Of Windmills and War (43 page)

He
leaned over and threw open the passenger door for her. “Nathan. But no need to
apologize. These are difficult times.”

She
climbed up into the truck and closed the door. “Yes, they are most difficult.”
She looked down at her hand, still gripping the door handle, remembering the
last time she was in this vehicle. Hans had been seated where she now sat. The
memory of what happened not long after they’d watched Nathan drive away curled
in her stomach. She closed her eyes, finding it hard to breathe.

“Are
you all right?” he asked, touching her arm.

Her
eyes flew open, and she turned toward him. “Yes, I . . .” She
shook her head hard. “I’m sorry, yes. I’m all right. And I’m very glad to see
you. I’m afraid I’m a little exhausted. That’s all.”

He put
the truck in gear and they were on their way. “You’ll have to tell me where
we’re going. Helga told us you were transporting three Allied airmen and needed
to pick them up.”

Ten
minutes later, the men were loaded in the back and they were on their way.

“Nathan,
if we’re stopped, we’re all dead. The Germans won’t be fooled by a few blankets
thrown over the men back there.”

“I
know. That’s why we’re not going back to Helga’s.”

“What?
But she’s expecting me. I told her we’d return as soon as we could.”

“Anya,
you have to trust me. I sent word to Helga. She knows we’ve had a change of
plans.”

She
pulled her cap off, irritated. “What change of plans?”

“We
have passage for the men but we must get them to the coast today. With the
Allies making so much progress now, the Germans are desperate. We have reason
to believe the vessels leaving today may be among the last to get out until
it’s all over. There’s no time to lose.”

“How
can we possibly make it to the coast without being stopped? I’ve made these
deliveries, Nathan. I know how this works.”

“As
have I. But today, we will go a route that bypasses the roadblocks all
together.”

“Oh,
that’s original. That’s how we got in this mess in the first place. We took the
back roads and ran right into the heart of German mercenaries. No, turn this
truck around. We are not going through this again!”

He
spoke with confidence as he looked over at her. “Anya, you have to trust me.”

And
here I thought Nathan was a decent fellow. He’s just like the rest of them.
Bullheaded, stubborn, and—

“Last
week we sabotaged three roadblocks along this bypass route. The German guards
are in fact our own people. We’ve been able to monitor all their activities as
well as let our own people have safe passage through this area. We’ve got one
coming up. I’ll show you exactly what I’m talking about.”

And he
did. Much to Anya’s disbelief, they went through a routine roadblock much as
any other, except that these “German” soldiers were merely play acting the part.
This, Nathan told her, was done in case any Germans were coming through dressed
as civilians. With the Allies closing in, some of the German soldiers had laid
down their machine guns, changed out of their uniforms, and made an effort to
blend in rather than face arrest or worse. But even a deserter couldn’t be
trusted. So these Resistance workers acting as German soldiers went through the
motions, even checking the cargo portion of the truck without flinching.

“Everything
checks out. On your way, now,” the guard told Nathan in perfect German. Almost
in disbelief, Anya had watched the send-off exchange including a barely
imperceptible wink from the guard as they drove off.

She
leaned back in her seat. “If I had not seen it for myself, I would not believe
it.”

“You
have to admit it gives you pride to know your fellow countrymen—and women—have
far exceeded all our expectations when it comes to fighting our enemies.”

“I
suppose,” she said, letting her eyes close as fatigue and momentary relief washed
over her. “But many have paid the ultimate price as well.”

“Yes,
that is true. But we never give up. I love what that English chap, Prime
Minister Churchill said—‘Never give in! Never give in! Never, never, never,
never!’”

With
her eyes still closed, Anya mused at her driver’s rather perfect English accent
and optimism. And with that thought, she fell sound asleep.

59

04 April
1945

After
the third roadblock, Nathan pulled off the road to check on Danny, Charlie, and
Morrison. They’d been cramped in the back of the truck beneath some smelly
tarps and blankets for hours. As Charlie helped him down off the truck bed, Danny
winced at the annoying pain in his ankle, aggravated even more by their long
journey on foot to
Utrecht
.

“How’s
the ankle?” Anya asked.

Danny
hadn’t seen her standing on the other side of the truck. “Not worth discussing,
I’m afraid. How are you holding up?” he asked, taking a seat on the tailgate.

“Not
worth discussing.”

Her
eyes held the hint of a smile even if her mouth didn’t.

“How
much further to the coast?”

“Another
ten kilometers,” Nathan answered, joining them. “About half an hour at the rate
we’re going, but no more roadblocks.”

“How do
you bypass the Atlantic Wall?” Charlie asked.

“What’s
that?” Morrison asked.

