On My Knees (17 page)

When I came to again, Cameron’s arm was wrapped around my waist, his body loosely curled around my backside. By the change in the room’s light and my faint hunger, I guessed it was late afternoon. I blinked away the fog of sleep and the room came into focus again. White and unadorned except with basic furniture, the space seemed plain by contrast to the remodeled bathroom where floors and shower were marble and every fixture shone. I tried to remember what he’d said last night about fixing the place up.

Memories from last night were hazy, but the vision of his body hovering over mine, rocking into me, had me tingling all over again. As if last night had unlocked the most potent memories, thoughts of how sex had been with him plagued me. I kept shaking my head, trying to physically dislodge him from every thought.

His arm tightened around my waist and his erection strained against my ass. As promising as that was, I needed to get out of here and embark on my walk of shame before his proximity clouded all of my better judgment. I shifted, inching carefully from his grasp. He groaned and pulled me closer than I’d been before.

“Good morning.” He nuzzled my neck, kissing me softly there.

My nipples went hard, a shiver running across my skin. I bit my lip, tensing against the riotous response of my body.

He turned me to face him. His mouth curved into a sleepy smile as he propped up on his elbow. Even in a relaxed state, his abs looked ridiculously impressive and defined. No sane woman could resist him. My breath left me for a moment as I took in all his beauty again. I didn’t want to go, but I really should before I did something stupid. I’d already hit the quota for the weekend, and I was sober now. I had no excuse.

“How do you feel? You slept a long time.”

“Better,” I said. The sexual energy that pulsed through me seemed to obliterate the last of my wretched hangover. All I could think about now was him. My body came to life, as if I’d been waiting my whole life to be wanted the way his look told me he wanted me now.

I took an unsteady breath. “I should go now though. It’s getting late.”

“Maya, we need to talk.” His hand traced a lazy path up and down my thigh. Whether he was killing time or trying to find the right words, the motion was driving me insane. I was still pantiless and all too accessible to his roaming touch. “You didn’t tell me why were you so upset the other night.”

“I wasn’t,” I lied.

“You mentioned Raina last night. Darren wasn’t lying. There isn’t anything between us and you need to know that.”

“You can see whoever you want, Cam. I have no claim over you.”
“Yes, you do.” His voice was soft, his eyes relaxed but more serious than they had been a moment ago. “You’re the only one who’s ever had claim over me.”

I heated under his gaze. He brushed his hand over my cheek where the color no doubt had come to the surface. That simple touch had me wanting more. I fisted my hands to keep from reaching for him.

“I wanted you last night. It took everything I had to stop, but I couldn’t stand the idea that you’d regret it in the morning because you were drunk. Or worse, that you wouldn’t remember it at all.”

“I remember.”
Most of it.
I bit my lip at the hazy but intoxicating vision that passed behind my eyes. How his mop of inky black hair had moved between my legs, and how his piercing blue eyes had hunted me the way they hunted me now. I’d come like a rocket, so weakened with the release that I’d begged for more, for all of him.

“So do I. But now I want more.”

The soft rasp of his voice paralyzed any thoughts I’d had about fleeing. His lips parted, his tongue traveling over his bottom lip. The overall effect was brain-frazzling and willpower-crippling.

Sealing the moment and dispelling any lingering reservations, he kissed me, a soft but demanding kiss. I answered, eager for his taste as much as I knew it would be my undoing.

I could sense the determination in his touch as he gently kneed my legs apart and positioned himself between them. He tugged his shirt over my head, leaving me naked and exposed in a matter of moments.

The sharp lines of his face took my breath away. The skin over his cheeks tightened as he looked me over. There was determination in his movements, in the quiet domination of our kiss as his lips crushed against me again, his palms sliding over my skin, reclaiming every expanse of my body he’d once known so intimately. Once upon a time.

Our lips rushed over each other’s. His erection throbbed through his boxers against my belly. The rise and fall of his chest matched my own anxious breaths. My skin heated with a searing desire that stamped out any remote thoughts of shyness.

Still, doubt crept in, tainting the moment, when I only wanted be lost with reckless abandon.

“We shouldn’t do this.”

