Obsession (Forbidden #2) (13 page)

‘Joey cared.’

I look at him. ‘Joey couldn’t give me what I needed at the time.’

‘Sex?’

‘Comfort.’

‘Joey didn’t comfort you?’

‘Not the way Kandi could.’

‘So, you
are
talking sex, then.’ Again, that wasn’t a question.

‘Yes, OK, sex came into it. What Simon did… he hadn’t stolen
everything
from me. I still craved closeness. I just didn’t want it from a man. The only men who touched me like that were the ones who paid for it.’ I stare deeper into his eyes, and I feel strangely calm, even though he’s making me remember memories I still don’t want to dredge up. My past is still something painful; something so full of regrets, and I really don’t want to go back there. He doesn’t know how dangerous it is, for me, to go back there too often. ‘And then came you.’

He drops his gaze again, and I once more turn my head to look out of the window.

‘She moved in with me and Joey… I suppose some people would have said we became a couple, but I never really saw it like that. I mean, we didn’t really do the kind of things couples do. We were escorts. Nothing about our life was normal or ordinary, but… she listened, when I needed to talk. Although, she never knew what Simon had really done to me. And she never
will
know.’

‘Why didn’t you tell her?’

I can feel his eyes on me now, and I turn to look at him. ‘Because I was trying to forget it had happened. He wasn’t going to invade my new life; he didn’t get to do that.’

He turns his head away, breaking the stare for just a second before he looks back at me. ‘All that girl-on-girl stuff… you and her used to offer that as a service, right?’

I nod, my eyes scanning his face for reasons why he feels the need to do this.

‘Was that happening before or after you guys…?’

‘After. She’d moved out by that time, had her own place…’

‘But you still missed her, huh?’

I hold his gaze, leaving a couple of beats before I say anything else. ‘We weren’t fucking in private anymore, but we still wanted to be together.’

‘So why not just carry on being a couple?’

‘I was messed-up, Neal. You didn’t know me back then. Ten years ago I was a fucking mess. I didn’t want a relationship, with a man
or
a woman. But I needed –
some
thing.’

‘And fucking for fun, for money – in front of men who jerk off while they watch…’

‘You didn’t seem to mind when we were fucking for
you
.’

He gets up, kicks his chair back and pulls me up out of my seat, slamming me back against the wall of glass, kissing me hard and I respond, because I’m so fucking turned-on. My legs are back around his hips, and he’s pushing inside me, and he’s taking me like he owns me; I’m not sure he would have stopped, even if I hadn’t been willing, and that terrifies me. He knows what I went through, how that affected me, and to think he would take me, without knowing if I wanted it, too… that terrifies me. But he can read me, he’s so good at that, and he knew, the second he kicked his chair back – he knew I wanted this, just as much as he does. And I think that terrifies me more – that he knows me so well, after such a short time. Is that why he has so much control over me already? Why I’m letting him
take
it?

‘I need you so much, Kira,’ he murmurs into my hair as he continues to fuck me, his thrusts so violent I’m being pushed back hard against the glass, but I don’t care. I don’t feel the pain. I just feel
him
. ‘I need you so much, baby.’

Yeah. He feels threatened. By Kandi? No. He shouldn’t feel that. There really is
 
no need. Kandi isn’t a threat. She never will be. I don’t want her, I want him. But something doesn’t feel the same, after last night. And I don’t know what it is, exactly. But something just doesn’t feel right.

Something’s beginning to penetrate our beautiful bubble.

Something I don’t understand?

Or something I’m trying to pretend doesn’t exist…

Fourteen

Neal

‘You’re gracing us with your presence today, then?’

I’m not really in the mood for my brother right now. I don’t even want to
be
here, but I’m trying to inject at least a modicum of normality into my world. Even if I don’t want it there.

‘She here with you?’

I turn to look at him, narrowing my eyes. ‘You not got something you need to be doing?’

‘Yeah.
Your fucking workload.’

‘Jesus, Barry, you go to lunch with clients in expensive restaurants, you visit art galleries, attend parties; travel the fucking world. It’s not like you’re doing shit you don’t
want
to do.’

‘You used to do all those things, too.’

‘Yeah, well, I don’t do so much of it these days, do I.’

‘You used to
like
doing all those things.’

‘And things have changed, Barry. Alright?’

