nowhere (22 page)

“It’s neat, just like I thought it would be.” She paused, picking up a book on my desk, reading the title, and then putting it back down. “I’m surprised, though, that you don’t have more stuff around. Why’s that?”

Since I was being honest, I said, “For as long as I can remember, I’ve been counting down the days until I got outta here. I figured the less stuff I had to move, the better. Of course, that changed when I met you. You’ve given me a reason to want to stay.” I grabbed her hand and walked her over to the nightstand next to my bed where I’d placed the portrait of her that she’d drawn. “See, I have the one thing that matters.”

“Me too,” she said, leaning in close. She smelled so good.

“You’ve become the most important thing in my life.” I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it. Slowly I kissed each fingertip. “I hope that doesn’t scare you.”

“No, it doesn’t scare me. How I feel right now scares me.” She trembled slightly.

Together we fell back onto the bed. This was the right moment. Mikayla had seen a part of me that no one else ever had. And she loved me anyway. Here she was in my room and in my bed. I’d already shared almost all of my secrets with her. Now I wanted to share this with her too. I took a deep breath, wanting to take things slow. It was important to me that Mikayla enjoyed making love to me as much as I was going to enjoy making love to her.

I kissed her lips until they were bruised and swollen. Then I moved my mouth down her neck to the sensitive spot behind her ear until her breathing came in raspy gasps. Once again I had to remind myself to slow down. Her hands tangled in my hair.

I pulled away to catch my breath. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes. I want you to make love to me.”

There was no more need for words. I quickly stripped off my clothes and tossed them on the floor. Mikayla did the same. She was so beautiful. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I simply stared at her perfect body, trying to imprint it on my memory. I didn’t ever want to forget this moment. Swiftly I repositioned us, so that she was underneath me. I lowered my head to her breast and pulled her nipple into my mouth. She tasted sweet. Taking my time, I trailed kisses down to her navel.

We were both ready for this next step in our relationship. We went slowly, exploring each other’s bodies, savoring every touch. My body responded to her soft caresses. Gently I parted her legs and touched her. She sighed with pleasure. Soon we were both on the brink of ecstasy. Knowing we couldn’t hang on much longer, I ripped open a condom. I positioned myself between her legs and gently entered her. She gasped.

“Did I hurt you?” I asked worriedly.

“No.” She grabbed my hips and pulling me toward her. “It feels wonderful.”

I knew what she meant. Nothing could compare to how great this felt. I bit my lip to stop myself from feeling too much all at once. I moved slowly at first and then, when her breathing came faster, I thrust harder.

Trembling, she called out, “I love you, James.”

Then it was my turn. Everything I felt for her came pouring out at once. Spent, I collapsed on the bed and pulled her into my arms. “I love you, Mikayla.”

We stayed curled up together in my bed for as long as I dared. “We should probably get dressed. It’s getting late.” I feared what would happen if my dad came back early.

We found our clothes and quickly got dressed. Once we were back downstairs I asked, “Do you want something to eat? I’m hungry.” 

“Wow,” Mikayla said, looking at the clock in the kitchen. “I can’t believe it’s three o’clock already. I promised I’d have my mom’s car back by now. She had errands to run. I better go.” She made her way to the backdoor, and I followed her.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” I said.  I didn’t want her to go, but I knew it was time.

“Oh, yeah. I almost forgot tomorrow’s the first day of school.”

“Do you want me to pick you up?” I couldn’t wait to see her again.

“No, that’s okay. I’ll catch a ride with my mom. She’s going in the same direction, and it’s her first day too. I’ll wait for you in the parking lot though.” She smiled brightly.

“Perfect.” I walked with her out to her mom’s car. “I’m glad you stopped by today.”  I leaned down and kissed her soft lips one last time. I still couldn’t believe what we’d shared today. I hadn’t known it was possible to love someone so much. 

She was backing out of the driveway when I saw my dad’s truck coming down the road.  He accelerated, no doubt trying to figure out who was leaving. I waited in the driveway to tell him my good news about Friday’s game. 

