Authors: Kimberly Slivinski
She was right about one thing, meeting new people would definitely help me fend off the loneliness I was suddenly feeling. Although a wise decision, it was certainly ominous. Being an outcast was something I’d devoted a great deal of time and effort to avoid.
“I tried photography club once, remember? That didn’t go over so well.”
“Developing photographs is not a skill easily acquired. Maybe you just didn’t give it a chance.”
“Mom,” I stopped and widened my eyes, “I overexposed the entire club’s photos. They practically kicked me out.”
She brushed her hand across my face as she stood up to put the dishes in the sink. “I have some new waitresses to train today and I have to head into work early. Do you have any plans for the day?”
“I’m going to veg,” I replied. I directed myself over to the couch and plopped down. There was no way I was venturing out in public after the night I’d had.
She gave me a quick kiss and headed out the door. I momentarily considered the option of getting a job without her knowing. It would be real easy to just lie and tell her I’d gotten involved in all kinds of school activities. Unfortunately, my scheme still wouldn’t solve the problem of her overworking. She’d continue to push herself to exhaustion until she got sick or worse.
Dear God can’t you please cut my mom a break. She’s worked so hard her entire life. Can’t you strike us with some kind of windfall?
I knew it was a ridiculous request the second it entered my consciousness. Was it even moral to ask God for something materialistic? I doubted it. It was probably sacrilegious. What did I know? I didn’t even know how to pray.
The doorbell rang just as I’d gotten myself comfortable on the couch. I forced myself to my feet and relaxed as soon as I saw that it was just my neighbor Reyna Holt. The athletic busty blond bombshell was the only real friend I had. We’d been neighbors as long as I could remember and, although she could be quite egotistical at times, I really enjoyed her company.
“Hey Kara, I just wanted to make sure you got home in one piece.” Her piercing blue eyes were twinkling with an abundance of energy. “Your disappearing act last night was rather uncomfortable. Did something happen?”
“Come inside. It’s chilly out there and Mom hates it when we heat the neighborhood.” I yanked her into the entryway.
“Right.” She swiftly removed her shoes. “I downed some coffee before trekking over here. That extra layer of internal warmth does more than you think.”
I winked in agreement as I glanced down at my comparable lukewarm beverage. In my opinion, as long as the caffeine did its job, the temperature didn’t hold much significance for me.
We sat on the couch in silence as I flipped through the channels. When it came to spending time with Reyna, she generally dominated the conversation while I just nodded and added my two cents. Today for some reason she was holding out. She probably wanted to ask me something, but was too afraid to approach the subject.
“What do you want to know?”
“Am I that obvious?” Reyna bit her lip.
“You’re never this quiet. Ever,” I laughed. Then I muted the television.
Her hesitation ignited a fire within me. I could only imagine what the rumor mill was spreading. Why my peers put such stock in the importance of gossip I’d never understand. It was something I despised about being a teenager and couldn’t wait to move past.
“So Gage said you were delicious, clearly implying there was an… encounter of sorts. It didn’t sound like something you’d partake in. No offense, but you are usually a standoffish yet mysterious individual. After a while you blend in with the surroundings. Your choice of course.” Reyna smiled weakly as her gaze roamed towards the ceiling. Her speech had been so hurried that it took me a while to register what she was saying. “Did something happen?”
I closed my eyes and grimaced. “I’m done with the parties and lunchroom gatherings. I have no desire to be friends with people who have to make up blatant lies to entertain themselves. I don’t know why I’ve spent the last seven years of my life surrounded by such superficiality.”
My emotional release was liberating and I met Rena’s gaze head-on, waiting for her to challenge me.
She crossed her arms, immediately taking offense. “Geesh Kara, a yes or no answer would have sufficed. I’m sorry if things didn’t go the way you planned.”
“You know I actually believed we had something in common and that the bad boy image he generally displays was just a farce. Against my better judgment, I let my guard down and it didn’t take him long to make his move.” I balled up my fists and suppressed the urge to cry. “He forced himself on me, Reyna, so yeah, the events of the evening definitely didn’t go the way I had planned. Maybe I deserved it for being so foolish in the first place. All I know is that his stereo imploded and he passed out. It was a miracle actually.”
