Nothing Left to Lose (36 page)

When we
finished eating, I thought we were going home, but instead of
walking left to the car, he turned right and led me down a darkened
side street. “What’s down here?” I asked, confused.

“Just wait and
see,” he answered as we carried on walking. At the end of the
little street, we rounded a corner and the place opened up into a
sort of square. There was a small marquee covering a makeshift
dance floor, with little fairy lights covering the ceiling as
couples slow danced underneath. A live orchestra played classical
songs nearby.

My eyes
widened, stunned by the intimate little setting. “Did you know this
was here?”

He nodded.
“Yeah, I found it on the ‘what to do in your town’ tourist
website,” he answered, smiling at my astonished face.

He took my
hand, laughing, and gave me a little tug towards the dance floor.
His arms wrapped around me, and I smiled as we swayed slowly to the
beautiful, yet haunting music that surrounded us. It was perfect.
As I looked up and his eyes met mine, my stomach fluttered
erratically, and my heart started to race.

We danced for
about an hour before I started to feel slightly chilly. He frowned,
chafing his hands up my arms as I shivered. “Want to go?” he
asked.

I shook my head
quickly. I didn’t ever want to leave, actually. “Not yet. Can we
just stay a little longer?” I pouted, not wanting this night to
end.

He smiled sadly
before pulling out of my arms. I sighed, knowing the experience was
over. But instead of leaving, he stripped out of his shirt and
wrapped it around my shoulders instead, helping me put my arms into
the holes before fastening a couple of the buttons for me.

My heart melted
at the thoughtful gesture. “You’re just too sweet, Ashton.
Seriously, you’re going to make some girl really happy.” I stepped
back into his body, resting my head on his chest.

“Yeah? Some
girl like you?”

I sighed
wistfully. “Yeah, maybe not as screwed up as me though. You need
someone who’ll treat you right, and not give you shit,” I answered.
I closed my eyes, enjoying being close to him.

“Maybe I like
being given shit,” he joked, tracing his hands up my back.

“What are you,
a masochist?”

“All things
worth having are worth fighting for,” he replied firmly. I didn’t
know what to say in response to that. I agreed with his statement
wholeheartedly, but some things were just not worth having, and I
was certainly one of those things.

We danced for
another few songs before the cold seemed to seep into my very bones
and I could no longer repress the shivers, even with his shirt and
arms wrapped around my body. “Wow, I’m really cold now,” I
admitted. “Maybe we could come back another time, and I’ll bring a
jacket,” I suggested, smiling at him hopefully. I loved it here; I
would definitely like to come back again with him.

He pulled back
and smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry; I should have thought to
bring you a jacket.”

I rolled my
eyes. “Hey, don’t do that! You’ve been so thoughtful, and I’ve had
a great night,” I insisted, hugging him tightly.

“Me too.” He
kissed my temple as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, guiding
me back down the windy street to where we’d parked the car. During
the drive home, I watched him from the corner of my eye, just
wondering what it would be like if things were different and if
this were real, instead of being a ruse to fool people into
believing we were dating instead of him guarding me.

When we pulled
up at home, Dean’s car rolled into the space next to ours. My mouth
fell open in shock. “Was Dean following us?”

Ashton grinned
and nodded. “Yeah, of course,” he confirmed, opening my door for
me.

“Why?” I asked,
slightly annoyed that he had watched our private date.

“That’s his
job, Baby Girl,” he replied casually.

I sighed and
shook my head; they really were taking this too far. As Dean caught
us up and stepped into the elevator, I forced a smile. “You did a
great job tonight. I didn’t even see you once,” I congratulated,
trying to keep the irritation out of my tone.

He nodded and
smiled as the doors slid open on our floor. “Thanks, Annabelle,
I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ashton stepped
out first, looking around. “Tell Peter that we’re back and his
shift starts now, so he’s to get his ass downstairs in the lobby
quick smart.” His face showed he was joking, but the tone of his
voice showed that he meant every word. Dean nodded and watched us
walk into the apartment.

