Olivia (17 page)

"Yes," he said sadly, despair returning to wash the happiness out of his eyes. He shook his head. "I don't know if I should go to this party. I'm not much in the mood for people and music and laughter."

"Go for a little while," I told him. "Show your face and then leave," I said. He nodded.
"You're right. You always have the sensible suggestion, Olivia."
He kissed me on the forehead quickly and I couldn't help but think that the way he kissed me was somehow reserved, cold. Something inside him, despite his promises to Mother and despite his own desire, kept him from being fully my father.
He congratulated me again on my engagement before looking in on Mother.
I had, on my very own this time, gone and bought myself a new outfit for the Childs' engagement party. It was a two-piece navy blue wool knit suit with a silk blouse. I put on a thin pearl rope necklace and matching earrings and then indulged myself with more makeup than ever, choosing one of Belinda's brighter reds for my lipstick. I stood before the mirror and tested the length of my jacket sleeve as I moved my arm about, just to be sure my ring was always highlighted. Satisfied, I went to show Mother how I looked, but she was still asleep. Her nurse looked up from the book she was reading, looked at Mother and then turned back to me to shake her head softly, her eyes dark with concern. I nodded and backed out of the room, quietly closing the door. I'll stop in when I return, I thought and went downstairs to wait for Samuel.
Samuel was so excited and happy he nearly bounced in his seat as he talked, filling me in on his father's happy reaction to the announcement of our engagement.
"Did it make your mother happy?" he asked as we drove to the Childs' house.
"Yes, but she's not doing well, Samuel. I'm very concerned about her condition," I said. "Each day she grows weaker and smaller. It's as if she's fading away in that bed."
"I'm so sorry," he said and was silent. Dark thoughts like the tide crawled up to soak our brains in dreary images.
However, our heavy moment didn't last long. The sight of the Childs' estate, with the line of expensive cars building in the driveway, people in elegant dress milling about and music from the small orchestra wafting through the air, brought us out of our morose mood. Everyone who was anyone in Cape Cod society was present, as well as social editors with their photographers trailing right behind them snapping pictures of important couples, politicians and wealthy businessmen.
Since it was...A partly cloudy, warm day with a gentle breeze coming in from the southwest, it couldn't have been more perfect for an afternoon affair. The guests were everywhere: on the porch, around the tables set up in front of the orchestra, or just wandering about the lawns and gardens. Through the line of red maples behind the house, patches of deep blue ocean were visible.
Overflowing with a thousand anxieties, I got out of Samuel's car when the valet opened my door. Samuel and I stood for a moment contemplating everything. Naturally, every new arrival drew the interest of the guests already gathered, so all eyes were on us for a moment. I saw people lean toward each other to whisper, heard laughter to my right, and then caught sight of Nelson and his fiancee talking to a half dozen couples near the outdoor bar. I thought he was looking my way as he listened and nodded to whomever was speaking.
"Let's get some champagne," Samuel suggested, took my arm and led me toward the roving waitresses. With our glasses in hand, we approached Nelson's parents and wished them the best. Nelson's mother noticed my ring immediately and asked about it.
"We thought we might as well join the happily married couples in this world," Samuel declared.
The news spread so fast through the gathering it was as if the breeze had its own lips and whispered in every ear. Heads turned, some congratulated us quickly, others just nodded and raised their glasses in a silent ceremonial toast. When Daddy arrived, he was quickly surrounded by his friends and associates and congratulated as well.
Nelson's fiancee hugged me and wished me luck, too. She raved about my ring. Hers was a little larger, but I thought mine more elegant because of the baguettes. I was grateful to the jeweler who had given Samuel advice and eventually told him so. Except for a quick greeting and a smile and nod of
congratulations from him, Nelson didn't spend much time talking to us. In all fairness, he was in demand at every turn and it was difficult for him to take too much time with any one couple.
Just before we all sat at the tables to begin the sumptuous feast, Daddy came to tell me he was making his subtle exit. He was too nervous about Mother to stay much longer, he said.
"She doesn't even know I left the house. She wasn't awake."
"She's been sleeping a lot now, Daddy."
"I know." His face was somber for a moment and then he smiled. "Everyone's raving about you, Olivia. I think you and Samuel stole some of the Childs' spotlight here."
