nowhere (23 page)

“What class do you have now?” Tyler asked.

“Economics.”

“Me too,” he answered. I was relieved that he did most of the talking, complaining that the teacher from his last class assigned homework on the first day.

As we entered Economics, the teacher announced, “Come in and sit down. It doesn’t matter where, because I have a seating chart. Alphabetical order.”  He waved a paper around in the air for everyone to see while grumbles erupted. It didn’t matter to me where I sat, because James wasn’t in this class. I wouldn’t be seeing him until next period. 

The teacher didn’t waste time. “Welcome to Economics. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Mr. John. When I call your name, please move to the seat I assign you.”

I tuned out as he called out the names until I heard my own. He pointed to an empty desk in the back row.
Ugh!
I thought as I sat down next to Casey, having no choice in the matter.

“Hi Mike.” Casey grinned. “How are you feeling? I haven’t seen you since you walked into the boys’ locker room. I heard you ended up in the hospital that day.”

“Yeah, I had my appendix removed.” I didn’t elaborate. I still didn’t trust this guy.

“Really? Wow, you look great.” I felt his eyes roam over me. I shivered in disgust. Casey didn’t seem to notice my discomfort. “As a matter of fact, you’re even hotter than I remembered. You have great legs. You should be on the cheerleading squad.” He nodded his head in approval.

“No, thanks. I leave that to Emma. Aren’t the two of you an item?” I reminded him, wanting to switch his focus from me to her.

“Well, yeah, but, there’s enough of me to go around.”

“You’re gross.” I gave Casey a piercing look and turned around to face the teacher who’d finished assigning seats and was ready to begin.

Once again class dragged by. Each minute felt like an hour. The only thing that got me through was the fact that James was in my next class. When it was finally over, I gathered my things and left quickly, ignoring Casey when he called after me. Still no sign of James at his locker. I headed to English with the bell ringing. Panicking, I decided if he didn’t show up by lunch, I was going to ditch school to find him. Something was wrong.

There were only two empty seats left by the time I got to class. I chose the one in the back, next to a girl I recognized from my art class. She smiled as I took my seat.

I saw Casey sitting two rows over. He winked at me and grabbed his crotch. He was the most foul human being I’d ever met. I sure hope Emma knew what she was doing with this creep.

Seconds later, I was flooded with relief when James walked in. He took the last empty seat in the front row, on the opposite side of the room from where I was sitting.
Oh well, we’ll be sitting next to each other as soon as the teacher pulls out the alphabetical seating chart
.

“Good morning class,” the teacher said, clearing her throat. “I’m Mrs. Allen. Welcome to your senior year of English. I believe that you are now old enough to choose your own seats.  I assume that when you came into the room that you sat down next to one of your friends. You may keep that seat, unless of course you can’t handle that, at which point I’ll find a new one for you. Everyone understand?”

The room filled with cries of joy. Everyone was happy, but me.
Really?
I wanted to scream out loud. So far I was off to a terrible start at Railroad Mills High. First James hadn’t been in the parking lot like we planned. Then I got hit on all last period by Casey the perv, and now this. James had finally showed up and he hadn’t even acknowledged me, like he’d forgotten that I existed.

Mrs. Allen continued to talk, “We’ll be busy in here this year. We will complete assignments as a whole group, with partners, and independently. The first assignment is a partner activity. You will interview the person sitting next to you and then report back to the class. It’s an opportunity to get to know each other better while working on effective communication skills.  Take a copy of the questionnaire and then pass the rest back. Get started as soon as you have one.” 

I watched as James focused all his attention on the bubbly brunette wearing lots of eyeliner sitting next to him. I glared angrily at them, thinking about my next move, until the girl next to me tapped me on the arm. 

“Mike, is it? I’m Gina Jo.” She stuck her hand out and I shook it. “Do you want to be my partner for this assignment?”

“Sure. That would be great,” I responded, trying to forget about James for the moment. I would have to wait until class was over to ask him what was going on.

