On Edge (10 page)

Thirteen

“Your brother is still really mad at you, huh?” Liv turned her head to stare at Warp's retreating back. For the second time in two hours he'd walked past me without saying a simple hello. Rudeness was nothing new for Warp, but I knew him well enough to know he was still stewing from our talk night before last.

Pops had returned from his job a full day early, so we hadn't had another argument like I'd been expecting that last day or so. I wondered if Warp's anger would ever subside enough to where we could have an actual conversation or if I was doomed to be subjected to his 'tude for all eternity.

Liv and I arrived at my locker and I unloaded all but my third-hour books.

“I think he's just mad because I made him feel guilty pointing out the truth and all.”

“You're not gonna do your Bio homework in Study Hall?”

“Nah. I'm going to work on my art project for once. I need something that isn't going to make me pull out my hair today.” I planned to work on it with Haze in the supply closet but left that part to myself.

“Ah,” Liv said, seemingly mollified. “So why do you think your brother feels guilty?”

“He was accusing me of getting myself in deep with someone and not telling him. He's so sure that I've done something wrong and got mixed up with the wrong crowd.”

“Like you have time in between his stalking, hanging with me, parkour and, oh yeah, school!” Liv rolled her eyes.

“Exactly. I told him, with his territorial attitude, he could very well be responsible for the reason my face was on some wall.”

Liv sucked in a breath and wrinkled her brow in uncertain disapproval. “I don't know, Ellie, I think you might have gone too far with that one.”

Slinging my book bag over my shoulder, I turned and walked to my third hour knowing she'd follow me. “No. I hope me saying it will make him more careful about who he upsets.”

“You want him to not piss people off? I don't think he can help himself.”

“Liv, if he makes a bunch of enemies, they could use me to get to him. I don't want to be involved in some pointless war. I had to say something, cuz I don't think he thought about his bullshit causing me trouble before I said something.”

“I guess. If you think mentioning it might keep him from doing something irrational.” She didn't sound convinced.

“There isn't much I wouldn't lower myself to do if it meant keeping my brother in check.”

“I don't blame you,” Liv said.

A typical noncommittal response that made it possible for her to skip to the next subject. Not that I minded. I didn't like talking about my arguments with my brother.

“Are you spending the night tonight?” she asked.

“Can't. Pops is home, and he always likes us to be ‘in house' when he's around.”

“Oh. Well that's cool, I guess.”

“Yeah. Warp isn't on me when Pops is around, but I have less freedom, too. It's a vicious circle, as Mr. Fewd would say.” We both laughed.

Liv stepped in front of me and gave me a big, reassuring hug. “Things will get better. Maybe your brother will cut the crap now that your portrait is erased.” She released me and frowned at my frown. “What's wrong?” she asked.

I couldn't think of anything to say. Over her shoulder, I spied Haze and one of my gymnastics team members intimately entangled.

Cathy. The dirty slut.

Five seconds ago I was antiviolence. Now, the urge to run down the hall and face-stomp her into the linoleum crawled into my skin and played over and over in my mind.

“Ellie, what's going on? You look—unhinged.” Liv turned and saw the same scene. “Check out the whore-jacket. Yikes! You'd think Bren would have better taste.”

I hated that I felt my eyes sting and knew if I so much as blinked, I'd have a telling wet trail down my face. Next came the shakes as I fought the impulse to brutalize the bitch throwing herself on my secret boyfriend.

Was he my boyfriend? It wasn't as if we had verbally said so. Although Haze did tell me he only wanted one woman. Maybe he was being purposefully vague so later down the line he could cruelly say “I didn't mean you, silly girl.”

I swallowed and looked down as I felt Liv grab my hand and squeeze hard. “Snap out of it,” she chastised.

But I couldn't. “I…”

Down the hall, Haze stepped into my line of sight, his face impassive as he started talking to Cathy, who stood on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on Haze's lips.