I turn away and continue checking over a painting I’ve recently sourced for a client of ours in New Jersey.

‘You’re putting this business’ reputation on the line, Neal. You know that, don’t you?’

I don’t want to get into this. I’m really not in the mood.

‘That club, the fact your girlfriend’s a hooker…’

Jesus! I’m gonna fucking kill him!
 

‘Watch your mouth, Barry.’ He’s trying to get a rise out of me, I can tell. That’s why he’s pushing it; why he’s showing his ignorance and goading me.

‘You’re putting
our
reputation on the line, Neal. Everything we built up…’

‘Do you want me to leave the business? Huh? Is that what you want?’

‘What I
want
is for you to get your head back in the game and… Isn’t she out of your fucking system yet?’

Yeah. I’m not doing this.

‘Call Moira Franks for me, will you? Tell her this painting’s authentic. It’s the real deal. I can arrange to have it taken over to her tomorrow, or she can send someone here to collect it. Either way, that’s another happy client.’

‘And where are
you
going?’

‘The club. I’ve got a meeting with the managers.’

I start to walk away. I’ve only been here an hour and I’ve already had enough.

‘You know she’s got some kind of weird thing going on with her friend, don’t you?’

I stop dead, but I don’t turn around, not straight away.

‘Or is the fact she’s cheating on you with a woman not something that bothers you?’

Now I turn around, and the slight smirk on his face is something that makes my hackles rise. But I’ve got this. I’m not giving him what he wants. ‘You think I don’t know about that? Huh? You really think I don’t know that my girlfriend once had a relationship with a woman?’

He looks a bit confused now. Good. He doesn’t get to do this shit and think he’s won.

‘She isn’t cheating on me, Barry. I know all about her and Kandi. I know, OK? So whatever you’re trying to do here, forget it. It’s pointless. Because I already know.’ I move a little closer to him. If he wants shit I’ll give him shit. I’m right in the fucking mood. ‘And all that stuff they were doing up on that stage the other night… all that hot, girl-on-girl action that gets men’s dicks hard in a heartbeat – I get to see that in private, too. Have I not mentioned that? Did I not tell you what Kira got me for my birthday, huh?’ I smile and laugh because I’m enjoying this now. ‘She got me my own real-life wet dream, Barry. I got to see her and Kandi-Ann in all their naked glory, making out, right there in front of me. I got to see it all. And last night – do you know what happened last night?’ I move further into his space, because I’m wired now, I’m so fucking wired. ‘I had them both. Man, that was one hot freaking threesome.’

‘What the hell happened to you, Neal?’

His voice is low; quiet. Almost disbelieving. But I’m so over this; so over it all. ‘You know where I am, if you need me.’

But this world I once lived in, I can feel it moving further and further away from me with every day that passes.

And I really don’t think I care.

Kira

I made some excuse not to go to the gallery offices. I’m not in the mood for Barry. He’s just a reminder of how real-life gets in the way. I came here instead, to Bam-Bams, to see Joey. And as I walk into the club a feeling of déjà vu takes over – same club, different city. But it’s nice. It’s the only familiarity I have – Joey and Benni and this new branch of the Bam-Bams family. I need that more than anyone will ever know.

‘You OK, honey? You’re looking a bit lost.’

I glance up to see Fran standing there, and I have to blink a couple of times because I’ve only ever seen him without the make-up and the wigs once before. But as I look at him now, dressed in a simple outfit of jeans and a white T-shirt, his own hair short and dark and slightly curly, it strikes me what a handsome man he is. His skin’s the colour of milk chocolate, and his eyes are dark and almost brooding, something I haven’t noticed before because he usually wears green contacts. But I always knew he had killer cheekbones because he has a way of accentuating them with blusher that took me years to perfect, and without the make-up they’re still stunning. I’m verging on jealous.

‘No, I’m fine. Just a bit tired, that’s all. Didn’t sleep too well.’

‘Busy night last night, was it?’ He goes behind the bar and pours me a coffee.

‘Don’t know, actually. We didn’t stay until the end. We went home early.’

He hands me a mug and raises an eyebrow, but unlike Joey he doesn’t want details, and for that I’m grateful. I don’t think what happened last night needs to be shared.

‘Thanks for this.’ I smile and raise my mug to him before taking a small sip.

‘You’re welcome, angel. You looking for Joey?’