Once we were
safely inside, I turned and smiled tentatively at Ashton. My daring
side was coming out because I wanted this perfect night to end the
perfect way. “So, do I get a goodnight kiss then?” I asked shyly.
His eyebrows rose in surprise, but he didn’t say anything. I
smiled. “What, you wouldn’t kiss me at the door if this was under
different circumstances?” I teased.

“Yeah, I guess
I would,” he smiled and stepped closer to me, putting his hands on
my waist and pushing me back gently so that my back was against the
wall. I couldn’t breathe as my eyes settled on his luscious lips. I
gulped, forcing myself to meet his eyes as he started inching his
mouth towards mine. The passion was building inside me.

His lips
brushed against mine gently for just a couple of seconds. My whole
body tingled and heat spread through my veins, warming every part
of my body. His eyes were shining with excitement and happiness as
he pulled away.

I fought the
urge to throw myself at him, to wrap myself tightly around him and
ravage his mouth with mine. He always seemed to make me lose
myself, this boy. It was like he had a secret power over me that
made all of my inhibitions and worries fade into
insignificance.

“Thank you for
an incredible night, Anna.”

I smiled. It
had been incredible, and I was glad he’d had a nice time too.

He sighed,
tracing his finger across my cheek. “I like it when you smile. Your
whole face lights up.” His hand dropped from my face as he nodded
over his shoulder towards the bedroom door. “Go get changed, I’ll
check the windows and stuff.”

Once in the
privacy of the bedroom, I shrugged out of my clothes and into a
pair of pyjamas, and then used a wipe to remove my make-up. When I
was ready for bed, I sat down on the corner of the mattress and
looked at my photo of Jack on my bedside cabinet. I sighed; I just
didn’t know what to feel anymore. I didn’t want to go back to the
life I used to have before Ashton. I was enjoying college, I loved
my classes, the people here were nice and made me laugh, and of
course, I had Ashton. He made my life easier. He was great.
Actually, he was
really
great, and he made me happy.

My gaze locked
on my fifteen-year-old carefree face in the photo; I was smiling so
happily with Jack. I hadn’t ever expected to feel happy again after
what happened, but I just couldn’t help it lately. There was just
something about Ashton. He was slowly fixing me, I could feel it.
The trouble was though that I actually felt guilty for letting him.
My head was telling me that I should stay the broken girl that
walked through life alone, that I shouldn’t be allowed to be happy
after what had happened to Jack and that he’d died because of me.
But my heart was telling me that I was being irrational and that
just because he was gone, didn’t mean that my life had to be
over.

I just didn’t
know the answer anymore. Everything that I knew and was absolutely
sure about before I met Ashton was now a little fuzzy and
confusing.

Behind me, the
bedroom door opened, and he walked in with a smile on his face that
made my heart stutter – which, in turn, made me feel even guiltier
because I just didn’t have any control over my body at all anymore.
I hated that. Control was something that Carter had taken away from
me, and I’d fought with everything I had in me to regain it. But
Ashton took it with just one of his smiles.

He smiled and
started stripping off his clothes while I just stood there watching
him unashamedly.
Why is every move he makes so freaking
sexy?
My eyes took in every inch of him. His body was amazing;
I’d never seen anything like it. Jack’s body had been nice because
he'd been captain of the football team, but it was nothing like
Ashton’s. Ashton was just flawless, not too much muscle but clearly
defined, and wasn’t too bumpy to lie on comfortably. When he
started unbuttoning his jeans, I had to look away, because my body
was starting to long for things that I shouldn’t and couldn’t
have.

When he picked
up the spare blanket and started walking towards the sofa bed, the
words tumbled from my mouth before I could stop them. “Will you
sleep with me again tonight?” I winced, turning and climbing into
the bed as my face flamed with heat. I hated the fact that I wanted
his presence around me all the time.

“You want me
to?”

I nodded in
response, flopping down onto my front and burying my face into the
pillow. Moments later, the bed dipped next to me. I turned to the
side and smiled gratefully as I scooted closer to him, melting
against him and pressing my face into the side of his neck as his
arms circled around me. I loved him touching me, everywhere he
touched, my body would tingle. His attention made me feel special
and needed. At times like this, with his arms looped around me
tightly, I pretended that he really was my boyfriend instead of
just doing his job. I pretended that he really did want me and that
he saw past the broken, dirty and used girl, to see the real me
inside. The girl that I didn’t let anyone else see.

