Obesssion (7 page)

“
Um, I haven’t decided yet. Can you recommend anywhere local? I came up here on a whim.”

He settled into a swivel chair and opened a large desk diary, flicking through the pages and glancing up at my words.
“You might be in luck. Anita, my business partner, mentioned her parents had a cancellation this morning. They run a B&B up here. It’s a nice place. D’you want me to see if it’s still free?”

Even better, a chance to meet her parents and really uncover the truth about her marriage. At this rate, I’d be home again tomorrow.

3.7 Suki

I left Gabe in bed. Sneaking for an early shower, I then dressed rapidly in work clothes. The first suit that came to hand. Tiptoeing out of our dressing room, pausing only to collect my phone, I left a hastily scrawled Post-It note on the fridge.

Researching today, call me if you need me. Might be home late. S xx

I managed to hold myself together as I drove away, putting as much distance as I could between us before I eventually broke down in tears. I’d driven blindly up the M56 motorway, apparently heading for North Wales. My direction was unimportant. This had simply been the first junction I came to.

Pulling over to the side of the road, I parked on the hard shoulder to regain my composure. Lorries and commuter traffic thundered past me, the car rocking slightly with each vehicle. I needed my head together, otherwise I’d end up in a mangled heap.

Deep breaths. I had to cover my tracks. A text to Katy at work.

If anyone’s looking for me, pls tell them I’m researching today. Gabe might call. Thx, Suki

Another round of deep breaths. I dug out a tissue and wiped my eyes, blew my nose.

He’d treated me like a whore.

I stared out at the lorries, just feet from my car. If I stepped out, they wouldn’t be able to stop in time. It was tempting, for just a moment.

Another breath. The trembling started to recede.

He’d been normal when he came to bed, loving, kind and affectionate. He’d kissed me and screwed me again, but slowly this time, more gentle. He muttered my name when he came, then rolled over and snored.

Had I dreamed it all? Imagined the porn sex in his den?  Every one of Mum’s psychotic episodes was preceded with her having hallucinations. She’d accuse Dad of all sorts, none of which had happened. My heart rate sped up even further.

A stabbing pain fired in my temples and I massaged them with my fingertips, rubbing slow circles as I thought again about last night. It was real. I couldn’t have made up something like that. I groped in my handbag for the elderly packet of chewing gum I knew was there. It was a poor substitute for coffee, but it would have to do. I hadn’t wanted to stay at home a minute longer than necessary.

Back in traffic and heading west, away from Cheshire, I had a brilliant idea. Anita and Jon lived off the North Wales coast and she’d urged me to call in, if I was ever in the area. I’d go and visit them.

* * * *

Anita sounded delighted to hear from me. Of course I should call in. Did I have the address? How long would I be?

“I’m just, ah, coming across the bridge at the moment, onto Anglesey. How long will it take me?”

“
Oh, twenty minutes, tops. And that’s if you take the scenic route. Listen, I’m not at home at the moment. To save you hanging around, go to my mum’s next door. I’ll warn her. She’ll be fine with that, and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Her kind, friendly voice soothed my jagged nerves. I desperately needed something, I just wasn’t sure what. Maybe I’d find it here in this tranquil countryside. I found her mum’s sprawling guesthouse easily enough. It was only a short walk from a stretch of golden sand and surprisingly quiet for a summer’s day.

Before I knew it, I’d settled into a comfy swinging seat in the garden, dappled sunlight playing across me and a giant coffee by my side. Already I could feel the tension unwinding, the snags and kinks coming free, my spine straightening. I had a monster headache though, probably a result of lack of sleep and too much wine. As I slumped into the cushions and drifted to sleep, exhausted after my night with Gabe, I thought for a moment of the guy in the café. His quick, easy smile. His beautiful eyes. It seemed entirely natural to dream about him.

3.8 Josh

I paid scant attention while Nathan made a phone call to check about accommodation for me. In my head, I ran through the possibilities for the evidence I needed. I’d already filmed them together, but that wasn’t enough. Hearing her thoughts wasn’t something I was prepared to admit to. Seeing her with her husband would be a good starting point.

“That’s all arranged for you.” Nathan beamed at me. “Anita’s calling there as soon as she’s finished here. Why don’t you follow her in your car? It’s only fifteen minutes away.”

