Notice Me (36 page)

“I used to be,” I sighed.

“What is stopping you?”

“I have to marry Will Mrs Gray, if I don’t he will kill Charlie.” Mrs Gray looked horrified and speechless. “You see I have no choice. I will not risk Charlie’s life. Will knows that.”

“There must be a way.”

“If it had been anyone other than William Field maybe, but I have no choice. I cannot risk it. Charlie means everything to me.”

“Shannon,” Mrs Gray hugged me rocking me gently. “I am so sorry.”

“It’s alright. I know what I have to do. At least I can say I have experienced love.”

“I think you have experienced more than love, dear.” I looked into Mrs Gray’s deep brown eyes, puzzled. “I would describe it more as soul binding.” I was still confused. “When two souls become entwined forever.” Mrs Gray held me closer as the sobs began again deep in my chest as I realised what she was saying. The idea of that gave me a new anguish. What if Charlie and my soul never reunited because I turned my back on us?

It was four weeks until the wedding. I was for the first time completely on my own for the week. Will had gone overseas helping his father with a large merger they desperately wanted. Megan was in Paris with Maisy doing a photo shoot for a new perfume Megan was promoting.

Will trusted me knowing it was only weeks away until our wedding. He could see in my eyes I was speaking the truth. I had come to terms with my choices and the consequences that came with them. I would belong to Will soon enough body, mind and soul. This gave him the confidence to trust me. Will also knew I had a lot of plans with Mrs Gray. The final wedding dress fitting, honeymoon, clothes shopping and my spa treatment. I would have no time to get into any mischief while he was away.

I had no work commitments until after the wedding now so my free time really dragged. I sat in Megan’s town house just twiddling my thumbs. I had already spring-cleaned the house from top to bottom, changed my bed and tidied the small suntrap garden outside. It was a beautiful day outside. Mrs Gray and I had no plans until tomorrow so I decided to go for a walk.

Notting Hill market was on today. Megan’s house was in need of some fresh flowers. I decided to put a skirt on seeing as the weather was so nice. I opted for my new long white linen skirt I had bought with Megan a few days ago.

I strolled onto the tube not wanting to use the private car. I would have no choice in four weeks but to use the car, it was one of the many perks I really did not want.

The sun beat down on my back as I made my way through Notting Hill market. I took my grey cardigan off as I reached the flower stall. The flower stall looked beautiful with its mass of multi-coloured flowers. The scent coming from it was overpowering. I reached towards the yellow roses, but a hand picked them up before me.

“Still partial to yellow roses I see Shan.” The voice said sending my heart pulsing. I could hardly look up as I tried to catch my breath to speak. “Mind you the lilies look beautiful as well.”

“Charlie,” I almost whispered looking into his deep blue-green eyes as if I were returning home.

“Nice to see you haven’t forgotten my name,” Charlie smirked.

“I would never…”

“It’s alright Shannon don’t worry,” Charlie interrupted me touching my arm. It sent tremors down my spine even though his hand only touched me for a split second.

“How are you?” I asked trying to be as indifferent as possible.

“Good thanks. I am on a freelance job in London. I am due in Paris tomorrow. Just thought I would have a walk round a few old haunts.” Charlie looked around putting his hand through his ruffled hair. I could tell he was uncomfortable around me.

“That’s good,” I replied looking down at the flowers deciding which ones to buy.

“Are the wedding plans going well?” I almost dropped the lilies I had in my hand as he spoke.

“Yeah, good thanks,” I forced a smile as I quickly looked down at the flowers again.

“It’s not long is it?” Charlie seemed to be able to speak so openly about my wedding as if he had moved on. My heart sank deep into my chest, but what did I expect? Charlie knew he had to move on. I had wanted that for him.

“Four weeks,” I replied still looking at the flowers. I was so glad there was a lot to choose from.

“Shannon, can you at least look at me. You forget… I know you pretty well.”

I could feel myself blush as I looked up into his dreamy eyes. “What? I was looking at the flowers,” I asked a little angry. I did not want Charlie to be able to read my face, it was too dangerous.

“No you weren’t. You were hiding your face from me,” Charlie smirked as I became lost in his eyes. He was too stunning beyond words as I studied his face. My dreams didn’t even compare.

“I wasn’t,” I almost shouted.

“I know you Miss Davis,” Charlie smiled.

“Charlie, I really have to go.” I suddenly realised how dangerous this was. There were people everywhere. Anyone could take a photo or be working for Will. I dropped the white lily flowers running into the crowd as fast as I could. I could hear Charlie calling after me following me. I ran faster and faster trying to lose him in the mass of people. Finally, I could no longer hear him. I breathed in relief as I reached the tube.

The sun was slowly beginning to hide underneath the grey clouds as I reached Megan’s town house. I pulled my grey cardigan on before I opened the front door. As soon as I was safely inside I let the emptiness take me. Tears filled my eyes and I sobbed uncontrollably as I curled up into a ball against the hallway wall.