He stilled. “Tell me why, Maya. You push me away, but you’ve never given me a good reason.”

My lips parted, but I couldn’t speak. The words lodged in my throat. He had to know what was at risk, for both of us.

“I care about you too much,” I whispered.

Understanding softened his eyes. My throat thickened. I squeezed my eyes closed, unable to meet his gaze to say what I needed to say.

“You broke my heart. I—I want to be strong and pretend like it didn’t destroy me, but it did. I can’t do it again. I still have feelings for you, but—”

“Maya.” He caught my face in his palm, silencing me. “We’ll make it right this time.”

I tried to look away but he wouldn’t let me.

What he wanted seemed impossible in the face of what we’d been through. As much as I wanted it too, the reality of the situation hit me. I thought I could keep things between us casual, give in to the attraction, even revisit some of those old feelings—the good ones, the ones I could handle. But whatever forces had taken over this week had not inspired manageable, casual feelings. No miracle could piece me back together if I got invested again only to have him leave. How could I give him that chance?

“Everything is different now. We’ve changed.”

“We’ve both changed, but a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought of you or wanted this. Most days I wished I’d never met you if it meant taking away what missing you so badly did to me. Believe me, I don’t want to go through that again either, but I can’t get you out of my head.” He hesitated, and the last words lingered. “I love you, Maya. I’ve never stopped loving you.”

My heart beat heavy in my chest. The pressure of his body on mine suddenly robbed me of the ability to breathe properly. His words echoed in the same deep place where I’d buried my ability to love a man, to give both my body and my heart to another person, trusting he’d cherish and protect it. Of all the stupid decisions I’d made in this life, I hoped sleeping with Cameron right now wouldn’t be one of them. I had a hard time saying no to anything I wanted this much, and I’d never wanted anything or anyone more than this.

“The question is do you want me? Do you want this...with me?” A flash of doubt passed over his eyes.

“I do, but I’m scared.”
Of falling in love with you all over again. That you’ll leave me again
.

My pride kept the confession silent, but my heart ached and swelled, a painful testimony of how deep these feelings for Cameron ran. Except doubt now colored the love I’d once succumbed to in simpler times, with innocence and abandon.

But that didn’t lessen how I wanted him now. Deep down, I wanted to lose myself in this love. I saw it, a tangible earthly thing that I could hold despite its sharp edges, jagged with the shattered pieces of our hearts. I couldn’t deny its compelling force, even knowing how I’d bleed if I let him inside and he hurt me again.

“I’m scared too, but I want you more than I’m scared to lose you again.” His eyes never left mine, never letting me question for a moment his intentions. They were the same eyes that bored into me when he’d asked me to marry him.

I closed my eyes, squeezing them tight to keep the tears locked out. How could he do this? Break me open with his words. And I came apart so easily.

“Say yes,” he whispered, his breath dancing across my lips.

He laced our fingers, raising my arms high above me. I was powerless, spread for him, a prisoner to the craving. The sharp ache that overtook my senses and better judgment last night was back with a vengeance. I weakened in the possessive embrace, letting the warmth of his body envelop me.

I might have been scared as hell, but every cell of my being wanted to be with Cameron right now. I longed for the slow tease of his lips across my skin, the wild vigor of him thrusting inside of me. I was on fire, and desire was winning.

“Yes.”

Then his lips were on me. Eager and urgent, he took my mouth. I met him fully, surrendering to my choice. My lips tingled, swollen from the passion of his movements.

Awakening stirred through me as his mouth roamed over my shoulder to my neck, nibbling and sucking. I gasped, bowing into his body. The heat of our naked bodies sliding over one another warmed me. A wild fever licked over my flesh everywhere we met. Already, I ached for him. A deep, wet ache that only he could satisfy.

He caught my breast in his hand, squeezing the soft flesh tenderly. He licked over one, then the other, grasping and sucking. I shifted anxiously beneath him, still powerless and pinned.

He released a hand, feathered his fingertips through the folds of my pussy. I gasped, lifting into the motion, eager for his intimate touch.

“You’re ready for me.” His blue eyes were dilated, hooded with lust.