Perfect. I’d get another opportunity to speak to her and I booked a trek for the following morning, as an excuse to come back. Feeling pleased with myself for the ease with which this job was progressing, I turned round when I heard the office door opening, seeing the young girl I’d driven past earlier.

My assumptions were shattered.

“
Anita, this is Joe. He’s taking the cancellation at your mum’s. D’you mind if he follows you back?”

I tried not to gape. Close to, I could tell she was a little older than I first thought, but with her fresh, clean face she looked absurdly young. Brown eyes twinkled back at me, tiny dimples appearing in her smile. She reminded me fleetingly of the girl in the café.
Suki
.

“
Sure.” Anita’s eyes danced as she wagged a finger at Nathan. “Looks as though Beck’s getting broody. You sure it was a good idea asking her to look after Mindy?”

Nathan groaned as I mentally kicked myself. The blonde outside was Nathan’s girlfriend.
Duh!

“
It was only a few minutes.” He looked at Anita, a worried frown appearing.

“
Hey, I’m just calling it as I see it.” Her voice teased, a soft giggle at Nathan’s stricken face. “I’ll go and take my daughter back.” She smiled at me again. “Hi, I’m Anita Craigowan. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“
It’s Joe, Joe Summers. Pleased to meet you.” I liked to use different names for a change, especially here, well away from my usual haunts.

Anita took my outstretched hand with hesitation, her grip soft and tentative. Like the girl outside, her feelings were clear and her thoughts rested with Nathan. She worried about him. My spirits fell. Maybe there was a problem here after all.

“Are you ready to go?” She spoke politely, disengaging her hand and picking up a set of keys from the desk.

“
Sure.” I thanked Nathan and followed her outside, lingering while she took the baby, spoke to the blonde and then strapped her daughter into a sturdy car seat in the Jeep next to mine. I watched Nathan carefully, my eyes obscured by mirrored shades. He in turn stared at Beck, paying Anita no attention at all.

I experienced another unsettling bout of déjà vu as I followed Anita down the country lanes towards her parent’s home. Over another bridge, through a strangely familiar looking hamlet and along a breathtaking road winding past a series of sandy beaches. One house leapt out at me. Built from dark grey stone, the dilapidated mansion stood on a rocky outcrop, almost overhanging the sea. I half-expected to see movie cameras outside, busy making a vampire flick. But… I’d been here before. I
knew
this house.

Distracted, I lost my concentration and had to stop for a moment, swerving onto the wide grass verge, Anita pausing just up ahead. I gazed at the house, tried to dredge up another memory, but there was nothing. Just a shaft of pain piercing my temples. Shaking my head, I waved to Anita and followed her again, my mind still harking back to the grey mansion.

I checked into the guesthouse, not paying any attention as Anita murmured quietly with her mother, before turning back to me. “I might see you later. If not, I hope you enjoy your stay.” I could tell she was worrying about someone, but the stabbing pain in my head meant I couldn’t focus on her. I decided to get some fresh air and check out the garden.

A pretty cobbled path swooped away from the house, leading invitingly to a cluster of garden chairs and a padded swinging seat. As I approached, I froze. The pain in my head intensified as I stared in disbelief.

Suki-from-the-café. Sprawled on a pile of cushions, she could have been the Sleeping Beauty of the fairytale, if it weren’t for the tears rolling down her face and the little whimpering noises she made.

I stared entranced—and horrified. Even asleep, I could feel her emotions: sorrow, loneliness and overwhelming despair. My head pounded, the pain pulsing like red-hot pokers and I realised in a flash—I was feeling
her
pain. This was
her
headache.

How could this be? I felt emotions, not pain. But where, I suppose, did real and emotional pain overlap? It wasn’t exactly a question I could ask my doctor. Instead, I moved to her side, sinking to a crouch on the grass while I gently touched her arm.

Hold me. Please, hold me.

How could I refuse?

3.9 Suki

I had to be dreaming. The guy from the café had materialized in front of me—a hundred miles from home—holding his arms out to me.

“
Come here.” His voice was soft and tender, as though we were lovers. Hiccupping through my tears, I lurched into his embrace, resting my head against his chest. Instantly, my headache vanished. I sighed in relief. I wanted this dream more often.