I was going to be sick. My stomach roiled and I took a step back, feeling the sharp slap of betrayal.

I think my hateful gaze penetrated the distance and called to him, because in the instant after he moved back from her, he turned his stare to me. A strange expression claimed his handsome, treacherous face and he subtly shook his head.

Whatever his message, I couldn't absorb it through the sudden hardening of my heart.

“Jerk,” I whispered, and damn if I didn't blink.

A single tear rode the wave of my cheek down to my chin.

“That's it. You have some explaining to do,” Liv said, tugging me off toward the bathroom with a grip so tight it hurt. She could've done anything she wanted to me and I wouldn't have cared—I wouldn't have felt it. My entire body was numb with heartbreak.

***

I don't remember much about my climb through the girls' bathroom window or the jog a few blocks down to the local fast-food joint, but once I sat down and sucked on the straw of my pop, I finally realized Liv was munching a burrito while glaring at me.

“What?” I asked defensively.

“You promised me you'd tell me if there was someone. But now I know you lied to me. You've been hooking up with Brennen behind my back! I thought we were friends. Best friends!”

“You're jumping to conclusions, Liv.”

She threw her unfinished burrito down on the wax paper wrapper. “You were in tears when you saw that Cathy whore hanging on him and kiss him. I'd like to think that I'm not a complete dumbass and can add simple Scooby-Doo clues together.”

“I had a crush on him. I didn't say anything because it isn't anything. And seeing him and Cathy together…”

Liv stared at me before taking an angry sip of her pop. She sprayed a little as she jerked the straw from her mouth before she finished sucking.

“You're not the type to crush without a reason. He looked at you and shook his head, Ellie. Why would he do that if you two weren't a thing?”

My heart pounded hard with hope. “You think he didn't want Cathy on him?”

“Oh, Christ. Look at you. You're completely oblivious.”

“It doesn't matter. It was silly to think we could be together, anyway. I'll get over it.”

I could feel Liv's leg shake from my chair. “You're missing the point, Ellie. No matter if you guys were ever going to be an item—why didn't you tell me? Why did you hide it?”

“It seemed like Haze liked me, too, but I couldn't be sure, and I didn't want to look desperate if he was using me as a tool to start a fight with my brother. You gotta understand that.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“So why are you so mad?” I asked.

Liv leaned over the table a little to look me straight in the eye. “Because you didn't trust me to keep a secret.”

Ugh! She was right. On dictionary.com under “horrible friend” my mug shot would be in the right column.

I was never the type to shy away from admitting I screwed up. I should've trusted Liv with the news about Haze and me. I should've come out with the truth and revealed the whole story. The supply closet, my first non-awkward kiss, the night I spent teaching him the basics of parkour with Surge.

But I didn't.

“I know. I suck. But you're the most beautiful girl in school, guys throw themselves at you. I didn't want to seem inferior if I couldn't even keep this one guy.”

She shook her head at me, but I saw her shoulders lose some of their tension. Apparently compliments were ways to defuse the Liv-bomb. “Now you're being a dork. Like I'd ever judge you based on your slut-level. Come on. Give me some credit.”

“I will.”

She looked away from me, so I reached across the table and grabbed her hands to pull her back to the conversation. “I mean it. From this point on, I'll give you more credit. I'm just not used to having a best friend so you have to give
me
a little bit of time to get used to spilling my thoughts out to a living diary, all right?” I added a squeeze of my hands on hers and attempted at a smile.

“Sheesh. You look constipated. Maintain the frown for a little longer until you can grin and mean it.”

I snorted. “It could be a while. I'm feeling kinda foolish right now.”

“It'll pass. And I should know. I've fallen for the wrong type too many times not to know how quickly the disappointment fades when you have a friend at your back.”

I nodded.

“So, what are you going to do?” she asked.

“I don't know. I'm guessing he isn't interested anymore.”

“Hm. When did you two find time to talk anyway?”

