Niki leaned down and looked over AnnMarie’s shoulder. She nudged her with the side of her leg and said, Mm-mm-mm …

AnnMarie ignored her.

She said, Look at that silver one. That one’s nice, I like how the straps crisscross like that.

Paloma said, That girl? She stuck up. But that one’s nice—her name’s Candy.

AnnMarie looked at her sideways: You know these girls?

Mm-hm. Some a them.

She felt Niki’s leg pressing, felt the heat there where their bodies touched and without meaning to, she sat up and shifted.

Paloma said, You ever model?

AnnMarie hesitated, then said, Nah, but I act. I’m a actress.

Word? You was in the movies?

Niki snickered. Yeah, she a movie star.

Shut up, Niki, I’m just saying … Damn. Jealous.

Niki laughed.

Shut up, Niki, Paloma said. She looked at AnnMarie. What movie? Can I see it? How can I see it?

It already played in the movie theater but the director said it’s gonna come out on TV soon—BET channel.

Word?

Um-hm.

I give you my number, you can tell me when it’s on.

AnnMarie could feel Paloma looking at her and she smiled
inside, wondering if she was a feminine gay girl for real or if Niki just want it that way.

AnnMarie turned and looked up at Niki. You wanna move over, you’re pinching me in.

But Niki act like she don’t hear, looking up at Latania who’d gone inside and was coming out now with a bottle of Hennessy and some cups.

Where your mother at.

You know what, we fill it back with water, she never know.

Niki nudged AnnMarie again and said, I let you have
one
drink.

AnnMarie just tsked. Niki getting on her last nerve.

Latania suddenly shrieked and grabbed the magazine out of AnnMarie’s hand. Look, look … There she is. Look what she wearing.

It was Carmen Electra, shining off the page.

That be me! See that, by this summer, that be me!

The girls looked at Latania for a minute ’cause she was plump. More than plump, she was big and
always
on a diet.

No, for real, Latania said. I already lost two pounds. Lose twenty by June.

Problem is you love to eat.

Latania glared at Niki. Shut your mouth you don’t got something positive to say.

What? All I said was you love to eat, Niki said laughing.

So what, I can control myself.

No you can’t.

Look who’s talking. Muff-diver. You like a fucking dog with your tongue hanging out. Can’t stop licking.

The girls bust out laughing, even Niki, and AnnMarie thought,
Nasty
, tha’s just nasty. But Paloma was reaching her hand up for daps from Latania as Missy Elliott broke from the speakers, her voice whipping rhythmic. The girls screamed all at once, clapping
they hands and Niki went after it, saying Come on, AnnMarie as she started up a syncopated beat and AnnMarie couldn’t help it—she found the key and let loose a harmony, weaving through Missy’s voice, stretching out the notes to counter Niki’s beat. Her body swaying, brushing up against Paloma, shoulder to shoulder, all the girls swaying, but her eyes on Niki, and only Niki.

The next two days it rained. Day after that, more rain. Rained hard all day. Three days she stuck inside with Miss Doris who was never happy about nothing. Three months she been the lady’s home health aide, not once had she seen her smile, say please or thank you.

AnnMarie slipped out with the garbage. Walked it down the hall to the chute, then stepped inside the stairwell to call her mother.

Last night Star’d been sick with a cough. AnnMarie lay next to her, keeping her head propped up with the pillow but still she barked like a seal. AnnMarie hadn’t slept at all.

How she doing, Ma.

She fine. She playing.

Where she playing?

She playing.

I know she playing. But she on the floor or in the Pack ’n Play You got to keep her off the floor. Did Ondine get the dust up?

Huh?

Ma!

What you yelling for, AnnMarie.

I can hear her coughing, Ma. I can hear it.

You know what? You don’t like how me doing, get yourself another damn babysitter.

AnnMarie!

She heard Miss Doris shouting so she hung up the phone and
stepped from the stairwell. Miss Doris got her head out the door, wagging a finger:
I’m calling the agency you don’t put that phone away!

AnnMarie walked past her into the apartment.

Sorry,
Miss
Doris. What can I do for you now?

AnnMarie came home from work. Changed the water in the humidifier. Added salt. Got the steam going.

You want to eat, Boo?

Nah …

Eat something. Look, I brought you some noodles.

Star climbed into her lap and played with the paper takeout bag, squishing it together and pulling it apart until AnnMarie took it away and told her she got to eat. Star said, No Mama, no … Coughing once, twice but she sounded better. AnnMarie lined ten noodles up in a row, told Star to count, one, two, three … Got her to eat that way, playing a counting game, ’til the noodles was gone.

She looked out the window. The rain had stopped. She watched the dying sun cut through gray clouds, last light on the building there, bricks glowing red. She pulled the curtain closed, leaned over Star in the crib, rubbed her back, sang a sweet song. It took a while but Star fell asleep, thumb in her mouth. She thought about Darius. Wondered where he was. But she didn’t call him.

She called up Niki. Bodie answered. Why you have Niki’s phone, she asked. He told her he waiting to hear about a job. He told her Niki gone to Latania house.

She called Latania. Latania’s mother said, Hello AnnMarie, how are you, how is Star, Latania is at Paloma’s.

She passed into the kitchen and out again, she stood in the
living room, then in the doorway of Blessed’s room—her mother on the bed, flopped over like a damn walrus.

Snoring. AnnMarie wondered if she snore like that when she sleeping. Hope not.

She flipped channels for a while then turned the TV off. The sun was down, sky dark, nearly gone to black but there—in a far-off part of the horizon, look at that, a thin strip of clouds gleaming white, the sky a pale, pale blue. She stood for a long time, watching the line cool off to pink, then purple then nothing at all. The stillness so deep it made AnnMarie sigh.

Then Star coughed. AnnMarie turned, listening. She knew she was sitting up in the crib now, coughing.

AnnMarie went to the bathroom, got the baby Robitussin. Ain’t but a dribble come out. She checked her pocket. Five dollars. No-name brand cost $3.99. She just make it.

She lifted Star out the crib and carried her into her mother’s room, set her on the bed.

Ma!

She shook Blessed ’til she rolled over and cradled Star in the fold of her body.

Out on the street, Thriftway was still open. She went inside, stood on line, flipped through
Essence
magazine, bought Star medicine. She went home, climbed the stairs, and when she turned the corner onto her hallway, who standing there waiting but Darius.

She looked at him.

What up, he said.

What you doing here.

I miss you, why you think.

She went past him, carrying the medicine in the Thriftway bag.