OffsideChanceFormat2 (28 page)

“Did
you just call me ‘Thor’?”

“If
the hammer fits.”

“Levi
is the only one gets to play with my hammer. But if you want to wear a boa hey,
go for it. If we’re going with an Avenger’s theme make sure it’s the green
one.”

Tracy
left Will standing in the kitchen trying to sort that out. “I am not a big
green monster.” Will heard laughing in reply. What was this, insult Will Slater
day?

Will
went to search for his keys and found them on the counter by his helmet. The
crumpled up paper lay on top of the trash. He took it out and hid it inside his
helmet. He’d call the numbers later.

Chapter
Sixteen

The
kiss played over and over in Jude’s mind, like a bad dream stuck on an infinity
loop. The one in which he tongue fucked a football player while using his dick
as a play toy. And god, he felt so fucking hung over. Too much booze. Too much
sex. Too much of everything. Was this what it was like in Slater’s world? One
drunken free for all after another? It seemed like it.

“You
look like death warmed over,” Jasmine observed, perched on the edge of the desk
Jude called his at the law clinic. She looked stunning in a hounds tooth skirt
that hugged her curves and a black wrap blouse, very professional yet somehow
slutty at the same time. “Late night last night?”

“You
could say that. Levi’s Super Bowl party turned retirement party turned
engagement party. They didn’t even go to the
fuc
… the
game and they still partied into the early morning.” He knew that little piece
of knowledge would not please her. Since that first party, she hinted at
getting another invitation, but he’d be damned if he was going to take a date
that was looking to add “cleat chaser” to her resume.

“If
you needed a date you could have called,” she said from her perch, almost
purring.

Jude
leaned back in his chair knowing exactly what the open collar at his throat
didn’t hide—the bruise Will left on his throat. He couldn’t even remember when
he’d done that.

“Thanks
for the offer, but I had it covered,” he replied as politely as possible.

“Oh,
well, I didn’t know you were seeing someone.” She fiddled with a file as she
shifted from one high heel to the other.

“I’m
not,” he defended. But that felt wrong somehow. “Not really. Maybe. I’m not
sure. I’m not really looking for anything long term right now.”

She
bit her lip, her gaze darting across the room to another desk. “I thought you
were. I’ve been talking you up to Kaitlyn.”

“I
heard. You told her I was okay in bed, but more importantly, you told her that
I could take her to a football party where she could hook up with the rookie
quarterback. For what it’s worth, he left the party with a couple of hot young
things closer to his age. He’s never even asked about you, Jasmine.”

“Why
are you so cruel? Is this because I wouldn’t sleep with you when you blew back
into town? We weren’t ever going to happen. I thought you knew that. It was
just sex, Jude.” She tried to hide it, but Jude saw her lip quiver. He hated
hurting her. He’d known back then that it was just sex.

“Do
you think I’ve been pining away for you these last few years? Really? You think
I’m so pathetic that you need to set me up with one of your friends? I’m not
cruel, Jasmine, I’m just tired of being used.”

“And
you’re not using me? You didn’t come begging me for a shot in my daddy’s firm?
I thought you were looking to start over. I thought you were looking to fast
track through to partner.” Angry now she went for what she thought was his
weakness. His career.

“Did
I ever say I wanted that? I told you I needed to work while I’m taking a couple
of classes, that I hate sitting around with nothing to do. Why do you think I’m
here volunteering at your daddy’s charity center? Did you think that I was so
desperate to prove myself that I’d take any bone you threw at me?” He said
softly trying not to call attention to their arguing.

“I
think that maybe this isn’t working out. You show up to work dressed like
you’re going to a football game. You are obviously hung over, with a seriously
bad attitude and a palpable lack of professionalism. The sex bites on your neck
are the final straw.” Jasmine obviously didn’t care who overheard their petty
spat.

“Fine.
I’m gone.” Jude pushed his chair back and stood up. Jasmine took a couple steps
back as if he was going to do something to her. He wasn’t. No need to sit
around here when he didn’t want to be here anymore than she wanted to have him
here.