Being a bad person was a disorder I couldn't help. Why else would I keep lying to my best friend? I tried to console myself with the excuse I was trying to keep her from being hurt. If she learned I skipped out on her to have a conversation with Haze, I wasn't sure she'd remain my friend.

“That's the thing, we spoke in art class once.” Half-truths paved the road to purgatory. “And then between my classes.”

“Oh, so this was a preliminary crush?” When I nodded, she sighed. “Cool. I thought after the way you reacted in the hallway he was sneaking into your room at night or something.”

I wish. “Nah. It's just—I've never really liked anyone before him.”

“Ahh, my poor innocent BFF.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Hey, shouldn't we get back? Fourth period will start soon.”

“Screw it. My Government teacher loves me. Let's skip over to get some ice cream. I think it's clinically proven to keep hormones and heartbreak under control.”

That was the second time I stood up Brennen “Haze” Craig.

***

Tink
.

I breathed in through my nose and stretched. The alarm clock seared red numbers into my eyeballs. 13:27. Huh? I blinked. 12:37…okay that made more sense.

Tink
.

What the hell was that?

I rubbed at my eyes and threw my legs over the side of my bed. Holy hell, it was cold in my room. Whenever Pops was home, he turned the thermostat to I've-got-penguins-for-children.

Tink
.

I flicked on my nightstand light and listened. Nothing. I looked over at the small windows of my bedroom and shook my head. No way.

Tink
.

Yes way, the noise said. And with my heart pounding, I walked to a window and pulled aside my threadbare curtains.

Haze stood halfway into my yard so he could see over the porch eave into my bedroom but remain in the streetlight so I could see him perfectly. Instead of smiling at me once our eyes met, he threw the remaining pebbles into the bushes and disappeared. Was this some new twisted version of ding-dong ditch?

A second later, he crawled across my tattered roof and glared at me through the windowpane.

A single finger pointed at the slide lock in a silent command to let him in.

Tempted to do exactly that, I held my ground and shook my head. He'd expected this, raising his knuckles as if he were going to knock. Ugh! Calling my bluff was so unfair. He knew I wouldn't risk Warp or my father hearing him.

I opened the window and stepped back, resisting the urge to throw myself at him the instant his messy dark hair and angry eyes came into the light. Standing at his full height, he shut the window against the cold and faced me. Frown or no, he was hot as always. Bastard.

“You can't be here,” I said in a low voice.

For so many reasons, his presence in my room was wrong, the most important being I wasn't sure I could control myself with him so close to my bed should he try and take me to it. God, I was a Cathy wannabe.

“Here is the only arena I have for our big fight since you obviously plan to call things off by avoiding me,” he vehemently whispered.

“I'm not the type of fool to let you kiss me in the closet so no one knows, then flirt publicly with one of my teammates so your friends don't think you're gay.”

I might have laughed at the look on his face if I wasn't worried that it might be the last time I saw it. “Do I come off as the kind of guy who worries about what other people think? My crew is full of a bunch of man sluts who get drunk at parties and make fools of themselves. That isn't me, LL. I like to hang out with the guys, have a few beers, but I like being in control of myself and my actions. I have confidence in who I am as a person. I don't need to impress anyone with how many drinks I can slam without passing out or how many girls I can bang in any given weekend.”

“That makes your flirtation with Cathy worse, Bren.”

“Flirtation? I helped her with a problem in Trig. I stayed after class to talk to the teacher, and when I came out, she pounced on me from behind. At first, I guess I was delusional, thinking that it was you trying to surprise me.”

“Like I'd do that. Looking desperate isn't something I practice.”

“Yeah, I realized that after a minute and, of course, the blonde hair flying into my face was an obvious second clue.”

I folded my arms over my chest. “So why didn't you hurl her across the hallway into the lockers when she kissed you?”

“Seriously, LL?”

“She woulda deserved it.” I pouted.

“Yeah, she would've, but I don't beat up on girls, even one whose attention is unwanted.”

“Exceptions should be made.”