On Fallen Wings (33 page)

Cael continued staring. “Is there anything else,” he asked, “before I go?”

“When will I see Sean again? I’ve done my part. When can you get him free?”

“Soon.” He tucked the scrolls under his coat and turned to me. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I—”

As I stood with my arms folded, waiting for more, Cael leapt into a shadow and disappeared.

In My Arms

“Rhiannon, wake up.”

Despite the worry in Mother’s voice, I refused to open my eyes. Instead, I rolled to face the wall. “Let me sleep,” I moaned through my pillow. I’m tired.”

“You can’t keep doing this,” said Mother, pulling my arm. “This is two days in a row.”

“I know,” I said, “but I’m tired.”

“You should sleep during the night,” she scolded, jabbing me in the ribs with her fingers. “There’s work to do during daylight.”

Her reprimand and violent prod inspired me to sit and avoid another painful poke. “Fine, Mother, leave me alone. I’m awake.” I yawned and stretched my arms. I flopped back down to my feather pillow.

“Rhiannon!”

“Okay.” I shoved the pillow behind me and slid to the end of the bed. “Why do you have to be mean? I’ll do my chores.”

Mother pulled a work dress from my closet and tossed it at me while I rubbed my eyes. “Because,” she said, “laziness breeds sorrow. And today, your father won’t be kind if you continue.”

Mother was right, Father wouldn’t be as forgiving as yesterday, when I had wandered downstairs after the morning chores had been completed. I had lied then, and told my family that I had been up late with tears. They had believed me then, but Father warned me not to make a habit of bellyaching. I already regretted having used the excuse, since I had been awake all night crying. No messages came from Cael the day before, and despite my frequent visits to the front door, Sean hadn’t burst into our home to announce his safety. The wait was torture.

“Where’s Father, now?” I asked, slipping out of my nightgown and quickly into the work dress.

Mother picked up my crumpled nightgown and shook it straight before placing it neatly into my closet. “He’s at the barn, with Ethan. They’re shoeing today.”

“Oh.”

Father hated shoeing the horses, and after a full day of fighting their tempers, he was certain to be ornery. I brushed my hair back and followed Mother downstairs. As was my habit when I reached the bottom, I opened the front door and peered outside. The day was warm and sunny.

“It’s a perfect day for Sean to come home,” I told myself, banging the door shut.

After a rushed morning meal, I scrambled into my boots and hurried outside to the stable. Leila was already working.

“Good morning,” she said, smiling when she saw me.

It felt good to hear a kind voice. “Hello,” I answered, smiling back at her. “I’m sorry I slept in.”

Leila shrugged. “I didn’t think you would be helping. I was ready for another long day.”

I slipped between the rails of the fence and stuffed loose hay back into the trough. “I had a rough night,” I said, without looking up.

“I know. I heard you.”

I dropped my armful of hay.

Leila’s answer triggered a cluster of regret. Since retrieving the scrolls for Sean’s ransom, I had occupied myself with worry and had ignored my family. Upon his return, we would finish planning the wedding, and soon after, I would move away. These were my last moments at home with my sister, and I was neglecting them.

“I’m sorry I’ve been moody,” I said, shoving the hay back over and into the trough. “It’s been difficult for me.”

“I know you miss him,” said Leila. “You can let us carry some of your concerns. We’re a family, and we miss him too.”

I stopped working and stared at Leila. I had never heard her talk like that. My young sister was growing up, and she was making me cry. I ran to Leila and lifted her in a hug.

“Thank you,” I said, holding her in the air. “But I think that everything is going to be all right. Sean will be home soon.”

“It’s good to hear you smile,” said Leila, her voice muffled.

I lowered her. “It hasn’t been easy for you,” I said. “Thank you for understanding.”

Leila grinned and returned to the pile of hay she had collected.

The work made me feel better, and the anticipation of Sean coming home made the morning pass faster that I had expected. Leila hummed and sang, which also lightened the air around me. After feeding the horses, we washed our hands and faces at the well. It was a bright day.

“Are you going for a ride today?” Leila asked, drying her hands on her work dress.

I dried my face with the bottom of my dress before answering. “I don’t know,” I said. “The rides help to calm me, although today, I’m not feeling terrible.” I smiled at her. “Thanks to you. You have made the day exceptionally pleasant.”

“You decide your own feelings,” she said, balancing the well bucket on the stone edge. “I’ve been here all along.” She reached up and patted my shoulder. Then she skipped across the lawn back toward the house. “Come on,” she said, twirling in a circle. “Let’s get some lunch.”

Still full from my late morning meal, I sat at the table while my family devoured the meat and gravy that Mother had prepared for midday. Every time the conversation shifted to me, which was often, I offered excuses to leave the table. I made quick dashes to the front door, swinging it open and gazing out at the road. No sign of Sean ever came.

“Are you expecting someone, dear?” Mother finally asked, while I retook my place at the bench. “You seem pre-occupied with that door.”

“No, Mother. I keep thinking that it would be wonderful if Sean came home today.”

“Yes, it would,” said Father, belching on his water. “I’d like to see a normal day for once. The work never takes a leave from the day.”

I knew my father’s warnings well and immediately stopped talking. I poked a sliver of pork steak with my knife, tossed it onto my plate, and ate heartily, hoping to avoid a discussion of my implied laziness. Father seemed to forget about me, and resumed his ranting about how difficult the horses were acting that morning. He kept hinting that he needed more help, but I knew better than to volunteer; Father was unbearable while he was shoeing horses.

I pretended to be interested in my food until everyone had finished theirs, and long after Father had dragged Ethan back outside. As I carried my dishes into the kitchen, Leila was begging Mother to allow her to visit Michael.

“Please, Mother,” she said, scrubbing a plate clean with a soapy cloth. “I’ll come home soon, and I’ll help extra with tonight’s cleanup.”

