Olivia (35 page)

"Always?"
"Yes," I said meeting his gaze. "Are you going to take care of it for me?"
"It might damage her even more severely, Olivia."
"You mean more than she has been damaged, Nelson?" I asked pointedly. He tried to hold my gaze and then he lowered his eyes and nodded.
"All right," he said softly. "I'll take care of it."
"It's better for everyone, even her," I said. "You'll see."
He stood and held a small smile on his lips as he gazed at me.
"Why are you smiling?"
"I was just thinking, what was it they called you in school, Miss Cold?"
"Yes, and Belinda was Miss Hot. Which one of us was better off?" I challenged.
"That's something you'll have to answer for yourself," he said and left to do what I wanted.

Epilogue
.
Confused, I paused outside of Belinda's

bedroom door. She was laughing and talking with great animation, but I knew she had no visitor and I also knew I had not had her phone reconnected. She laughed again. I opened the door slowly--and gazed at her seated at her table, the phone receiver pinched between her shoulder and her head as she polished her fingernails.

"Belinda?" I said and she turned, swinging her eyes up at me.
"Oh, sorry, Arnold, my sister just walked in. I have to hang up. Call me tomorrow," she said. "I'll be waiting," she sang and cradled the receiver.
"What are you doing?" I asked, my heart pounding.
"Just talking to some friends," she said. "I know, I know. I spend too much time on the phone. Don't go running to Daddy," she said. "Don't you like this color, Olivia?" She showed me her fingernails. Her right hand had a dark red and her left had more of a pink. "I'm going to do my toenails in it, too. Quin thinks it's hysterical. Why do girls do their toenails? he asks.
Hardly anyone ever gets to see them, he says. But that's not true. Lots of times I walk barefoot or I wear sandals or . . oh dear," she suddenly said. "I'm sorry."
"What?"
She picked up the phone again.
"Hello. I can't talk now, Louise. Can you call me in an hour? Thanks." She hung up. "So," she said turning back to me, "what's up?"
"I hope you didn't forget that you were leaving today, Belinda."
She blinked rapidly and then smiled.
"Oh no, I didn't forget, but I haven't had a chance to do much packing, Olivia. Don't start chastising me. It wasn't my fault. This phone hasn't stopped ringing since everyone heard I was going on holiday. They're actually all jealous."
"The car is here, Belinda. Don't worry about your things. I'll have them sent," I said.
"Oh, will you? Thank you, thank you. I really do appreciate how efficient and reliable you are, Olivia. Most people would kill for a sister like you looking after them all the time. Well," she said looking around. She stood up. "I guess I'd better put on my jacket then. I decided to wear the light blue coat. It's good for traveling, comfortable and easy to keep," she said and went to the closet.
I watched her put on her jacket and then look at herself in the mirror to fluff her hair. I must have seen her do that a thousand times, I thought. She smiled, content with her appearance.
"I guess we can't keep my driver waiting any longer. I'm ready," she said.
I stepped out of the room and she followed.
"I didn't get to everyone, Olivia, so a lot of my friends will still be calling. I know it's a bore, but you'll tell them where I am, won't you?"
"Yes, don't worry about it," I said.
"Good."
She went down the stairs with a light bounce in her step and paused at the door to wait for me to catch up.
"You look so sad today, Olivia. You wish you were coming along, don't you? Why don't you? You can stop working for a while," she said. "We could have fun together, be real sisters for a change, just doing silly things."
"I'll follow later, Belinda," I said.
"Will you? Good," she replied and we walked out. The nurse was waiting at the car. She opened the door and looked at me in anticipation.
"Everything's fine," I said. She nodded and turned to Belinda.
"Hello, Belinda," she said. "My name is Clara."
"I love your hair. Is that your natural color?" Belinda asked her. She smiled at me.
"Yes, it is."
"I've been thinking about changing my color." Belinda got into the rear of the limousine.
Clara turned to me.
"Everything's all set, Mrs. Logan," she said. "We'll be fine."
"Thank you. I'll come by tomorrow," I said. "If there are any problems . ."
"There won't be," she assured me. Then she got into the limousine.
"Oh, Olivia?"
I lowered my head and looked in at Belinda. "Yes?"
"I almost forgot. There's a letter on my desk to be mailed out. I wrote to Adam Franklin. Finally. He keeps writing and writing and sending me presents. Would you see that it's mailed?"
"Yes, Belinda."
"Thanks." She looked at Clara. "If you want something done, you ask Olivia," she said.
"I'll see you soon, Belinda."
