Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) (49 page)

I knew he was being nice and consoling so I didn’t want to tell him how wrong he was. Zach was the only man for me…ever. Knowing I would live without him made it hurt even more.

Austin and I walked onto the football field where the graduates were celebrating and mingling with family and friends.

“Happy Birthday!!”

I flipped around and Grant whacked me on top of my head with his cap, the tassel tickling my nose. “Thanks!” I grinned.

“Sweet sixteen,” he said smiling big. “Little Runt is sixteen. I get to spank you later.”

I beamed uncontrollably as he jogged off to see his folks and Austin shook his head.

“EMMA!” my dad shouted. “Come on.” He waved me toward the group and I hugged Austin.

“I’ll see
you
in a few weeks,” I said.

Austin stared at me. “You know, this year I look forward to it. In fact, I did you a
favor. Now you must do me one this summer.”

“I can do that,” I agreed with curiosity.

“One date.” He waited to speak further, watching my reaction. I was certain he didn’t notice my heart skip a beat. “In fact, let’s not call it a date. We’ll call it a day. That way there are no expectations. A day of fun. We can do Seaside, Astoria, dune buggy in Florence. You name it.”

I tried to act cool while my insides were doing jumping jacks, though I knew he was just feeling sorry for me. “You got it. It’s a day.” 

“Happy birthday.” He kissed my cheek then met up with his parents. I sighed as he walked away.

Ali and her family were talking with my folks and she and Ryan were standing together. Her dream was still coming true. I was living a nightmare. I had to force myself to look the other way.

“OK. So we’ll meet you all in the park?” My dad asked Ryan and Ali.

“Yeah. We’ll head there now. Come on.” Ryan motioned to us and we walked toward the truck. I turned around and casually scanned the dispersing crowd but didn’t see Zach anywhere. The sun was falling and the evening was getting cool.

“Why the park?” I asked heading toward downtown.

“Mom and Dad ordered barbeque and set up some tables. Ali’s folks are meeting us there. Grant, Brett, Con. After, we’ll head to some parties.”

“Oh.” I wasn’t sure how I’d missed that plan. But of course we’d do barbeque today…it was after all, the graduate’s favorite and not the birthday girl’s. Whatever. I tried to fight the resentful feeling whirling inside me.               

Ryan stopped in front of the bridge where balloons floated at the entrance of the park. White lights hung on the bridge railings. Wow.

“Ali. Why don’t you and Em get out…I’ll park and be right up.”

“OK.”

She nudged me and I opened the door. I smiled the moment I heard the fast running creek trickling over the river rock. Outside of the ocean, it was one of my most favorite sounds and the spring rains only made it better.              

Ali and I crossed the bridge and as we got closer, I heard music playing.

“So. You’ll have to tell me if Zach is at the parties.”

“You know I will…but.”

“But what? You don’t have to protect me. If he’s with her, that’s OK. I just want to know.” The feeling made my stomach knot.

“I don’t think he’ll be with her.”

I stopped walking and stared at her. She knew something. “Why?”

“Cause he’ll be with you.” Her finger pointed to the left of me and my eyes followed the direction she pointed. Zach sat alone on the park bench staring at me.

Oh my God, my heart flipped over inside my chest when her eyes found mine. Planning this moment was difficult enough knowing there was a possibility she had moved o
n without me. The jury was deliberating that one. I still wasn’t sure, but her smile during the graduation processional raised my hopes.

The stubbornness I had come to know and love over the past twelve months left me unsure if she would stay or run. As predatorily as it may sound, I had to find a way to lure her. Ali left the moment Emma looked at me and maybe she had the same sense and got out while she could.

Emma was nothing if not predictable but her desire to want to sleep with 17 guys to catch me was ludicrous. And even more absurd to think I wanted that too. She thought more like a guy than a girl but given her upbringing with Ryan, it wasn’t all that surprising. Uh-oh, she took a step backward.

Don’t go…

Ready to be in hot pursuit if needed, I stood too. I couldn’t go another second not knowing if she was still mine. We’d made this date six months ago on my birthday. A date for her sixteenth birthday and my graduation. A date for us to be together…physically for the first time. I was pretty confident sex was off the table and that was survivable, losing her wasn’t.

Her eyes held confusion and I fought every urge to go to her. This had to be on her time. I couldn’t push.

“Happy Birthday,” I finally said.

It suddenly hit me that this wasn’t a family event at all. I felt my face twist into a confused mess. What was he doing? I turned back to Ali, who was gone. I lowered my head for a moment before rotating back to Zach half afraid that he would be gone too. He must have noticed my confusion because his eyes narrowed as I took a step backward. His brown eyes were soft and held questions that I didn’t know the answers to. He stood, and his khakis were still freshly ironed except near his upper thighs where he’d sat during the ceremony and his burgundy shirt unbuttoned at the top with a white T-shirt around his tan neck. I wasn’t sure if he’d ever looked better, and, after all this time, he still stole my breath.

He took a step toward me then hesitated, his eyes measuring mine for some reaction. What was he looking for? My approval? How could he possibly not know how much I loved him?  I wanted to go to him but I couldn’t. I was afraid. He hadn’t wrapped his arms around me in…well…it seemed like forever. I’d prepared myself that it wouldn’t happen again, and I couldn’t face the thought of feeling it only to lose it again.

“Happy birthday,” he said sincerely, keeping the distance.