His tires screeched to a halt and he quickly jumped out of his truck, slamming the door. His face was red and he smelled like cheap whiskey and cigarettes. He looked mad. “Who the fuck was that?” He nodded down the road in the direction that Mikayla had gone. “I know that fancy car isn’t from around here. I think I’ve seen it parked in the driveway at Mr. Jenkins’ place. I heard his rich daughter, Sarah, moved back here. She has a couple of teenage daughters, doesn’t she? Don’t answer that. It’s written all over your face.” He laughed darkly. “You should’ve taken my warning seriously. A girl like that’s nothing but trouble.” 

“What warning?” 

“I told you weeks ago that girls are trouble. Your only focus should be football and winning that scholarship. And yet, you ignored me, and invited that whore to my house. What were you two doing, fucking on my couch?” 

“Mikayla is not some whore.” I felt my own temper rising. Then a calm came over me as I realized I no longer cared what my dad thought. I had everything I needed. “You’re a pathetic drunk,” I stated, shrugging. I turned to leave. I took half a step when I was yanked roughly back by my shirt. I spun around and faced him.

“Just where do you think you’re going, Jimmy?”

“I don’t know yet, but anywhere’s better than here.”

“You’re not going anywhere.” My dad shook his head.

“You can’t stop me.” I was bigger than my dad and I had been for a while now.

“Sure I can.” My dad lifted his hand and punched me hard in the gut. 

I didn’t flinch. I’d anticipated he’d try something like that. It wasn’t the first time my dad had used force. Only difference was I wasn’t ten years old anymore. I suspected it hurt him more than it had hurt me. He rubbed his knuckles. “Let’s see what you got, boy,” he taunted.

“I’m not going to fight you,” I said. I refused to be like him. 

“You’re a pussy,” he slurred.

“No. You’re just not worth it.”

His eyes took on a dangerous look. His face was contorted with rage, but he remained eerily calm. He didn’t make another move to strike at me. His voice was steady when he spoke. “You might have won this round, Jimmy. But this is far from over.” I took a step toward where I’d parked Old Faithful. My dad called out, “That city girl ain’t your type. Look around, boy, you’re not good enough for a girl like that, she’s from a completely different world. If I ever see her poking her nose around here again, you’ll both be sorry.” Then he walked away, probably to pour himself another drink. 

I didn’t like how calm my dad had been. I also didn’t like the fact that he’d threatened Mikayla. He knew he couldn’t physically harm me, so he figured he’d hurt me the only way he could. By hurting Mikayla. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I climbed into Old Faithful and headed down the road. My first impulse was to drive over to Mikayla’s and tell the rest of my secrets- how my dad was a violent man, hitting my mom, and even us kids when we were younger. I thought about warning Mikayla. I wouldn’t put it past my dad to carry out his threat and hurt her if the opportunity ever presented itself. In the end, I drove on by. I couldn’t risk involving her. I’d do anything to protect her, even if it broke my own heart.

Mike

I tried on the raspberry colored T-shirt that Emma gave me for my birthday. It was the third shirt I’d tried on this morning. Normally, I put on the first clothes I grabbed, but today I wanted to look perfect when I saw James. I looked in the mirror one last time, feeling mostly satisfied with my reflection. My hair curled in every direction, but that couldn’t be helped.

I rushed down the stairs and joined Emma at the kitchen table to eat a quick breakfast.  “Okay, let’s go,” my mom said nervously a few minutes later. 

Pops shuffled into the kitchen. “I want to wish you all good luck on your first day. Not that you need it.” He grinned.

Impulsively, I hugged him. I was going to miss helping him with his crossword puzzles and listening to his clichés.

“You are coming back, aren’t you?” he joked when I pulled away.

“Of course.” I laughed. “Just don’t miss us too much.”

“Please.” He waved his hand in the air. “I was taking care of myself a long time before you all showed up on my doorstep.”

“Bye Pops.” I smiled, knowing he’d changed since we moved in, even if he didn’t like to admit it. He seemed happier and younger.

My mom and Emma waved goodbye to him.

“Are you girls ready for your first day at Railroad Mills High? Are you nervous?” my mom asked once we were settled into her car.

Emma leaned forward and answered without pause, “I’m not one bit nervous. It’s such a small town, I feel like I already know everybody. I’m meeting the other cheerleaders in the parking lot so we can make a grand entrance.” I grinned. That was Emma, always wanting to be the center of attention. 