“I don’t know,” said Mother, snatching the cloth from my sister. She walked briskly into the dining room. “Maybe Rhiannon should go with you.” She wiped the table more vigorously than it needed. “You’re too young to wander across the village alone, especially to visit a young man.”

“I’m going for a ride this afternoon,” I said, quickly turning to Mother. I didn’t need the ride; however, I wasn’t eager to listen while Leila and Michael giggled the afternoon away. Missing Sean was torture enough. Besides, I wanted to be home when he arrived. I glanced at Leila, who begged me with her eyes. “Leila is getting older,” I told my mother, while offering my sister a goodwill gift. “In fact, she is no younger than I was when I began courting Sean.”

I knew Mother hated it when we talked about our age; it made her feel older than she looked. Still, I needed a way to allow Leila her freedom, and to release me from the duties of an afternoon chaperone.

“All right,” said Mother, tossing a handful of crumbs into the fireplace. “I want both of you home quickly.” She turned to Leila. “And no kissing! I’ll speak to Tara if I need to.”

Leila’s face was redder than a berry, but she was grinning. She mouthed a quick ‘thank you’ to me and dashed down the hall.

“She likes him,” I said, grabbing a broom from the corner. I whisked it across the dining room floor. “You should see them together.”

“She’s just happy to be out of the house,” said Mother. “It has been a long season, and she’s restless. I’ll be glad when it’s over.”

I looked up and smiled, but didn’t speak. I agreed with her. This Moon Season had drained me.

I shoveled my pile of dirt and crumbs out the back door and ran to make a final check at the front porch before wandering back to the stable. Maeia was near the barn. She ambled to the stable after I called her.

Once she was properly dressed, combed, and fed a healthy portion of oats and cold water for her efforts, I climbed onto her saddle and nudged her forward. Without any urgency, we crossed the field and trotted aimlessly along the eastern tree line. I thought about visiting Nia, and then questioning Cael about Sean’s release, but after waffling at the trail’s entrance for too long, I decided against it. Once Sean was home, I would have no reason to see Cael again, and would be happier if that came sooner than not.

I decided to relax and released the reins, allowing Maeia to take me where she wished; it was something I had always enjoyed. I felt like an invisible visitor with the other horses as she ambled around the herd, nudging and talking in a way that most people failed to understand. I leaned low on her back and rested my head in her mane. It felt soft and I could feel her pulsing rhythm while she wandered throughout the meadow.

Maeia walked toward the lake, following the fence the entire journey. When we reached the gravel shore, I climbed down and approached the icy water; the lake between Morgan and Aisling was never warm. I washed my face, shivering at the chill, and stared at the empty surface. Usually, a small boat or two would travel across the lake from Morgan back to Owen’s dock. Despite the tension, there was some civility between our villages, and Owen was a part of that. He kept them supplied with grain and other needs, while they kept him wealthy with rare crystals and pork.

Maeia nudged me from behind, so I stopped staring absently and ambled along the shore at her side. I hoped the peaceful walk would help me clear my mind.

Ahead of us, a bundled shadow lay motionless on the gravel beach. From where I stood, it looked like a hairy animal, although I couldn’t tell with any certainty. I approached it reluctantly, my heart pounding in my ears. As Maeia and I drew closer, I realized the bundle was a person. A man, judging from the size. I froze.

“Hello.” My voice was hoarse and trembling.

He didn’t move.

Reaching the man, I leaned over him, but recoiled from the smell. “Sir?” I asked out of habit, but knew in my heart that the man couldn’t answer me. I steeled myself to reach across him, and then rolled him toward me to see his face.

Sean lay in front of me, pale and motionless. His eyes were wide—with no life left. I tried to breathe and couldn’t. My vision turned black around the edges. I was locked in a nightmare. Certainly I would awaken any moment. This couldn’t be real. An eternity passed before my lungs opened and allowed me to take a breath. Someone was screaming, a sound of terrible despair. Distantly, I realized it was me.

Over and over, I pleaded with him. “Please be alive—please.” My breath wavered and I forgot to inhale.
Was I intentionally trying not to?

Sean lay stiff and pale in my arms. My future was dead.

I kissed his brow, his pale cheek, and lowered him to the sand. I smoothed the tangled hair away from his face, and left him looking as if he were cloud-dreaming on a spring afternoon. My feet were leaden as I walked to Maeia. How I mounted her, I’ll never know. I gave her a sharp kick and commanded her to take me home. With every step toward the house, I nudged her forward, matching my tears with jabs at her side to carry me to safety. When we arrived at the stable, I leapt from her and rolled in the grass. I might have been injured, but I felt nothing; there was nothing left to take from me. I dodged under the fence and ran to the house, allowing my tears to drench me.

Inside, Mother was humming as she kneaded some dough, but took one look at me, and the song died from her lips, the blood drained from her face. “Rhiannon, what’s wrong?” She rushed to me, frantic.

I couldn’t speak. My lungs tightened and my body refused to let me free. I pointed toward the lake and forced the only word I could. “Sean.”

The world went dark as I fell.

Evermore

My dreams had left me. Hundreds of moments passed in tiny morsels of memory, although they were sounds mostly. I couldn’t stay conscious long enough to understand. I saw red. I saw my father. I heard whispers and cries. I woke to rain spattering on the window and Mother’s voice. I opened my eyes.

“Rhiannon?” Mother sounded worried.

I was lying in my bed, facing the window, but it was foggy and dark. “What’s going on?” I asked, straining to focus.

Mother leaned over me. She was pale and the edges of her eyes were red. “Would you like something to drink?”

I nodded. My legs felt detached and useless. My arms tingled like I had been sleeping for a long while. Madeline approached and offered me a small cup.