Charlie wasn’t just a dream, he was real. I couldn’t lie to myself when he had stood in front of me. Seeing his angel face I knew I was more in love with him than before. My whole body was in spasms. It had been well over eight months since I had seen him. Now that I had all I wanted was him; his touch, his lips against my bare skin. My body felt as if I had an addiction, if I let myself I would have run outside and kept running until I found him. I wiped my eyes trying to pull myself together. I could not do that, how stupid would that be? I had managed to lose him at Notting Hill market. I should have been thankful of that.

I got up and went into the kitchen to make myself a coffee. Single tears were still flowing down my face, I couldn’t stop them. I leaned against the stainless steel work top deep in thought until the doorbell rang. Mrs Gray must have decided to check on me I thought to myself as I went to the door. At least I wouldn’t have to lie about the tears.

I gasped as I took in who was standing at the front door step. How had he followed me?

“Charlie what are you doing?” I almost glared at him pulling him inside quickly before anyone noticed him. I hoped no one already had.

“Shannon, are you alright?” Charlie asked placing his hand on my face wiping the single tears falling down my face. I was trying so hard to fight the urge to kiss him. I knew I was fighting a losing battle as his thumb traced down my neck. My lips were hard against his before his thumb reached my collarbone. I had no more fight in me. I needed this like the air I breathed.

Charlie responded pushing me against the hallway wall firmly. His hands almost ripping my cardigan as he caressed my body. I could feel his hands glide up underneath my skirt as he kissed down my neck muttering my name. I undid his trousers as I felt his hands grip both my legs firmly against the wall. His mouth was hard against mine as I ripped, pulling his shirt. I ran my hands over his back digging my fingers into his broad shoulders as the pleasure of his touch filled my whole body.

 I had never experienced such an erotic moment in my life as our bodies became caught up in a fury of pure lust.

We stood just looking at each other breathless as we fell down from our great height. We straightened ourselves out smiling at each other. I noticed some yellow roses on the floor. Somehow they had not been harmed.

“They were for you seeing as you ran off without buying any,” Charlie replied doing up his ripped shirt.

“Oh… thanks,” I replied picking the roses up. “I better put them in some water.”

Charlie followed me into the kitchen. “So is this house yours and Wills?” Charlie asked looking around.

“No, it’s Megan’s.”

“Oh right,” Charlie said surprised.

“We can’t decide where to live yet.”

“Shan,” Charlie was behind me now by the sink. I could feel the spark between us building up again. I had to control it this time. “What just happened?” Charlie put his hand around my waist pulling me to face him. “What was that in the hallway?”

I looked into his eyes wanting to stay lost in them forever. “It was a final goodbye, I think,” I whispered as a single tear fell down my face.

“A goodbye? Are you sure? It really didn’t seem that way to me.”

“Charlie, I just got lost in the moment.”

“Shannon, you kissed me first.”

“I know I am sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” I put my head in my hands, but Charlie lifted my face back to his dreamy eyes.

“Do you love me, Shannon?” Charlie studied my face watching any slight reaction I made.

“Charlie, you know I do,” I whispered watching hope flicker into his eyes. I had to break it fast. “But it is not enough.”

“Not enough,” Charlie asked confused and irate.

I pulled the strength from somewhere. I had gained more today than I ever thought possible. To have that one last moment with Charlie was everything to me. I could be selfish no longer.

“Charlie,” I touched his face looking deep into his empty eyes. “It’s not enough because… I love Will more.”

I watched Charlie’s eyes turn into burning hatred as he looked down at me. I expected nothing else. How many times could I break his heart after all?

“You used me again?” Charlie pulled away from me. “Shannon, I really honestly don’t know what I see in you.”

“I warned you Charlie. I told you it would never work.”

“Well, at least you got one last screw out of it,” Charlie stormed off towards the front door. I followed him. I needed my last glimpse of him even if he was staring at me like I was pure evil. “I would have loved you Shannon. Given you everything, but I guess that love isn’t enough for a money grabbing bitch like you.” Charlie pulled the front door open turning to look at me one last time with pure hatred filling his eyes. “I won’t be wasting any more letters on you Shannon. Looking at you now I don’t know what I ever saw in you. I really hope you have found what you were looking for because you have no more options anymore.” The door slammed sending ripples through Megan’s house.

I stood trembling at the harsh words that slashed the very core of me. I crumpled onto the floor letting the grief take me. I was sure death would have been less painful.

Chapter 27

It had been a long night. After I sobbed for the best part of the evening I exploded in a fit of rage storming around Megan’s town house smashing as many breakables as I could. I was still cleaning up my mess when Mrs Gray arrived.

“Good heavens, what happened?” Mrs Gray asked taking in all the broken glass.

“I lost my temper.” I knew I looked a state as Mrs Gray took me in.

“Shannon dear, what is wrong?”

I almost lost my balance as Mrs Gray caught me before I fell into the hallway table. “I saw Charlie at the Notting Hill market yesterday. He followed me here. We had a huge argument. He won’t ever be coming back now.” I began to sob into Mrs Gray’s shoulder as she comforted me.

“Shannon dear this is a good sign. If he has seen you maybe he will come for you. I am sure he will calm down, it must be hard for him to know everything.”