“They’re both jerks.” She nodded her head at James and the brunette. “Marilyn is one of the biggest sluts in the school. I’ve heard that she’s slept with every guy on the football team.”  My eyes opened wide, encouraging her to go on. “And Dooner, he’s more an enigma. But he is among the popular crowd.” She said it like it was a bad thing. 

I didn’t tell her that he was supposed to be my boyfriend. Instead I carefully probed her for information. “What do you mean he’s an enigma?”

“He’s cute, he’s smart, but for the most part he keeps to himself. He thinks he’s better than everyone else.” She rolled her eyes. “Girls are always hanging on his every word. As far as I know though, he’s never had a girlfriend.” This made me smile until she added, “Liz, the cheerleading captain, is always trying to sink her claws into him.” She leaned in closer and whispered, “I heard that they even hooked up once.”

I couldn’t keep the surprise out of my voice as I said, “You mean Liz, as in Tyler’s girlfriend?” I just couldn’t picture it.

“Oh, yeah, I’m sorry. I forgot he’s your cousin.” She turned red. “I didn’t mean to be spreading rumors.”

“That’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” I waved it off like it was no big deal. “When did Tyler and Liz start going out? I can’t remember what he told me.”

She shrugged. “Over the summer, I think. I didn’t even know they were a couple until I saw them making out at the lockers this morning.”

I had to wait until class was over to talk to James. When the bell rang, I was surprised to see him waiting for me at the door. Maybe I was overreacting to Gina Jo’s comments and the fact that I hadn’t spoken to him yet. He looked so handsome, standing there with his hair tousled and his book tucked casually under his arm. I let out a sigh. He deserved to be able to explain himself before I jumped to conclusions. A smile spread across my face. I must not let my imagination get so carried away next time. 

“Hi Mikayla,” James said quietly. His eyes were a cloudy greenish grey.
Something is wrong. 

“Hi,” I said nervously. Nothing about this felt right. I was scared to think what it could be.

Leading me down the hall, he said, “We need to talk.” His face was hard. There was no trace of the boy I’d proclaimed my love to only twenty-four hours ago. I barely recognized the person standing next to me. “Let’s go somewhere more private.” There was a lot of noise in the hall. Everyone was getting ready to go to lunch.

“No, whatever you have to say to me, you can say it here.” I knew if we left the crowded hall it would be worse. I knew I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.

He looked around. “Okay, if that’s what you want.” He took a deep breath. “This isn’t going to work, you and me. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

I knew it was going to be bad, but this was completely unexpected. “What?” I managed to get out. It was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears. I bit my lip.

“I don’t want to be with you,” he repeated a second time.

A full minute passed before I could respond. My throat was tight. My stomach hurt. I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. The hall was mostly empty now. “That’s what I thought you said, only I don’t believe it. I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong?”

“I...” he stuttered. He looked away and then back again at me again. His eyes were cold and distant. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Liz pass nearby. I watched as James followed her with his eyes. “I’m in love with somebody else. I met someone long before you rolled into town and I thought it was over, but it’s not. Being with you made me realize I love her and not you. Yesterday meant nothing to me. Nothing.”

His face was serious, but his voice cracked, making me question whether or not he was telling the truth. I knew what passed between us when we were making love, and trust me it wasn’t nothing. Staring at James, I sensed that something else was going on underneath this hard façade. His walls were back up, and I smelled fear.
What is he scared of?

“You don’t mean that.” I reached out to touch him, trying to break through. He stepped back.
Wow, that really hurts.

“Don’t,” he said harshly. Turning, he walked away without another saying another word.

I stood frozen in the middle of the hallway, concentrating on breathing in and out. James didn’t look back. He walked down the hall and then disappeared around the corner. He’d ripped my heart out and he didn’t even seem to care.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. I was too numb to pay attention to anything my teachers said. I wasn’t even sure how I made it from class to class. I was angry at myself for believing I was actually happy here in Nowhere. How could I have I been so stupid?

