Nothing Lasts Forever (15 page)

Abby reached out and took his other hand. “My love, I know what you feel like inside. In time we’ll get over our heartbreak. Perhaps after we have a baby.”

“Abby.”

She hesitated before she answered because she wasn’t ready to hear what he was about to tell her. In her heart she knew what he would say, but she wanted to throw her hands over her ears and block his voice out. She let go of his hand and in slow motion turned her head towards him, the man of her dreams, her love. “Jon?” she whispered.

“I’m not sure I’m ready for another child yet.”

“You said you were. In Memphis, I thought you agreed we would try.”

A strong, muscular hand raked his hair. “I know, you’re right, I said it, but there was so much time to think from Memphis to Big Pine. Let’s wait, I need more time baby. Please.”

“I understand how sad you are about Kevin, but we need to turn this situation around. We need to heal and the way I know how to do so is to move on, to fill this house with children so we can give our love to someone else who needs us.”

He looked at her as if he wasn’t buying a word she spoke and a hint of fear took hold, like a hand squeezing her throat so she couldn’t breathe.

“In time Abby, not yet. I can’t. Please understand.”

She closed her eyes and tears fell. Jon sat back in his chair, his hands to himself now, staring out at the water. How could he ruin her heart’s desire with one sentence? She looked over to him because she wanted to see his face, she wanted the truth. “Do you want to cancel the wedding too?”

Jon closed his eyes. She watched the struggle on his face. “No.”

She heard him and yet she wasn’t so sure now he even wanted to get married. “You don’t sound too sure.”

He picked up her hand. “I love you Abby and I want to marry you, but my head is so full of Kevin right now. We’re all different in how we deal with heart breaks. I need some time.”

She stood up, her heart filled with anger and sadness. “It’s been a long day. I love you too but this conversation is over. Good night, Jon.” She bent down and kissed his mouth but as she pulled back his hand cupped her face.

“I love you baby and want us to be happy but I need some time, it’s all I ask. I don’t want to be a wreck of a man when I walk you down the isle.”

She nodded. “I understand. One week.”

His brow creased, and he looked deeper in to her eyes. “What do you mean, one week?”

She caressed his cheek. “You’ve got one week to come back to the living. I hate to watch you walk around as if you have nothing to live for. When you come home from work all I see is a man who stares in to space. We haven’t made love since we got home. You’re dead wrong. I’m here, alive and well and there’s countless children out there who need us. So if you want to feel sorry for yourself, go to it, but after one week, I demand to have the love of my life back. There’s a wedding to plan.”

She stared at him. He didn’t say a word and her lungs got tight and chills ran up her spine. Was she being too forceful when he needed to be treated with care right now? She shook her head because he needed to get a grip. She wouldn’t accept anything less. His eyes bore in to hers and then he spoke. She bit her bottom lip because she was almost afraid of what he would say.

He nodded. “Okay Abby, one week.”

She brushed her fingers over his face and kissed him. “We can get through this together, love. I need you. I need you to need me too. Don’t go to that dark place where you’ve been any more. I can’t stand to see you that way,” she whispered.

Jon pulled her to his lap. His head dipped down and he kissed her, deep kisses to stir her body to life. Abby took him by his hands and pulled him out of the chair and began to walk backwards, her blue eyes filled with need. She needed him tonight. He followed her inside the house, Penny tagging behind them.

Jon’s kisses became pure raw emotion. His hands moved over her as he tore her clothes off one piece after the other. Her naked body slid up to his clothed one. She pulled at his shirt but he grabbed her hands and held them behind her back as he trailed kisses down her neck and across her breasts. Abby arched her back and pushed her hips in to his. He groaned, and she pushed again because she wanted to hear how much he wanted her.

She needed to have her hands free so she could feel him too. Abby tried to pull them from his strong grip but he held them. It upset her and turned her on. She became desperate and struggled in his arms. “Not this time. Stay still,” he demanded.

She did. His emotions were unstable, maybe he needed to feel in control. Abby liked it and hated it because she wanted to touch his body and feel him in her hands. He picked her up and placed her on the bed. He raised her hands above her head and held them with one hand. Jon took his leg and pushed her legs apart and with one hand he pulled at his pants to set himself free as he pushed them from his hips. “Let me help you,” she begged, but he shook his head and stilled her words with a lingering, deep kiss that made her want him even more.

He plunged in to her and took her fast and hard. He was relentless. He trailed kisses across her jaw and buried his face in her neck. She threw her head back to give him more, and he bit her neck and suckled on her skin as his heavy breathing became faster and louder.

He pushed himself so deep inside of her Abby screamed his name over and over again. She wanted to touch him but he wouldn’t let her hands go. His own hand dug in to her wrist but there was no pain. “Please, let me touch you,” Abby begged. “I need to, please.”