“
You okay now?” One of his hands draped against my hip, the other caressed my hair, the fingers soothing against the back of my neck.

“
Yes. Now that you’re here.” I sighed again as I nestled against him, my eyelids drooping, heavy and tired. I had to speak to him before I lost the dream again. “Please don’t go.”

* * * *

When I finally opened my eyes, I could hear voices in the distance. Crap, how long had I been asleep? I rubbed my eyes, yawning, remembering the dream and realising my headache had gone. In the dream,
he
took it away. It had been so real. I’d felt the softness of his shirt beneath my fingertips, smelled his aftershave. I would swear it’d happened, but how could it?

And even if, by the miracle of coincidence, he’d really been here, there’s no way I’d
ever
snuggle up to a complete stranger. And he hadn’t seemed surprised either. The whole episode had the heavy, unreal quality of a dream.

I ran a hand though my hair as I gathered my thoughts, and tried to squash down the fear. I’d wondered if last night with Gabe was just a bad dream. Now this. My reality was merging with my dream world. How long did I have left before they blurred into one? The descent into full-blown psychosis had just taken another step forward.

CHAPTER
4

4.1 Josh

I stepped away to take a phone call, reluctant to leave Suki, but unwilling to wake her again. That’s if she had even been awake. A large part of me sensed she’d not actually been conscious of me, as though I were part of a dream. By the time I moved back around the corner, she was sitting upright, talking to Anita. Well, this was another surprise. An idea flared.

If I wanted to get to know Suki better, I could get access to her through Anita. Moving away quietly, I strolled through the garden, barely seeing my surroundings. Suki was just a girl I’d bumped into, why on earth should I feel the need to get to know her? She was
married
.

She’s unhappy
, muttered the devil on my shoulder.

Yeah, I replied, but not necessarily with her husband. She fell firmly into the category of
None Of My Business
.

But
, nagged my little devil,
what was all that business with the headache?
That had never happened before and it freaked me out, just a little. The moment I’d taken her into my arms, the point when she’d become conscious of me, the pain had shrunk to a single burning flame at the back of my head, before receding altogether. Weird.

All the same, once I reached the house, I turned around to retrace my steps, only to find she’d gone. Presumably with Anita.  A gentle rumble from my stomach reminded me I was hungry. Perhaps I’d go and explore the area and find a quiet café with a WiFi option.

I ended up, a couple of hours later, staring at the grey mansion again. Drawn to it, I sat in my car at the side of the road, on the same grass verge I’d claimed earlier. I’d taken some pictures for reference, God only knew why. When this job was complete, I’d be heading back to civilisation.

Back at the guesthouse, now teeming with holidaymakers, I booked myself in for the evening meal and tried to snag a few minutes with Anita’s mum, without success. I’d seen a sandy beach close by, so I went to investigate while I figured out what to do next. My mind drifted and I puzzled again over the grey mansion, already nicknamed Castle Greyskull in my mind, when I found my quarry already on the beach. With Suki. I hung back, pretending to admire the sweep of golden sand, guarded by towering cliffs at each end.

Suki didn’t look dressed for a beach walk. On closer inspection, she’d rolled up the legs of her smart trousers, a pair of shoes dangling from one hand. I settled on the nearest pile of rocks and pretended to admire the view, while instead, I watched the two women.

4.2 Gabe

While I didn’t expect Suki to hang around that morning, I was disappointed that she’d left so swiftly. I’d made her come an unprecedented three times in our shag-a-thon last night. I guess I’d hoped she might feel warm and snuggly towards me this morning. I yawned and stretched under the duvet, and contemplated the day ahead. If I knew she’d be out for a few hours, I’d risk getting her laptop looked at. Alan had recommended a good techie, a geek that could perform forensic-level data checking on her hard drive. Whatever that was. In particular, I hoped he’d be able to gain entry to the chatroom she used. Why the hell did she even go into chatrooms? Everyone knew they were just used for flirting and virtual sex. The prospect of her doing either made me go cold.

The Post-It note on the fridge gave me a moment’s pause… I’d just check with her office to make sure I wouldn’t be interrupted. Ringing the switchboard number, I asked for Julia. I knew she had a crush on me.