A miracle that resulted from a prayer.
Once she’d registered what Gage had done, an expression of horror quickly consumed her face. “I’m so sorry, Kara. You’re different from the rest of us. I guess I should’ve seen you haven’t been comfortable in our world for quite some time. Sorry if I’ve contributed to your isolation. I should’ve been there for you.” She smiled weakly, unsure how to react.
“I don’t need someone to hold my hand,” I scolded. Then I softened my voice, realizing she was unnecessarily burdening herself. “I fooled myself into believing that our childhood friends would grow up at some point and I’d be able to relate to them. I won’t and can’t make that mistake again.”
She gave me an awkward hug before reaching for the remote. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
For the rest of the afternoon we sat through one chick flick after another. It was mind numbing, but an absolutely perfect way to drum out my anger and confusion. Without realizing it, I let my eyes close and I’d drifted off to sleep.
“Kara, wake up,” Reyna pleaded. I cracked an eye and watched her shoulders bounce as she chuckled to herself. “You have to watch this. It’s a documentary about life in the late 1800’s. I’ve never felt so lucky to be living in this century.”
I sat up disoriented while making an effort to focus my attention on the show she was adamantly referring to. I found myself impressed Reyna had thought to switch the channel to PBS. Although athletic and intelligent, smut and drama reeled Reyna in. Scholarly programs never interested her.
“Looks like my kind of show,” I beamed, thankful I never had to hide my true interests from her.
“That’s what I thought,” Reyna snorted, her response heavily loaded with sarcasm. “I didn’t mean to put you to sleep with all the mindless movies.”
I laughed, “You know I occasionally enjoy comedy, but I didn’t sleep well last night.”
Reyna narrowed her eyes. She watched me fixedly before shifting upright in her chair. “You know, I bet you’ve yet to kiss a guy and actually enjoy it.”
My mouth dropped open. Her bold statement, though correct, came out of nowhere. “In my opinion the kissing that happens in the movies is idealistic. The magic that’s portrayed just doesn’t exist. Guys either shove their tongues so far down my throat that I gag, or they slobber all over me, or worse. The only reason I make an effort to kiss anyone is to keep from being labeled as a prude. Now I will most certainly be slapped with a label I’ll approve of even less.”
Her face drooped; she knew what was going to happen too. “You just haven’t met the right guy. Just wait until college. I’m sure you’ll be coming home with all kinds of new and exciting stories.”
Her idealistic image of college men made me chuckle, but I disagreed. Boys like Gage wouldn’t change just because they were attending a new school. In fact, I bet the independent living situation would just further promote the behaviors already instilled within.
She leaned forward and wrapped her finger around a long strand of my red locks. She was trying to butter me up, an ineffectual undertaking. “So I take it you won’t be heading out tonight to the bonfire party?”
Although there wasn’t much in the way of entertainment in our small town, I now knew better. An arched eyebrow and persistent glare was all I needed to get my point across. Although clearly disappointed, she knew there’d be no changing my mind. The nostalgia of my childhood friendships had clearly run its course.
I walked her to the door. Once she was out of sight, I threw myself back down on the couch and turned my focus towards the PBS special. The early twentieth century was lacking in the technological advancements of today, but I wondered if I would’ve been happier living in a more simplistic period in time. It was a time in which young men expressed interest in women in a respectful and innocent manner, sometimes even professing love in the form of poetry.
I enjoyed my blue jeans, woman’s rights and the fact that Mom could work and raise me as a single parent without judgment. No, I was definitely grateful to have been born at the end of the twentieth century and not the beginning. Being courted by a respectful and intelligent man seemed like just a fantasy anyway.
The faint hope that college would offer more prospects was squelched after last night. Opening myself up again to someone who’d most likely have other intentions made my stomach churn, and once again made me relive the events from the previous evening.
