Obsession: Loving An Alpha Male (24 page)

Seven was a great looking, two–story restaurant, creating enough space for large groups and private parties. They had a great soft and dimly lit atmosphere that I loved. The food was great too, I might add, but I simply loved the ambiance. It was sexy and seductive to me. Josh and I came here at least once a week. He, of course, came here for the huge rib eye steak he ordered and the wine. I came here to experience the romantic side of Josh.

Can I tell you that this man is amazing to me? I know he loves me, and he tells me every chance he gets, but he has no problem with showing me too. I mean, I can feel how he loves me, desires me, and treasures me just by his touch or the look in his eyes. It’s not anything forced or trying. He doesn’t make me feel like I’m being needy or I’m draining him. Sometimes I feel like this on my own, and I try to separate myself from him. I’ll tell him I’m going home after work or tell him that I don’t need a ride home, but he never lets me fall through. He’s always there after I get off either job I’m working. And if I do go home to my apartment, he’s lying beside me every night.

It’s been hard to express to him how I feel. I’m hesitant, and my past makes me automatically feel this way. I can finally see light surfacing in my life, and I’m scared to death. I feel like I’m going to be consumed with darkness at some point, and I need to be ready. But Josh… He won’t let me dwell on my past. He holds so much promise, and happiness and life. I just want to let go. But I haven’t so far, and it’s killing me. Fear is taking over me, and I don’t know how I’m going to keep this man without being able to fix myself. It’s so unfair to him. I mean, this past month has been unbelievable. I don’t know where he wants to go with us, but I do know if I don’t figure out how to let go of my past and fears I could lose him.

What I’ve noticed this past week however is a change in him. I can tell he wants to talk about his job, which scares me. But it’s coming, and tonight, the fact that I just practically threw myself at him, and he didn’t bite tells me tonight will be the night we talk. I’m a little nervous, which is why I was trying to stall. The fact that he wants to go out to eat makes me think it’s going to be bad, and he wants me in public so I don’t cause a scene.

What I keep doing, however, is leaning on the fact that he loves me. He says he can’t live without me, so he wouldn’t end it. I just hope whatever it is it won’t be the end of us. I hope he’s not tired of waiting for me to open up to him. I don’t know what I would do without him.

So I went back into his room, or our room, which was what he wanted me to think of it as, showered as quick as I could, shaved and put on this soft and silky red dress that came to the middle of my thigh. There was nothing fancy about the shape of the dress or the way it was made, just the price. I frowned just thinking how much Josh spent on buying me clothes.

About a week or so ago I was wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a simple long sleeve contoured type t–shirt. Josh asked me if I had any more jeans like the ones I had on, or any more dresses like the green dress I wore to seduce him. I told him I didn’t, so one day when we were taking a drive along the city, he asked if he could take me shopping. Typically I would shop at the neighborhood thrift store and had been doing so since I was on the run. It was cheap, and you could find really good clothes from there. I hesitated but thought hell, if he wants to shower me with gifts, who am I to stop him? I mean, what girl would say no, right? So I guided him a few blocks from my house, and I had him park right in front of my favorite thrift store on 17
th
Street and E. Carson.

As I was getting out, Josh reached for my arm.

“What?” I asked him.

“Yeah um, where are you going?”

He looked at the building in front of us then back at me.

“In there.” I pointed to the store then looked back at him. “Why, what’s wrong?”

Josh shook his head, reached around me and closed my door. He pulled out of the parking space and got back on the road.

“What’s going on, Josh? I thought you wanted to go shopping?” I asked him.

Josh looked over at me. “Sweets, if I said I’m taking you shopping, we aren’t going to the thrift store.”

I started to protest, telling him he didn’t have to take me to some expensive store, but I kept my mouth shut. When we got to a light, he looked over at me, leaned in and kissed my cheek.

He said to me, “Trust me, baby, what I want to buy for you, we can’t get it from the thrift store.”

Again I wanted to argue that we could find anything and everything at the thrift store until I found out exactly what he wanted to buy. We found ourselves at Robinson Towne Center Mall, and by the end of the day, he had two hands full of bags, and I had a few myself. He bought me high top sneakers, sexy stilettos, that he so eloquently called ‘fuck me heels’ in front of the sales people, not to mention dresses, jeans and shirts.

We spent hours because he wanted to see me in mostly everything he picked out. He even tried this in Victoria’s Secret but was pissed he couldn’t go in the changing room with me. If we both agreed I looked good in an outfit, he would buy it. I had to say I had a ball that day, and this red dress was the product of that day.