She smiled and I closed the door. The limousine started away. I stood there watching it disappear down the drive and then I went into the house.
Thelma was feeding Haille, and Chester was running through the house behind Jacob. They were pretending to be a railroad train.
"I'm the caboose and Jacob's the engine, Mommy," Chester cried as they passed me.
"Be careful, Jacob."
He gazed back at me with that serious face, his eyes telling me how unnecessary it was to give any admonition. They disappeared down the corridor.
I went upstairs and looked in Belinda's room. There was no letter on the desk. She had written one, I was sure, but she had written it three or four years ago. For a while I just stood there gazing at her things. I suddenly felt very tired. I was happy I had decided to take the whole day off. The last few days had been trying, going up to the clinic, making the
arrangements, doing what had to be done.
I wouldn't make any changes in the room. I was sure Belinda would go in and out of that clinic for some time. I closed the door behind me and went downstairs, deciding to go out back and sit for a while, and do something I hadn't done for some time: relax.
It was a crystal clear, beautiful day with the air just crisp and cool enough because of the light sea breeze. Across the sky long clouds looked stretched and wispy. A pair of herons circled above and then dove beyond the hill. Just on the horizon, an oil tanker headed northeast and off left, I saw a yacht much like ours approaching the Cape. The whitecaps glistened in the afternoon sunshine. The water was a dark, silvery blue.
I sat for some time just looking out at the sea. I was so deep in thought I didn't hear Samuel come home and come out to find me.
"Well?" he asked standing at the foot of the gazebo. "Well what?"
"How did it go?"
"It went well," I said. "As I expected it would."
"Did you call to see how she's doing?"
"No, not yet. They need time and they don't need us annoying them."
"When do you intend on visiting?" he asked. "Samuel, she's just gone today. I think we need to give them time to work with her, don't you?"
"It's just . . . I feel sorry for her," he said.
"You've Or to control your emotions if you want to do what's best for people you love," I said.
He looked at me with sudden interest.
"Funny," he said, "I never think of you as loving Belinda."
"Of course I love her. She's my sister, isn't she?" I said.
He nodded and gazed at the sea, too.
"Nelson called. He wanted to know how it was going." "Generous of him," I said.
"He really is filled with remorse, Olivia."
"You're breaking my heart," I said grimacing. Samuel laughed.
"Nelson calls you the Iron Lady of the Cape now."
"I'm not interested in what he calls me," I said. Samuel smiled at me. "I'm not."
"Okay," he said. "I'm going in to take a shower and get ready for dinner."
"I'll be in soon," I said.
"That Haille . . I swear she's smiling already when she looks up at me. She's going to be a charmer," he remarked.
"I have no doubt," I said.
He went into the house and the breeze became a little stronger. I thought I could hear the boys shouting and laughing. In the days and years to come, they would all be playing on this lawn, I thought, the three of them growing up as one family.
"I'm right. I know I'm right," I muttered to myself. I thought if Daddy were here, he would agree. Even Mother would agree, although she wouldn't want to talk about it.
Someday, I thought, Nelson would realize all that I had done for him and he would be more grateful. He might even come to love me for who I was and not resent me. I felt confident of that.
Why did I feel so sad though? If I was right, why wasn't I feeling more satisfied?
I was a very successful and powerful
businesswoman. I had my sons and I had Nelson's daughter. Wouldn't everything be just what I wanted it to be?
If I could only see the future, just get one glimpse and be absolutely sure, wouldn't it be wonderful? However, that was impossible. That was like believing in magic, I thought.
I remembered once when I was a little girl I had picked up a seashell, put it to my ear as Daddy instructed, and heard the roar of the ocean.
"How could the ocean be in a seashell, Daddy?" I asked.
"It's not in there. The seashell is like ears that hold the ocean's roar," he told me. "Then, at night, the roar escapes and returns to the sea."
I laughed.
"That's silly, Daddy."
"No, Olivia, it's true. The roar you hear is the roar that sounded a hundred years ago. It's the ocean's voice, captured. If you listen really hard, you might even hear a sea gull's cry."
Skeptical, I listened again and I thought I had. My eyes widened with surprise.
"Believe in something magical, Olivia. We all need to believe in something magical," he advised.
He took my hand and we continued down the beach. I held on to the seashell and then I dropped it in the darkness.
All my life, I thought, I would be searching for it.