Jon let go. She took a hold of his shoulders and ran her hands across his rippled muscles. The feel of him, so intense, stirred her passion even more, and she went wild, bucking and rocking and meeting him thrust for thrust. Jon cried out her name and sank in to her again and again until she didn’t think she could breathe any longer. Abby pulled his hair to lift his face to hers. Dark eyes watched as she let loose with his name on her lips. She forced her own eyes open so she could see him explode and shuddered deep inside when he did.

It was the most intense lovemaking ever. Jon dropped his body beside her and reached out to pull her against him. She curled up in his arms, her hands on his chest. “I’m sorry I ignored this part of our lives, Abby. I didn’t mean to.”

Abby licked the skin on his throat and he shivered. She giggled. “Who cares, Jon. You made up for your neglect with that earth shattering lovemaking.”

He pulled her closer. “I wanted it to hold you for a while because I plan to do what you said. I need one week to get it together.” He rolled her on her back and dropped kisses on her face.

She stilled. “What do you mean?”

He placed a finger over her mouth. “No questions, please. You said I had a week to get it together. I’m taking a week. I’ll see you in seven days.” He sat up in bed. Jon hadn’t undressed, so he stood up and righted himself, then turned around and gave her a deep kiss.

“But-”

Jon shook his head. “I love you Abby, but I need this. You were okay with it outside on the beach. You even told me I have a week.”

“I know what I said.” Abby sat up and pulled the sheet over her naked body. “I didn’t mean for you to leave me!” Fear tugged at her emotions. She didn’t want him to leave, she needed him so bad right now. How could he leave after what they went through?

“I’m not leaving you, baby. I need some time to myself.” He turned to her. “I realize now you were right, that I need to get my head together. No one knows how it affected me when I lost my Mother. I kept it all inside for many years and still do. Now Kevin’s loss is so profound I’m not sure what to do about this loss.”

“We can do this together.”

He shook his head. “We’ve done this together but I still can’t shake the doom I have inside of me. I want to, I can’t let it go on. Don’t you see I can’t bring this to a marriage with you? I need to let it go and I need to find out how.” He sat down on the bed and took her hand and held it to his mouth. “Let me figure out how to handle this loss.”

She took her other hand and cupped his cheek. “Jon, I can let you go if I have to and yet I’m so scared you won’t come back. I can’t take it if you don’t. I am not a whole person without you in my life.”

“I’ll be back in one week. I need space, I’m suffocating inside.”

Anger rose up inside of Abby. “How can you love me like you did and then walk out of my bedroom like this?”

“I should be ashamed but I’m not because I wanted to take the feel of you with me, to remind me what I have here.”

“That’s selfish.” She wouldn’t let him off the hook. What he was doing could destroy them.

Jon rose off the bed. “Dammit Abby. I’m not leaving you.”

She hissed. “Call it what you will, but make sure, Jon Hatfield, when you get done with your week away, that I’ll even want you back.”

He turned. “What are you telling me, you won’t let me back in to your life?”

She shrugged. Let him think whatever. They were both so messed up.

“I see. You’re adding so much more to this than what it is.”

“How so? Because I think running away will make things worse?”

He nodded his head. “You think I’m running away?”

Abby crossed her arms over her chest.

“You act like a spoiled child Abby.” He went over to the dresser where he kept his things and opened a drawer to grab some clothes. After a few minutes in the shared closet, he came out with a backpack. The zipper strained against the material and the clothes hung out where he couldn’t get it to shut.

Abby jumped out of the bed, the sheet falling to the floor. She stood there in all her nakedness. “Spoiled? Jon, I doubt anyone ever called me spoiled before and I know I’m not. I work for everything I have.”

“Your Grandfather handed you everything you have.”

“I’m not talking about my inheritance, but whatever I do, I work hard for it like anyone else. I am not a slouch! Why are you saying such cruel things?” He knew how she worked hard to keep her pets trained. She volunteered every single day. Her head pounded and her blood boiled.

Jon opened the bedroom door to leave, but then slammed it shut and turned to her. He stormed to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, his forehead against her own. “I’m so sorry. It wasn’t fair.”

“Get your hands off of me.” He backed up like someone lit him on fire. His eyes bore in to hers. She wasn’t about to give in now.

“Abby.” She ignored the warning in his eyes. He was the one leaving her.

“Go, Jon. Go find yourself, but make sure you call me before you come back.” She turned away and slipped through the bathroom door. She couldn’t watch him leave. Her body shivered at the coolness of the wood as she stood against the door and waited for him to go.

A long sigh sounded from the other side of the door but she wasn’t about to open it to him. If he wanted to go away for a while, she wouldn’t stop him. Her emotions rocked back and forth. She understood and yet the childish, immature part of her wanted him to stay.
I made it worse for him! Why did I act like a spoiled brat? He’s right!

“I love you.” His voice was soft and husky and strained. His heavy footsteps receded as he walked out of their bedroom and out the front door. Abby stood still when the motorcycle roared to life. She squeezed her eyes closed and put her hands over her ears. She couldn’t listen because then it would be real.

The house was silent except for the tiny sobs that escaped from her throat.

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