The moment I walked out of his room wearing the said dress, red stilettos and red lip stick I had made an impression. I actually could see the impression through his pants when he shifted.

But I remembered how he shafted me, pun intended, earlier, so I simply grabbed my shawl and headed for the door, saying over my shoulder, “Let’s go, I’m starving.”

When I felt him behind me and, with his hands gliding up my arms, I melted into him a little. He lightly kissed my shoulders, and I moved my neck to the side so he could keep the trail of his kisses up to my soft spot behind my ear.

“You look beautiful, Sweets.” He breathed into my neck.

I closed my eyes and let the feeling of his closeness, his touch, send chills of ecstasy through my body.

“I love you, Kenya.”

I turned in his arms to face him.

I smiled softly and responded, “I know…”

Josh touched my face lightly with his index finger and traveled it along my jaw line to underneath my chin.

“Good. Don’t you ever forget it.”

We arrived at the restaurant, and the valet helped me out of the car as Josh walked around to take my hand. We were seated immediately, and while we waited to order, we talked about mundane things; how his day went at work, how mine was. I gave my two weeks’ notice to LeMonts, and today was my last day there. I didn’t want to quit mind you, but once I told Josh why we call my boss Mr. Creepy, it was either quit or watch that poor man get pulverized. Let me just say that I didn’t voluntarily give Josh the story on Mr. Creepy.

I’ve said before, if Josh only knew about my boss at LeMonts it wouldn’t go well. Well, the time came when it didn’t. Josh decided one day to come to get me early. He went to the bar of the restaurant and waited for me to get off. He witnessed Mr. Creepy first mentally grope and openly ogle one of the wait staff that works with me. Then unfortunately, he watched Mr. Creepy do the same with me, but Josh witnessed him grab himself and shift as he licked his lips. Needless to say, I have never witnessed Mr. Creepy act like that before. I mean, he’s looked at my cleavage before while I was talking to him, but that was the extent of it.

I was very thankful I got to Josh before Mr. Creepy met my very angry, very big, and very bad ass boyfriend. I had to talk Josh off the proverbial ledge, and he asked me to quit. Well, I take that back.

He actually said, “Sweets, if you don’t give that son of a bitch your two weeks’ notice, I will, and it won’t be pretty. I can assure you.”

So I did the right and logical thing: I quit.

I really didn’t need the second job. Hell to be quite honest, I didn’t need any job. The investments that I had could set me up for a few years before I needed to get another job, and since I seemed to have the knack for investments, I was sure I could make what I had work for me for my lifetime. I just enjoyed being around people. I’d been sheltered all my life, and now that I was free, I planned on enjoying every bit of time I had.

Dinner turned out to be fantastic as it always was. Josh ordered a huge steak, and I had the seafood sampler so Josh could eat off my plate too. He ordered a bottle of a two thousand and seven year old Cabernet Sauvignon with dinner that quickly jumped to two bottles. Our conversation never dulled and never grew old. We talked about everything, laughed at each other’s stories we told, and as always, became one with each other.

We showed mounds and mounds of PDA, public display of affection, and didn’t care who watched. It was tasteful I assure you, but I couldn’t say that for what was happening underneath the table…

Josh ordered a third bottle and dessert, and as soon as the waiter left with our wine bottle order Josh took my hand and laced his fingers through mine.

“So I spoke to my mom the other day.”

I groaned and put my head down. “She hates me.”

Josh laughed. “No, she doesn’t. She loves you.”

So I ended up meeting his mom via the phone one day. Josh was in the kitchen, and I was laying on his couch, mind you the most comfortable couch I have ever sat on, when his phone went off. He just asked me to answer it and didn’t care to know who was calling.

So when I answered the phone there was a slight hesitation from the caller, then I heard a very cautious but strong female voice on the other end say, “May I ask who is answering my son’s phone?”

I instantly heard the protectiveness in her voice, which made me almost pee in my pants.

I sat up quickly and said, “Oh my goodness. I’m sorry. This is Kenya, or I mean, I’m Kenya, Mrs. Cooper. Joshua asked me to answer his phone for him, and if you like, I can go and…”

The laughter I heard on the other end made me pause with confusion.

She said to me, which by the way floored me, “Oh no, sweetheart, it’s perfectly fine. I knew it couldn’t be anyone but the woman that captured my Leone’s heart. How are you my darling?”

Yeah see? Floored.