“Ashton?” I
mumbled against his skin, half asleep already.

“Mmm?”

“That was the
best date I’ve ever had,” I admitted.

His arms
tightened around me, pulling me impossibly closer. “Good.”

Six weeks
passed in a blur of school, drawing, laughing and flirting. The
days and weeks passed so fast that I could barely keep up; somehow,
Ashton made every day seem better than the last. He was always
sweet and kind and considerate, always had something to talk about,
or some way to make me laugh. He would kiss me occasionally, making
me yearn for him so badly at times that I swore it would kill me
soon. Every time it would be him that broke off the kiss first and
not the other way around. Another thing that had changed in the
last six weeks: I no longer slept alone. I gave up fighting the
fact that I liked his hugs way too much, and in the end just
suggested that we forgo the sofa bed in favour of sharing. So far
it had worked out perfectly and I revelled waking each morning
being wrapped up tightly in his arms.

Of course,
Ashton was doing his job perfectly. I no longer had problems with
guys hitting on me because he was the perfect, little, possessive
boyfriend when someone got too close to me. Our ‘relationship’ was
blossoming too. Every Friday we would go out for date night, going
to different places like the movies, dinners or walks in the park.
It was lovely. Another thing that was in our routine now was the
shooting range and with each passing session it seemed to affect me
less and less. I still hadn’t gotten a better shot though, much to
his amusement.

We were hanging
out with our group of friends a lot too. Usually every Saturday, we
would go to a bar or a party or something. Rosie was my favourite;
she was adorable and funny and our personalities seemed to click
instantly. I was even getting more comfortable with the guys of the
group too, so much so that when Tim put his hand on my shoulder
whilst laughing one night, I didn’t even freak out and want to
break it. I owed everything to Ashton, if he wasn’t here I would
still be an aggressive, quivering wreck.

I thought of
Jack less often – which did make me feel guilty. Sometimes it
seemed like the guilt would crush me. Whenever I was feeling down
though, Ashton would always cheer me up with a joke or a hug, or a
little gift. He was terribly romantic at times, downloading songs
he thought I would like, or writing me little messages in the
mirror so I would see them when I had a shower. He’d honestly make
the perfect boyfriend for someone one day.

Today I was
repaying him a little for his kindness that he’d shown me over the
last few weeks. It was his birthday in a couple of weeks, and
although I’d already arranged most of his gift by phone, I still
had a little bit of shopping to do for it. The only problem was how
I was getting away from him so I could surprise him. Of course, I’d
debated sneaking out when he was in the shower, but I had a strong
feeling he would freak out and worry himself to death about me. So
instead I’d opted for a little white lie that Dean and Peter were
helping me with.

“Hey, Pretty
Boy, I’m going out with Dean today,” I said casually as I made my
way up the hallway on Sunday afternoon. I’d left it until now to
spring it on him; otherwise he would use the advance warning to
come up with some way to ensure he came with me. He was obsessive
about not leaving my side even for a minute.

“What? Why?
Where?” he asked, walking up behind me and taking my hand, stopping
my escape.

“I have an
appointment,” I lied, shrugging and looking longingly at the
door.

He frowned; his
body tensing. “Your legs don’t look that hairy to me,” he joked,
looking me over in my cropped jeans.

I laughed
weakly. “Well, maybe I’m not having my legs done.” I smirked at
him, tapping his nose with my finger.

He groaned,
turning to grab his car keys. “I’ll come with you.”

I shook my head
sternly. “No way! You’ll look like an obsessive stalker boyfriend
that can’t let his girl go to get waxed without him being there!
You said I could have some privacy for this,” I whined, pouting.
I’d become pretty adept at getting what I wanted from him. He
didn’t seem to be able to tell me no very easily, unless it was
something about my safety and then he would refuse point blank and
not budge an inch.