“
Hey, Julia. How are you?” I made my voice sound breezy and casual. “I’m trying to find Suki. She’s left her laptop here, but I’m sure she needed it today. Would you do me a favour and check her calendar? I can drop it round at the studio.”

Her flat, breathy voice grated on my ears.
“Hiya, Gabe.” She drew out the first word as though it had six syllables, instead of just two. “I’m really good, thanks. How are you?” I heard her fingernails tapping. “I’m just looking at her… Oh… that’s odd.”

I snapped to attention.
“What’s up?”

“
Oh, I thought she was having a day off today, there’s nothing in her calendar at all. Let me just check with the others.” Moments later, I heard the call being transferred to another number.

“
Hey Gabe, it’s Katy. You looking for Suki?”

Damn
. For some reason, Katy didn’t like my particular brand of charm. “Yeah, her phone’s switched off. Have you seen her?”

There was a brief but telling hesitation.
“Yes, she dropped in this morning on her way to do some background interviews. She’ll probably be out all day.”

I tried the laptop lie again, but Katy wasn’t buying it. She also couldn’t tell me where I could find my wife, apart from somewhere in the Manchester area, seeing a number of people.

I’d have to risk it.

Within the hour, I’d found the Geek and outlined my requirements to him. I wanted access to all her email accounts and chatrooms, all the passwords he could give me, a complete list of her browsing history over the past two months and a record of all the items she’d deleted from her hard drive.

He stared at me, frowning slightly, his eyes screwed up behind trendy glasses. He looked more as though he should be working in car sales. “It’ll take me a few hours. I might not get it finished today.”

Gritting my teeth, I inclined my head.
“I’ll pay double if you can finish it by three this afternoon.”

He favoured me with a feline smile.
“Done. I’ll give you a call when it’s ready.” As I turned to leave, he called me back. “I can throw in a logger as well, if you like.”

A logger? I had no idea. He hastened to explain.
“A keystroke logger. It records all the keystrokes and saves them to a hidden file. It means you can recreate any activity on the machine.” He paused, sounded nonchalant. “If you like, I can get it to mail itself to you, say on a daily basis? It’s really useful if you think someone’s tampering with her computer.”

Oh, yes. I would like that very much.

4.3 Suki

Anita nudged my elbow gently and smiled at me. The sun, still high in the sky, wouldn’t be setting until at least 8:00 p.m., possibly later. I wanted to leave in plenty of time to drive home in the daylight. With a start, I realised she’d just spoken.

“
It’s really nice to see you again. We don’t often have visitors here.”

“
Oh, why not?”

A shrug.
“Like you, we’re not home that much. But I hate the idea of the press knowing where we live. Unlike you, I’m not happy in front of the cameras.”

I had to smile.
“Well, technically, I’m the press. I’m a journalist.”

“
Yeah, but you’re also an F1-wife, which makes you a friend, rather than the enemy.”

We walked in silence for a few paces and I squidged my toes into the cool sand. It’d been ages since I’d walked on a beach, especially one as empty as this.
“Is it always this quiet here? I mean, it’s the middle of the summer holidays.”

“
It gets a little busier, but not much.” She paused, bending down to pick up a couple of stones, weighing them in her hands. I watched, curious. She gave me a brilliant smile, handing one of them to me. “Do you know how to skim them? Across the water?”

I stared at the small, flat stone on my palm.
“I don’t know. Show me.”

Stepping forwards to the low waves washing to the shore, Anita adopted a position with her weight on her back foot, ready to hurl the stone into the sea. As I watched, she threw it low and flat. It caught the water and lifted off again, skipping, once, twice, three times before sinking out of view. She turned back to me, laughing, holding her wayward hair back with one hand.
“Three jumps. That’s rubbish! A mutant dwarf could do better.”

With her help, I moved into the right position, swept back my arm and tossed the stone as far as I could. It spun as it arced through the air, splashing through a cresting wave, skipping just twice and then disappearing.
“Two jumps—not bad for a beginner.”

I turned back to smile and caught sight of someone at the edge of the beach. My heart nearly stopped.
Oh God
, this was bad, very bad.

Anita must have seen my panicked expression for she frowned and stepped forward, touching my arm. I had instinctively wrapped them both tight around my body.
“Suki? What’s the matter?”