So she and I talked for at least a half hour, me stuttering during the whole conversation every time I learned how much Josh told her about me. Josh sat next to me amused the whole time I was talking to his mom.

I rolled my eyes but smiled.

I asked him, “How is she?”

He smiled at me. “She’s good… she asked about you, of course, and then cussed me out for not bringing you to see her yet.”

“She did?”

“Yup, so she has mandated that I bring you to see her and meet her officially, sooner rather than later so… How do you feel about taking a trip to DC next weekend?”

“Next weekend? So soon?” I couldn’t keep the panic from my voice as I spoke.

Josh brought my hand to his lips. “Sweets, baby, you have nothing to worry about. I keep telling you my mom loves you, and the rest of my family will love you too.”

I shook my head, still trying to calm my breathing down at just the mere thought of meeting his mom face to face.

“How do you know your mom loves me? I mean, we’ve only spoken one time, and I was a blubbering idiot. Can we maybe push the trip back? Let’s say a month or a year from now?”

I noticed a look cross over Josh’s face that instantly told me something wasn’t right. I frowned and was about to ask him what was wrong when we were joined by Josh’s co–worker, or fellow agent, Jacks, and the black–haired woman that he kicked out of his apartment.

I tell you right now, if looks could kill, we would have two dead bodies at our table, and those two bodies were actually Josh and I.

The woman, who I keep forgetting her name said with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes, “Aw… now this is adorable.”

She looked at me, then at Josh, and her smile turned sinister.

“So this is what you’ve been doing all this time while I was out there risking my life with no backup,” Jacks replied.

I looked wide–eyed at Josh with questions in my eyes, but he never looked at me.

He kept his eyes on both of our newcomers and said to me, “Sweets, you remember Jacks… And sitting beside him is Diane, or you may know her as Paula.”

I cleared my voice, hoping to sound less scared than I really was.

“Does she work for you too?” I asked him, meeting Diane’s gaze.

Feeling her judge me with her eyes was just as horrible as feeling Jacks undress me with his.

“No, she works for another agency. What the fuck are you doing here?” I heard Josh ask.

I was shocked at the venom that drenched his voice. I turned and saw one of the meanest looks I had ever seen coming from Josh, and it was directed at Jacks and most of all Diane.

Diane laughed. “Wow, you weren’t kidding. He can be mean.” She leaned into the table and kept her eyes on Josh’s. “He doesn’t scare me, though.”

Jacks scoffed, “Yeah well, you’re not as smart as you look, so it figures you’d say that.”

Diane looked at Jacks then set her eyes back on Josh. She seemed to be studying him, for what I didn’t know, but whatever she thought she would find behind those deadly eyes of his, she clearly didn’t.

Not taking his eyes off of the woman, Josh leaned into me. “I’ll be right back, Sweets.”

I touched his arm, and his eyes fell on mine. I did not want him to leave me with Jacks, he definitely creeped me out.

Josh leaned in and lightly kissed my cheek.

He said close to my ear, “Don’t worry, I’ll be back before they bring dessert, okay?”

Josh stood and walked around the table to pull out Diane’s chair. Diane, looking back at me, smiled conspiratorially and rose from her chair. I watched them disappear then my eyes fell on Jacks.

We kept eye contact for a very uncomfortable time before I broke the connection and reached for my semi full glass of wine, dessert please hurry up.

“So uh… what are you calling yourself these days, Summer or Kenya?”

My eyes narrowed. “Kenya.”

Jacks put his hands up in defense. “Whoa okay, I just wanted to make sure I called you by the correct name you’re currently using.”

Okay, so remember when I first met him, I thought he was sexy, and I can’t lie, he still was. He wore a pair of dark jeans and a hunter green and navy pullover shirt that showed he definitely had a body underneath, but his face, more importantly his eyes, had no warmth in them.

My eyes traveled in the direction Josh and Diane went.

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much, love. I’m sure whatever they had in the past is nothing compared to what you and Coop share now.”

I wouldn’t have taken what he said to heart if I felt he meant it. But I’d dealt with people like him all my life. I knew what this was, and I should be able to handle it, right?

I took a few deep breaths and looked at Jacks. “What do you want?”

Jacks feigned shock. “I’m sorry?”

I frowned and folded my arms in front of me. Jacks laughed, put his head down and shook it. When his eyes met mine again, I instantly felt a chill run through me, and I wanted nothing more than to have Josh come back this very moment.

