Now and Forever (26 page)

They were buried under its layers. Her generous gesture blew up in her face. When those good deeds didn’t go unpunished it sucked.

“Happy?” he said, brushing past her.

A chill ran down her spine. The tone of his voice was uncommonly icy. She expected him to be sore, but it still hurt. All she wanted to do was the right thing. Carl had told them how he had been searching high and low for his daughter. Sheila had left and taken Ariel one day, while he had been at work. He had been aware she viewed his financial status as being beneath her standards, despite the fact that he made a good living as a financial consultant. He had promised her there would be more money coming. However, it hadn’t come quickly enough to suite her. So she left. He had no idea she would’ve gone back to Tanner, claiming he had fathered Ariel in order to finagle her way back into his life, his house and his wallet. After talking about Sheila, signs of disgust had blazed across Carl’s face. Not only had his accounts of her dirty deeds left a foul taste in Grace’s mouth, but Tanner had looked ill whenever Carl simply mentioned the woman’s name.

“Am I happy?” Grace repeated his question, pacing and wringing her hands. “Yes. No. I don’t know.”

Tanner sinks into a chair. He tilts his head slightly to the side in her direction. His eyes zoom in on her face not to read her expression, but to allow her to view the total disappointment that attacked every cell in his body. Each breath he took was suffused with distress. It tainted the room and made the air heavy. His strong shoulders slumped with the weight of it all. Who knew his emotions would have flowed so deep for Ariel? Who knew he wouldn’t careless if he were her biological father or not? Who knew
…

Not Grace.

She cringed when he released a burdened sigh. Her skin felt like a million tiny ants were crawling on it, stinging and biting. Seeing him crestfallen because of something she had done—even if well-intentioned—caused her stomach to churn. Earlier she had tried to explain to him the reasons she had used her private investigator skills to find Carl and let him know Ariel’s location. Still too stunned at the sudden turn of events, he permitted her words to go through one ear and out the other.

The silence killed Grace slowly. One of them had to open up the lines of communication. She refused to leave his home with so much darkness shadowing her. If they were going to build a future together, disagreements would definitely happen from time to time. She believed it would be best for them both if they learned how to deal with such situations now. She commanded herself to speak and change the direction of the tide threatening to drown all she cherished. Not really knowing what to say, she uttered the first words that popped into her head. “I’m…sorry.”

Although Tanner stirred in his seat, she could plainly see he wasn’t moved. Agitated, he raked his fingers through his curls. Incredulity and something more cheerless bombarded his gaze. “That’s all you’ve got to say?”

Huh?

Grace knitted her brow. Exasperation swelled in her breast, dancing dangerously close to her, which struggled to remain patient due to the love rooted in it. An apology wasn’t good enough and her mind devoid of other options. Mind-boggling sex didn’t appear to be an alternative. Tanner’s mood and attitude seemed fastened on the bumper of Carl’s car, or strapped to the hood, which was currently taking Ariel too many miles away from his home…his arms. The hurt was visibly burning him from the inside out. Grace felt his pain. “Tanner, I understand—“

Quickly, he raised a hand, chopping off any additional words she dared to express. His body language showed he was ready to explode with frustration. Instead of shouting, his voice dropped an octave. He said, leaning forward, “You don’t understand. How could you?”

Grace sensed he wasn’t sorting through his words carefully as he spoke. Skating on thin ice, she had a niggling feeling in a few seconds he may put his foot in his mouth and she would be tempted to put her foot somewhere on his anatomy.

Watch it, buddy, she wanted to warn him. Standing idly by, she listened.

He continued. “You’ve never had children. You’re just a…”

Her spine straightened. It wasn’t a sign of bravery. The connotative meaning of his words reached her ears before he completed his sentence. She could fill in the blanks. “I’m just a what?” she challenged unnecessarily. Her lips were heavy, but she forged ahead. “A barren spinster who has never experienced the love and joy a child can bring to a person’s life.”

Finally, the shoe was on the other foot. He flinched and looked uncomfortable.
Misunderstood.
“That’s not what I was going to say,” Tanner tried to clarify. “Nor is it what I meant.”

Sticks and stones
, my big fanny, she thought. Grace didn’t know about him, but she felt like she’d been kicked in the gut. And the ache was toying with her mind. Her emotions were skewered. Was that a dagger protruding from her heart? It resembled one that was driven deep, twisted and turned. She had been cut to her core. The subject of children was a sensitive one. She had always wanted a child of her own. And her biological clock was clicking like crazy. This was her little secret. After having had divulged this information to Kevin and her mother, she learned ago to keep certain facts to herself.

Kevin had convinced she would make a bad mother and used that as an excuse to not have children while they were married. After their divorce, her mother caused her believe she would forever be alone.
Motherless.

She never fathomed the day would come when Tanner would be comparable to her mother. Who knew her ears would’ve ever recognized her mother’s voice when he spoke? Disillusionment crashed in her mind like lightning cracking through darkness. Tears suddenly filled in her eyes. Her vision blurred. Magic no longer seemed to exist, just the sore spot troubling her heart.

Shameless tears trailed down her cheeks. Snatching up her purse and flinging it over her shoulder, she stumbled backwards to the door, yanking it open.

“Wait,” Tanner said, attempting to steady her trembling body.

Whipping away from him as if he was infected with the black plague, Grace stiffened her upper lip. She wanted nothing more to do with him. The beautiful tales he had spun about their life together were nothing more than fiction. A figment of his imagination she had been gullible enough to sink her teeth into. To think, she had actually believed he was different. He was the same ole, same ole she’d been dealing with for too many years from too many people. It was time to return the pretty gifted-wrapped fantasies to their sender.
So much for a happy ending.
“You don’t have to worry about this spinster anymore. Goodbye.”