The
bustle of the office stopped dead as his voice rang out. Every head turned to
see what new drama was brewing. He ignored their stunned silence as he put on
his coat and slung his messenger bag over his shoulder.

“I
hope she was worth your reputation, Jude,” Jasmine called after him.

He
stopped short of the door and turned back. “Who said it was a she?” And with
that, he left his former friend at a loss for words. About half way down the
block, he realized he’d just burned a very important bridge.

And
admitted in public that he might possibly be gay.

His
hands shook as he took out his phone. He needed to talk to someone.

About
walking out on his job.

About
that kiss.

About…
everything.

He
opened his messages and found his conversation with Levi. What he intended to
read as an invitation for a casual lunch ended up coming off as a plea for
help, he realized as he pushed “send.” Because he had no fucking clue what was
happening to him and right now he just needed…his brother.

Jude
asked Levi to meet him in the mall on the river so as to avoid the winter wind
and rain. Jude sat in the nearly deserted food court by the windows overlooking
the twin span and the river. Jude had a coffee and plate of beignets waiting
for Levi. Levi texted that he was parking and would be there soon.

He
sank heavily into the chair in the chair and rubbed his eyes. The contacts he’d
forgotten to remove the night before were bothering him, his vision going
blurry at times. People milled around—some waiting for food orders, some
holding seats, some just wandering over to the windows to watch the river
traffic.

The
time for the lunch crowd had long passed, and the after school crowd was still
a bit away. Mardi Gras wasn’t until next week. Jude couldn’t remember ever
being in this mall on such and such without it being packed. The man in a
football sweatshirt and winter cap seemed almost out of place with the older
ladies dressed in early spring colors or the occasional small child in rain
boots. As he walked Jude became aware that he was being watched by
an attractive man. One that seemed
interested. For a moment he felt a rush of warmth when he shouldn’t. Why not… the
figure drew closer and the gait became one he recognized.

 
    
“What
were you grinning at little brother?” Levi said as he fell into the seat across
from Jude, amusement clear in his eyes.

Jude
cleared his throat and reached for the coffee that was cooling rapidly. “Sometimes,
Levi, it’s like you really are a different person. You even walk differently
when you’re being Liv. Lighter, almost graceful. Maybe I’m getting used to the
surprise of Liv. Maybe it makes me happy to see you happy.”

“Or
you’re blind as a fucking bat and you were scoping out a hot guy. Stop blinking
and put your glasses on.” Levi tasted the coffee with a wrinkle of his nose at
its lukewarm temperature. “Thanks for the coffee. I left mine behind for your
SOS. So what’s up?”

“I
was not scoping you out. Jesus, Levi, I can recognize my own brother even with
fucked up contacts.”

“You
were scoping me out. And then you figured out you were scoping me out and
stopped scoping me out before you realized I am your brother. Admit it. You and
your bi-curious curiosity thought maybe for just a second.”

Levi’s
face wavered in front of him. Fucking contacts. He looked around and decided
just to go ahead and take care of it at the table. He swished a fingertip into
each eye and dragged the lenses out. “I don’t have my glasses with me.” He
wiped the two lenses into a napkin and wadded it up. They were ruined anyway.
“And no I wasn’t scoping you out…. maybe, I don’t know. I’m not bi-curious.”

“I’m
not going to argue with you. But whatever it is you’re not… you’ve got Slayer
being all domestic. It’s disconcerting, to say the least.” Levi removed his
sunglasses and hat then pulled out a chair to prop his feet on.

“How’s
the arm?” Jude had no interest in discussing his roommate at the moment. He
noticed Levi kept his right arm tucked in tight against his body and used his
left to drink with. “The cool thing about being your brother is that I can tell
when you’re hurting. So the handstand?”

“Wasn’t
my most genius moment, no. And yes I’m hurting. I can’t lift my arm today. But
it’s not as bad as this time last year.” Levi shrugged as if it was no big
deal. “Now what’s up? Why did you call me down here? Besides the three hundred
pound gorilla who is doing your shopping and laundry probably as we speak.”