“Hitler
knew the entire western coastline was vulnerable to attack,” Anya began, “so he
created the Atlantic Wall which is basically a system of fortifications that
stretches the entire length of that coastline. From
France
,
Belgium
, our
Netherlands
—all
the way up to the northern tip of
Norway
.”

Morrison
seemed perplexed. “You mean there’s an actual wall all along those coastlines?”

“Not a
literal wall,” Nathan answered, “but a series of fortifications. A good many of
them are concrete pill boxes housing machine guns and anti-aircraft artillery.
Some are right on the beach, others are more inland. Then there are the mines.”
Nathan shook his head. “Those scare me more than anything.”

“We’ve
lost three vessels to mines,” Anya added. “There must be thousands of them, and
not just on the beach. The most dangerous are the ones off shore.”

“No
disrespect, but isn’t there a safer way out of here without taking such a
risk?” Charlie asked.

Nathan
took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair before putting it back in
place. “I’m afraid we don’t have that luxury, Lieutenant. In fact, we need to
load up and get moving so we don’t miss our connection. Anya, make sure they’re
covered then come along.”

Morrison
climbed up in the truck bed. “So how can you be sure we don’t find one of those
mines?”

“You
just need to trust us,” Anya said as she started to help Charlie move Danny.

“Charlie,
give me a second, will you?” Danny asked.

“No
problem,” his friend answered.

Danny
grabbed Anya’s hand. “Please tell me we’ll have time to talk before we get on that
fishing boat?”

“I
cannot make such a promise, Danny. It is very dangerous there.”

“I
can’t just leave you like this, Anya. There’s still so much to be said.”

The
truck rumbled to life. Anya looked up at him. “We need to get you covered.” She
raised her voice and called out, “Charlie? We need to get you guys back under
the tarps.”

Danny
pulled her hand to his mouth and kissed the top of it. “This isn’t goodbye.”

He
could see the confusion in her eyes and wanted nothing more than to pull her
into his arms. But no sooner had the thought crossed his mind, than she pulled
her hand free.

“C’mon,
buddy, let’s get you hidden from the Krauts,” Charlie said.

Danny
wanted to scream. He was sick to death of all the hide and seek. Sick to death
of this despicable dance he and Anya were playing. And sick to death knowing
that once he boarded that boat, he might never see her again.

The
faintest whiff of salt air permeated their cover, causing the tension in
Danny’s gut to tighten even more. It wouldn’t be long now. When the truck
slowed then turned, he amended his thoughts, thinking they’d arrived sooner
than he expected. But the vehicle continued, the road—if it was a road—rutted
and bombed out, by the feel of it. With a squeal of brakes, it stopped.

They
heard muffled voices, then the slow dropping of the tailgate.

“We
arrived ahead of schedule, so we stop here to wait,” Nathan said, throwing the
tarps off them. “Here we have cover. On the beach, we are most vulnerable.”

“Okay
if we climb down and get some fresh air?” Morrison asked. “Those tarps really
stink.”

“Yes, I
know,” Nathan said with a broad smile. “Very nasty. But wait until you board
De
Roos.”

“De
what?”

“De
Roos.
Your transportation across the
North
Sea
.
A fishing trawler called
The Rose.
”

“How
much time do we have?” Danny asked as Charlie helped him to the tailgate again.

“Ten
minutes. Not a second more,” Nathan answered after checking his watch.

“Then
I’m going to ask a favor,” Danny said as he scooted to the edge of the
tailgate. “I need to speak to Anya. Privately.”

She had
just stepped into his line of vision as his request caught her by surprise.
“What?”

“You
heard me. Guys, if you’ll get lost for a few moments, I would really appreciate
it.”

Their
sheepish, knowing grins might have embarrassed him, but he had no time for
formalities. That was the problem—he had no time! They shuffled away in the
direction of the truck’s cab, leaving him alone with Anya.

“Would
you mind?” He held his hand to the spot beside him, hoping she’d join him.

“Danny,
what’s this all about?”

“Please,
just have a seat.”

She
hesitated. He could almost hear a ticking clock inside his mind, desperately
aware of the moments he had left with her. Finally, she hopped up beside him. “What
is it?”

He
stared at her, mentally memorizing every feature of her face, the exact color
of her hair, the shape of her eyes, and the mystery they held. He fought the
pounding of his heart to say what must be said. “Anya, I can’t believe it’s
come to this. I would give anything for it to be different, you know.”

“I
know,” she said softly. “But we have no choice.”

“Well,
it’s no secret how much I disagree with you on that particular subject, but I
won’t spend the valuable moments we have left arguing about it.”

She
turned to look at him and he saw the relief in her gaze. “Good. I couldn’t bear
it if you kept after me. Not now.”