By keeping my ties with my elementary friends, the in-crowd, I was able to avoid the open banter—the same ridicule that my classmates, who shared my academic standing, endured regularly. After my sudden and traumatic departure the night before, I was sure to be the topic of conversation for a while.
“I’m home,” Mom called. Her keys jingled as they hit the table by the door. My stomach lurched. Had I really wasted my whole day on the couch?
“In here,” I called.
“Well you’re not dressed like you’re going out tonight,” she announced, taking a seat beside me on the couch. The stains splattered across her once tidy outfit told the story of just how exhausting her day had been.
“I’ve decided that’s not really my scene,” I replied. Her mouth curved into an easy frown as she grasped what I had said. “I’d rather spend some time with you anyway, Mom.”
My broad smile helped her overlook the negative implications of my most recent comment, details I didn’t want to enlighten her with at this point.
For the rest of the weekend I laid low and tried not to think about what Monday would bring. Although I hadn’t experienced any other unwonted flashes, I couldn’t help but wonder about the one that had illuminated more than just the space I’d been occupying. It had sparked my interest in God, whether he answered my prayer or not, and I wondered if we really did live in a world surrounded by mystical and omniscient forces.
When my alarm sounded, I reached up and whacked the closest button—hitting snooze for the third time. I was avoiding the inevitable. I felt like a criminal waiting to greet the inquisition.
“Grrr.” I tossed my covers aside while I rolled my resistant body out of bed. My petite build was a blessing; I definitely didn’t stay skinny because I worked at it. I grabbed the first thing I saw hanging in my muddled closet. If I didn’t make an effort to clean it up soon, I wouldn’t have anything left to wear.
Because I hated to ask Mom for money, my pickings were slim. Since Reyna never wore an outfit more than a handful of times, I relied on her handouts to get me through. Somehow I managed to make the majority of her clothes work for me.
After safely escaping the mess that was my room, I stumbled into the bathroom and stopped in front of the mirror. Stringy red lines scattered in every direction, making the chestnut color of my eyes secondary on first glimpse. I looked like I’d been up all night—maybe I had. I avoided meeting the judgmental gaze reflecting back at me as I quickly brushed my hair and applied a scarce amount of make-up. I just wanted the day to be over with. My hands were already showing signs of the habitual twitch that accompanied me whenever I was nervous. It was the middle of winter and I felt like the first day of school jitters were wreaking havoc all over again.
My over eager attitude towards my studies usually had me to school earlier than most of the student populace. Today I would convince myself the stares reflecting back at me were due to the shock of my almost tardy appearance. I hustled down the hall and did my best to ignore any further inquiries my peers were projecting at me.
After a quick trip to my locker, I’d be home free. My first class was in close proximity and I only had to grab one book. I riffled through my cluttered mess, rebuked myself for not being more organized and then breathed a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, my soothing moment was short lived. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the unwelcome figure approaching. I tried to prepare myself for what was about to be unleashed before he’d even spoken his first word.
“So how about Friday night? That was something,” Gage announced loudly. Everyone in the hall was staring, waiting for my reaction.
I swallowed hard. There were several ways I could react, but I wanted to pick a reaction that would shut him down, permanently. I needed something that would make him stop talking about me and leave me alone. The strange occurrence that had taken place after I awoke Saturday morning was the only thing that came to mind. It was a long shot, but it was all I had.
“Oh Gage,” I said, plastering on a fake smile. “It was so nice of you to confide in me about your parents. No child should be subjected to what you went through. Having to run out of the house during intense parental arguments must have been agonizing. I know your dad didn’t like you sharing your business, but I think God answered your prayers. Don’t you think?” I gave him a brief wink and tried not to vomit as I waited for his response.
The smirk drifted off his face as if I had slapped him. His eyes widened in disbelief before his face paled. It was as if I was gazing into the eyes of the seven year old I had seen in my vision and he remembered me. The whispers had already begun and I didn’t think they were talking about me any longer.
“What the heck?” he whispered. “There’s no way that was you…that… that was like ten years ago.” He walked away without another word.