After school I rode home with my mom, listening to her babble about her classes and her students. She was so happy that she didn’t even notice that I barely said two words the whole way home. Walking through the door, I made an excuse about having to do homework, and raced up the steps to my room. I even avoided Pops, fearing that he’d be able to see through me and know that something was wrong. I didn’t want to talk about it just yet. I needed time.

Once in my room, I finally let out the tears that had threatened to spill all afternoon. Crying helped a little, but I was still hurt and angry. Sighing, I reached for my sketchpad and pencils. For the next hour, my hand flew across the page, making dark lines with my charcoal pencil.

Suddenly Emma came bursting into the room, startling me. My pencil gouged the paper.  “Damn it, Emma.”

“Sorry.” She shrugged. She began throwing clothes around while she went on and on about how wonderful her day had been. I didn’t listen to anything she said.

“Are you done? I’m busy,” I snapped, irritated.

She stopped what she was doing. Looking at me for the first time since she came barging into the room, she said, “What’s the matter with you? You’re not feeling sick again, are you?”  Ever since I had my appendix out, things between us had changed. Emma and I had been getting along.

“No, I’m not sick again.” She looked relieved.

“What’s wrong then?”

I figured it was best to just get it out. Emma would hear all about it from her gossipy cheerleading friends anyway. I took a deep breath. “James dumped me today.” My voice cracked and I began to cry again.

“No way.” She sat down next to me on the bed. Acting like a true sister, she hugged me and let me cry on her shoulder. Once I’d calmed, she asked, “What happened? You two always seemed so happy together.” 

“He said that he’s in love with someone else.” It hurt to say that out loud. I felt like I might throw up.

“Really?” Emma’s face registered surprise at first. Then, after a long pause, she looked almost guilty.

“What is it?” I demanded. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Tell me,” I demanded. Emma knew more than she was saying.

Taking her time to respond, she sputtered, “Well, remember the Saturday night that you were home sick, right before you got your appendix out?” 

“Yeah…” I answered, not understanding where she was going with this.

“I don’t know how to say this.” I glared at her in impatience. She continued in a rush. “I was hanging out, drinking with some of the girls, and we ended up at the school looking for something to do. Suddenly we noticed Liz was gone and we went to look for her. Sometimes her and Tyler sneak off in a dark corner of the gym to hook up. We decided to go and spy on her. Only she wasn’t in the make-out corner with Tyler, like we’d thought.” She looked and me and winced. I nodded at her to continue. I already knew what she was going to say. “She was with Dooner.” I didn’t cry. I was all cried out. “They were kissing.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I moved away from her.

“I’m sorry. I was going to tell you, but then you got sick. When you came home from the hospital, I saw your face light up when you saw him sitting on the porch. I told myself that I’d imagined the whole thing. You both seemed so in love with each other, spending all of your free time together. Even made me jealous.”

“Wow,” I replied, once I found my voice. “I thought maybe he’d been lying to me, but I guess he wasn’t.”

Dooner

I was the first one to arrive in the locker room for the big game. I needed a moment alone to collect myself before the rest of the team arrived. My whole future was riding on this game. I sat down on the bench and put my elbows on my knees. I focused on breathing. I’d been a mess for the past two days. Ever since I broke up with Mikayla. I closed my eyes, remembering how my heart shattered when I saw what my words did to her. I still couldn’t believe how easily she accepted my lies. Of course I wasn’t in love with anyone else. I made it all up to protect her. I loved her so much I’d let her go.

It had been hard seeing her at school from a distance, when I all I really wanted to do was pull her into my arms. I let out a deep sigh. I wondered if she’d be at the game tonight. Selfishly, I needed her there. I was going to have a difficult time keeping my head in this game; having her on the sideline would lessen my anxiety. I’d no right to expect that she’d come after everything I put her through. Still, everyone came to our games, and maybe she’d come to watch Tyler play. I could hope.

Shortly the guys arrived and the noise in the locker room kept me from thinking too much. Everyone was excited about tonight’s game. Not only was it our season opener, but we were playing our biggest rival. Also it would mark the team’s fiftieth straight win.