‘Is he here?’

‘He’s out back sorting the drinks order. I can go get him, if you like.’

I shake my head. ‘No. It’s OK. I’ll just hang out here, if that’s alright?’

‘Of course it is, honey. You stay as long as you like. Can I get you anything else?’

‘No, thanks, Fran. The coffee’s fine.’

He smiles and gently touches my shoulder before he heads over to the main stage where rehearsals are in full swing for tonight’s show. I take another sip of coffee and sit back and watch, losing myself in something fun and familiar. I should really go downstairs, but Neal’s probably still at the gallery so I’ll just stay here a little while longer. I like it here. Just like Bam-Bams was back in Newcastle, this place is like a haven for me. Somewhere I can escape. Except, I wasn’t supposed to be escaping here in Manhattan, was I? I was supposed to be starting my life again, I wasn’t supposed to be hiding. But maybe I’m just not meant to stop running. Maybe it’s something I’ve just got to get used to.

‘So, how’s Madam Blu today then?’

I swing around to see Joey, who’s looking surprisingly rock-star in black skinny jeans and an open-necked, zebra-print shirt. ‘Don’t call me that, Joey.’

He looks at me. ‘Why not? Oh, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know what goes on in your private sex den.’

‘And what’s with the outfit?’ I smile, looking him up and down. He’s even wearing biker boots.

He glances down at his shirt, then back up at me. ‘If it’s good enough for Steven Tyler… Blue Eyes not with you?’

‘He’s at the gallery.’

‘You didn’t want to go with him?’

I take another sip of coffee. ‘Can’t be arsed with his brother.’

‘I thought you were just going to ignore him.’

‘I am.’

‘So why are you here?’

‘Do you want me to go?’

He leans back against the bar and folds his arms. ‘What happened to you being his apprentice, then? Get bored of the art world so soon, huh?’

A corner of my mouth twists up into a smile. ‘I’m still his apprentice, Joey.’ I slide down from the stool and trace my fingertips along his cheek. ‘It’s just that the lessons he’s giving me now are about more than just art.’

‘It’s all about sex with you, isn’t it?’ he mock-sighs, but he knows sex is all I’ve known for the past decade. It’s been my world, my life. It’s what I do; it’s all I know.

‘Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you and Benni have turned into celibate bores now.’

‘Far from it, angel,’ he sniffs and then smiles as he waves at one of the performers on stage. ‘We just don’t broadcast our sex life for all and sundry to know about.’

I smirk, and run my fingers through my hair, shaking it out. ‘Have you seen Kandi today?’

He looks at me. ‘No. I haven’t. You two on again tonight, then?’

‘Don’t know, actually. I think there’s a meeting, once Neal gets here, to sort out some kind of rota for the next week.’

‘Rota? Dear God, she’s making this all sound normal.’

‘Everything still needs to be planned, Joey. We can’t just rely on whoever happens to turn up that night. Whatever you might think of that place, The Playroom is still a business, just like Bam-Bams.’

He leans over and gently kisses my cheek. ‘Everything OK with you and Blue Eyes?’

‘Everything’s fine.’

‘Do you want to answer that question again, only, this time tell me the truth?’

‘Everything’s fine, Joey. It’s just…’ I take a deep breath. ‘Neal – he knows.’

‘Knows what?’

‘About me and Kandi.’

‘You told him?’

‘He guessed. He saw us together, after we’d… on opening night…’

‘Saw you
together
?’ He narrows his eyes and I don’t know if I can be bothered with the lecture that’s going to follow this conversation. I’m starting to feel like a child who’s about to be chastised over some stupid little misdemeanour.

‘We were in his office, getting changed, and she…’ I throw my head back and sigh quietly. ‘She touched me. And I responded.’

‘Responded, how?’

‘We kissed.’

‘And he saw you?’

I nod. ‘And this morning, over breakfast…’

‘You two eat?’

He’s trying to lighten the mood, I can tell, but he’s concerned. I can tell that, too. ‘He asked me, if I still had feelings for her.’

‘And do you?’

‘No.’

‘You sure?’

‘I’m positive. I don’t need her like that, not anymore. I’m over all that shit – all those reasons why I turned to her in the first place. I’m over them. All of them.’

‘But she seems to be a habit you can’t break, angel. A ten year habit.’