Jude
tapped the table with a thumbnail. He tried to pretend it was all nothing. He’d
tried to pretend like he wasn’t falling apart when he was leaving pieces of
himself all along the river front. “I quit my job. Well, not my job-job, just
the volunteer thing I was doing. Jasmine and I came to a fork in the road I
guess you could say.”

“The
lovely woman you brought with you to the game a few weeks back?” Levi nodded as
if he remembered. “She was beautiful and way too sophisticated for you. Anyway,
I didn’t think you were serious about her.”

“I’m
not, wasn’t…haven’t even thought much about her in all these years. That’s the
problem. I don’t care about her or…I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Levi. God
help me, I hate my job.” He couldn’t stop his leg from shaking. Or make his
hands be still. His whole reason for being was slipping out of his grasp and he
didn’t care.

“So
that’s what this is all about? Why you left Alabama to go back to school for… what
were you going back for anyway? I thought it was because of me.”

Levi
fiddled with the lid to his coffee cup. He took it off and dumped a couple of
packets of sugar into the already sweet liquid. His gaze darted around the
court as more people came in and left without noticing the former NFL
quarterback in their midst.

“In
a way, you are the reason. Not because you did something or because you moved
home or because you are living openly with Tracy. But… you could have gone to
jail and it would have been my fault. I failed you. I’m ashamed of it. And I’m
ashamed to know the people who tried to railroad you. It was ugly politics and
a couple of crooked good old boys who wanted to make an example of you. They
didn’t give a shit if you were innocent. I can’t forget and I can’t live with
it.” He’d carried this anger for six months. “The girl’s grandfather told her
to shut up and say exactly what he told her to say. They were going to take you
for everything they could and watch you go to prison and the cops were going to
let it happen because her grandfather was a former cop.”

Levi
swiped a hand through his hair, making the strands stand up at odd angles. His
weaker hand shook. Jude had kept as much from him as he could, this was the
secret he’d been carrying all this time. “What did I ever do to them, Jude? I
went out and won football games. I kept my grades up. I worked hard. I never
messed with drugs or partying. I never messed with their daughters. I changed
everything about myself to fit in. What did I do wrong?”

“We
were born to a single mother. We lived in a trailer. We struggled to get out
and we succeeded. In a lot of cases, that’s all that matters. We left and
became outsiders. It pisses me off, Levi. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought
all of this up.”

“Are
you hungry? I’m hungry and not for doughnuts. Want a burger? I’ll buy.” Levi’s
eyes lost the light that made him Liv, and Jude watched Levi visibly close off
right in front of him. Levi slipped his glasses on, and just like that, the
mask was back. The same cold son of a bitch he’d been for most of Jude’s life
returned.

“I
could eat, I guess,” he said, but Levi was already across the food court
heading for the first fast food place he saw. Jude wasn’t hungry. He watched
Levi place the order, and the girl behind the register seemed a bit antsy. A
big guy wearing sunglasses and dressed in shabby clothes he guessed would make
anyone nervous.

Levi
was not a small guy. He wasn’t as big as Bowen Murphy or Tracy or even Will,
but he wasn’t a frail little skater punk either. Sometimes Jude forgot that,
especially lately with all of the football players he’d spent time with. Levi
and the Marine were actually small compared to the other three. So what did
that make Jude?

Jude
watched as Levi paid for the burgers and fries. The girl moved to return his
change, but he waved it off. The girl’s eyes went round at first, but he lifted
his glasses, and the whole crew had to stop what they were doing to come and
shake his hand. He held out his left one keeping the right one firmly planted
in the pocket of his sweatshirt. Jude had forgotten that he was hurting. But
Levi managed the laden tray with no problem. It wasn’t just Jude who was
ambidextrous he remembered as well. “Mother is right handed,” he said as Levi
set the tray on the table. “So how big was the tip?”