Oathbreaker (12 page)

Vali looked at me like he was truly seeing me for the first time. He cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes before nodding slowly. “Sabine,” he said softly. “I haven’t seen him like this since Sabine died.”

I felt a shiver go down my spine. Why was I always hearing about Sabine? She’d obviously been important to Odin but what did she have to do with me? I just felt a strange attraction to Odin. It happens. I was also in love with Trevor, so my attraction to Odin was moot; nothing was going to come of it. And why did that thought depress me? What the hell was wrong with me lately? I wasn't like this. I was not that girl who couldn't be faithful. I have no problem being with just one guy, and who wouldn't be completely happy with Trevor?

“
You knew Sabine too?” I was getting a little curious about her.

“
She was an amazing woman,” Vali patted his father’s knee. “We were blessed to have had her for as long as we did.”

“
Yes,” Odin smiled sadly and looked at me. “But I’d give anything to have her back. Even if she wasn’t mine, just to be around her would be enough for me.”

He was staring at me so intently, I felt like a response was required. I fumbled for something sympathetic to say but when I spoke, the words poured out of me like they’d just been waiting in the back of my mouth.

“Everything returns,” I felt my skin tingle, my body settling into a relaxed, trance-like state. “We make the journey around the circle until the end is just another beginning.”

Odin’s one eye filled with tears and he swallowed hard. “Sabine said that to me just before she died,” the tears spilled over and fell down his cheek. “She said those words
exactly
, Vervain. She told me not to cry for her, that we’d meet again.”

I frowned for a second before everything suddenly clicked into place. The cards, the strange attraction, and the way he stared at me as if he knew every secret of my soul. How dense was I? He started to reach for me and I jerked up to a standing position, almost falling right back down again.

“Vervain,” he started to stand as well.

“
No,” I backed away, shaking my head. “I’m not Sabine. I’m
not
her, Odin. Don’t make me into your dead wife. I’m sorry she’s gone and I’m sorry you still mourn her but I’m
not
her. Just because I’m a witch and I remind you of her, doesn’t mean I’m Sabine reincarnated or something. Hell, I’m not even sure I believe in reincarnation. This is fucking crazy!”

I turned, grabbing up the bit for my horse from the ground. I forced myself to walk calmly to the mare and put in the bit. I refused to run; I wasn’t going to add to this insanity. Odin’s heavy footsteps sounded behind me as I swung into the saddle.

“Vervain,” he reached for the bridle but I angled the horse’s head away. “Please, we can talk about this.”

“
Later, I can't do this right now.” I nudged the horse’s flanks and we sped off back toward Valaskjάlf.

I don’t even remember the journey back. It was a good thing the horse knew the way or I would’ve got myself hopelessly lost. Lost in Asgard, that would have been perfect. As it was, the trees became a blur through the veil of my tears and it was all I could do to hold on.

I didn’t even know why I was crying. I guess I was scared mostly and that was one emotion I hated giving in to. So I clung to the horse and let the wind pull the tears away, trying desperately to ignore my fear that Odin may be right, that I
was
Sabine, and the smaller fear that he was wrong. I closed my eyes tight and tried my best to not go insane.

Of all the things I'd been through on this crazy path I'd chosen, this better not be the one that broke the Godhunter's back. I'd been nearly sacrificed to Ku, whipped by the Goddess of Love, bit and possessed by the Vampire God, chewed and clawed by four werewolves(one of which I was currently in love with), challenged by the Wolf God, nearly turned into a vampire, abducted by Loki, sliced by Sif, betrayed by Thor, misled by Demeter, thrown to the lions by Nyavirezi, almost consumed by my own magic, and bit again by Blue. Oh and healed too many times to count by Teharon. I couldn't let a little thing like the possibility of me being Odin's dead wife, throw me for a loop.

When I finally arrived back at Valaskjάlf, amazingly in one piece, I handed my mare over to one of the grooms and rushed into the Hall. I went straight to my bedroom and started packing. I was about ready to go when Odin walked in.

Panic shot through me, hot needles of anxiety dancing down my arms. I needed to get away from him. I needed to get away from Valaskjάlf, the place perpetuated craziness. What if he pulled a Blue and tried to keep me there? I really didn't want to fight Odin.

“You don’t have to leave,” his voice was a whisper of sound.

“
Yes, I do,” I faced him reluctantly. “This is too much, I need some space, somewhere to feel safe so I can think this through. I need to go home.”

“
I never said you were Sabine.”

“
You didn’t have to,” I shook my head. “Are you going to deny it’s what you believe?”

Odin sighed deeply, his whole body shaking with it, “No. I can feel her in you.”

“I’m not Sabine,” I sank to my knees and covered my face with my hands.

“
No, you’re not,” Odin knelt before me and pulled my hands down. “You’re Vervain Lavine; witch, Godhunter, Tima of the Intare, and Rouva of the Froekn. There are many parts that make up your whole and I believe that Sabine’s spirit is one of them. She lives in you. You are not her exactly but she
is
inside you. I don’t know what to label it, if it’s reincarnation or if it’s genetic memory. Whatever it is, I do know that you have my wife inside you. She’s so strong within you that even Vali recognized her. Take all the time you want, I don’t want you to feel pressured by me. I already told you, I just want to be able to be near you, spend some time with you. It’s enough for me to know that she lives again.”

“
I don’t know,” I stood back up. “The witch in me says anything is possible but the woman in me is having a little trouble with it.”

“
Go home then,” Odin swallowed hard. “Take some time to think but remember, I need you here. Don’t abandon me, Vervain, please.”