“I’m happy for you,” my mom nodded. “And Mike, what about you? Are you still upset about beginning your senior year at a new school?”

I looked over at my mom and grinned. “I’m happy we moved here.” I was no longer the angry girl who was forced to move three thousand miles away from all of her friends. Nowhere had changed me. I reached out and lightly touched my mom’s arm, “You were right, Mom, this is the right place for us, after all,” I said, repeating my mom’s words from the day we arrived. “What about you? Are you ready for your big debut?”

“Yes, yes I am.” She smiled contently.

As we pulled into the parking lot, I took in the sight of all the trucks. We definitely weren’t in California anymore, where the school parking lot had been filled with brand new shiny Mercedes and BMWs. Here there were Chevy and Ford pick-up trucks of all sizes and colors. As I scanned the lot, it appeared as if everyone matched their truck the way some dog owners looked like their dogs. For example, Tyler’s girlfriend, Liz, a perky bleached blonde cheerleader, owned a small, bright blue Jeep Liberty. Tank, who had to be the biggest guy at school, drove a gigantic Ford pick-up truck the kind used for plowing snow. And a kid with spiked hair wearing dark clothes and a dog collar leaned against a rusted black truck covered in graffiti. However, it only took only a second to realize that the one pick-up that mattered to me most wasn’t here yet.

Emma had spotted her friends and was the first to get out of the car. “Bye Mom, Mike,” Emma called over her shoulder, walking off to join them. They jumped around and laughed excitedly. Emma fit right in with these girls; it was like she’d lived here her whole life.

I climbed out next. “I’m going to wait here. James and I made plans to meet in the parking lot.” I shut my door and walked around to the back and stood leaning against the car. “Go on in,” I said, waving my hand at my mom. “I’m sure he’ll be here any minute.” She looked anxious to get to her classroom.

“Oh, okay. I guess I should go in and make sure everything’s in order.” She reached into the backseat and grabbed her bag. “Are you sure you’ll be alright?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I nodded.

“Okay, but don’t be late.” 

“Please, mom.” I rolled my eyes.

I watched as she entered the school. She was wearing a tan-colored skirt and a short-sleeved white blouse, her wavy hair pulled back into a giant clip. Mostly I noticed the big smile she wore on her face. She looked the happiest she had in a long time. She was going to be an awesome teacher. I wished my dad could’ve seen her now; he would’ve been so proud. 

I checked the time. Only five more minutes until the bell rang. What could be keeping James? I wondered if it had anything to do with what happened between us yesterday. As quickly as that thought occurred to me, I dismissed it. Yesterday was the best day of my life and I knew that it was for him too. I sighed. I called him, but it went directly to voice mail.

When he hadn’t shown up by the time the five minutes were up, I joined the crowd of students and entered the building. I’d come in over the summer a couple of times to help my mom, so I knew my way around, finding my locker without any difficulty. My locker number and combination had come in the mail last week, along with my class schedule. I dialed the combination and it opened on the first try. The locker assignments were in alphabetical order, which meant that James’ was next to mine. He still hadn’t arrived by the time I’d stowed my meager belongings. I slammed my locker shut and headed towards my first block class. I had advanced drawing and the art room was on the opposite side of the school down by the cafeteria.

The class seemed to drag by. Finally it was over and I rushed out, hurrying back upstairs to the senior hallway. I wanted to find James before my next class started. Only I didn’t see him anywhere.
How hard can it be to find a guy who’s 6 foot 4 inches tall?
I saw a group of kids in T-shirts and jeans hanging out by the top of the staircase, catching up on summer gossip and giving each other high fives, but James wasn’t among them. I was starting to worry that something was wrong.

“Hi Mike. How’s your first day so far?” Tyler asked, breaking away from his friends when he saw me.

“Good. Hey, have you seen James this morning?”

He paused, scratching his head. “Now that you mention it, no I haven’t. The teacher called his name during my last class, but he wasn’t there. We all just assumed that there was a change with the class list. I’m sure he’s here. We have our big game coming up in two more days. Did you hear? Coach lifted our suspension. Dooner and I are both starting on Friday.”

“I did hear. Congratulations.”