"I doubt that, Daddy," I said. "This is quite an engagement party."
It was such an elaborate affair with caviar hors d'oeuvres, shrimp and lobster entrees, as well as prime cuts of beef and roast turkey, bowls filled with at least a dozen varieties of salads, a half dozen differently prepared dishes of potatoes, Portuguese breads and rolls and a Viennese dessert cart that actually drew applause. Nothing was spared to make this one of the most memorable occasions of the social season.
Those who took time to speak to me and to Samuel asked after Mother, but really didn't want to talk about her at all. It was as if any possible suggestion of anything unpleasant was absolutely forbidden this afternoon. "Just don't ask," I wanted to say, and leave it at that.
"What a wonderful surprise to give your mother at this difficult time in her life," Mrs. Roddentrout, one of Mother's friends told me before coffee was served. "Very thoughtful of you, dear," she added as if becoming engaged was something you went out and did to make others happy.
"I assure you, Mrs. Roddentrout, it wasn't preplanned to happen at any particular time," I replied and she looked at me in total confusion. I nearly laughed.
Samuel knew many of the business people at the party and found himself embroiled in conversation most of the afternoon. I watched Nelson and his fiancee and occasionally caught him gazing at me and throwing me a smile, or lifting his glass to toast me, too.
Dancing started and I was suddenly taken by surprise when Nelson asked me to dance immediately after he had danced with his fiancee.
"It's only proper that I dance with all the engaged women here today," he said. Samuel laughed. "Do I have your permission, Samuel?"
"Oh, absolutely," he said, "but you'd better ask Olivia. She's the one who has to agree," he wisely added. "Miss Gordon?"
I rose from my seat and we went onto the dance floor. I felt every female eye on us as he took my hand and put his other hand on my waist.
"You look beautiful. I'm really happy for you, Olivia," he said. "I hope you'll be as happy as I will."
"I don't know how happy you'll be, Nelson, so I won't agree to that just yet," I said.
He laughed nervously.
"I can see that you and I will always have to be direct and truthful with each other," he realized.
"All right," I said, my eyes fixed on his. "Let's make that promise."
"Okay, let's play truth or dare, Olivia," he challenged. "Let's."
He brought his cheek closer to mine and whispered. "Are you in love, Olivia?"
"Are you?"
"I think so," he said.
"I expect to be," I said.
He pulled back slowly and I looked into his eyes. They were laughing and full of sparkling light. Butterflies panicked in my chest. I was afraid he would see how much I cared for him. I felt as though I would soon be standing naked in front of him, unable to hide a thought, a feeling, a dream.
"You and I are more alike than I would have first thought," he said, his eyes turning dark and serious for the moment. "I hope we will always be friends."
"So do I," I said.
When he drew me to him again, I was sure he could feel my heart pounding against his chest.
"Did you tell your sister to stay away today?" he asked. I stiffened.
"Absolutely not. She thought this would be a boring affair," I said and he laughed.
"That's what I like about her, too. She says just what she thinks and feels. It's refreshing when you spend most of your time surrounded by dishonesty."
"Refreshing?" I said thinking now about my mother's revelations. "Sometimes, keeping the truth to yourself makes for more happiness."
He shrugged.
"Who knows who will be the happiest of us all? I wish we had a crystal ball."
"It wouldn't stop some of us from making the same mistakes," I remarked.
He laughed again, but this time with a deeper, darker sound.
When the dance ended, he escorted me back to my table.
"I was getting jealous," Samuel said. "You two looked too good out there."
"Just let yourself go, Samuel. Relax more and you'll look good, too," Nelson advised him. He winked, thanked me for the dance and returned to his fiancee.
We had come to the party thinking we would steal the glitter and glamour, riding the wave of social acceptance, but at the moment, I felt as though I was sinking. A rush of sadness washed through my very being. The sky was still a soft blue with only scattered clouds, but the chill in my bones told me a storm was just beyond the horizon.
"I think I'd better go home, Samuel," I said. "I'm worried about Mother."
"Oh, certainly," he said. "This is about over anyway."
All the way home Samuel bragged about how his friends and acquaintances congratulated him on our engagement.
"Every one of them thought we were a perfect match, Olivia. We're going to do great things together."