“
I won’t,” I tried to smile at him reassuringly but I’m pretty sure it fell short.

Odin nodded and stood up to escort me to Valaskjάlf’s tracing room. As we walked through his home, little things started to seem more familiar, to give me a sort of d
éjà vu. I had to make an effort to control my breathing, it was starting to come faster and I didn't want to hyperventilate in front of Odin.

We made it to the room without incident though and he gave me the chant that I could use to bring me back to that room instead of Valhalla’s. I nodded and started to speak the chant that would take me home. Just before I was swept into the Aether, I heard Odin say one last thing.

“Welcome back to the beginning.”

Chapter Ten

Trevor was watching TV with Nick and Kirill when I traced in. He leaped up in surprise, earning a disgruntled hiss from Nick. Kirill just raised an eyebrow at me, ever the cool cat. I smiled and dropped my bags so I could give Nick a good rub.

“
So you found all the traitors?” Trevor hugged me tight and rubbed his face against mine. “They didn’t stand a chance against my Lady Huntress.”

“
No, I had some problems,” I inhaled his spicy scent and sighed. I was home. This was real, Trevor and I, his arms around me while we stood in our home. This wasn’t some make believe world where women reincarnated and gods loved them so much, they mourned for centuries.

“
Do you have to go back?” Trevor was already carrying me down the hallway toward the bedroom.

“
Hi, Kirill,” I said over Trevor's shoulder. “How are you?”

“
I'm fine, Tima,” he laughed a little, which for Kirill was the equivalent of a belly chortle. “Go enjoy your mate, I'll watch TV with Nick.”

“
I'll talk with you later,” I called as Trevor closed the bedroom door.

“
You haven't answered,” Trevor put me down and looked me in the eyes.

“
I should. Go back, that is.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling the tension in his muscles and knowing it mirrored my own. I felt like I’d been gone months, surrounded by strangers and far away from home.

“
What happened?” He sat on the edge of the bed, keeping his hands around my waist.

“
I’ll explain in bed,” I kissed him gently, feeling the wolf rise up within me to greet him. “I just really need to be in bed with you right now.”

“
Okay, Minn Elska,” he turned, switching positions with me, so that I was on the edge of the bed as he stripped. Slowly, tantalizingly, he undressed me too, then pulled back the covers so we could climb in. The hum of the air conditioner lulled the tension from me and I relaxed into Trevor.

“
Odin thinks I’m his dead wife reincarnated,” I whispered.

“
I’m sorry… what?” Trevor pulled back sharply.

“
He thinks I’m Sabine,” I looked up at him and shook my head. “Things are so strange between us that he’s actually got me wondering if he’s right.”

“
What the hell has been going on over there?” He pushed my hair back, to look at my face. “You’re Vervain, and there’s no such thing as reincarnation.”

“
Are you sure?”

“
Vervain, you’ve seen the spirits of the dead walking through Valhalla.”

I digested that carefully. “But Odin’s fallen Vikings are bound to him from life. Maybe they don’t reincarnate because he doesn’t allow them to move on.”

“Maybe,” Trevor frowned. “Do you
want
to believe it?”

“
Of course not,” I bit my lip. “It’s just that I feel and do the strangest things around him. You know about Sabine’s tarot deck that he gave me for Yule but what I didn’t tell you, was when I read them for him I called him
sweet raven
.  It just seemed natural. He looked at me with such complete shock at the time but I just figured I’d read somewhere that he shifts into a raven, so I must’ve subconsciously made the connection.”

Trevor’s jaw clenched. “What else?”

“I’ve had visions of him before he gave up his eye.”

“
You’ve seen Odin whole?” He sat up. “He hasn’t been whole since…”

“
Since Sabine?” I felt my heart start pounding rapidly. “Is this crazy? I say strange things around him and I feel…”

“
What do you feel?” Trevor searched my eyes frantically. “Do you care for him?
Love
him?”

“
I don’t know,” I whispered. “I feel attracted to him. It doesn’t matter, even if it’s true, even if I am Sabine or I have a piece of her inside me, or whatever, I love
you
, nothing changes that.”

A shudder went through his body and he dragged me hard against him. I settled against his chest and felt the part of him that lived inside me, rise up to snuggle too. Everything was clear when Trevor held me. I didn’t want anyone else; I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I just wanted this; the strong beat of his Froekn heart beneath my ear, the spicy musk of him in my nose, and his thick arms around me. This was heaven.

Then a picture of Odin’s naked body above mine, flashed through my head and I flinched. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed away the intrusion but part of me whispered that a love that could outlast death was a rare gift.

Well, what about my werewolf love, wasn’t that a rare gift too? I couldn’t make the choice because either way I’d lose, so my only option was to stick with Trevor. Trevor needed me; there really wasn’t a choice to be made when I thought about that. Yet some part of me clenched in pain and withered at my decision.

“It was Odin,” Trevor whispered into my hair.

“
What was, honey-eyes?”

“
The man in my nightmares,” he swallowed hard and met my eyes. “The man that said you loved him first. It must have been Odin.”

I shivered as I remembered his nightmares. It was all too much to be coincidental. I was never one for self delusion, it got you nowhere. So I faced the fact that there was some truth to Odin’s claims. Sabine’s cards had been filled with a magic that recognized me and welcomed me. That alone was some heavy proof for me. Magical tools know their users and that tool in particular had been warded. Wards which had dropped in submission to me. I’d pushed aside the strangeness before but I couldn’t keep denying it in light of everything else.