Now and Forever (34 page)

"No, dear. It's very old--1880, I believe." The two women exchanged a teasing glance. One could easily see that they were not only mother and daughter, but also friends. Jessica felt a pang of envy as she watched, but also the glow of reflected warmth.

"I meant, is it new to you?" Astrid took a sip of the warm chocolate.

"Oh, that's what you meant! Yes, as a matter of fact it is."

"Wretch, and you knew I'd notice and you used it tonight just to show it off." But she looked pleased at the implied compliment, and her mother laughed.

"You're absolutely right! Pretty, isn't it?"

"Very." The two women's eyes danced happily, and Jessica smiled, taking in the scene. She was surprised at the youthful appearance of Astrid's mother. And at the elegance that had stayed with her despite the passing of years and life on the ranch. She was wearing well-cut gray gabardine slacks and a very handsome silk blouse that Jessie knew must have come from Paris. It was in very flattering blues that picked up the color of her eyes. She wore it with pearls and several large and elegant gold rings, one with a rather large diamond set in it. She looked more New York or Connecticut than ranch. Jessie almost laughed aloud remembering the image Astrid had portrayed of her months before, in cowboy gear. That was hardly the picture Jessie was seeing.

"You came at the right time, Jessica. The countryside is so lush and lovely at this time of year. Soft and green and almost furry-looking. I bought the ranch at this time of year, and that's probably why I succumbed. Land is so seductive in the spring."

Jessica laughed. "I didn't exactly plan it this way, Mrs. Williams." But my husband went to prison and I turned into a junkie on sleeping pills and tranquilizers and you see, I tried very hard to have a nervous breakdown and we had this awful fight this morning and ... she laughed again and shook her head. "I didn't plan it at all. And you're very kind to have me down here on such short notice."

"No problem at all." She smiled, but her eyes took in everything. She noticed that Jessica was eating nothing and only sipping at her hot chocolate. She was smoking her second cigarette in the moments since the two women had arrived. She suspected that Jessica had acquired the same problem Astrid had had after Tom's death. Pills. "Just make yourself at home, my dear, and stay as long as you like."

"I may stay forever."

"Of course not. You'll be bored in a week." The old woman's eyes twinkled again and Astrid laughed.

"You're not bored here, Mother."

"Oh, yes, I am, but then I go to Paris or New York or Los Angeles, or come up to visit you in that dreadful mausoleum of yours ..."

"Mother!"

"It is and you know it. A very handsome mausoleum, but nonetheless ... you know what I think. I told you last year that I thought you ought to sell it and get a new house. Something smaller and younger and more cheerful. I'm not even old enough to live there. I told Tom that when he was alive, and I can't imagine why I shouldn't tell you now."

"Jessica has the sort of place you would adore."

"Oh? A grass hut in Tahiti, no doubt." All three women laughed and Jessica made an attempt at eating a sandwich. Her stomach was doing somersaults, but she hoped that if she ate something her hands might cease trembling. She suspected that she was in for a rough couple of days, but at least the company would be good. She was already in love with Astrid's outspoken mother.

"She lives in that marvelous blue-and-white house in the next block from us. The one with all the flowers out front."

"I do remember it more or less. Pretty, but a bit small, isn't it?"

"Very," Jessica said between bites. The sandwich was cream cheese and ham with fresh watercress and paper-thin slices of tomato.

"I can't bear the city anymore myself. Except for a visit. But after a while, I'm glad to come home. The symphonies bore me, the people overdress, the restaurants are mediocre, the traffic is appalling. Here, I ride in the morning, walk in the woods, and life feels like an adventure every day. I'm too old for the city. Do you ride?" Her manner was so brisk that it was hard to believe she was past fifty-five; Jessica knew she was in fact seventy-two. She smiled at the question.

"I haven't ridden in years, but I'd like to."

"Then you may. Do whatever you want, whenever you want I make breakfast at seven, but you don't have to get up. Lunch is a free-lance proposition, and dinner's at eight. I don't like country hours. It's embarrassing to eat dinner at five or six. And I don't get hungry till later anyway. And by the way, my daughter introduced me as Mrs. Williams, but my name is Bethanie. I prefer it." She was peppery as all hell, but the blue eyes were gentle and the mouth always looked close to laughter.