For the second time that day, Tanner the air being snatched out his lungs as he watched someone he loved leave.

*

Hours later, Grace stared into space as the crowd in The Pigeonhole buzzed around her. Forgetting about Tanner McGregor was harder than she expected. But she would give it a go.
Later.
Much later in fact.
Her love for him was an issue she intended to deal with on her own terms. Though she vowed to not set foot at his door ever again, her heart was stubborn, calling to him, aching for him. Their love affair was over. Her heart and soul and body had to understand he would no longer be around to provide joy or laughter or love.

Plenty of fish in the sea.
And she had a lot time to get her rod and reel to pluck a big, hunky one from it.

“You’re going to burn a hole in the wall if you keep staring like that,” Ava said, handing Grace a glass of wine and a list of names.

Grace smiled weakly. Taking the glass, she sipped. They had repaired their friendship the way many girlfriends had—a phone call inundated with girl talk and laughter and venting and consolation. Grace just knew she wouldn’t have made it through so many storms without Ava in her life. After her last conversation with Tanner, she hadn’t breathed a word of their unbearable parting to Ava. This wasn’t simply a storm, which needed to be weathered. It was a catastrophe that left her emotions in a pile of rubble, a natural disaster of epic proportions. Blinded by love’s light, she didn’t see it coming--the end of their love affair.

“Did I tell you I bumped into Tanner at the coffeehouse earlier? He looked rough around the edges. I wonder why?” Ava said.

Grace shrugged.
Again.
It was the third time Ava had told her about seeing Tanner. And it was the third time Grace supplied no answer to her question. Her friend appeared to get a perverse pleasure from torturing her with references to
him
. She didn’t anyone to provide her mind with thoughts of him. He was all she thought about even as she tried to forget. “Let it go,” she warned.

Ava laughed hard and long. “Oh, please.”

Grace couldn’t resist the temptation. She swallowed her wine and leaned her head back, laughing like she didn’t have a care in the world. Telling Ava not to do something was a colossal waste of time. Especially when came to matters of the heart.
Grace’s heart.
The woman was an incurable romantic. If she couldn’t find the man of her dreams, she would fight to make sure her friend did. Ava was more persistent and audacious than any fairy godmother. Love would find its home as long as she was around.

Ava’s laughter waned and she suddenly sniffed the air. Suspension consumed her gaze. “Something smells fishy. Tanner was walking around looking like he lost his best friend. A couple of minutes ago, you just looked plain lost.” She placed her hands on her hips. “Update me.”

Grace replied with a roll of her eyes. Her friend quickly got the message and lost her sassy pose. “You should only concentrate on helping me make it through my first Amateur Night. Why did I let Sage Sweet talk me into this?”

Ava said warmly, “Because you want to help local talent get exposure.”

Grace sighed, knowing her best friend correct in her assessment. Helping undiscovered artists was a noble venture in deed. But not everyone had the skills required to entertain a crowd. Since she couldn’t carry a tune, she felt she had a little a room to talk about a person in the same position. Her eyes scanned the room and the numerous small groups waiting for their special star to perform. “I see everyone’s fan club has tagged along.”

“Say that again,” Ava chirped. She moved closer to Grace, viewing the lists of performers. Her eyes lit up with amusement when they landed on the first name. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Get a load of this first group. They’re called The Wranglers.”

Grace peeped at the list. Lifting a brow, she said.
“Interesting.
Maybe they’re good. Never know.” Her positive words belied the negative thoughts swimming in her head and sensitive funny bone. Oh, she’d seen those talent shows on the television. Countless individuals with little to no talent schlepping across a stage in front of an audition eager to be wowed and judges who were ready to pounce on the fresh meat at the first sign of fear. Although this wasn’t a competition with a substantial amount offered to the winner, or a record deal, she ran a respectable lounge. She wasn’t even a judge. That job was in the hands of Sage Sweet and two of her associates.

“Honey, don’t let the name fool you. They probably will get on stage and stink up the joint. Where are the eggs and tomatoes? I may need to throw an object or two to hurry them off.” Ava said, staring in the direction of the kitchen.

Grace cocked a brow and curled her lips in disapproval. She had no idea if Ava was serious or not. The woman was truly unpredictable at times. Visions of a humiliated singer covered in slimy eggs and tomatoes caused her skin to crawl. Sheer images of chaos blazed across her mind. Nope. Not going to happen. “I won’t have you making a scene, or mess, in here tonight.”

Ava’s feature’s reflected softness and innocence. When her eyes connected with Grace’s, they sparkled with sincerity as she stated, “OK. I promise to be on my best behavior.”

Behind her back, her fingers were crossed.

*

Grace stood in the rear of the room, away from the crowd, who sat on the edge of their seats. From her angle, she would be able to keep a close eye on Ava. A hush fell over the audience as the announcer stood before the microphone, introducing the first act, The Wranglers. Respectable applause spread throughout The Pigeonhole. Anticipation and trepidation tinged the air.

Once the crew members placed four additional microphones on stage, leaving the lead singer’s out front, while the others were situated behind it in a straight line. Just as a spotlight lit the stage, five sturdy, masculine figures appeared and stepped up to the microphones. A few women hooted and hollered in appreciation.

Grace blinked. Craning her neck, she strained her eyes. Disbelief dripped from her gaze. She recognized each and every man. Dressed in matching blue outfits, including blue hats which were tilted to the side, they made a commanding presence. Bright lights bounced off their black shoes. Waiting for the music to begin, they posed with their legs apart and hands clasped in front of them. Very professional looking, she admitted. Too damn handsome for their own good, she could practically feel women melting at the sight of them standing on stage. Still, she wondered what the hell Dash, Dexter, Weston, Bud and Tanner were doing?