I tightened around an exploring finger teasing my inner flesh. “I need you.” Yes, this was need. We’d surpassed want. I had to have him, even if falling this deep broke me again. Anything seemed worth it.

I reached for him, coaxing his boxers down to reveal his thick, hard erection. I bit my lip, trailing my fingers over the hot flesh. Squeezing him gently, I was overwhelmed with wanting him, the promise of the pleasure he could give me. He kicked his boxers off and leaned over to the bedside table. He ripped open a condom packet and rolled it on. I regretted that we’d have anything between us, but this wasn’t the time I wanted to spend discussing our sexual histories.

Then he was there, notching the head of his cock against me, exactly where I’d wanted him for days. I squirmed, eager to hasten the penetration, but he had my arms bound again, our fingers tightly interlaced. I arched impatiently, hooking my heels into the backs of his thighs to urge him closer. He pressed inside me only by the tip.

“I’ve wanted this”—he exhaled as he pushed in—“for so long.”

“Hurry.” I tightened my fingers through his, breathless with want.

He held me in his gaze as he slid deep, deliberate, and slow. “I want to feel you. It’s been too long.” The rumble in his voice vibrated through me.

“Cam…” I whimpered. I could have been praying, for all the power this man held over me, how at his mercy I was. When he was fully inside me, I swallowed over the sudden urge to cry. Something about the deep connection of our bodies in this moment had me unraveling. I loved this man, even though I couldn’t say the words now. I loved him so much I could scarcely breathe.

He lowered, sealing our lips with a possessive kiss. He retreated slowly and thrust again. I shuddered at the exquisite sensation of him filling me, over and over. He made his presence known as my body stretched to accommodate the invasion, a bittersweet pleasure that I’d come to love, to crave.

He moved a hand to my hip, lifting and angling me so he could deepen the penetration. Immediately I let my free hand roam through his hair, down his chest, clawing at his waist as he pumped into me. His hips ground against mine as he claimed me in the most intimate way possible.

The tip of his cock massaged me from the inside, hitting a sensitive spot. He filled me so completely, there was no missing it. Pleasure coursed through me like lightening every time he grazed it, satisfying the sweet ache.

Every motion brought me closer to the edge. The rhythmic friction, the tight grip of my flesh encircling his had me coming apart at the seams. An orgasm was within reach and the tease of the sensation had me spasming, my pussy clutching against him to heighten the impact of every stroke. I cried out, my head rearing back on the pillow.

“Fuck.” His forehead dropped to the bed beside me, his breath on my neck. “Maya…you’re so sensitive.”

“I can’t help it. You feel incredible.” My breaths came fast, my mind reeling with desire. “Please don’t stop.”

I caged him to me tightly with my thighs, desperate to know his strength as he let go.

“Hard, Cam. Please I want you deep.”

He growled in my ear, taking my earlobe in his mouth. “I’ll bruise you.”

“Then bruise me. I can’t wait anymore. I need all of you.”

He found my mouth, the intensity of his kiss a prelude to what would come. My words set him off, spurring a rugged pace. I clung to him, my body wrapped perilously around his unyielding frame. He moved with fierce drives, his muscles rippling under the heated flesh as he powered deep.

I wanted to cry out, but I was already at the edge. My voice and every limb were paralyzed by the climax as it ripped through me. A violent heat exploded from my core and finally brought air to my lungs. With it, a thready cry tore from me, the last of my resistance going with it.

Through the blur of my release, I stayed with him, ready to see him over the edge. His jaw tensed, and his eyes closed. He cursed. Burying his cock until it reached the very end of me one last time, he froze.

“Maya.”

A guttural groan escaped as he came. He collapsed over me, his cock pulsing inside me with the aftershocks that trembled between us.

He encircled me in his arms. His heart beat against my chest, proof of the stampede of energy that coursed through us both. Pressing breathy kisses over my skin, he soothed the wild rush. I threaded my fingers through the damp strands of his hair. Every small touch seemed right and true between us.

Bliss, an intoxicating contentment, washed over me. I chased after the memory of the pleasure. I opened my eyes when he shifted over me. He rested on his elbows, a lazy smile lighting up his face.