"That's a beautiful name."

"It'll do. And now, ladies, I bid you good night. I want to ride early in the morning." She smiled warmly at her guest, kissed her daughter on the top of her head, and walked briskly up the stairs to her bedroom, having assured Jessica that Astrid would give her a choice of rooms. There were three to choose from, and they were all quite ready for guests. People came to visit Bethanie often, Astrid explained. It was a rare week when no one stayed at the ranch. Friends from Europe included her in their elaborate itineraries, other friends flew out to the Coast from New York and rented cars to drive down to see her, and she had a few friends in Los Angeles. And of course Astrid.

"Astrid, this is simply fabulous." Jessica was still a bit overwhelmed by it all. The house, the mother, the hospitality, the openness of it all, and the peppery warmth of her hostess. "And your mother is remarkable." Astrid smiled, pleased.

"I think Tom married me just so he wouldn't lose track of her. He adored her, and she him." Astrid smiled again, pleased at the look on Jessica's face.

"I can see why he loved her. Ian would fall head over heels for her." Her tone changed as she said it, and she seemed to drift off. It was a moment before her attention returned to Astrid.

"I think it'll do you good to be down here, Jessie."

Jessica nodded slowly. "It sounds corny, but I feel better already. A little shaky--" she held up a hand to show the trembling fingers, and grinned sheepishly--"but better nonetheless. It's such a relief not to have to go through another night alone in that house. You know, it's crazy. I'm a grown woman. I don't know why it gets to me so badly, but it's just awful, Astrid. I almost hope the damn place burns to the ground while I'm gone."

"Don't say that."

"I mean it I've come to hate that house. As happy as I once was there, I think I detest it twice as much now. And the studio--it's like a reminder of all my worst failings."

"Do you honestly feel that you've failed, Jessica?"

Jessica nodded slowly but firmly.

"Single-handedly?"

"Almost."

"I hope you come to realize how absurd that is."

"You know what hurts the worst? The fact that I thought we had a fantastic marriage. The best. And now ... it all looks so different. He swallowed his resentments, I did things my way. He cheated on me and didn't tell me; I guessed but didn't want to know. It's all so jumbled. I'm going to need time to sort it out."

"You can stay down here as long as you like. Mother will never get tired of you."

"Maybe not, but I wouldn't want to abuse her hospitality. I think if I stay a week, I'll be not only lucky, but eternally grateful." Astrid only smiled over her hot chocolate. People had a way of saying they'd stay for a few days or a week and of still being there five weeks later. Bethanie didn't mind, as long as they didn't get in her hair. She had her own schedule, her friends, her gardening, her books, her projects. She liked to go her own way and let other people go theirs, which was part of her charm and her great success as a hostess. She was exceedingly independent and she had a healthy respect for people's solitude, including her own.

Astrid showed Jessica the choice of available rooms, and Jessie settled on a small, cozy, pink room with an old-fashioned quilt on the bed and copper pots hanging over the fireplace. It had a high slanted ceiling, high enough so she wouldn't bump her head when she got out of bed. There was a lovely bay window with a window seat, and a rocking chair by the fireplace. Jessica heaved a deep sigh and sat on the bed.

"You know, Astrid, I may never go home." It was said between a smile and a yawn.

"Good night, puss. Get some sleep. I'll see you at breakfast." Jessica nodded and yawned again. She waved as Astrid closed the door, and then called a last sleepy "Thanks."

She would have to write to Ian in the morning, to tell him where she was. To tell him something. But she'd worry about that tomorrow. For the moment she was a world and a half away from all her problems. The boutique, Ian, bills, that unbearable window in Vacaville. None of it was real anymore. She was home now. That was how it felt, and she smiled at the thought as she lit the kindling and put a log on the fire before slipping into her nightgown. Ten minutes later she was asleep. For the first time in four months, without any pills.

There was a knock on Jessie's door moments after she had closed her eyes. But when she opened them, sunlight was streaming in between the white organdy curtains, and a fat calico cat yawned sleepily in a patch of sunlight on her bed. The clock said ten-fifteen.

"Jessie? Are you up?" Astrid poked her head in the door. She was carrying an enormous white wicker tray laden with goodies.