He
reached for her hands, slipping the gloves off them, finger by finger. “I
understand. But that doesn’t mean I’m giving up on you.” He held her hands in
both of his. “And it doesn’t mean I’m giving up on
us
.”

He
could see the rise and fall of her chest beneath her coat as conflict troubled
her face. He reached for her chin and slowly turned her face toward him.

“Danny—”

“Anya,
I love you. And I have loved you for such a long time. All those
letters—sure, at first I just needed to keep a connection with you because I—well,
I just couldn’t believe Hans was gone. But even if I never admitted it to
myself, I knew it was more than that. I didn’t continue writing you letters
just because of Hans. I grew to love every one you sent, every word you wrote
to me.

“All
those years went by, and I never forgot you. I kept wondering if you’d
survived, if you were all right. Then all these years later—in the middle of a
war no less—I jumped out of my Fortress and landed in
Holland
. What
are the chances of such a thing? And for some inexplicable reason, before I
left home I grabbed that picture of you and your family and tucked it inside my
wallet. Why did I do that when we hadn’t exchanged letters in years?

“Then,
because I was rescued by members of the Dutch Resistance, your colleague found that
picture and notified you. These are not coincidences, Anya. That night you came
to the safe house cellar questioning me . . . when I realized it
was you, all I wanted to do was take you in my arms and keep you there forever.
I knew it then as I know it now—I love you, Anya. And I’ve never been so sure
about anything in my entire life than the simple fact that I love you.”

She
lowered her eyes and shook her head as if trying to dismiss such a thought. She
tried to speak and couldn’t.

He
wrapped her in his arms. “I’ve been such an idiot. I’ve wanted to tell you for
so long and here I’ve waited until the last possible moment.” He pulled back to
look into her eyes. “And the thing is . . . well, I may be blind
about some things, but I’m pretty sure you love me too.” He couldn’t have
stopped the wide smile on his face if he’d tried. Then, without a moment’s
hesitation he leaned down and touched her lips with his. He hadn’t thought
beyond this moment, but he knew there was no turning back now. He kissed her once,
then kissed her again.

At
first she held back. He knew she was warring with her emotions again. Why did
she always do that? Was it merely instinct? Or was it the same barrier she’d
tried so hard to hold up between them? Then he felt her begin to relax in his
arms and return his kisses. Her tears dampened his face and she clung to him,
her arms wrapped around his waist. Oh, to be anywhere but here—in the back of a
dirty truck in the middle of a country still occupied by Germans, within easy
earshot of three others.

She
slowed her kiss then looked up at him. “I’ve been so afraid, so scared of my
feelings for you.” She wiped at her cheeks. “I knew I couldn’t bear it if I
lost you, but I knew I would. Of course this day would come when I’d have to
watch you go. I knew it from the beginning. And it just all feels like some
cruel joke.”

He
pushed a strand of hair from her eyes. “But it
isn’t
a cruel joke. It’s
real. This isn’t goodbye, Anya. Even if you won’t come with me, it isn’t goodbye.
I will come back for you—”

“Don’t
be ridiculous. Don’t you understand? We have no assurances, no certainties. We
live from one moment to the next and nothing more.”

He put
his finger to her lips. “That’s the talk of someone exhausted from a long war.
That’s all it is. And we both know the war is about to end. All around us the
Allies are liberating one town after the next. It will all be over soon, and I
will come back for you.”

“How? Will
you just hop in one of your planes and fly over to get me?”

“Maybe?
Who’s to say? It doesn’t matter. Whatever it takes, I will come back for you.
Just tell me where I can find you. Where would you go if the war ended this
very day?”

She leaned
her head against his shoulder. “You’re such an optimist. As if everything
always goes the way you want it.”

“We
have to believe, Anya. We have to find hope, even when it seems hopeless. How
else would we have survived this long? Any of us?”

She
grew quiet and he prayed she was considering all he’d said. He had no idea how
he’d get back here or how he’d find her. But there wasn’t a trace of doubt that
he would.

“I’m
just so tired. I can’t think straight anymore. I wouldn’t begin to know how to
believe or hope about tomorrow when we have no guarantees for today.”

“Then
I’ll believe for you. I’ll hold on even if you can’t. We were meant to be
together, Anya. It’s so obvious. After all these years, we were meant to be.”

He
kissed her again, first on her forehead, then on the tip of her nose, then on
her trembling lips. She murmured something, pulling her arms free and cupping
his face in her hands. “I love you, too, Danny,” she whispered through her
tears. “I’ve just been too much of a coward to admit it.”

He held
her hands between his. “I had a feeling that was the problem, but I’m sure glad
to hear you say it. And all I’ve got to say is—it’s about time.”

“Lieutenant,
it’s time,” Nathan said after clearing his throat.