“Thank you.” I didn’t smile. I couldn’t smile. I was too unsure of what was happening. “Happy graduation.”

His teeth shone beautifully even in the dark. I’d missed his smile and I don’t know if it’s physiologically possible but I think my heart smiled as well.

“Are you hungry?”

I nodded and for the first time looked at the heavy quilt spread across the grass. Plates, utensils, glasses and napkins. My eyes moved back to him and he was closer now. I could smell him. “What is this?” I asked. My voice didn’t seem to work as the words barely came out.

He reached down with caution taking my hand in his. When they touched, I closed my eyes feeling the warmth and secretly enjoying the moment. I opened my eyes. He drew me toward the quilt.

“My eighteenth birthday was by far…the best…birthday I’ve ever had. Having you with me in our own little San Francisco was the ultimate gift. I tried to think of everything you love.
The outdoors, the water rushing in the distance, your park. I wanted to take you to the ocean but what with graduation and all…”

“No. This is perfect.”

“I wanted your birthday to be as special as mine.” He smiled.

It was clear now. He was fulfilling a guilty obligation to pay me back, which was completely unnecessary.  “Oh. You didn’t have to…I mean…I did that because…” I stopped and it was too late, the hurt, the ache was already back.
              His eyes studied mine again. “Do you want to eat?”

The appetite I had a minute ago diminished. “Yes. Let’s eat. Then you can get to your parties. I know there are parties,” I laughed.

He chuckled and dropped my hand as he reached into a sack shaking his head. “I’m not going to any parties.” He pulled containers from the sack. “I have Crab Alfredo and Spicy Crab Linguini.”

My two favorites. “Either is fine. They both sound great.”

I watched as he dished them out neatly and couldn’t help but notice the two wrapped gifts on the backside of the quilt. Obligatory gift?  I wondered if Jaycee knew he was here and how mad she would be.

Surprisingly, the pasta was hot and delicious and I wanted seconds but declined the offer. I’m sure he needed to go.
             

“Well, thank you,” I said when we finished eating. “Is Ryan picking me up?”

His eyes hung on my words. “No. I can take you some place if you need to go.”

“Whatever. I mean…I can call him or if it’s on your way.”

“On my way where?”

I rose to my feet and slid my sweater on. I was getting cold. “Zach. What you’ve done is more than enough to pay me back for your birthday. Most of the stuff was homemade and the food and stuff I ordered I had saved for. It’s really totally cool. You’re off the hook.”

He moved in faster than I expected grabbing my waist. His eyes seemed full of hurt. “Emma. You think I did this because of some silly obligation?”

Then I answered him with a blank expression. “Yes.”

“That’s ridiculous. We had a date tonight for the past eight months to celebrate your birthday and my graduation. I’m not letting anything get in the way of that.”

“But it’s OK. I don’t want to upset anyone else by us being together.”

He winced and his expression seemed pained. “Do you love him?”

“Who?” Didn’t he know who I loved?

“Austin.”

“Austin, who?”

He puckered his lips and lowered his brow giving me a look like I was clueless.

“I don’t know his last name. Your buddy from Cannon?”

“OH!” It hit me. AUSTIN. “Austin? Do I love him?” Why was he asking me that?

“I’m too late. You love him.” His words were soft and he wasn’t asking, he was telling me. But I didn’t love Austin. I just stared at Zach.

“I don’t understand what you’re getting at. I’m sorry. I’m not dumb but I’m not following you.”

He inhaled and exhaled before he spoke. “Emma. I know you’re not dumb and I wasn’t insinuating that. Are you and Austin a couple?”

“No. Why?”

He sighed. “You said you didn’t want to upset anyone by us being together and I assumed he would be upset that you were here with me. I saw you two together tonight.”

“I was talking about Jaycee.” Her name burned my tongue.

His back stiffened. “Jaycee. Why?”

I wasn’t sure I could say it. I thought of different ways to put it so that the tears wouldn’t come and nothing worked. “She’s your…girlfriend.” I bit my lip trying to distract myself and could taste a hint of blood in my mouth.

His look was one of repulsion. “Jaycee is not my girlfriend.”

“Well. I mean…whatever she is. I didn’t know the word. I’m sorry.”

He chuckled out loud. “She’s nothing,
Em. She’s nothing to me.”

“But you two…” I shook off the thought. “She was number eighteen. OH.” It hit me. It was just sex. “I got it. You two just…” I picked up the bottle of water and tried to wash down the food inching its way back up.

He grabbed my shoulders. “Emma!” He shouted, and it startled me. “I wasn’t with Jaycee.”

“Yes you were. The night of Grant’s party,” I reminded him.

He touched my face and I pulled away. “Baby. I wasn’t with her. I took her home as soon as we left…she was pissed… but I took her home.”

“But you said…”

“I know what I said. I’m sorry.” His eyes were sincere.

This didn’t make sense. They were a couple. He left with her. “You weren’t with her?”

“Never. Not even a kiss.”

I shook my head. I didn’t believe him. He
was
with her. She said. I couldn’t look at him. “But
she
said.”

The skin puckered between his brows. “She said what?”

I wasn’t sure I could tell him. Was it possible to be in shock without a tragic event? I swallowed. “She said you two were together. That I’d better stay away from you. They said that you needed a woman to meet your needs and that…” I couldn’t find the words to finish.