“Why don’t you admit to yourself this is all too much?” I said nothing, so he continued. “I’m going to be straight with you because clearly my mate hasn’t been. This life is not for you. Our life is not for you. I can see and tell that you do not have the stomach for what we do.”

He moved his chair closer to me, and I instinctively moved my chair back from him.

He said, “The things we do is so far from what you can imagine and dream up. We aren’t heroes. This is not a movie where the good guys arrest bad guys, and everyone goes home at night. Our life is dark and dangerous and deadly, and what Josh doesn’t need is a fucking Pollyanna hanging around him. Some bloody rich little girl who thinks it’s a travesty that daddy cut her off from his credit cards.”

I narrowed my eyes but still kept tight lips closed. I could feel the anger boiling inside me, but I didn’t give this man the satisfaction. He could say all he wanted, but he didn’t know me or what Josh and I had. I had to keep telling myself…

“Josh needs to be focused, disciplined and dedicated to the cause. He can’t worry about what silly shit rich people worry about. I mean seriously, you ran away from home for what? Because you wanted to make it without daddy’s help? Because it was getting too much to handle living off your parents, you figured ‘let me find out how it feels to slum a little bit, show daddy a bit of something’, eh, love? Maybe have a low–life boyfriend just to show the parents a thing or two?”

I’d had enough and said, albeit softly, “You don’t know me.”

“Oh please, you are all alike; spoiled little rich girl who depends on daddy to do everything for you. You have the world handed to you on a gold spoon, and that’s never good enough. You throw it all away for the thrill of it. Well, I won’t let you take my mate down with you. He has a job to do, and you, Pollyanna, are keeping him from it.”

“No, I’m not,” I said defensively, and I really sounded like the very ‘girl’ that Jacks described.

“Huh, I’ve known Josh a lot longer than you have, and I know for a fact he would throw everything he has worked hard for, just for you. He’s done that shit before. If I’m lying, then why is he still here, taking you out to some bloody overpriced restaurant instead of preparing for the job we have to do in two weeks?”

Now he had my attention. I sat up straighter in my chair.

“What job?”

Jacks nodded. “Yeah, just what I thought.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. There were so many things running through my mind, I couldn’t get it all straight. The look of pure hatred was etched in Jacks’ face, and I tried to understand where he was coming from. I knew Josh was taking some time off from his job, but I had never asked him to. All I wanted him to do was tell me how he would keep me in the loop and stay safe when he was away.

But the more I thought about it, I guess I could have some blame placed on me. I told Josh that this wouldn’t work, and he told me he would do whatever it took to make it work. And I guess he did that, which of course pissed off his partners. I took a deep breath and was about to apologize to the asshole, but he had to open his big British mouth.

“Why don’t you just get your shit and run back home to daddy? This world is too big for you,” Jacks said as he leaned back in his chair, reached for my wine and put it to his mouth.

I, at the same time, leaned closer to him, waited until the glass was close to his mouth, and I tipped it, wasting the rest of the liquid all over his shirt. Childish I know, but I couldn’t throw it in his face like I wanted. The waiter came over at that time too and placed the cake and ice cream on the table, and I tilted that on his lap.

“You bitch…” he exclaimed loudly and stood.

I stood too, and we faced off.

“Let me get something clear really quickly. First and foremost, you are the biggest fucking asshole on this planet, and believe me, I have been around plenty. You know nothing about me or what I’ve been through, but you sit here and judge me off of some messed up experience you probably had while you were still sucking on your mother’s tits. Grow the hell up.”

I got that off of some movie, and well, I thought it fit in this scenario...um well, maybe not. Anyway, I poked at his wet chest and leaned in closer, not caring at all we were causing the very scene Josh was probably trying to avoid by bringing me here.

“You don’t have a clue what I feel for Josh, and I don’t have to tell you either. But I will not have you belittle what we have by throwing a temper tantrum because Josh won’t play with you. I’m not stopping him from doing anything. No one can, and if you knew him like you claim you do, you should know that too.”

I stepped back, kind of satisfied that I held my own, but I was still pissed, and my anger needed to now be directed at someone else.

I said, finally grabbing my things from around me, “I am fully aware of the importance of what he does, and I know how important it is to him. It’s a part of the man I fell for, and I have no desire to come between what he loves to do.”

I turned on my heels as quickly as I could and went in search of a restroom. I wasn’t as strong as I portrayed, as you well know, and I needed a place to escape to cry my eyes out, but I refused to let anyone, namely Jacks, see that he completely got to me. When I finally found my refuge, l locked myself in a stall, and I let the tears roll.