He rambled on and on, but I didn't hear much. My mind was on Nelson and our intimate moments on the dance floor. What had he seen in my eyes? How had it affected him? Would we always be close friends?
"Well?" Samuel asked.
"What?"
"I just asked you when you thought I should come by tomorrow to take you to see the house and the property. I'll have the architect there if you like."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I was in deep thought about Mother. You should call me about ten and I'll let you know how things are," I said.
"Fine. I can't wait for you to see it, Olivia. Your father's seen it, you know. He thinks it's a spectacular piece of property."
"You took him to see the house and land already?"
"Well, not exactly to see our property. I took him to see the historic house when I was
contemplating the purchase. I respect his business sense," Samuel quickly explained.
I was still suspicious of all this, but before I could say or ask anything else, we turned in to my driveway and I saw the ambulance parked in front of the house.
"Oh no!" I cried. "I knew something was wrong."
Samuel drove up quickly and parked. I jumped out of the car and hurried to the front door. I stopped in the entryway and looked up to see the paramedics carrying Mother on a stretcher down the stairs with Daddy trailing behind and the nurse behind him. Mother didn't look conscious.
"What happened?" I cried.
"I think she's fallen into a coma," the nurse said. "We're getting her to the hospital."
"Doctor Covington will meet us there," Daddy said. "I can drive both of you," Samuel offered.
"No, no. I'm fine. You can do me a favor, however," Daddy told him.
"What?"
"Belinda. I called and told her we'd be by to pick her up, but she's in the opposite direction. Do you know where Thomas Hughes' house is?"
"I'll find it," Samuel said. "I'll go by and bring her over to the hospital. I'm sorry," he said watching them load Mother into the ambulance.
Daddy and I went directly to his car and Samuel drove off to get Belinda. They arrived before Doctor Covington had come out to the lobby to confer with us. Belinda always kept her eyes fixed forward on me or Daddy when she was in the hospital. She only glanced furtively at anything else
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around her as if she believed looking at nurses and doctors, patients and machines might make her sick, too.
"Samuel told me you two were the hit of the party," Belinda began. She didn't even ask about Mother.
"I'm hardly thinking about the party, Belinda. We just brought Mother here in an ambulance. Don't you ever think of anything but fluff?"
"I was just trying to say something nice," she wailed. "I'm scared, too."
She sat sulking between Samuel and Daddy. I paced by the window until Doctor Covington came out to see us. I could tell from the look in his face, despite his stoicism, that things were not good.
"She has indeed fallen into a coma. I'm afraid it might be for the best," he added. "Her cancer has spread."
"Can't you just have it cut out like the last time?" Belinda cried.
"I'm afraid not," he replied softly. "It's gone too far for any of that now."
Belinda began to sob. Samuel put his arm around her and she dropped her head to his shoulder and cried more freely.
"How long will this continue?" I asked the doctor. Daddy was just staring at him.
"Days, maybe a week. It's hard to say at this point, Olivia," he replied. "We'll do all we can to keep her from experiencing any pain," he promised. He turned to Daddy. "I'm sorry, Winston."
Daddy widened and brightened his eyes as if they were two small flashlights he had just turned on.
"Yes, thank you," he said and then looked to me.
"We'll look in on her and then go home," I decided. Daddy turned to Doctor Covington, his eyes questioning.
"Yes, that would be fine," the doctor said as if anything we did now had little consequence anyway.
Belinda couldn't stop crying so she remained in the lobby with Samuel. Daddy and I went into the room. The nurse stepped away from the bed as we approached. Her eyes were full of the prognosis; she had seen patients near death before, and there was no false hope in her face, only a slight smile of sympathy.
"I'll be right outside," she whispered and left us.
Daddy folded his hands into fists as we both looked at Mother. His body stiffened, the anger overtaking the sorrow in him for a few moments.
"She doesn't look like she's suffering, Daddy," I said. He nodded.
"No, she doesn't," he said relaxing. "In fact, she looks younger."
"If I know her, she's already dreaming of being someplace more pleasant," I said.
Daddy smiled through his teary eyes. He took Mother's hand in his and stood there, and for the first time in all my life, I realized that despite how I thought he viewed her all these years, despite what value I had imagined he had placed on her as a wife, he really loved her as much as a man could love a woman. Mother was right about that.
I wondered.
Would a man ever love me that much? Was Samuel capable of it?