"Oh no! Breakfast in bed! Astrid, you'll spoil me forever!" The two women laughed and Jessie sat up in bed, her blond hair falling over her shoulders in a tumult of loose curls. She looked like a young girl, and surprisingly rested now.

"You're looking awfully healthy this morning, madam."

"And hungry as hell. I slept like a log. Wow!" She was faced with waffles, bacon, two fried eggs and a steaming mug of hot coffee, all of it served on delicate flowered china. There was a vase in the corner of the tray with one yellow rose in it. "I feel like it's my birthday or something."

"So do I! I can hardly wait to get to the shop!" Astrid giggled and slid into the rocking chair while Jessie went to town on the breakfast. "I should have let you sleep a while longer, but I wanted to get back to the city. And Mother decided you needed breakfast in bed on your first day."

"I'm embarrassed. But not too embarrassed to eat all this." She chuckled and dove into the waffles. "I'm starving."

"You should be. You didn't have any dinner."

"What's your mother up to this morning?"

"God knows. She went riding at eight, came back to change, and just drove off a few minutes ago. She goes her own way, and doesn't invite questions."

Jessica smiled and sat back in the bed with a mouthful of waffle. "You know, I should feel guilty as hell, sitting here like this with Ian where he is, but for the first time in five months, I don't. I just feel good. Fabulous, as a matter of fact." And relieved. It was such a relief not to have to do anything. Not to have to be at the shop, or on the way to see Ian, or opening bills, or taking phone calls. She was in another world now. She was free. "I feel so super, Astrid." She grinned, stretched, and yawned, with a splendid breakfast under her belt, and the sun steaming across her bed.

"Then just enjoy it. You needed something like this. I wanted to bring you down here over Christmas. Remember?" Jessica nodded regretfully, remembering what she had done instead. She had blotted out Christmas with a handful of pills.

"If I'd only known."

She stroked the calico cat and it licked her finger as Astrid sat in the rocking chair, quietly rocking and watching her friend. With one good night of sleep she already looked better. But there was still a lot to resolve. She didn't envy Jessica the task ahead of her.

"Why don't you stay down for a couple of days, Astrid?"

Astrid let out a whoop and shook her head. "And miss all the fun of running the boutique? You're crazy. You couldn't keep me down here if you tied me to a gatepost. This'll be the most fun I've had in years!"

"Astrid, you're nutty, but I love you. If it weren't for you, I couldn't sit around down here like a lady of leisure. So go have a good old time with Lady J. She's all yours!" And then Jessie looked wistful. "I almost wish I really never had to go back."

"Do you want to sell me Lady J?" Something in Astrid's voice made Jessica look up.

"Are you serious?"

"Very. Maybe even a partnership, if you don't want to sell out completely. But I've given it a lot of thought. I just never knew how to broach it to you."

"Like you just did, I guess. But I've never thought of it. It might be an idea. Let me mull it over. And see how you enjoy it while I'm gone. You may hate the place by next weekend."

But Astrid could tell from the sound of her voice that Jessica had no intention of giving up Lady J. There was still that pride of ownership in her voice. Lady J was hers, no matter how out of sorts with it she was at the moment.

"Were you really serious about sending Katsuko to New York, by the way?" Jessie was still stunned by all that had happened in a mere twenty-four hours.

"I was. I told her to plan on leaving tomorrow. That way you can give her any instructions you want. We can square the finances of it later. Much later. So don't go adding that to your pile of worries. What about the fall line? Any thoughts, orders, requests, caveats, whatever?"

"None. I trust her implicitly. She has a better buying sense than I do, and she's been in retailing for long enough to know what she's doing. After the season we just had, I'm not sure I'm fit to buy for the place anymore."

"Everyone can have an off season."

"Yeah. All the way around." Jessie smiled and Astrid looked back at her friend with warmth in her eyes.

"Well, I'd best be getting my fanny in gear. I have a long drive ahead. Any messages for the home front?"

"Yeah. One." Jessica grinned, then threw back her head and laughed. "Good-bye."

"Jerk. Have a good time down here. This place put me back together once."

"And you look damn good to me." Jessie climbed lazily out of bed, stretched again, and gave Astrid a last hug. "Have a safe trip and give the girls my love."