I looked up again, away from her. He’d gone. Oh,
Jesus.
I was hallucinating in broad daylight now. I felt faint. My knees buckled.

“
Suki?” Anita grabbed my hands. “
Suki
? Are you alright? You look as though you’ve seen a ghost. What the hell’s the matter?”

“
I need to sit down.” My voice quavered, I felt dangerously close to tears.
How could I see him here?
I’d dreamed him earlier, he couldn’t
be
here. Anita led me to a cluster of rocks, guiding me to sit down and pushing my head low. Blood pounded in my temples. I could hear it over the noise of the sea, louder than the gulls squawking overhead. I closed my eyes, and forced myself to breathe. I would not cry. I would
not
give in to this. It was a struggle to draw air into my lungs, my chest grew tighter with each frantic jolt of my heart.

Dimly, in the distance, I could hear Anita speaking. She must be on the phone.
Please, God.
Don’t let her call Gabe
. He was the last person I wanted to know about my breakdown. Struggling with a sudden wave of nausea, I lifted my head and saw Anita talking to someone out of my range of vision. It was no use. I stared at the sand, focused on the tiny swirls, my footprints, a stray feather. Anything to keep my mind calm. A full-blown panic attack was merely seconds away.

A hand on my shoulder. A deep male voice.
“Are you okay?” I shifted my gaze to the right, stared at the patterned leather cowboy boots next to my bare feet, and the faded denim reaching almost to the sand. Slowly, painfully, I lifted my head, my eyes travelling up a long leg, over a flat stomach and up to a now familiar face. I swallowed and licked my lips, unsure how to proceed. Dark blue eyes met mine. He looked worried. As I blinked back tears, he swivelled to face Anita and spoke to her.

She answered. He spoke again.

Reality slammed home with a force that made me giddy with relief.
I’m not hallucinating.
God knows how, but he was
here
—
really
here. I wanted to tug Anita’s sleeve, and ask her if she could see him as well. But that was stupid—of course she could. I swallowed, fought back a guffaw. The last thing I needed right now was a burst of hysterical laughter, but
God
.

Anita crouched next to me, taking my face in her hands.
“I’m going to fetch Jon. You stay here with Mr. Summers. Okay?”

I nodded, it was easier than speaking. She ran away, sprinting over the sand, heading back to her house.

Mr. Summers. As a name it suited him; he looked like the summer. The breeze ruffled his hair, his skin glowed. I felt sure that if I kissed him, he’d taste like the sea—and where the hell had
that
thought come from? Finally taking a deep breath, my chest strangely loose again, I put my fractured thoughts in order. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

He cocked his head slightly to one side, and sat on the sand next to me, sprawling with his legs stretched out.
“What are you sorry for? Did you faint? You’re very pale.”

I thought I’d imagined you
. Yeah, that would’ve been a really clever thing to say. Instead, I ran my hands through my hair and straightened my back. “I feel really silly. I didn’t get much sleep last night and I just felt a little faint. Poor Anita is probably panicking and there’s no need. Would you be able to call her back?”

He craned his head while I tried not to stare at him. I felt as though I’d conjured him out of thin air. And if he was here,
oh God
, I’d actually seen him earlier, too. I wanted to crawl under the rocks in humiliation. Had I really cried on his shirt? Embarrassing didn’t begin to cover it.

Right now I wanted to run as far away from this delicious man as possible.

4.4 Gabe

I worked through Suki’s desk, sifting with care through every drawer and file, searching for credit card and bank statements and phone bills. Apart from the unsteady pile of clippings and documents on the top, her paperwork was neat to the point of being anal.

Even her receipts file looked innocent. Stationery. More books. The receipts from my last two birthday and Christmas presents, her most recent iPod and phone. I sighed, partly in relief. I didn’t want to believe she’d been cheating on me, not Suki. Elvira’s infidelity had been bad enough. I really didn’t think I could cope if Suki did the same. Dad’s advice to choose a virgin bride-to-be had been sound. Suki had relied on me for her entire knowledge about sex. In the same way I’d introduced her to the delights of Russian vodka, I’d painstakingly tutored her between the sheets. Indeed, she wouldn’t be able to speak so knowledgeably on her show if it wasn’t for my guidance.